I sat in the warm beach sand, looking out over the waves which reflected the moonlight. I was waiting, but I didn't know what I was waiting on. Nobody was at the beach, since it was night, and I thought about getting up and leaving.

"Logan!" came a call through the clear air, and I turned around to see someone walking toward me, but they were too far away still to tell who it was. I got up and brushed sand from my butt, making my way to them. The figure suddenly started running, seemingly jogging in happiness.

Soon I saw that the person was James, and he was in nothing but his swim trunks. His smile dazzled me as he scooped me up in a hug, and I was overcome with happiness.

"Sorry I'm late," he apologized, putting my feet back into the sand and kissing my cheek.

He took my hand and led me to the water, where we stopped at the shore. He turned to me, the moonlight glowing in his hazel eyes, and he giggled.

"You can't swim in that, silly," he said. He pulled me to him by the waistband of my shorts before unbuttoning them, starting to undress me. Soon I was naked, and he was taking off his trunks.

"What're you doing?" I hissed as he started to pull me into the water. Why didn't I question why he just undressed me? No idea. "There could be sharks!"

He pulled me into the water until I had to tread the water, but he was neck-deep. He pulled me to him, keeping my head above water, and gazed at me.

"I love you," he murmured, his forehead pressed to mine.

"I love you, too," I answered, bliss swelling my heart. I lay my cheek on his left shoulder, smelling his salty and musky scent. He started to hum the song "All of Me", his nose buried in my hair.

I opened my eyes, feeling the familiar warmth of Kendall's back against mine in my bed.

The bliss that I was feeling from my dream immediately dissolved and was replaced my agony and heartbreak. Tears rushed to my eyes, which I sponged up with my sheet before they could go anywhere.

I seemed to always dream of James- even before I met him, when I dreamt of him on the beach. I was beginning to think that I should have just left James alone when I saw him.

I refused to cry for James anymore than I already had. He wasn't worthy of my tears or emotion.

I rolled to find that Kendall was still asleep and snoring facing away from me. Mom called him to stay the night with me, I think. She knows something's on my mind, but she doesn't know what. I think Kendall's playing dumb with her.

I got up and sat at my desk, wrapping a blanket around me and curling up in the desk chair. I stared at the brochures I collected from Hollywood and the seashells I carried back with me in my backpack. My eyes carried my attention to my sketchbook, where I knew where a few unfinished sketches of Hollywood scenes.

Then I stared at the three college acceptance letters pinned to the corkboard above the desk, one of which was for UCLA in California. My mind raced back to the visit I took to that college with James. That trip we took… In Mercedes's car. He told me that she let him borrow it because "she's still attached".

"You seem like you're hiding something," I had asked in the passenger seat of that car. "Are you?"

"No. I'm an open book, Logan."

That was a flat-out lie, and I should have seen it. I felt so stupid for not realizing that he was engaged before I had to find out the hard way. Before his fiancé had to find out the way she did. I never saw it coming, though… James was just such a sweet and caring man…

"Do you still love her?" I remember asking. I was so suspicious about the whole car thing. It was strange for a girl to lend a car to her ex-boyfriend.

"I never loved her- I told you that," he had answered. I wonder even now if that was true… He spoke so poorly of Mercedes, and she was his fiancé. It seems that if he really loved her, he wouldn't even mention her, so he wouldn't have to talk so bad about her… "Right now I just want her out of my life, but I don't think that'll ever happen considering our parents."

I remember that phrase bringing me comfort and trust. He said it so honestly… What if he was telling the truth? What if he really hated Mercedes? He told me as he was chasing me down the street after Mercedes caught us that he was breaking things off with her… That he was just marrying her to make his mom happy. I recalled that he told me in the beginning, when he had me under the impression that Mercedes was an ex-girlfriend, that he was only with her for his mother…

I wondered now if he really did break up with her… Maybe she broke up with him. She seemed really mad to find me naked in his bed…

He probably told me the whole story in one of his voicemails… Too bad I didn't listen to any of them…

I shook my head, trying to clear it and get back to the task at hand. Trying to choose a college. There was only a few months of summer before I had to move to a dorm at one of these colleges, and I hadn't even chosen yet.

Well, one thing was for sure. UCLA was out. I wouldn't move there and risk having to see James ever again.

I tore the letter from the board and crumbled it, putting it in the trashcan beside the desk.

Sure, it was a great school… But it just wasn't for me. That's what I told myself. I wouldn't fit in… There were a lot of surfers and beach babes there… And James. James was nearby.

The drawer to my left was full of college acceptance letters. I had narrowed it down to two now- Minnesota University and Iowa State. Of course after that I would have to get into a medical school, but those two are my best options, since they were closest. California was once of my top choices because UCLA is such an elite school, and I knew it would provide an excellent education for me…

I stared at the letter in the garbage can before pushing the can out of sight with my foot.

James's POV

I had made a decision.

It occurred to me last night while I was trying to sleep, and I know it's not a great idea, but what do I have to lose?

I've bought a plane ticket to Minnesota. I know it's insane and a bit stalkerish, but really, I have to see Logan. I've tried calling and texting he and Kendall multiple times, even from Carlos's phone, and still nobody will answer me. So this is my last resort. I'm going to show up at his house and demand he talk to me, because frankly I'm tired of being ignored.

The sooner we get closure the sooner we can move on. But I'm sure he's already forgotten about me.

And frankly, the look in Logan's eyes before he left me in my underwear on the sidewalk that dreadful night has never left me.

It's been a week since Logan and Kendall left California, and the only interaction I've had with Logan was him ignoring my calls after the first ring. So at least I know he's there.

Now I was packing. My flight leaves in an hour, and I would be staying indefinitely. I have nothing to lose but Carlos missing me. The worst that can happen is that Logan slams the door in my face, and at least then I will have seen him one last time. I'm taking vacation time off from work, and now all that was left to do was tell Carlos… I wasn't sure how he would react. Luckily, I wouldn't have to wait long.

"Jay?" Carlos called, entering my apartment.

"In here!"

He came into my bedroom and immediately hurried to me, pulling folded clothes from my hands.

"What're you doing?" he demanded, staring into my half-packed suitcase.

"I'm going on a trip," I said. Carlos stared up at me warily, sighing and shaking his head.

"Please tell me you're not going to Logan's."

I looked up at him guiltily.

"James," he sighed, sitting heavily on my bed.

"What?" I demanded. "I'm staying with my grandparents, and if he doesn't wanna talk to me-"

"When he doesn't wanna talk to you," he interrupted.

"Then fine. At least he'll know how sorry I am."

"I think he already knows, Jay," he reasoned. "You've left like billions of messages."

"But I know he doesn't listen to them."

Carlos looked up at me, searching my eyes.

"You're scaring me," he said.

"Oh come on. What do I have to lose?" I demanded. "I just have to see him one last time. I'm not expecting him to jump into my arms and tell me he missed me… But I just want to talk to him. Explain everything. Make things right."

"It's never gonna be right," Carlos reminded me. "I love you, and I know why you did it, but you can't justify what you did. He knows that. He's not gonna listen to what you have to say."

"I don't know why you're arguing," I said stubbornly. Carlos sighed in frustration, running his hands through his hair.

"Me either."

"I'll be fine. I'm a big boy now."

"Call me when you get there," he said like a worried mother. I smiled a little, realizing that I might need Carlos there with me. Originally Carlos was going to drop me off at my mom's the night I came out to her, but I found I was so scared I needed him to come in with me. I didn't want that to happen in Minnesota and I find that Carlos isn't there for me.

But then again, I knew this was something I needed to do by myself.

"I will," I said softly, standing up.

By the time I got to the airport and checked my bags, I was excited and confident again.

Carlos was right- what I was doing was unbelievably romantic- how could Logan not be impressed? I planned on getting a bouquet of flowers and showing up to his door. He would no doubt swoon at me and jump into my arms and we would kiss and make up.

But then I got on the plane and I started to realize what I was really doing. I was going to Minnesota to see a man that obviously never wanted to see me again. And what's worse- I was expecting him to automatically forgive me just for showing up. Kendall would probably show up and beat the shit out of me, and I would deserve it. Then I would have to go home. Then what?

By the time I landed in Minnesota, I was ready to go home. I was completely discouraged, and thought it was best I not go at all.

I was so confused that I sat at the airport in a panic for about half an hour. Then I called Carlos, because I told him I would when I arrived.

"Carlos? This is stupid… I'm coming home," I said as soon as he answered.

"What happened?" he answered.

"I've had a whole plane ride to think, and there's no way Logan'll even listen to me," I said angrily. "I'm getting a ticket and-"

"James. Listen to me," Carlos demanded. "Go to your grandparent's house and get settled. You'll calm down. I know you're not a quitter."

I nodded a little, taking a deep breath.

"Don't be scared," he said soothingly.

After I hung up, I looked over the crowd of people walking busily through the airport. They all seemed to be on such tight schedules, and I had no schedule. I was here on one mission- find Logan and talk to him. I had all the time in the world to do that.

But I might as well do it right now, just to get it over with. If I waited too long, I would chicken out and go home empty-handed.

Logan's POV

I had been packing up knick knacks for college, Kendall singing along to the radio as he played video games on my bed. For the first time since I've been home, I felt okay. Like maybe the world wasn't coming to an end. Like maybe I would be okay.

My heart was feeling free, and I was thinking about college. I had heard that in college, being gay isn't such a big deal. Maybe I'll go on dates, get a boyfriend. Oh, I'd love to have a boyfriend.

The doorbell rang, followed by a faintly familiar knock, which brought up an image of my hotel room in California for some reason. I couldn't place where I'd heard it before. I looked over at Kendall, confused, and went to answer it.

I opened the big oak door to see a very handsome man, although he was the last person I wanted to see on my front porch.

There stood James, looking tan and beautiful if not out of his element, a red rose in his hand.

I wasn't sure if I was blushing or going pale, but I knew I was gaping at him with wide eyes.

He flashed me a dazzling smile, but I saw in his eyes that he was terrified that I would slam the door in his face.

But I was too shocked to slam the door.

"Hey, Logan," he said, offering me the rose. I stared down at it in a daze, not moving to take it. After a second he awkwardly pulled his hand back and let in drop, the head of the rose to the ground.

"I came to explain myself and formally apologize. I have a lot to say," he went on. He stared at me, waiting for me to say something. My brain seemed to start to work and I bunched my brows at him.

"James I-" I said, losing the words.

"You what?" he asked gently.

"I…"

"What the fuck?" came an angry voice, echoing around the house as Kendall stormed down the stairs.

My heart was pounding as Kendall shoved me away from the door, stepping out and grabbing James's shirt collar. He swung the huge hunk of man around and slammed him into the brick house, faces inches away.

James's eyes stared strongly into Kendall's blazing ones, not a hint of fear in them. I thought it was weird that James wasn't fighting back.

"Good to see you, Kendall," he said politely.

"Fuck you," Kendall spat. "I know you're not here to try and apologize to Logie."

"That's exactly why I'm-"

"Go the fuck home, you phsyco!" Kendall said venomously. "He doesn't want you here!"

That seemed to tick James off enough to shove Kendall off of him. That seemed to tick Kendall off even more, and I jumped as Kendall slugged James right in the side of his head.

James's POV

My ears were ringing, stars filling my eyesight. Wow, that was a good punch. I deserved it.

"Kendall!" Logan squeaked.

"Go home, asshole," Kendall spat at me, shoving me once more against the hard brick house before herding Logan inside and locking the door behind them.

I sat on the front steps, rubbing the side of my head, the rose sitting beside me. I wasn't the least bit disheartened. Logan had admonished Kendall for hitting me, meaning he at least didn't hate me. AND he didn't slam the door in my face.

I heard yelling from inside for a while before the door opened behind me. I wanted it to be Logan that stepped out, but it was Kendall. I got up, assuming a defensive position.

"Relax, dipshit," Kendall growled. He held up a blue icepack, making me ease off. I took the icepack, pressing it to my face with a hiss. We sat side-by-side on the steps. "Logan wanted me to give you some ice. I wouldn't let him give it to you myself. I'm still not sorry for hitting you, though."

"I deserve it," I said, ignoring my heart swelling from Logan wanting to take care of me with this ice.

"Damn straight," Kendall said. "Why are you here? Is it because you think Logan'll run into your arms and take you back forever? You're wrong."

"I don't expect that," I said. "I wanted to tell him what happened."

"He knows what happened. You made him fall madly in love with you then tore his heart out."

"I have to tell him about Mercedes and everything."

"Well you can't," he said.

"Why?"

"He's in a vulnerable state right now, and as his best friend I have to protect him. Therefore you can't talk to him."

"I'm not gonna hurt him. Trust me- that's the last think I want," I said.

"I know that. That's not what I'm scared of," Kendall sighed.

"Then what?"

"I'm scared of the fact that he stood up for you in there," Kendall laughed bitterly. "And that when I came down he was swooning at you."

"Hardly swooning."

"I don't want him to forgive you so easily," Kendall said softly.

"Then let me give him a reason to forgive me. Let me plead my case."

Kendall stared at the rose in my hand, looking perplexed.

"For a cheating bastard, you sure are sweet," he said, never looking up at me.

"I wouldn't call it cheating."

"You had sex with someone besides your fiancé."

"I wouldn't call her my fiancé," I said. "I didn't love her. I was planning on breaking it off with her the very next day, matter of fact. Because I found someone I really wanted to be with. And by dumping Mercedes that meant losing my mom… But at least I would be happy with Logan."

Kendall paused, green eyes on the rose.

"Are you still with her?" he asked.

"No. I came out to her and my mom… Mom disowned me… But… It's what had to be done," I said softly. "Maybe someday she and I can patch things up."

Kendall took in a deep breath through his nose, looking out over Logan's front yard.

"Okay," he sighed. "If he decides to come out here, I won't stop him. But I'm not encouraging him, and I'm not inviting you in. If he comes back in sobbing, I'm slitting your throat."

With that, Kendall got up and went inside, leaving me to hope to God Logan decided to come out to hear me out.