Chapter 2. I Wish I Felt Nothing

The squires were progressing through the streets for training. Something Jack was fully aware he should be doing also, but there was a pressing desire to see Brian again. He followed at a distance, using his skills acquired as a thief to be well hidden while close enough to hear. The other lads passed through the large wooden doors that lay beyond Sir Thomas without fuss. Brian would have also, had the old knight not stopped him with a heavy hand to the chest.

"What is the most important task of knighthood?"

Was that a trick question? The magician did not know, but watched carefully as Brian looked the old man in the eyes and answered.

"Service, Sir Thomas."

"Yes, and setting aside the mystery of how your notion of service would be to separate the life of Merlin's new apprentice from his body, we come to the more perplexing puzzle of how you, my best student, have possibly failed to kill him."

Brian looked down in what Jack would almost guess was shame.

"Well? I'm tempted to beat the reason out of you, Brian-"

That was all Jack was willing to stay and hear. He had seen Brian's eyes dart up to meet the knight's again and caught sight of the flicker of fear that echoed in those stormy eyes. The apprentice knew beatings quite well... lashes could bite into your flesh for weeks, boots would dull to an ache fairly quickly assuming they broke nothing, and the switch stung more than a bee. Those had just been the more common punishments he had received, nothing one as fine as Brian should ever be forced to endure.

The further he thought on such things, the more it occurred to the magical thief that he would rather witness the young squire undergoing a different sort of torture altogether. Boy or girl, the youth had an enticing body. Shoulders that would never grow too broad, but were a perfect width to wrap his arms around. That neck, he knew, must have been crafted by the gods for nothing else seemed worthy of constant bites and kisses. Save the younger's lips, of course.

Then, there was Brian's backside. There was a thing of beauty. He knew, had Brian truly been a boy, that Merlin himself could not have stopped him from sinking into that glorious backside. It was so firm-

Jack froze, shaking his head as though trying to clear it. Yes, Brian may be a beautiful creature, but that did not give the magician the right to fantasize so vividly about what was not his to claim. Perhaps all he could do was hope Sir Thomas was not overly cruel to the squire.

For himself, Jack forced his mind to remember the way to the chamber Merlin had showed him. Perhaps, it he tried, the Grail would be willing to communicate through its pedestal.

Jack was trying to communicate with the Holy Grail when Brian appeared through the archway.

"Am I disturbing you?"

"Not if you haven't come to kill me," Jack replied with an almost humorous smile.

Brian began to walk closer. "I suppose I should thank you for not revealing my secret."

Jack took a step forward as well. "What; and tell everyone I got beaten up by a girl? I'm happy to pretend nothing happened."

The squire couldn't seem to keep the edge out of her voice as she crossed her arms and asked, "Nothing?"

"Nothing I could reasonably be expected to let slip my mind."

Brian nodded, a thoughtful expression crossing her features that was soon masked by new business.

"You know about the tunnel Weston's planning to escape through?" Jack nodded without a verbal answer so Brian continued. "Will they be able to?"

To that question Jack shook his head to the negative and replied, "Honestly, I don't know."

This prompted another nod from the young squire, though a more thoughtful one.

"Do you think it's worse to have a chance to redeem yourself and fail or to never have had the chance at all?"

"Redeem? What did you ever do wrong?"

She looked away, eyes glistening with shame. "To begin with: I was born. More recently, I failed to kill you."

The thief had no response to that; at least, not one the girl would possibly accept. Unfortunately, she did not take his silence well and practically stormed out. He followed her out a few minutes too late to salvage the situation. He did run into Graham, the smith, who helped a few more pieces fall into place by informing the apprenticing magician that Brian was no longer a squire but a page.

Jack knew little about the ways of knights, but he did know that a page was just higher than a rusty blade to an army. If Brian had been demoted... it was possible that she was desperate enough to try to cursed tunnel.

He and Graham took to the tunnels and were barely there in time to save Brian's life. Jack couldn't help the guilt that he felt at having used the wand once more on Brian to make the other do as he wished. When he challenged the enchantment laid by Merlin to allow the two a chance at regaining a piece of themselves, he let himself think on what it would be like if he felt nothing for the youth with the hope of becoming a knight.