A/N: Thanks for reading. This chapter's kind of filler...thinks start picking up again in the next few chapters. let me know what you think.

"Late night?" Charlie asked, giving Paige a knowing smile as she wandered into the kitchen. Jakes trailed in behind her but headed upstairs. "Mike's not going to be on sedatives forever."

Paige shrugged as she poured herself a cup of coffee. Apparently, her visiting Mike at night was the worst kept secret in the house. It was probably Briggs that told on her. Between Jakes, Johnny and Briggs one of them was always with Mike overnight. Her panic attacks had stopped, but she was still having nightmares. Which meant she got more sleep in Johnny's bed than her own and since Johnny needed to be sleeping in his bed in order for to get some sleep, he didn't usually get the overnight shift guarding Mike. But after she started going to the hospital at night, he started accompanying her to the hospital to relieve Briggs or Jakes. He had been really angry with her when she went to the hospital alone that first night. Part of her wanted to tell him to fuck off and that she could take care of herself, but she knew how worried Johnny was about her. How worried everyone had been about her. She figured that was why no one was really mad at her for what she did to Mike. They felt sorry for her or maybe deep down, they thought he did those horrible things like she did, even if none of them would've done what she did. There was also the possibility that they were all too relieved that Mike was really alive and were focused on catching Sid to waste energy on being angry with her. "But he is now." What Mike didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Not that she wanted to keep another secret from him. But this wasn't really a secret. If he asked her about it, she'd tell him. Any number of people could tell him. But for now, she was going to keep visiting him at night, since it was the only time they didn't fight. Even though Mike told her to stay away, it hadn't stopped her from visiting him during the day. Not that those visits ended well. Or lasted very long without them arguing. Yesterday's visit ended in disaster. "You don't think it's a good idea that I see him, do you?"

Charlie sighed, moving to stand next to her. "I think you're doing what you need to do. There's a lot of unfinished business and unresolved feelings for you and Mike. You've been on an emotional rollercoaster, thinking that Mike was gone."

"Dead, Charlie. I thought Mike was dead because Briggs faked his death. Mike didn't want us thinking he died." This wasn't for a few hours like when Mike thought Johnny died in an explosion retrieving the submarine filled with heroin for Bello. This went on for days. "For 4 days I thought he was dead! You're pregnant and Briggs let you plan a memorial service. What kind of man does that to the mother of his child? I was planning to go to New York for a funeral that wasn't going to happen! I wrote his mom a letter. The only reason I didn't give it to her was because I was planning to give it to her in person."

Charlie laughed softly, "You two - you and Mike, even when you two are at odds, you're still taking his side."

"Don't make this about that." Everyone took sides in Graceland. Even when they said they weren't, everyone took sides. Why was it such a big deal when she and Mike took the same side? No one made a big deal about Charlie siding with Briggs or when Briggs backed up Charlie. Jakes usually sided with Briggs. Johnny always had her back. But everyone had something to say if she took Mike's side. Everyone wanted to talk about her banging the rat or know the source of their issues. Both she and Mike had done a lot of things wrong, but faking Mike's death, that was all Briggs.

"No, let's talk about that. Paul was wrong, he had no business faking Mikey's death with us. We deserved to know, especially you. But going back to last summer, the whole time with that Odin Rossi mess and Mike thinking Briggs was Odin, you were pissed at him for being a rat, but you helped him. You kept your mouth shut when Mike was investigating Briggs because he wanted - "

"He didn't ask me to keep quiet."

"You're a rat?" Paige asked in disbelief.

"What? No. A rat? No, I'm not a rat. That's not what I'm saying," Mike pleaded, desperate to explain.

"I don't even know what to say." All this time, Mike had been lying. This explained everything. Why he never seemed at ease at Graceland. Why it always felt like he was holding back. It wasn't because he was a rookie, trying to navigate the job. Wasn't because he didn't want to be placed at Graceland. It was because he was a rat.

"You don't have to say anything. Um, I just have to tell somebody. Somebody that I can trust."

All Mike wanted was to tell her the truth. He trusted her enough to tell her something that put his life and career in jeopardy. And how did she repay him? She walked out on him. He trusted her again and she burned him. If she ever won back his trust, she wouldn't make the same mistakes. Mike deserved more. Deserved better.

Better than her.

"You did that all on your own?" Charlie asked. "Don't tell me that Mike didn't want you to keep quiet."

"You got some real balls, you know that?" She couldn't believe that Mike was all buddy buddy with Briggs, just waiting for him to slip up so he could build his case and betray him in order to further his own career.

"Wow. I thought, after this morning, we were past all that."

"I'm not going to let you die in the living room, Mike, but I can't watch you play best friends with Briggs, not after what you told me."

"It's complicated."

"No, it's not. You're sitting down there, lying your ass off, to the only people who give a shit about you." Was anything she shared with Mike real? Or was their whole friendship a lie?

"For the record, he never asked me to keep quiet. I did that all on my own. He told Briggs the truth because of me." Mike hadn't wanted her to say anything. But he hadn't asked her to keep quiet. Hadn't asked her to keep his secret. He had been convinced she had said something to everyone before he came home from the hospital, but she didn't. Not because she agreed with him. But because she wouldn't rat him out without giving him a chance to explain himself. "Don't project your issues with Briggs onto me and Mike, we have enough issues of our own."

"How is what Briggs does any different? It was all for the case. All those questionable decisions that look bad if they're an isolated incident, but they don't look so bad once you know the plan."

"The plan? The plan was for me to think Mike died! How many times did I wake up screaming? The panic attacks? The guilt? I hate myself for what I did. Briggs knew how hard this was on me and he still let me believe Mike was dead. I get why he couldn't tell me at the hospital, but this went on for days."

"Briggs feels really bad - "

Paige shook her head, bitterly laughing. "He feels bad? I really don't care." Paige finished her coffee, "I'm going to the hospital."

"You need - "

"I'm really sick of everyone telling me what I need to do. I need to fix things with Mike. I need to see him. Even if he doesn't want to see me, I need to see him. Even if all we do is fight, I need to see him." Even though Mike kept reminding her that he didn't want to see her, he never once tried to bar her from his room. He could've told the agents outside his room not to let her in, but he didn't. She was taking that as permission to keep visiting him.

"I get it," Charlie said, softening her tone. "But, I don't want you running yourself ragged. At some point, you have to take care of yourself."

"Seeing Mike helps me." It didn't do anything to help with her guilt, but it helped keep the nightmares at bay. Mostly. She only woke up once last night. That was progress. Of course, she was awake for half of the night. She spent a few hours sitting at Mike's bedside and that didn't even account for the time it took her, well - Johnny, to drive to and from the hospital. "Even if he's angry with me."

"He's pretty upset," Charlie gently said. "If you want, I could talk to him."

"Does he - does he ask about me?" Paige asked, unused to feeling insecure. But she needed to know if Mike felt more than anger for her. Even if he argued with her, at least he was acknowledging her. He cared enough to be hurt. But she wanted to know If he wondered about her. Wondered how she was. Wondered anything about her.

"Paige, I'm sorry, but Mike - he doesn't want to really talk about you. Whenever I try to bring you up, he gets really upset. He asked me to leave when I mentioned you yesterday. But I - "

"No," Paige interrupted, tears threatening to spill down her face. "Don't talk to him about me. It's better for him to have you guys. I don't want him to be alone." Paige swiped at her eyes, "Okay, that's enough. I'm sick of crying. Tell me what's going on with Sid."

"You don't need to worry about it."

No one would tell her anything. She felt like she was under house arrest. All of them were sticking pretty close to home, with the exception of visiting Mike in the hospital. But everyone kept telling her she was under enough stress with Mike and she didn't need to worry about Sid too. "How am I not supposed to worry about it? There's a cop out there with ties to Carlito Solano and he tried to kill Mike. He did kill Mike. He was in this house and knows we all live here and we're after him. How am I not supposed to freak out? Maybe because I handed Mike over to Sid - "

"Don't you even think about that," Charlie warned, immediately picking up on her line of thinking.

"None of us are safe as long as Sid is out there! Not me, not you - not your baby! None of us!"

"You don't think I know that? You don't think I'm thinking about that? I'm trusting that Paul will handle this."

Her faith in Briggs used to be unshakeable. Even after she learned he was addicted to heroin and Mike was convinced he was Odin Rossi, she still had faith in him. Now she wasn't as sure. Oh, she was sure that Briggs would make sure Sid paid. What she wasn't sure of was how.

"We'll see."

Mike probably asked Briggs to keep her away from everything. She couldn't blame Mike for not trusting her. Or the rest of the house for not trusting her. They had every reason not to trust her. But she wasn't going to sit idly by while Briggs handled this. She should be going over security footage or interviewing people. Looking at ballistic reports from the massacre at the Solano compound. That was what she should've been doing instead of crying for over a week.

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