As Kendall and I sat waiting on our flight at the airport early the next morning, I found myself overcome with emotions. I didn't sleep at all last night- I just kept thinking about how hurt I was and everything that happened in this past week. Kendall started out in his own bed, but sometime in the night he climbed into my bed to comfort me like the great friend he is. He stayed awake with me for some of the night, talking to me about what a jerk James is and trying to cheer me up.

I kept thinking that I shouldn't have gotten involved in James in the first place. I had been apprehensive from the start and even saw signs that James was hiding things. What irked me most was that I kept asking James if he was hiding something from me, and every time he said no- he lied to my face.

I had never in my life felt for someone the way I felt about James yesterday morning. I was sure it was love, but it's impossible to fall in love with someone in a week, right? And again, never in my life had I felt the way I feel now. Utterly heartbroken, hurt, betrayed, angry… Need I go on?

"I'm gonna miss you," I heard a voice, and my head snapped up, heart thumping. My eyes searched for James, and I didn't know why I was so convinced that it was him who said that to me. Of course he was nowhere in sight, and despite the habitual sadness that came with his absence, I was relieved. I never wanted to see James again. I guessed it was someone else nearby who would be missed by whoever said that.

Our flight was called and Kendall guided me to the gate, hand on my shoulder.

I was going home, where I would be able to forget about all the shit that happened here in California. Nice, warm, safe, familiar home with my mom waiting to tell me she missed me.

James's POV

I sat rocking on my surfboard, staring into the water below me glumly. It was early in the morning and I went out before my first lesson to think. The waves always bring me peace of mind, and I brought along a bag of stale potato chips to feed the fish.

I felt Carlos gazing at me as he set up at the surf shop. He was worried about me. He slept all night with me in my bed and didn't even go home before work. He was a great best friend, but I just needed to be alone right now in the warm water, the sun rising on the horizon.

I opened the bag and dropped some crumbs into the water, watching as little fish immediately rose to the surface for breakfast.

They were so free down there. Free of secrets, free of broken hearts, free of worries. They didn't think about the future or the past, only the present. They didn't have to worry about confessing their sexuality and their broken engagement with their mothers. They keep no secrets from the ones they love, because they have none.

Today was going to be a big, emotional day.

Not only was I dealing with Logan leaving, maybe never to talk to me again, but I woke up with five voicemails from my mom waiting to be screaming into my ear. Carlos convinced me to not listen to them until later- he knew I shouldn't be worried about her while I'm so unstable.

I gazed up at Logan's hotel, wondering if he was still there. Wondering if I went up to his room, would he answer? But I knew that if I went up to his room and knocked on his door, either they would ignore me or Kendall would come out and sock me right in the face. But honestly, I didn't think they were still there. Carlos said that their flight was early in the morning- they were probably boarding right about now.

I didn't want to go back to shore and face my life. I wanted to stay out here on my board, with no worries, floating away.

Carlos stood, in the middle of leaning boards against the shack, staring at me. We made eye contact and he gave me a sympathetic look and a little half-smile. He then tapped his wrist, telling me it was time to snap back to reality.

Logan's POV

I paused in the midst of my unpacking, staring down at the crumpled up cloth at the bottom of the suitcase.

James' hoodie lay there, still fragrant with his scent, still fresh with memories. I must have forgotten to return it to him.

I slammed the suitcase closed and tossed it in the corner of my bedroom before turning my stereo up.

"Logie?" came a call. My mom entered the room, looking concerned. "Logan!"

"Yeah?" I called over the music. She gave me a look and I sighed and turned the music off so she could talk.

"Why are you throwing things?" she asked, looking around for broken objects. "Are you mad?"

"No," I said. "I just tossed my suitcase out of the way."

"Oh," she nodded. "Are you gonna tell me all about your trip?"

Mom sat on my bed as I started to put things from my suitcase away. I told her everything- everything except James. I was just hoping she would forget I ever mentioned him. Of course she didn't.

"But didn't you meet a cute boy?" she asked mischievously. "What about him?"

"It didn't go anywhere," I said simply. Sure, Mom. Nothing happened between James and I. I only lost my virginity to him, possibly fell in love with him, and had my first heartbreak by his hand. No biggy.

"That's a shame," she said. "I was really hoping my Logie would find someone."

"Me, too."

Mom sat trying to scratch a stain out of one of my t-shirts silently.

"Mom?" I asked.

"Yup?"

I opened my mouth to tell her everything. About my dream of James, about my dates with him, about his charm and his sexiness, about how I felt for him, about losing my virginity to him, about Mercedes walking in on us, and about how hurt I was. She would know how to make me feel better- mother knows best.

But then I looked into her eyes and remembered all her experience with Dad. He was gay, and he became depressed and killed himself. She could never know I was upset about James- she would just worry that I would go the same way my dad did.

Call me a Mama's Boy, but I didn't want that.

"I missed you," I said instead.

"I missed you, too. Missed having a man in the house," she grinned. "I don't know what I'll do when you go off to college."

"I'll still come home for dinner sometimes," I assured with a little smile. Mom stared at me for a second, and I didn't look her in the eye. She knew something was wrong- she always knew.

"You should really date Kendall," Mom said simply, getting up to pick up a basket of dirty clothes.

"What? Mom, he's my best friend. Not to mention straight as an arrow," I chuckled.

"He loves you, though," she sang.

"Not in the way you want," I sang back.

"He'd make a great husband for you anyway. He'd take care of you."

"He's not my type," I winked.

"You have a type? Do tell."

Immediately an image of James seared into my head and I wanted to growl in frustration.

"Just… Not Kendall," I said, feeling a bit moody now.

James's POV

"Hey, it's Logan! Leave a message!"

I scowled at the phone, my fist slamming on the dashboard of Carlos' jeep, making Carlos jump. This was the third time I called Logan today, and although I had no plan of action even if he did answer, I just wanted to hear his voice. But he never answered my calls.

"Logan, I just need to talk to you. Call me," I insisted to the phone before hanging up. Every one of my messages said basically the same thing. I didn't want to apologize or explain myself over a message- I needed to say it to him directly.

I looked out of the jeep window, feeling scared out of my mind. I had a lot to tell my mother, and by the looks of that silver Maserati in the parking lot beside the black BMW, it seemed that I wouldn't just be explaining things to her. Of course Mercedes and her dad were there, which would make everything so much harder.

"Satan and Mercedes are here," I said absently. "Why would Mom invite them? How insensitive. Why am I surprised?"

"Sure you don't want me to come in?" Carlos asked softly, catching my extreme emotions.

At first I didn't want Carlos there. I wanted this to be a private conversation between Mom and I. Obviously that's out, since Mercedes and Arthur were there. I knew none of this was Carlos's business, but I was feeling so afraid of the conversations to come, and Logan said that he came out to his mom with Kendall there, and it was easier.

"Actually… I think I need you," I said softly, eyes on my hands in my lap.

"Okay," he said understandingly, as only Carlos can do. "As soon as you want me gone, say the word. I know it's kinda private."

I took my time getting out of the car and opening the door to my mom's huge white house.

I quietly clicked the door closed, taking a deep breath and trying to calm my humming heart as Carlos looked around in amazement.

"James?" my mother called.

"I'm here," I called back, forcing one foot in front of the other as I travelled to the dining room. Carlos's hand rested on my shoulder blade, keeping me moving and letting me know that he wouldn't leave me. My mom was sitting on one side of the dining table, Mercedes and Arthur on the other. There was no food, since it was 8 o'clock and everyone already ate.

My mom met my eyes with a fiery gaze, Arthur with a stern one, and Mercedes kept her eyes on her lap, not daring a peek at me.

"Hi," I said softly, feeling underdressed in my moist trunks and t-shirt. "This is my friend, Carlos. He's here for… Moral support."

Carlos nodded to Mom, who he was familiar with but for some reason she never remembered him, and although she was in a mood she was used to greeting people.

"Hello. Nice to meet you, Carlos," Mom said slowly, annunciating every syllable perfectly. "I'm Brooke."

"Mom," I hissed angrily. "Jesus Christ. He can speak English."

"Um… Yeah… It's cool," Carlos laughed a little. "Not awkward at all."

Mom didn't care that she just talked to Carlos like he was one of "the help", like the gardener or the maid that barely speaks English.

"Sit," my mom demanded strictly to me. She clearly wasn't happy with me- Mercedes obviously told her that the engagement was off. I just wondered how much Mom knew. I was suddenly afraid and just wanted to take Mercedes back and get married and make Mom happy again.

A feeling of doom overtook me, as it always has when Mom was upset with me. She was all I had since I was a kid, and when Mom was mad at me, life was not worth living.

But now I was a grown man, and it was time I act like one.

I pulled my head up and sat beside her, putting on a brave face for what was to come. Carlos was forced to sit at the head of the table, which I was sure made him feel like a king.

I looked to Mercedes, who was staring absently at a wine glass of water set on the table for her. She was legitimately upset about the breaking of our engagement, and that made me feel like shit.

"You have explaining to do," Mom said dangerously.

"How much did Mercedes tell you?" I asked quietly. I tried to keep my voice strong, but I was afraid it came across as puny.

"Just start from the beginning."

I took a deep breath, feeling petrified. Carlos's warm hand sat on my knee now, not sexually but supportively. He gave me a supportive nod and I looked up at Mom.

"I had a friend over to my place and we ended up having sex," I said slowly. Mom's perfect brows furrowed, and I could tell Mercedes hadn't mentioned that part. "Mercedes… found out… And he left and hasn't talked to me since."

Arthur blinked in surprise, glancing over at his daughter, then at my mother. Mom's gaze never left mine, but her mouth was in a tight line now.

"He?" Arthur asked.

"I'm gay," I said gently to Mom. "And that's why I can't marry Mercedes."

Mom cleared her throat and stared forward, her manicured nails tapping on the dining room table. I looked over at Carlos, unsure how to feel, and he smiled a little and nodded, patting my knee.

Mom got up, her chair scraping the expensive hardwood floor, and she turned to leave the room.

"Mom!" I pleaded, getting up and reaching for her. "Just talk to me!"

"This is the most selfish thing you have ever done to me," Mom said, hurt in her eyes, as she turned to me. She was legitimately hurt.

"What?" I asked in surprise.

"You know how much this marriage meant to Arthur and I," Mom snapped, not looking me in the eye. Mom never cries, but I imagine that if she did, it would have happened then.

"I don't think it matters how much it meant to you," Carlos said incredulously, earning a death glare from Mom. "You're not the one getting married here."

"My daughter's heart is broken all because her fiancé decided he likes men?" Arthur asked, still in shock. "Everything about this situation is pure selfishness. He broke my daughter's heart, he shattered a business deal and the chance at billions of dollars, and he ruined his family name all because he chose to be gay."

"With all due respect, sir, it's not a choice. It's a realization," I said, hurt in my voice.

"Yeah, and I think that's kinda harsh, don't you?" Carlos added angrily.

"Excuse me, who are you?" Mercedes asked Carlos. Carlos's eyes widened and he tilted his head at her.

"Are you kidding me?" he hissed. "You've met me like at least ten times!"

"What does any of this have to do with you?" Mom snapped at him.

"James is my very best friend- since high school. Which, by the way, Brooke, I've met you like at least 30 times and still you don't recognize me and you talk to me like I don't even have a green card or something! I mean, you can't say a damn word about your son being selfish when you're the queen of it."

Mom's jaw dropped.

"James, say something!" Carlos said to me angrily.

Mom's eyes caught mine for a split second before diverting again.

"Can we just talk about this like normal human beings?" I asked desperately. "I don't wanna yell."

"There's nothing to talk about," Arthur said. "You two are getting married."

"What?" I snapped, ready to tear his head off. Why was he even there?

"We've put thousands of dollars into this wedding already, and the tabloids are going nuts about it," he argued.

"So what?" I growled.

"Do you think that your happiness is worth more than this whole wedding and the amount of money we'll get from this marriage?"

I had no words.

"What do you think, Brooke?" Arthur asked Mom. "Do you think his happiness is worth that much?"

Mom said nothing, staring at the table.

"Are you kidding me?" Carlos exploded, getting to his feet accusingly. "You're his mother. Any good mother would say that their baby's happiness is worth anything. I guess that shows a lot about you as a mom!"

"Don't you ever-" Mom began, getting to her feet, but Carlos cut her off.

"All I've done is love you. I was gonna marry a girl just to make you happy. I hid my true self from you because I was scared to death that you would hate me," I said, trying to keep my voice under control.

"And you can't even accept him," Carlos growld.

"I can't love him if he's a homosexual," Mom said softly, looking away.

"And why not?"

"Because it's wrong!"

"Yeah? Well I can think of a hundred things you've done that are ten times more wrong than him being gay. At least he's capable of loving. You can't even love your only son. You had one job, Brooke. And that was to just be his mom. You fail."

"I've given him everything he can ask for!" Mom argued angrily. "But I can't give him my love anymore. Not while he's like this."

"Fine," I said, voice shaky. "I don't need it. I'm not gonna act like my real self is something to be ashamed of. I'm tired of being afraid of losing you. I just want to be free."

With that, I went to the door. Mom sat down angrily staring at the table with hard eyes, and Arthur didn't turn to look at me. Mercedes was turned in her chair, her posture slumped, and she stared at me with upturned brows.

"I'm sorry, Mercedes. Even you don't deserve this," I said bitterly before flinging open the door.

Carlos's POV

With that, I stormed out after him into the warm, salty night. I expected to see him getting into the Jeep, but instead he was walking down the sidewalk toward the nearby beach.

"Jay!" I called after him, jogging to catch up. "Jay!"

"Just leave me alone," he said over his shoulder, but his voice was weak. I hadn't seen my friend cry many times, but I knew that he was now, and he didn't like to be seen so vulnerable.

I stayed back, watching James enter the sand of the beach and plop down a few feet from the shore, hugging his knees and burying his face in his arms.

I waited a while before walking over to him and silently sitting beside him.

I looked out over the moon gleaming on the gentle waves, listening to him sniffle. After a while he looked up, too, and they stared in silence.

"Sorry," he sniffled.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just… Life just got really hard."

"I know, buddy…" I sighed, rubbing my best friend's back sympathetically. "You don't deserve this."

"Maybe I do. My whole life has been peaches and cream, now it's all catching up to me," he sighed, wiping his tear-stricken cheeks. "Some people have a life full of bullshit. Some just get little bursts of it here and there."

"Maybe it's not bad," I reasoned.

"Logan's gone and won't call me back. My mom disowned me. Everyone I know is pissed off at me except you, and I'm pretty sure you're annoyed with all my whining."

"No I'm not. I've whined enough to you, it's my turn to get it," I grinned, laying my cheek on my friend's shoulder. "Maybe Logan'll call back. Maybe your mom'll see her mistake and take you back. Then when all that happens, you'll have Logan and your mom and you'll be able to be free about your sexuality."

"I can guarantee that won't happen."

"You don't know."

He laughed a little and ran his hands through his hair.

"Thanks for standing up for me back there, Los," he said sincerely. "I've been afraid of my mom my whole life and I can't even think of why. Maybe it's best she's not in my life anymore."

"Maybe."

We stared out over the water for a long time after that while he calmed down, and finally he helped me up and we went back to my car. I hoped he would be feeling better soon… I hated to see him this way.