Author's Note: First of all, I am sorry for this delayed update. I fractured my foot and haven't been in the best mood these last several days, being stuck in a crappy half assed cast that was not fit properly. Now I'm in a new one, that fits, and I am not going as crazy anymore. So I'm back. And using it...I got inspired. ;)
It seems our girls are slowly progressing in their friendship, and letting their walls down to one another. I wanted to build a bigger foundation before moving into anything romantic. Not to mention the fact that Santana wouldn't want to take advantage of Quinn being in such a vulnerable state. I don't want it to seem like she's taking advantage of her.
For the record: to the guest that said I was slut-shaming Santana, shame on you. If you had read what I wrote, you would see that Quinn was teasing. And that she said she didn't care who Santana slept with. She was referring to the reputation Santana had in high school. So please, read everything and pay attention to the words before you comment like that.
Chapter 5
A few days had passed since the girls had gone to the police station, court house, and gotten the restraining order. Quinn's furniture had arrived, and she had settled into what was now her room. Her clothes were in the closet and dresser, color coordinated of course. The bed where she wanted it, made with soft pastel colored linens and big fluffy pillows.
The problem was…even in that big comfy bed, she couldn't sleep. She tried. She didn't want to be a bother to Santana after the woman had done so much for her. Every night when she laid her head on a fluffy pillow, and snuggled into the warm blankets, her mind would race. She would close her eyes and the first thing she would see was Jared.
It's not that she wanted him back, heavens no. She never really was in love with him, she was afraid of him. That's why she stayed. He had warped her mind. Like a child that was afraid of the boogey man, or monsters in their closet, Quinn was frightened that Jared would pop into her room somehow, and he would punish her for leaving him, and for getting him in trouble.
When she finally could fall asleep, he would haunt her dreams. She would toss and turn, waking up several times through the night. She wanted to go to Santana, to crawl into her arms and feel safe, but she knew that the brunette had to work. So she would talk herself out of it every time.
Now, she was getting out of the shower. It was early on a Saturday, barely after 5:00 in the morning. She knew that the Latina wasn't supposed to be up until 7:00. At least, that's when she'd hear her alarm go off through the week. This being Saturday, she'd most likely sleep in. The blonde towel dried her hair, and then wrapped herself in a towel, and opened the door to the bathroom. She was surprised to be met with sleepy brown eyes that were laced with concern.
"San, what are you doing up? Did I wake you?" Quinn asked softly as she moved aside for Santana to get into the bathroom, if she needed to.
"No, I was already up. I couldn't sleep. Then I heard you in the shower. So…I thought I'd see why you have been up so early every morning." She answered, as she looked over Quinn's arms. "You're healing. The bruises are almost gone."
"Yeah, finally." Quinn sighed as she looked at Santana. "You…you've been awake every morning when I get out of bed?"
"Yeah, I know you haven't been sleeping." Santana told her, as she took the blonde by the chin and guided her face to her own. "Your eyes are puffy and bloodshot. And even your make-up can't hide how tired you've looked. I know that you get up out of bed a couple of times a night, at least."
"I'm sorry if I've been waking you." Quinn replied. "I was trying so hard not to."
"That's just it, usually I'm already awake, and I hear you. Q…I think maybe, you should start coming back to bed with me. Until you stop having the nightmares."
"San…I don't want to inconvenience you more than I already have." Quinn told her, causing San to sigh.
"I already told you, you aren't inconveniencing me. I like having you around." the brunette told her. "Plus I think we'll both sleep better that way. I haven't been sleeping because I've been worried about you. To be blunt, I'm afraid of what you'll do."
"What do you mean?" the blonde asked as she led Santana into her bedroom so she could get dressed. Though at this time of the morning, on a Saturday, getting dressed consisted of getting back in her pajamas.
"I mean…you've done some crazy shit, Q. I don't like expect you to kill yourself…but I know you've turned to alcohol and smoking, you've been reckless with your body, and more. Need I mention the Ryan Seacrest tattoo and the nose piercing? I don't want to come in one day and find you having a Britney Spears meltdown and shaving your head. You need someone. You need me."
Quinn just sat on the bed once she was dressed and looked at Santana, listening to her and sighing. "You're right. I do need help. But I don't want to-"
"If you say inconvenience me one more damn time Fabray, I'm gonna scream." Santana said with a warning to her voice. Normally she'd threaten to kick her ass, or something along those lines, but she knew that wouldn't be the smartest thing to say to Quinn right now. She wanted the blonde to feel safe with her, not like she was going to be hurt again. "I don't work today. So let's both get some sleep. We need it. I've been very Snixxy at work lately."
Quinn didn't argue, because she was, admittedly, exhausted, and she wanted to feel safe again. So she moved over and let Santana slide into her bed and pull her into her warm embrace. San was lying on her back with Quinn cuddled to her side, her arm across San's stomach. The brunette reached over and brought Quinn's leg to drape over her own.
"Much better, don't you think?" San asked as the blonde looked up at her.
"Yeah. It really is." The blonde smiled. She then leaned up and did something that surprised herself as much as Santana, and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to her lips. "Thank you, San." She moved her head back down to rest on the brunette's chest once again, and closed her eyes.
"No problem, Q." Santana replied, her voice not even a whisper as the hand that wasn't around Quinn moved to her lips, touching them softly. "No problem at all."
It was early afternoon when the women finally woke up, the brunette stirring first, underneath the blonde. She tried to gently remove herself from Quinn's grip, only to have the taller girl cling more.
"Q...I gotta pee. You gotta let me up." Santana told her, nudging her a bit.
"Mmm...comfy...sleepy." the blonde pouted. She was definitely not a morning person, and it made the Latina chuckle.
"I'll be right back, I promise." Santana reassured her, stroking her hair. Apparently it worked, because Quinn rolled over with a groan, and fell right back asleep.
Santana got up, and went to the bathroom, and then to the kitchen to get a bottle of water. She took a long chug from the bottle before replacing it in the refrigerator. The brunette turned and began to pad back to Quinn's bedroom, stopping to stretch a bit before she got back in bed so the blonde could sleep better.
While she was stretching her tired muscles, her mind drifted back to this morning. Had that kiss really happened, or was she so delirious from sleep derivation that she imagined it? Her fingers went back to her lips, touching them again. Why was this even bothering her? It didn't mean anything, Quinn was just thanking her. After all the blonde had been quite affectionate with her during the ordeal anyway.
"San...what are you doing?" the sleepy voice mumbled from under the covers, tired hazel eyes peeking up at her.
"Stretching. I'm coming back, don't worry."
"I meant with your mouth." Quinn deadpanned, rolling her eyes as if it were obvious that's what she meant.
"Hmm, oh, nothing." Santana shrugged. "My lips just felt a little dry, that's all." She lied as she got back under the covers, and let Quinn cuddle back into her embrace.
"It really happened, S." Quinn told her, knowing exactly what was running through her head. She buried her face in the Latina's neck. "I kissed you earlier. Sorry if it made you uncomfortable. I won't do it again."
"No...it's okay, really. I liked it." the brunette admitted, as she pulled the blonde in to her.
Quinn pulled her face from Santana's neck, and looked up at her, seeing the sincerity in her eyes. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course, Q. Anything."
"After Mr. Schue's almost wedding, did you ever think about what happened? With us I mean?"
"Yes. Several times actually." San admitted, knowing the blonde wanted honesty.
"Me too." the blonde admitted. Santana was paying close attention, trying to see where the blonde was going with this. "To be honest...it was one of the best nights of my life. We were free. Didn't care what everyone else thought. And I ended the night with someone that I truly cared about. The sex was...incredible. But it was about more than that. And it scared the hell out of me. That's why I didn't talk to you for a couple of weeks after."
"It scared me too, Q. That's why I left...why I wasn't there when you woke up. Part of me wanted to stay, but a bigger part was afraid that once you woke up and realized it was me there with you, you'd freak out and kick me out. I was not in the state of mind to cope with rejection." Santana told her, not allowing herself to meet the blonde's gaze as she sat up and leaned against the headboard. She was opening up more right now than she had done with anyone else before other than Brittany. "So I left before you had the chance to reject me."
"I wouldn't have, San." Quinn told her as she sat up next to her against the headboard. "I was a little upset when I woke up and you were gone. I thought maybe I was bad at it."
"What? No. Q, for it to have been your first time with a woman, you were pretty great. Yeah, there are a few things you could learn, but you got me off, both times. That's more than I can say for others I've been with. You should be proud of yourself for that."
Quinn nodded as she took in what the brunette was saying, reaching over for her water. "Okay, I believe you."
"You should. I don't lie to you. You call out my BS way too quickly." Santana chuckles, looking over at the blonde. "So why did you want to know about that stuff?"
"I dunno. I just was thinking about it after I kissed you."
"Q, what was that? I mean...I'm not complaining, I just..." the brunette trailed off, looking at the blonde.
"I guess it was my way of thanking you, for everything you've done. I'm gonna try to make it up to you some day San. You've been here so much for me, and I haven't been able to do the same."
"You were there for me when Britt and I split up for good. That's when I needed it most. And you were there. I can't ask for more, Q."
"I just wish I could have done more. And I will. I promise." Quinn told her.
"You've done plenty. Now, what you can do for me is get better. Okay? Put Jared and his bullshit behind you and find a man that treats you like you deserve. Someone that makes you feel safe and loved."
"Like you do? Minus the being a man part, obviously." Quinn asked her, tilting her head to the side.
"Babe, nobody is ever gonna make you feel as safe, secure, or loved more than me." Santana replied, smiling softly. "But I want you to find someone to make you happy, and that can at least come close to it."
"I don't want to. I just want to stay with you. I'm safe with you. I feel loved with you." Quinn tells her, her voice soft and quivering a little. Santana wraps her arms around Q, and presses her lips to the blonde's temple.
"You don't have to go anywhere. You can stay with me as long as you like. And I'll even let you in on a little secret. The reason you feel loved with me, it's because I do love you. More than you think."
"I love you too." Quinn whispered as she scooted into Santana's lap, wrapping her arms around the woman's neck loosely, as she added in her thoughts, "The way you loved Britt."
She'd not speak those words out loud though, afraid of how Santana would take it. "Would she think I am just projecting what I want to feel onto her? Would she think I was going to rebound with her?" No...she wouldn't be a rebound. If anything Jared had been a rebound from her, from the night they shared together. So had Biff. Distractions...from her real feelings for her best friend. Feelings that she didn't share out of fear. Feelings that she buried deep within her heart, locked up tightly for nobody to see, begging to be brought into the light.
Before she realized that she lost herself in her thoughts, she felt herself be pulled back to reality, by the brunette that had invaded them to begin with. Santana's hand gently cupping her cheek, was what brought her back to the present. She looked up in time to realize what was happening, as the Latina pressed their lips together gently, almost as if she had read Quinn's mind, and heard her thoughts.
The blonde didn't pull away. She found herself kissing Santana back, her hand naturally moving to rest on the side of San's neck, her thumb caressing the tan cheek. She deepened the kiss slightly, feeling Santana hold her a little tighter in response. When the two finally broke, their foreheads rested against one another's.
"I told you, Q. I love you more than you think." Santana whispered, pecking the girls lips once again.
"Me too, San. I love you. You are my happy place, my safe place. I don't want someone else...I want you." Quinn replied, her voice almost a whimper as she opened up her heart to the brunette, finally unlocking her feelings she'd buried so deeply.
"I want you too. Q...Quinn, I have loved you for a very long time. I have wanted to be the one to protect you and love you, and make you happy. I've wanted that so much. I was just scared, I didn't want you to reject me. I know you're straight, well, mostly. And that your parents would flip-"
"Stop right there. Santana, I don't give a shit about what they think anymore. As for being straight, I'm pretty sure that I'm making it clear that I'm not. At least not completely. I don't want anyone else, man or woman. I only want you. I want to be yours. If you'll have me. I know I'm damaged goods, and that I have so much baggage..."
"Now you stop. I don't care about your past, about your baggage. You already know that. You may be damaged, but to me, you are still perfect. You will always be perfect. And you don't even have to ask. I'm already yours. I've been yours for a while, you just didn't realize it."
Quinn smiled as a tear escaped from her watery, hazel eyes. She leaned in and kissed Santana again, a bit more emotionally charged than before, as she melted into the brunette's arms, before asking. "I take that as a yes?"
"Yes, Quinn Fabray, you are officially my girlfriend, and I am yours."