A/N: There are a ridiculous amount of press pics of Aaron circulating on twitter & a few interviews with Aaron and Daniel, all of which makes me ridiculously happy. Someone commented a few chapters ago about wanting to see Paige suffer...well, here's my confession. That's kind of the main reason I wrote this fic. But I adore Paige and I have trouble wrapping my mind around what she did, it doesn't feel completely in character despite understanding why she did it. And while the first six chapters primarily dealt with her grief, now we're moving onto guilt because she realizes her role in Mike's death. I'm hoping her character will be redeemed on the show. Someone else asked if her quote about sending Sid to Sylmar to wipe out the trash was taken directly from the show, it was.
I wasn't planning to update tonight, but this chapter's done and I figured I should stop overediting and work on the next.
By now everyone had gathered around Paige. Briggs was off the phone, Charlie was demanding answers from him, as she continued hugging her from behind, leaving Jakes and Johnny to try to get her to calm down. She needed some space or she was going to pass out. Everyone was asking questions and arguing about what to do. She knew they were concerned, but they were crowding her. "I'm fine," Paige shakily said, pushing everyone away from her. She really needed to be alone right now. "I just need to get some air."
"You're not fine," Jakes ordered, his voice leaving no room for discussion. "Sit down."
Paige tried to sidestep Jakes, but Charlie wouldn't let her go and despite her own state of distress, she knew better to argue with Jakes when he had that look in his eyes. He wasn't going to let her run off and hide. He was going to make her face the truth and try to convince her it wasn't her fault, when it was. Mike was dead and it was all her fault. She didn't want to have this conversation with everyone. She didn't want to have this conversation, period. But they deserved to know the truth about her. Deserved to know what she did. "I didn't - I didn't mean, I didn't want - I never wanted Mike to die," Paige choked out, between sobs.
"I know you didn't," Charlie whispered, loosening her hold on Paige, turning the blonde agent around in her arms so she could hug her.
"I never thought, I didn't..."
That was the problem. She hadn't been thinking.
"I need you to get Mike out of that compound," Briggs said.
"You think Sid's going to take a shot at him if he gets the chance?" Would Sid really be so arrogant that he would take a shot at an FBI Agent with other agents present? Briggs was probably overreacting, but she could easily get Mike out of there. He would do anything to save his op, and she needed him far away from that compound when Briggs used Sid to move in to get her girls.
"I think best case scenario, we've got chaos."
Sid almost killed Mike that night. Why couldn't she see it then? When she walked into the room, Mike had his hands up and Sulla was dead. Sid's gun was aimed at Mike, his finger on the trigger.
"He would've killed me."
Sid didn't know he was undercover at Sulla's, but he knew Mike was FBI because Mike told him.
If she had shown up a few minutes later, Sid would've murdered Mike. Added him to the list of people he killed. Written him off as a casualty. Claimed Mike was helping Sulla escape. Probably pretended he didn't know Mike was undercover or an agent.
Unable to see past her own hurt and her own betrayal, she gave up Mike's location to a man that she knew tried to kill him. What kind of monster was she?
"So what's this? You giving me another shot?"
What if she did that on purpose only she didn't realize it?
"The world is full of evil..."
She was the evil one. Mike was dead because of her.
Breaking free from the group she ran to the nearest bathroom and slammed the door behind her, quickly locking it. Gripping the sides of the counter, she stared in the mirror as she blocked out her roommates' concerned pleas for her to open the door. Ignoring the pounding on the door, she continued staring at her reflection as Mike's words echoed in her head.
"He would've killed me."
"He would've killed me."
"He would've killed me."
"He killed me."
"He killed me."
"He killed me."
"No," Paige whispered, shutting her eyes as hot, angry tears spilled down her face. Sid didn't kill Mike. His was the last face he saw before he died, but she was the one that killed him.
"You killed me."
"You killed me."
"You killed me."
"Paige, you killed me."
Mike's voice was crystal clear, as if he was standing in the bathroom with her. Paige opened her eyes, fully expecting to see him standing in front of her and her heart stopped when she saw Mike's reflection staring back at her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't - I - please, Mike, you have to believe me. Please," Paige desperately pleaded, hoping he would somehow understand. "I wasn't thinking. God, Mike. I'm sorry."
Afraid he would disappear if she tried to touch him, she still reached out to touch his reflection. She wasn't sure if she was relieved or annoyed when her hand made contact with the mirror. Mike didn't react to her touch and she couldn't feel him, that was a good sign. That meant she hadn't completely lost her mind. But she needed to touch him. Needed to find some way to atone. Even if this was all in her head. Or maybe it wasn't. It didn't matter. She didn't care if this was real or fake, this could be her one and only chance to see him. His face was bruised, just like it had been the last time she saw him. He was wearing the same grey tshirt and it looked like he was in pain. He looked tired. Weak.
They met in the bathroom. It somehow seemed fitting that the last time she saw him would be in one too. They had somehow come full circle. From strangers. To coworkers. To friends. Lovers. Bitter exes. And now they were strangers again.
"So this is the infamous Levi?"
"It's Mike."
She didn't recognize him. She didn't recognize herself anymore. They let that case tear them apart. Personally. Professionally. Now Mike was gone and she destroyed any chance they ever had of fixing things.
She killed him.
Mike continued staring at her, and she could see the accusation and hurt swimming in his eyes, hatred brimming beneath the surface. She braced herself for his anger. She deserved his rage. What she did was unforgivable, even if she didn't mean it. Her intention didn't change the outcome. Mike was still dead even though she didn't mean it.
"You said we had something special," Mike said, his voice raspy and his breathing labored.
"We did," Paige insisted. "What we had was real."
Getting involved with Mike was a mistake. It compromised her judgment. Compromised his. She thought she could keep things separate. That she could have a casual fling with Mike while he was back for his case. Only she had no idea what she was getting herself into. She didn't know she would fall this hard, this fast for Mike. Or maybe she did. That was why she kept him at arm's length all last summer. Fixed him up with Abby. Ignored the way he looked at her. Pushed him away when they got too close. Came up with some half-assed excuse about him being lost being the reason why they couldn't get involved.
But this summer, she gave into temptation. Seduced him. Let him in her heart. And pushed him out the second he disappointed her. Betrayed him in the worst possible way.
"Why?" Mike asked, placing his hand against the mirror so his palm was facing her. "Why did you give me up to Sid?"
Did Mike know? Did Mike know that she was the one that gave him up to Sid? Or was this her guilty conscience weighing on her? What if he knew? What if Mike knew she was the reason Sid came to kill him? Was he even conscious? Was Sid's face the last thing he saw before he died? Sid hated Mike. He probably relished telling him that she had been the one to send him after him.
"I - I'm sorry," Paige cried. All the excuses she had been telling herself since she turned him in felt pathetic. Saying she felt betrayed by what he did paled in comparison to how she betrayed him.
He broke her heart. But she broke his first.
He lied. She lied.
He betrayed her. She betrayed him.
Why didn't she confront Mike then and there? What made her go to Sid?
"The hard part is when is when you whittle it down to two options. You can either wait it out, die, or you can take this piece of yourself, and you can you can mutilate it, destroy it, and maybe live."
Mutilate. That was the perfect word to describe what they did to each other. Anything good they had was destroyed by the both of them. Their lies. Stubbornness. Her inability to forgive.
Paige placed her hand on the mirror against Mike's, silently pleading with him to forgive her. She started crying harder when he pulled away from her and took a few steps back, giving her a good look at him. He was wearing the same grey tshirt he had on that day. His shirt was drenched in blood and he placed his hand over his abdomen before placing it against the mirror again. HIs bloodied hand was pressed against hers, separated by the mirror, but she swore she could feel the stickiness of his warm blood through the mirror.
"You did this," Mike reminded her, his eyes filled with tears. "You."
Paige looked down at her hand, it was covered in blood. She touched her hand, smearing his blood on her hand. Crying hysterically, her body shook as she lifted her head to meet his eyes. Blood seeped from his eyes and started spilling from his mouth, and she started screaming.
She could hear the hospital monitors going off, as if he was was coding.
"The time of death was 7:14pm."
"But Mike Richards had lead poisoning. His lungs collapsed."
"His body was taken to the morgue."
This was like one of her dreams where she was helpless and couldn't save him. Only she was awake and living through it.
Paige frantically looked around the bathroom and grabbed the soap dish and hurled it at the mirror. The glass shattered and Mike disappeared. "No, no, no! Mike!" Paige shrieked. She immediately pressed her hand against jagged glass of the mirror, desperate for that connection even though she couldn't handle seeing him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Come back! Mike, come back!" Paige jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Mike?"
"Let's get you out of here," Charlie said.
"He knows. Mike knows what I did."
Charlie exchanged a nervous look with Johnny before sadly smiling at her, "Come on. Paige, you're bleeding."
Paige looked at her hand, confused. She wasn't bleeding. That was Mike's blood. Only Mike wasn't here. He was gone now. She made sure of that.
Charlie gently pried her hand away from the mirror and grabbed a towel, "Grab the first aid kit," Charlie ordered Briggs as she led Paige to the living room. "I'm going to get you cleaned up."
Jakes followed them in the living room, "Should I call a doctor? Maybe they can give her something."
"No doctors," Paige softly said.
"Paige, hey - baby, look at me," Charlie said, placing her hand on her chin. "I'm going to clean this up, but if you need stitches, I'm going to have to take you to the hospital."
Paige nodded, sitting there silently as if she was in a trance while Charlie cleaned up her hand. She didn't even flinch as Charlie carefully picked the shards of glass out of her skin. Didn't flinch as Charlie poked and prodded at her hand, making sure she got out all the glass.
"Just a few surface cuts. In a few days, you'll be as good as new," Charlie promised as she finished wrapping her hand.
"I shouldn't be here. I need to go to my parents." Going to Mike's funeral was out of the question. Now she wasn't even sure if she should go to the memorial planned for tomorrow. She had no right to be there. "Where's my phone? I need to call my brother."
"You can't leave," Briggs said.
"I can't stay here!" Paige insisted. "Not after what I did. I killed Mike, okay? I sent Sid after him. That's what the phone call was about wasn't it? You have proof that Sid killed Mike, right?"
"Yes," Briggs said. "Paige, listen to me - "
"I gave Sid Mike's name! Told Sid where he was. I killed him. This is all my fault," Paige sobbed, tensing up as Charlie hugged her. Why was Charlie comforting her after what she did? Why wasn't everyone yelling at her or blaming her?
"You didn't mean - "
"Don't make excuses for me. It doesn't matter what I meant. I killed him! Mike's dead because of me."
"Paige, I need you to listen to me," Briggs said.
She wasn't in the mood for one of Briggs' speeches. The last thing she needed was for him to try and make her feel better. It was the last thing she deserved.
"I did this. As soon as I get a hold of my brother, I'll be out of here. Report me if you need to." She didn't care if she was brought up on charges or she lost her badge. She deserved that and more. She needed to pay for what she did to Mike.
"There's nothing to report," Briggs said, slowly looking around the living room, meeting the eyes of each roommate before settling on hers. "Mike's alive."
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