Derailed - Chapt 9
. . .
Austin called the next morning at 10am. He'd been practically bouncing off the walls and stopping himself from calling her since 7am. He slept deep and well for about 5 hours after Ally left, but he still wasn't fully adjusted to the time zone and he was anxious to see her again.
She was everything he remembered and more. Yes, there was some tension between them over the time apart, but being around her last night was easy just like it always had been. She still dipped her fries in her chocolate shake, she was still friendly and kind and she still had that smile. And those eyes. And her tiny hands with long slender fingers that used to play piano as easily as they tugged at his heart. That incredible hair he loved to touch. And those lips. He wondered how it would be to kiss her now.
Austin shook his head from these thoughts as the phone rang for the third time and she picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hi Ally." he said. "Can you come out and play?"
Ally laughed at the phrase they'd used so often as kids and it was music to his ears. "Hi Austin. Yeah, I can play today."
"Great. How soon?" he asked eagerly.
"Whenever you want." she offered.
Now. I want now, he thought. "Tell me where to meet you and I'm there."
"Okay, um, there is a park across the street from my house, why don't we meet there?" she suggested. "I can text you the address."
"Perfect. I'll be there soon." he said.
"I'll be waiting." she said and they hung up.
Austin didn't have it wait long for the text to come through and then he was out the door of his hotel room. Last night Scarlett came to his dressing room shortly after Ally left. While he finished eating he told her to clear his day so he could spend it with Ally. There wasn't much planned anyway and she told him she wasn't surprised. Scarlett admitted to him that she liked the girl after having only spoken for a little while, and told him to have fun. Austin was shocked, to be honest, because normally Scarlett kept him to a strict schedule and didn't let him out of plans easily. That was what he preferred as well, but she let him off the hook without any hassle this time.
He drove the rental car Scarlett arranged for him and parked at the address Ally had given. He got out and scanned the area for Ally. He noticed her standing on a bridge next to a path leading into Botley Park. She saw him as well and waved. He locked the car behind him and went to her.
"Hi."
"Hi." she echoed. "Two days in a row. That has to be a record for us, huh?"
"It used to be normal for us to see each other every day." he pointed out.
Ally frowned. "Austin, I'm so sorry for how long it's been. I never dreamed it would be like this when Mom and I left."
Austin shook his head. "Don't Ally. I don't want to spend today regretting things. We've waited too long for this to spend the whole day apologizing for the million moments we've been apart. Let's make some new memories." He held out his hand and she took it with a relieved smiled. He intertwined their fingers and it felt so right to be touching her again. No emails, no jungle, no distance. It was just the two of them again, like it was supposed to be.
"I can do that." she said.
"So, where do you live? Show me what's so great about this place." Austin challenged her.
They spent the next two hours walking around Ally's new stomping grounds. She showed him her favorite buildings and places to be, the walk she took every day to classes, her little old house she shared with two roommates who were also students. They stopped for lunch and Ally told him about her classes and the friends she finally made here. He told her about moving to LA with Dez and the direction his music was taking now.
After lunch they drove into London to see some sights like proper tourists since Austin was one. Eventually he took her to dinner and he studied her for a moment after they ordered.
"So, how did I do for a second date?" he asked. "Did I cure you of your fear of them?"
Ally blushed. "I wasn't afraid, it's just. . . it didn't feel right to go on one without you. I know it's silly to hold onto something like that. But we kept talking about it in our emails and for that first year I really thought I would go home and we could pick things up right where we left them. Then Mom broke her terrible news and I had to readjust again and I felt cruel asking you to stop living for me."
"But you stopped living, didn't you?" he asked. It was nearing the end of his day with Ally and now it was time to talk about the past and get serious: no more putting it off, he told himself.
"I did." she admitted. "But that was my choice. Forcing it on you felt wrong."
"So what about Germany?" Austin asked.
"I didn't really settle down there ever. I kept myself busy and learned the language and enjoyed the culture but I didn't make any friends. I never tried to and I clammed up if someone talked to me, pretending not to understand them even though I did. Making a friend would have felt like a betrayal of the people I left behind: you and Trish and Dez. I didn't want to get attached and admit that I wasn't going home. I guess choosing Oxford was when I faced the truth. He never said it directly but Dad didn't want me home, or if he did he never acted like it. And then it got easier to assume that the rest of you wouldn't care anymore since the emails had stopped."
"I'm sorry for that. I shouldn't have stopped writing, but I was thinking the same thing. Why would you care what I'm doing when you are in these far away interesting places, you know? And I got busy. Well, I made myself busy." Austin said.
Ally nodded in understanding.
"Dez pushed me a lot to let go too. He wouldn't let me keep living in memories and what if's about you." he said.
"I know all about what if's: that's what I spent all my time thinking of in Germany." she said.
"But you are happier here right? You seem happy." Austin asked.
"I guess I am. This is the happiest I've been since I left Miami and today has been especially good because I got to have both you and my new life together." she smiled at him.
Their food came and as they began to eat Austin noticed that Ally was humming. He listened to the tune and tried to place it but couldn't.
"What is that song?" he finally asked several minutes later.
"What?" Ally asked, looking up from her food.
"The song you are humming: I can't figure it out." he clarified.
"Oh, I didn't even realize I was humming. I don't know: it's just a tune that came to mind today." Ally shrugged.
"Do you still write music?" He asked.
"No. Not since the last song I sent you." she said. "I heard it on your 2nd cd and it turned out really well."
"We didn't have to do much to it, you really did all the hard work. "I think about you" was beautiful and broke my heart but I had to sing it." Austin said.
"Just like I had to write it."
"Sometimes the thing you need to say comes out best in a song." Austin said.
They fell into comfortable silence as they continued to eat and Austin caught her humming again. He was a fast eater and finished quickly then asked a passing waiter for a pen and began to scribble the notes Ally hummed onto an extra napkin. She didn't even notice she was so preoccupied with the song and finishing her dinner. His own food long gone, Austin mulled over the tune as he waited for her to finish eating.
"I really don't recognize this. Unless it's from some small local band, I think you are making it up." Austin said.
"What?" Ally asked.
Austin rolled his eyes. "The song you are humming. Come on." he stood and waved to the waiter again. When the man approached he asked, "Do you have a piano around here somewhere we can use?"
"It's in the banquet room, just through there." the waiter pointed to a set of double doors on the back wall.
"Great. Hold our table. We'll get dessert after." Austin said and grabbed Ally's hand, pulling her toward the banquet room.
"Yes, sir." the waiter called after their retreating forms.
Austin pushed through the back doors and quickly spotted the piano in the far corner of the room. The large dining room was dimly lit by some windows but he didn't seem to care. Ally spotted a light switch and pulled away from Austin to flip it on and brighten the room. He went straight to the piano with the napkin he wrote on and sat on the bench. Ally joined him, standing beside the bench.
"Come on, we don't want to lose it." Austin said. He tugged on her arm, urging her to sit beside him. She did and their sides touched. This got his attention and he looked at her. The feeling was so familiar yet distant at the same time and he stared at her for a moment. She looked nervous and he felt it too.
"Is this okay?" he asked.
"Yes, sure. We used to do this all the time, right?" Ally asked, her voice betraying her nerves.
Austin nodded but frowned. "I don't want to be a 'used to' anymore. I want to mean something else to you."
"Like what?"
"Anything. Anything you need." he said and then his eyes flashed to the piano keys. He began picking out the notes she had been humming, joining his voice in a hum to the music when he got it right. Then when he got near the end of what he'd written down he sang a few words along with the notes. "Anything you need that's what I'll be. Hmmm." he hummed with the last five notes.
Ally watched him work in awe. She had forgotten what it was like to create like this and what he just did seemed so fluid and effortless.
He looked at her again, a question in his eyes. "What do you think?" he asked.
"That sounded great. Let's do more." she said eagerly.
Austin's eyes lit up and he turned back to the piano to play some more, tossing out lyric ideas here and there. Ally joined in, matching the theme of words as well as adding chords to the simple melody to fill out the sound. It was almost like being transported back in time to their songwriting in 9th grade.
An hour and a half later they sang through the finished song together. The words and notes flowed from them as if they'd been waiting all these years to come out.
.
If you wanna cry, I'll be your shoulder
If you wanna laugh, I'll be your smile
If you wanna fly, I will be your sky
Anything you need, that's what I'll be
If you wanna climb, I'll be your ladder
If you wanna run, I'll be your road
If you want a friend, doesn't matter when
Anything you need, that's what I'll be
You can come to me
You can come to me,
Yeah
.
When the final notes rang through the room Austin was staring at Ally. He began to lean toward her just as a smattering of applause erupted from some of the restaurant staff on break who had come in to listen.
The sound jolted Ally. Her eyes widened and she shifted away from Austin, quickly getting to her feet. She shook her head and turned from him, heading toward their small audience and the exit.
"Ally!" Austin called after her, scrambling to pick up the papers torn from the notebook Ally kept in her purse which they used to write down the song.
She kept shaking her head and reached the door. "I'm sorry. I can't do this." she said and pushed through and back into the main part of the restaurant.
As soon as Austin had the song papers in hand he sprinted across the room and was right behind her. "Hold on."
She slowed a bit and looked at him apologetically but kept making her way to the front door. Austin threw some money onto the table for their food and the time they took and kept following her out onto the sidewalk.
"Ally! Stop!" Austin called, reaching for her arm to stop her. He almost ran into her when she came to an abrupt halt.
"I can't do this. I'm so sorry." she said.
"Can't do what? What are you sorry for?" he was confused and the tears he could see welling up in her eyes weren't helping either.
"I can't start things with you again. I can't feel this way." she said sadly.
"What way?" he asked.
She shook her head and began to turn away again.
"No! Just stop for a minute okay?" Austin begged. "You can't walk away from that, what we just did, so easily. Didn't you feel it?"
"Austin, please."
"Come on, writing that song - writing with you again - it felt so right. It's like I just got part of my life back and now you're going to take that away?" Austin said.
Ally continued to shake her head sadly as she tried to hold her tears at bay. But he couldn't stop – not yet. He had to make her understand.
"I get it now: this piece of me was missing. You were missing." Austin began. "Ally, we've been friends ever since I can remember. Everything big that happened in my childhood I shared with you. Every memory is filled with you and at 15 that was ripped away. Sure, we've both lived our lives and been fine since then, but I missed you the whole time." he said. They stared into each other's eyes and hers were glassy with tears. She blinked and a teardrop skipped down her cheek.
"I feel the same way you do Austin. I've missed you and I've grieved for you, and I've tried to move on but couldn't. I wanted to see you again last night and get some closure so I can finally start to live but it's not working. And when you say things like that, how can I get over you? This can't work."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean tomorrow you have a show in Dublin, and then somewhere else after that. You aren't here, not to stay. And I'm going to school and really, nothing has changed. I've got another magical day with you to remember and dream about but where does that leave me? In love with a dream. But at the end of the day I'm alone."
"Ally."
She shook her head and continued talking. "My mom is in Germany: a channel and a few countries away. My dad is across the ocean. Trish is an amazing pen pal at best. And you are here for one day and I've gone backward several years. But tomorrow - tomorrow I will wake up and nothing will have changed. I'll still be alone." Ally started walking again, face down toward the pavement.
"Ally!" Austin sped to catch up to her and grabbed her arms, making her face him. "Alright, let's be serious. Today was awesome. I had a great time but it wasn't because I'm in a new city seeing new things or because of the fun I had playing a concert last night. It's great because I'm here with you and for the first time in a very long time I'm not searching for the next thing to do to keep me busy. I haven't felt this grounded and real in years. You talk about not having a home and being lonely. I get it because I feel it too. All this time I've been searching for something and here you are right in front of me."
Ally shook her head again, fighting the tears in her eyes. But she was clinging to his arms as he still held hers.
"We aren't kids anymore." Austin pointed out. "We aren't at the mercy of your parents or mine, of oceans or time zones or anything. There's no reason we can't be together now if that's what we want. I have money. If you want to go somewhere or do something we can do it. If you feel like you belong for the first time in seven years being here with me right now, then all you have to do is say the word and I will make anything happen. Do you feel it too?" he asked.
Ally nodded. "Yes. And that's terrifying."
"Terrifying because you don't like it?" he asked.
"No: terrifying because I don't want it to go away again." Ally answered.
Austin closed the distance between them and kissed her. He held her so tight, just like he did when he found out she would be leaving. His lips moved with hers as if no time had passed at all. And Ally felt like her heart exploded because it finally started beating again. She kissed him back with all the longing she'd felt, missing him all those years.
Austin pulled out of the kiss slowly, savoring the feel of her lips. He watched her slowly open her eyes, a tear escaping and rolling down her cheek.
"Don't be scared." he said and pressed another soft kiss to her lips. "I'm here."
Ally held onto him tight, her arms wrapped around him to keep herself on her feet. His arms were strong and secure around her as well. She borrowed from that strength, feeling connected to another person in a way she had not felt for far too long.
"Come to Dublin with me tomorrow." he said.
Ally's eyes snapped to his. "I have school on Monday."
"I'll make sure you are back in time. I'm not ready to say goodbye again yet." Austin told her.
"How much longer is your tour?" she asked.
"Five more stops in Europe after tomorrow. I'm done in three weeks." he said.
"Can you call me between shows?" Ally asked.
"Every day." he promised.
"What happens after that?" Ally asked.
"Well, they let you out of school for the summer here, don't they?" he asked, thinking fast.
Ally nodded.
"So in 2 months I will buy you a ticket home to Miami for the summer." It was all clicking in his head.
"But you don't live in Miami anymore." she pointed out.
"I figure that would be more comfortable for you than LA and it's time you went home don't you think? Your dad would love to see you. I can rent a place for a few months until you have to come back here in the fall." he said.
"You meant it when you said money isn't an issue."
"World famous superstar." Austin said, pointing to himself with a grin.
"Okay." she agreed.
"Yes!" Austin cheered and then kissed her again.
. . .
Too dramatic? Just right? The moment you've been waiting for this whole story? Please let me know if I'm hitting the right balance here. Thanks!
weesh