A/N: I almost never post during the day, but I finished editing last night so I figured I'd put this up now.

So...now an explanation. The whole premise of this fic rests on the idea that Paige didn't give Sid Mike's name so he would kill him. That's what I meant by a different interpretation of things in my previous author's note. I had to talk myself into believing that's what she did for this fic, even though it didn't play out that way on air. Someone asked if I think Paige intended for that to happen...and I'm not sure if the question refers to this or the show. For the fic, no...for the show yes.

Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing...as always, let me know what you think.

Paige stood in front of Graceland, feeling at unease for the first time since she moved in. Just the thought of going inside and knowing that Mike would never step foot inside again, there was too much finality to it. She couldn't do it. There were too many memories.

"That dress is doing a lot of things to me by the way," Mike said, closing his file as he appreciatively looked her up and down.

"There's a lot of deer out there. Helps to be the headlight." She would've worn this dress regardless of the effect it had on Mike. Things were so new between them, not even a day, but she loved the way he was looking at her. Like he was rethinking work and wanted to drag her upstairs and get her out of this dress. And if she could get Mike Warren to think about something that had nothing to do with this bus case, she considered the day a success.

"So it's like a - "

"It's like a - you wanna be my deer?" Paige grabbed Mike's shirt, pulling him closer for a kiss. She didn't really mind that he was cocky. She liked a man that knew what he wanted. She liked this confident version of Mike.

"Mmhmm."

"I'll be your headlight." They quickly stepped apart when they heard someone at the door.

They didn't get a lot of days like that. Days where they could have light, flirty moments without dealing with the stress of the case. They barely had moments that weren't interrupted.

Paige walked around to the back of the house and was staring out into the ocean, trying to make sense of things. She watched the rain beat down on the ocean, not moving to shelter herself from the rain. She actually welcomed the cold from the rain. The cold sting of the rain made her feel something other than emptiness.

Her eyes drifted along the stretch of shoreline, remembering all the walks they had taken along the beach. They had made the most of their beach locale and whenever they could, they'd throw around a football or frisbee. Or have a bonfire with everyone to unwind. Mostly last summer. This summer there hadn't been time for much socializing once the case picked up. Not that they were even on friendly terms these past few months.

She could barely stand to look at him. And now he was gone.

Paige hugged herself as she cried for Mike. Right now she didn't care about the case or the lies. It didn't matter that he wasn't the same man she knew from last summer. From earlier this summer. It wasn't like she was the same person either. Right now all she could think about was that Mike was gone. Maybe it made her a hypocrite to mourn a man she wrote off. A man she turned over to the police because she couldn't take his lies anymore. Not that she had been truthful with him. She lied to him about shutting down Sulla. About what she said to get him out of Sulla's.

Kind of.

"You know, I forgive you for everything that happened and for everything between us. I forgive you, so, if you're going in there for me, don't," Paige said, watching Mike absorb every word. She could tell he was questioning her sincerity, but he desperately wanted to believe her. She meant it when she told Briggs she'd get Mike out of there. She supposed she should feel bad for manipulating him, but she needed to make sure he was out of there before the raid, just in case things went wrong.

She had wanted to forgive him. Wanted what she said to be true. She felt guilty, knowing that him moving into Sulla's compound wasn't for the case, it was for her. He spent weeks in that hellhole, because of her. Trying to earn her forgiveness. And she hadn't been able to forgive him. Partly because she was stubborn. Mostly because she needed somewhere to direct her anger and for whatever reason it was easier to direct it at him. Not that she wasn't angry at the people actually responsible for exploiting her girls, because she was. But she could actually be angry at Mike. She understood what Mike was doing and why he didn't shut it down. She couldn't wrap her mind around the actions of the men that were truly responsible. Couldn't face them. Couldn't hold them accountable. So instead, she took her anger and frustration out on him.

It wasn't fair of her to be angry at Mike. He didn't want those girls in there any more than he did. Her problem was that he was willing to keep them in there longer in order to permanently shut it down. She wasn't. She wasn't fair about a lot of things. She made a promise to Lina that she couldn't keep. That wasn't on Mike, that was on her.

Paige closed her eyes for a few seconds, not wanting to think about Lina right now. She could barely keep it together. She didn't need to drown in guilt for Lina, in addition to her grief for Mike.

"...lead poisoning. His lungs collapsed..."

She blinked rapidly, letting the rain mingle with her tears.

"I'm just gonna - I'm just gonna rest for a minute." Mike gingerly laid on the floor, clutching his side, facing away from her.

"No, Mike - "

"No, it's okay - I just, just a little bit until the storm passes and then I'll go."

Why was he so stubborn? He needed to go to the hospital. She covered him up with his jacket, wishing she had something with her to make him more comfortable. Painkillers. A pillow. Something. Anything. Because apparently he couldn't stand the sight of her. She was trying to apologize, but he didn't want to hear it right now. But that was okay. They could sort things out later. Mike would go to the hospital, get fixed up. She'd even do his turn on the chore wheel for a few weeks when he came home. "Okay. Okay."

Only things weren't okay. She should've insisted driving him to the hospital. "He might've gotten there in time," Paige whispered. If the had gotten to the hospital earlier, he would've gone into surgery earlier. Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why couldn't he have just accepted her help?

Why?

Why Mike?

Even with everything he did and everything he might've done, he deserved more than being shot by a Solano guard. He had so many dreams and goals and all of that was gone now.

"I wanted to be an FBI agent my entire life. I finally made it, and then I got this assignment, and the longer I stayed here, I realized it's wrong. But I am an FBI agent, and this is my job."

Truth and justice. Somewhere along the way, Mike got lost. But none of that mattered any more.

Nothing mattered.

"Do you think Mike actually did it?" Johnny asked, tapping his fingers against his beer bottle. "I can't wrap my head around it."

"If he didn't, he's gonna need our help. And if he did, he's still gonna need our help," Jakes said. He wasn't sure the kid had it in him to be so ruthless. Yeah, Mike had a hard on for the case, but he couldn't see him staging a massacre and gunning down LAPD officers all to get Sid. Mike would never murder several people so he could pin it on another person. That wasn't Mike. Maybe he would bend the law a little. Ignore the guidelines from his precious FBI manual, a little. He could see Mike framing Sid for a murder someone else committed, but not killing someone to frame Sid. There was no such thing as killing someone, a little.

"Where's Paige?" Briggs asked, entering the kitchen. "Paige!"

"I thought I heard her car a while ago, but I haven't seen her. She took off right after you did. Where'd you go? Everything okay with Mikey?" Johnny asked.

"Her car is here, find her," Briggs said. "I'm going to go get Charlie. I want everyone downstairs in five."

"You're sure you didn't see her come in?" Jakes asked. "Call her cell and check upstairs. I'll look out back."

"It's been raining since she left, Paige isn't outside."

"Probably not, but I'll check." Jakes set down his drink and wandered towards the back in search of Paige. Something was wrong. Very, very wrong. Briggs looked like he was about to snap and Paige was MIA.

Paige jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Mike?" Paige turned, the hopeful smile falling from her face when she saw Jakes. For a second she thought that maybe the past few hours hadn't happened. That it was a nightmare or something. Because even though she wanted to see Mike at the hospital, the more she thought about it, she couldn't. She couldn't look at him like that. Didn't want the last time she saw him for him to be lying in the morgue.

"How long have you been out here?" Jakes asked, his eyes filled with concern.

She stared at Jakes blankly for a few seconds, his words not really registering as she slowly looked around. "How long?" She wasn't even sure how she made it home. Everything after she left the hospital was a blur. She must've sat in her car crying for at least an hour before driving home. She couldn't remember anything about her drive. Couldn't remember if the roads were bad. Or if there was an accident on the freeway. Or what traffic was like. If she remembered to do a heat run. Hopefully no one was following her. "Since I got home?"

Jakes touched her face, searching her eyes. "You're soaked, you should come inside."

Paige shook her head, "I'm fine out here." The last place she wanted to be was inside.

"Briggs just got home, he wants to talk to everyone."

"Did he tell you? About..." Paige's voice trailed off as she started crying again.

Jakes gently squeezed her shoulder, "I don't think Levi did this."

"It doesn't matter." Not really. Mike being innocent wouldn't bring him home. Paige turned away from Jakes so she could continue staring at the ocean. Her eyes landed on a surfboard leaning against the dock. "Mike's a horrible surfer."

Was.

Mike was a horrible surfer. It was one of the few things he had trouble learning. He picked up everything else so quickly.

Mike laughed good naturedly whenever anyone teased him about being the worst surfer in the house, but she could tell it secretly bothered him. But Mike wisely didn't point out that Jakes was really the worst surfer in the house. He just took the teasing in stride. Like he did whenever anyone called him Levi. That was the Mike she knew. Easygoing. Not someone so obsessed with keeping his cover with his roommates that he would forge a letter and include a fingerprint from a dead body. That was something she knew for a fact he did.

How could he betray her like that?

Lie to her.

He knew.

Out of everyone in this house, he knew how much Lina meant to her. She understood why he wanted to keep the case open. Because she would've shut down Sulla's in a heartbeat if she knew the truth about Lina. She understood his desperation to tie everything together. To link Sulla and Solano. The importance of saving tinker bells that hadn't arrived yet. But for the tinker bells that were already here, their lives were in danger now. At what point did their lives matter? What point did their lives matter more than the case? Than his career? Did they?

"Do you know what I told Abby the first night you met her?"

"Yeah, some ironic trash about me being real."

"Except for it wasn't trash. I meant it. Unlike the rest of us, there is always gonna be a part of you that's uncomfortable with the lies, and I like that about you, so don't lose it." Mike was doubting himself. Doubting he fit in. Clinging to the idea of Abby, that somehow Abby knew him, but she couldn't. She never would. Not like the rest of them knew Mike. But now Mike was lying to them. If there were five people in the world he could be completely honest with it was them.

"I'm trying, all right? I'm just going about it in all the wrong ways."

It wasn't fair to hold Mike to an impossible standard. To expect him to be the same rookie that couldn't even ask her if the DEA expected her to sleep with Bobby Moi. He had grown. Changed. Become comfortable with the lies. Stared down the barrel of a gun too many times to count and had always come out on the other side. He pinned his whole career on this case. They all bent the law to win their case. Planting counterfeit money. Robbing a bank. That was bending the law. Covering up a murder. Planning a massacre. Those were lines she never thought Mike would be capable of crossing.

That wasn't the Mike she knew.

"The Mike Warren that you are talking about does not exist, Johnny."

Mike didn't exist.

"Mike Richards coded earlier, we tried to revive him..."

"Paige, he coded. The doctors did everything they could, but they couldn't save him."

Paige placed her hand on her chest, her heart was racing and felt like it was about to beat out of her chest. She could hear Jakes talking but couldn't focus on his words. It as if she was in a fog.

"Paige, are you listening to me? Love, you're starting to scare me." Jakes shrugged off his hoodie and placed it over her shoulders.

Turning to face Jakes, she had a flash of lightheadedness and she reached out to grab his arm to steady herself.

"You're shaking, you need to get inside," Jakes said, his firm tone leaving no room for discussion.

He started to lead her towards the house and she pulled away from him. "Mike - " She took a deep breath, trying to steady her breathing, but her breaths were becoming more and more shallow. She felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Let's go inside."

Paige closed her eyes for a few seconds, taking one deep breath after another. Feeling a little steadier, she opened her eyes. "He's gone, Jakes. He's gone. Mike's gone."

Jakes pulled her into his arms, tightly wrapping his arms around her, holding her as she sobbed. She wasn't sure how long they stood there. Five seconds. Five minutes.

"Paige..."

"I didn't get him to the hospital in time. This is my fault. This is all my fault."

"Listen to me, this wasn't your fault." Jakes pulled back slightly to kiss her on the forehead. "You're not responsible for this. You're not the one that shot him."

"If I had insisted on driving him to the hospital, he might have gotten there in time," Paige cried. She shouldn't have listened to Mike when he said he was okay to wait.

"It wasn't your fault. We're gonna go inside now." Jakes put his arm around her and she let him lead her into the house.

She walked beside him, wondering if she walked slowly enough, he'd just leave her out here. But no matter how much she slowed down, Jakes stayed by her side, gently nudging her forward. Her heart started racing again as they approached the door. As if he could sense her distress, he squeezed her shoulder reassuringly.

"I've got you."

They slowly walked inside and she froze when she saw everyone gathering in the living room for what looked like a house meeting. Everyone was staring at her. "I can't," Paige whispered, her anxiety increasing with each passing second. "I can't deal with this right now. I can't deal with everyone."

"It's okay. You don't have to. But, you need to change. Your clothes are soaked and you're shivering. Charlie!"

Charlie rushed over with a blanket and looked at Jakes as she wrapped it around Paige, "What the hell happened?"

"He's gone, he's gone. Mike's gone," Paige whispered, her legs giving out on her. She would've fallen had Jakes not been there to catch her.

"What?" Charlie asked. "Paul?"

Briggs shook his head, "I'm sorry. Mike - he didn't make it. He..."

Paige tuned Briggs out, not needing to hear this again. Paige watched the scene unfold in front of her. Everyone was crying and talking over each other. Someone threw a vase. Startled, Paige stepped back, retreating slowly from the group. "I need to get out of here."

Jakes tightened his grip on her, "You shouldn't be alone right now."

Paige shook her head, "I can't be here right now." Breaking free from his grasp, she ran upstairs and Charlie wasn't far behind her. "Leave me alone."

"You need to get out of those clothes. Take a hot shower, get some rest."

"I don't want a shower. I don't want any of this. I want Mike," Paige choked out between sobs. In the back of her mind, she knew she was being selfish. Making this all about her, when Charlie was grieving too. "I never told him..."

"He knew baby, he knew," Charlie whispered, hugging her.

Did he? Did Mike know that she loved him? He all but told her that he loved her, but she didn't want to hear it. She put a stop to whatever they had going on.

"Well, we used to have something special."

And now it was too late.

"Let's get you in some dry clothes," Charlie said, peeling away her wet layers of clothing without waiting for an answer. Charlie rifled through her dresser and grabbed her a change of clothes.

Paige robotically changed her clothes, knowing that Charlie wouldn't leave her alone until she changed. She slipped on a tshirt and crawled into bed, hugging her pillow.

Charlie soothingly ran her fingers through her hair a few times, "Do you want me to stay?"

Always the caretaker. Paige shook her head, fighting back tears. She was a horrible friend, unable to push aside her own grief to grieve with Charlie. At least she could give her a reprieve on having to take care of her. Besides, she wanted to be alone.

"Get some rest." Charlie gave her a sad smile and left, closing the door behind her.

She could hear the hushed voices outside of her door, but couldn't make out the words. Through the frosted glass, she could see Briggs take Charlie into his arms. Blinking back tears, she turned away from the door, sobbing into her pillow.

Things with Mike were so complicated. She wasn't sure she could pinpoint where things started to go wrong. When she started doubting him. When he started lying to her. Why he felt he had to. Why she shut him out. They made so many mistakes. Both of them.

He burned Lina's body. She knew why. It didn't make it hurt any less, but she knew why.

What he did at the Solano compound. If he did that. She still couldn't wrap her mind around it. Even if she factored in his desperation to save the case and his career, she couldn't see Mike massacring everyone like that. Not Mike. Not someone that valued the law as much as he did. But what if he thought it was his only way to get Sid? Was it really in Mke to do that? She didn't know. But it didn't matter. None of it mattered right now.

She tossed and turned for hours, unable to shut off her mind. Pushing aside the blankets, she climbed out of bed and walked over to the door, listening for a few moments and when she heard nothing but silence, she slipped into the hall and into Mike's room. Closing the door behind her, she went to his dresser, rifling through his clothes for a tshirt and a pair of boxers. After she changed, she stood there for a few moments before curling up in Mike's bed. On his side of the bed. This was the first time she'd been in his room in weeks. Definitely the first time she'd been in his bed in a long time. Paige took a deep breath, comforted by the faint scent of Mike's cologne lingering on the sheets.

"I'm sorry, Mike" Paige whispered, not really sure what she was apologizing for. "I'm so sorry."

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