Hello my dear beloved readers! It's me again, speedrunner!
I'm sorry for the long update, it was mostly because now that the arrangement had ended, I'm not quite sure where to take the story.
After a lot of asking around, I manage to make this one ;) completely sure of the direction I'm going to take now.
Enjoy! - AND THANKS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE REVIEWED AND REPLIED MY MESSAGES AND GAVE ME INPUT. YOU'RE ALL ANGELS IN DISGUISE.-
Akimichi Chouji chewed on his bubble gum anxiously as he strode along the street toward a particularly familiar destination. He actually preferred his usual barbeque chips over the fruity bubble gum which taste had already started to fade in his mouth, but this was a special occasion. There were rare times when finally things manage to topple food on his priority list, and this was one of it.
He stopped for a moment at the Yamanaka complex gate and took a deep breath.
A familiar scent of lilac invaded his sense of smell and Chouji closed his eyes. He was actually very reluctant to get himself involved in the whole matter, but he had to and a lot of people had urged him to do so since the whole thing had gone up for too long; which was right. The Akimichi heir navigated easily through the complex, it was a street he had been visiting ever since he could remember. A complex that was so familiar to him he could navigate through it with eyes closed. Some of his Yamanaka acquaintances greeted him on his way and Chouji could tell from their look that they knew what he was there for and maybe it was just his feeling but it felt like a look of encouragement from them. At least it made him feel less nervous. When he finally reached his destination, the gum on his mouth had lost all its taste and for a moment there, he hesitated. Chouji looked up at a huge window on the second story of the house that was usually opened and emit nice smelling scent that changed every week. Now, it was locked and a navy colored curtain that was draped across the window prevented outsiders from seeing what actually happened inside.
That's the thing. Nobody knew what actually happened inside.
"Ah. So you're the new contender for today." A familiar husky voice greeted him from behind and as Chouji turned around, Yamanaka Inoichi was standing behind him with a pot of daisy on his hand.
"Inoichi-san. Good afternoon." He greeted the blonde haired Yamanaka clan head. Inoichi gave the Akimichi an exhausted smile as he walked past through him and opened the door.
"I'm home." He announced to the house in which Mrs. Yamanaka immediately hurried to the door.
"Welcome home." She replied her husband and only then she noticed Chouji's presence.
"Ah. Chouji-kun. Welcome." She greeted him friendly.
"Good afternoon." He bowed slightly.
"For Ino, I presume?" She asked.
"Yes." Chouji nodded slightly. "It's about time I give it a try."
Inoichi and his wife both gave him a wry smile, a look of resignation was painted in their eyes. It was the kind of look that somehow spark a little bit of ire in his mind, the kind of look that made him think about how in the world could his friend has the heart to inflict such desolation upon these two, perfectly nice people.
"How has she been?" Chouji asked.
"Alive." Inoichi sighed. "At this point, that's all I need to know."
Ino's mother shot Inoichi a reprimanding look but when she turned her gaze to Chouji, the sad and worried look didn't leave her face. "Lord Hokage visited her himself yesterday."
There was an indefinable look that Chouji couldn't quite describe when she said that, but then she continued. "Even he was turned away."
That was surely an interesting fact though, the fact that Kakashi decided to take matter with his own hands and visited Ino himself and failed. Chouji could already feel all his built up confidence started to deflate, but then he reminded himself that if it's about Ino, he has so much upper hand even than the Hokage.
"I'm sorry that I just come now. I was thinking from the past experience that it was best to leave her alone …"
That was true. Ino's going on a breakdown was not really a new thing, in fact, she always did that after a huge break up with those she considered serious boyfriends. Chouji was no longer a stranger to her weird antics. There was that one time when she literally emptied both her bank account and dozens of shoes, bags, and clothing store. Another time, she went on a food fest that lasted long enough to make her gain seven kilos in two weeks. Chouji didn't even know that it's anatomically possible, but it happened to Ino anyway. Another time, she became a gambling addict, spending most of her time in the gambling center, neglecting all her other duties. Another time, she became a training addict that trained non-stop from day to night, surpassing Lee and Gai, the most famous training addicts in the village.
Ino in breakdown always went to the extreme and Chouji knew from experience that there was no need to get in the middle of that, because she'd eventually stop. During her shopping spree episode, she eventually ran out of money to spend in two weeks and eventually had to pay for her recklessness by taking every possible mission for about six months. When she realized that she had easily gained ten kilos in just weeks, she immediately reverted to the appearance-conscious Ino and went to crash diets for months to burn all the kilos she had gained. She collapsed and had to be hospitalized for three weeks after a month of harsh training with little to no sleep and food. As for the gambling, Aoba told Chouji that Ino was blacklisted from several gambling centers on the accusation of cheating. Chouji knew she wasn't, but in the end, gambling was not only about luck, but also about mind games, and she's a master of the mind. The one thing that was consistent with her breakdown is that it never lasted for more than a month. It always seemed like after a month, she just snapped up from her craziness and leaped back to her usual self. That was why Chouji thought that it's better to leave her alone.
At least until now.
It's been three months since Ino shut everyone away and bury herself in her room. She let nobody in, getting violent when somebody crossed the boundary that is her room. Sakura were actually knocked away from her room. When he heard the story, Chouji thought that he was right in leaving her alone. However, when he learned about the story of Ibiki going back from that house bringing back no result, Chouji realized that something must be done then. He consulted Shikamaru on this, but Chouji knew that he'd get little to no help from his best friend after that guy kissed Ino forcibly.
Chouji loved Shikamaru with all his heart, more than he liked Ino, but at that time when Shikamaru told him the story, he had to collect all the composure in him not to punch the Nara heir on the face.
"How had she been eating?" Chouji asked.
"Barely." Her mother sighed. "I put foods in front of her door and it's always rarely touched."
"We should have stopped giving her food." Inoichi said. "It'll force her to come out."
His wife rolled her eyes at him. "Really? Because knowing how similar you two are, I think she'd just die out of stubbornness and starvation."
Inoichi didn't have anything to say to that. "Well, you're one of her best friends, Chouji. We do hope that you can pull something out to stop her lunacy."
Chouji scratched his head. "I'll try."
"Shall you fail, it's not your fault either. A lot of people have tried."
Chouji nodded then he excused himself upstairs to Ino's room. He did what he did as usual ; he knocked the door and opened it. He let himself in into the surprisingly lit room, and for a moment there, it seems like nothing wrong had ever happened there. Ino's room was as immaculate as usual, there was even a mango scent lingering on the air
"…Ino?" Chouji called out. He went deeper into the room, and there she was.
She was sitting where she always sat –on her bed, facing the window- though he couldn't help but to notice that something was wrong with her. What was wrong, he couldn't really tell. It was something he couldn't quite put his hands on. Something was just … off. She was already pale skinned to begin with, but at the moment, she was even paler she looked like a sick person. She was a lot thinner than the last time he saw her but there's not even a tint of happiness over the fact in her azure eyes. Her eyes might as well been a hollow socket, for it was so empty and had lost all kinds of warmth she usually boasts in her eyes.
Yamanaka Ino was miserable.
"Hey." He squeaked out a greeting. A plain, boring 'hey' because he didn't know what else to say.
There wasn't an answer. Her eyes just darted cautiously at him, acknowledging his presence and making her dismay of his presence known at the same time. For the first time in his life, Chouji wanted to run away from an interaction with Ino. His teammate was an outspoken, nagging, and overly-confident woman to the point it often embarrassed people around her, but it never made him wanted to avoid her. He could stand her diet lecture. He could stand being called fat as long as it's her saying that. He could stand her shamelessly return her food to the waiter for the umpteenth time because it wasn't 'cooked right'. He could stand whatever tantrum the Ino he knew throws.
This, he couldn't stand.
He sat himself next to her, on the bed, which surprisingly was still spacious enough even though it was a single size bed and that made him speculate about just how much weight she had lost. He glanced at her, but she looked so distant, her eyes was staring faraway toward the window. It was apparent that her mind was not here, in the room with him, and he was wondering if she was thinking about Darui. Their relationship was short-lived, and yet it seemed like it left such a huge impression on her, much to his surprise. Chouji never thought that Ino really loved Darui with all her heart and he honestly always thought that the whole arranged marriage stuff was just one of Ino's life drama she always had going in her life. Ino thrived on those dramas. She had always loved the drama, the rush of adrenaline, the fight, the dilemma, and the pain that comes with it. Therefore, when Tsunade informed him about the arranged marriage, he wasn't so surprised. It was just another episode of a soap opera that is Ino's life, and he always believed that somehow, someway, the arrangement would turn out to be just another fiasco. A typical end to each and every of Ino's relationship. Chouji was right, sure, but then she locked herself up in her rooms for three months and that was when he went off the mark.
Surely Darui had caused a greater impact to her than he initially predicted. Prediction was never his forte though, it was more in Shikamaru's field of expertise.
Ah. Shikamaru.
The thought of what happened between Shikamaru and Ino came into his mind but he shrugged it away. The situation here was complex enough for his mind to digest and adding Shikamaru into the question wouldn't exactly help. He'd better save it for later. Or for not at all.
"I'm here to check on you." He began.
Still no answer.
He wasn't even sure that she was listening to him, as there wasn't even the slightest movement coming from her. Chouji tried to give the whole predicament a positive look. He was lucky enough that he could get this far. At least he wasn't knocked out of the room and she even let him sit next to her. That was a real progress already.
"Ino, what's wrong? Tell me your problem."
Silence answered his question and as much as Chouji wanted to get up and simply told everyone that he had failed on persuading Ino to come out of her room, a part of him forbade him to do so. Ino was one of the only two best friends he had in this world, the one he truly believed in, the one he would never betray. There was no way he's leaving this room empty handed.
"Ino?" Ever so gently, he touched her hand which laid limply on her lap. Upon the contact, Ino flinched and instinctively took her hand away from his. She then turned her head to look at him and for just a moment, Chouji got a glimpse of the old Ino he knew. For a moment there, she was giving him her famous reprimanding look, the kind of look she always has on her face when she was about to preach.
The moment was gone as soon as it came, her eyes darkened once again as she looked away from his gaze.
"Just go." She finally murmured. "I'll come out when I'll come out."
"And when is that? A year from now? I want to know what's wrong." He said. "I'm – everybody is - worried sick about what happened to you."
Ino closed her eyes. "I don't need your help."
Chouji sighed. "Let me help you. I can't possibly just sit around doing nothing after seeing you like this."
"You can and you will." Ino shot him a stern look. "I don't want to drag you into this vortex of mess that is mine. You're completely innocent and I'd love you to stay that way."
"I know about what happen with you and Shikamaru."
The temperature in the room must have dropped several degrees in that instant.
Chouji regretted every words he said as soon as it came out of his mouth. On his defense, Chouji was fed up being out of the loop. He wanted to take care of Ino the way everyone did, and yet, he always felt as if Ino wouldn't let him do that. It's as if she thought that he couldn't help her with her problem.
It felt like she didn't trust him enough.
"Is that what you come here for?" She muttered. "To talk about that?"
"I'm here to do anything to help you." Chouji repeated himself once again. "If talking is gonna help, then talking it is."
"Leaving me alone would help." She retorted.
"Stop handling me with kid gloves!" Chouji said, frustrated. "You said I'm innocent and you love it that way, but to me, it means you're throwing me out of the loop like you always do. I want to help, Ino. Please, just help me help you."
Ino turned her head to see him and Chouji met her gaze. Her gaze was just still as hollow and as dark as it was before, but there was a hint of sternness about it.
"That's the thing." She began. "I need you to stay innocent, Chouji. I need you to stay not knowing things, because that way I know that there's always someone I can run to when I hit rock bottom. Someone who doesn't know anything about my current predicament, someone I can turn a new leaf with, someone who, for sure, won't betray me the way people did."
"I don't want to be that someone." Chouji talked back. "You know I won't betray you but not because I don't know anything so there isn't anything for me to betray, but because it's just that. I won't betray you and that's all."
There was a silence on her part and after several moments, Chouji decided that she had reverted back to the no-talking Ino, the kind of Ino he liked the least.
"You said you want me to be someone you can run to when you hit rock bottom." Chouji said. "You think this is not rock bottom?"
Silence.
"I think this is rock bottom alright." He answered his own question simply because he suddenly grew a sudden hatred for silence. This silence that engulfed them screamed louder than any words, it deafened his ears, causing it to painfully rang, begging for words to be said. Chouji clenched his hand into a fist so hard it almost hurts. Never before in his life he had this much urge to be useful. Ino's gentle touch on his fist surprised him and they exchanged gaze.
"This is not my rock bottom." She said, in a tone just a touch above a whisper.
Chouji didn't know how to respond to that and he was busy racking his brain to find the correct response when Ino continued on.
"I am afraid of the rock bottom, that's why I'm going into hiding." Ino said. "Things could turn into something that's much, much worse than this."
She shook her head. "No. It will turn into something that's much, much worse than this. I'm afraid, Chouji. I'm afraid of facing Shikamaru once again, knowing that things will never be the same after what happened. I'm afraid of facing Sakura and Tenten, knowing that just for the sake of my happiness …"
She let out an ironic chuckle as she wiped the tears that fell down on her face.
"Just for the sake of my happiness, they're hurt too. I'm afraid of things I'd say, of things I'd do, because even one wrong word could hurt so much. I know they'd want answers. I don't want to give them answers that I'll regret and it's not like I know what my answer was. I know I'm selfish, I know I'm …" She frowned as she closed her eyes, as if she remembered something painful. "I'm stringing people along but everything happens at the same time and I'm confused."
The Ino he knew would never in a million years admitted that she's confused about stuffs like this.
"The arrangement is supposed to be my ticket to get out of that confusion. What's there to lose? I'm being dutiful to Konoha, my path was picked for me, and I get to be the wife of the future Raikage. However, there are people who didn't quite agree with that, saying that that kind of life won't make me happy. Would I be happy otherwise? Would I be happy like this? I know fully that no matter which path I chose, I will always look back, thinking of the life I could have lived. He told me that." Chouji noticed how her eyes were not merely empty socket anymore. It was filled with sorrow and somberness and at this point Chouji couldn't decide which was better, having no emotion at all or having nothing but grief.
"In the end, I have to choose and with me choosing, there will be people that I hurt and I certainly won't get any pleasure out of that." She looked away from him, her eyes stared at the curtained window. "What difference would it make had I marched on with the arrangement? Why can't they see that?"
"You're saying that it's the same no matter who you're choosing."
"Isn't it?" She replied. "Whoever it is I'm ending up with, I will not always be happy. But that's life."
"What about ending with the one you truly love?" Chouji scratched his head. "Surely that would be the ending that would make you happiest?"
There was a momentary pause at her part as she stared at the curtain, only God knows what might be running through her mind at the moment. Chouji felt grateful enough that Ino was now finally talking, opening up even, to him.
"Has it always been crystal clear for you?" The question had sounded strange the first time he heard it and Chouji figured that asking gave him explanation faster than thinking.
"What?" He asked.
"You and Ayame. Your love for her … has it always been crystal clear?"
Now she was testing his devotion for Ayame. "Yes."
"What if I told you I love you?" She asked in a tone that was casual but serious.
"Then I'll tell you that I have to refuse."
"Really?" Ino asked, she blinked her eyes at him. "Will you?"
"I will. You know that my feelings for you is more … familial."
"If I kissed you right here right now, what will you do?"
For some reasons, Chouji didn't get the sense that she wasn't being serious and it left him with a mixed feeling of bewilderment and fear. For the second time of the day, he wanted to run away from this situation. He wasn't ready to meet that Ino back then and he wasn't ready to meet this Ino now. There was probably a reason why Ino had held back from him after all these times.
"I …"
"Will it change everything? Can you ever look me in the eye again?" She barraged him with another set of questions before he could really answer.
" … Will we be still the Ino-Shika-Cho trio?" The last question was a whisper and only then Chouji realized about how Ino had attributed each and every of her questions to that incident. He clenched his eyes shut as he felt the fading ire toward Shikamaru now started lighting up within him once again. How come the genius Shikamaru could ever get the order wrong? It always goes like this: get the girl, kiss the girl. It was a sacred order no one should ever mess up and yet he screwed it right up. Chouji sighed.
"I can answer we'll be fine, but you know that it's something that I don't know for sure as well." He told her. "But I know for sure that we're not fine now and that needs to change. I promise we'll overcome this."
Ino shook her head. "It's never been clear for me. I'm not ready yet."
"You will never be ready." Chouji insisted. "I don't know the details, but I know that it'll always be hard at the first time. No matter what happened, no matter how terrible things take turn, I promise you I will be the guy you can always run to."
"You're such a great friend, Chouji."
" … I have to, now that Shikamaru is deserting that role." He muttered.
Ino didn't say anything. "If you were me … What will you say to Shikamaru?"
"The Ino I know will hit him on the head, lecture him for about an hour, and forget it." Ino gave him a sad smile but she did get up from her bed and walked to the standing mirror at the corner of the room. She observed her face, her bony figure, her long hair that now practically swept the floor, and then she turned her gaze to his reflection on the mirror.
"Do you really promise me that you'll be there supporting me?"
"As long as it's not felony, I'm in."
She smiled at him via the mirror. Her smile was warm, the kind of smile she used to wear on her face back then.
"Fine. I'll come out."
XXX
Her first trial came as soon as she went out of her house. After a series of tearful apologies, hugs, cuddles, and kisses with her parents, Ino had made a mental list of the people she's planning to visit for the rest of her day. Ibiki came first, mostly because he was the root of her problem. She wanted rational explanations, the one that Ino was pretty sure Ibiki had. Sakura was second, with Tenten next. Then Sasuke. Then Kakashi. Then Shikamaru.
Life easily ruined her plan the moment she opened her door though.
As Ino swung her door opened, the first image her eyes processed was a familiar face. Ino's heart skipped beats as she froze where she stood.
Nara Shikamaru.
He froze upon seeing her as well and it felt like time stopped for a moment there. There was a reason Shikamaru was put last on her list and that was because Ino felt that she wasn't quite ready yet to face Shikamaru. The memory of what happened flashed once again on her mind and at that one moment, the embarrassment, the shock, everything that she was feeling back then, was once again filling her heart, choking her, shallowing her breath.
"Shikamaru." Chouji's voice was the one that played the pause on the time once again. Shikamaru's gaze never left hers.
"You're … back." He ignored Chouji's greeting and when his hand tried to reach hers, Ino instinctly retracted it back. Shikamaru stopped midway, he was surprised himself at her movement and time once again stopped.
"Sorry. I don't mean to." She muttered.
"It's okay." He replied, grief was all over his face. "I'm sorry."
The Ino I know will hit him, lecture him for about an hour, and then forget it.
Ino had no desire to hit Shikamaru at all at the moment. She just wanted to run away from him because her heart couldn't take it to see him again so soon. It was just a kiss and it's not even her first kiss, so why did it matter so much? Was Shikamaru had always been the one? Was she too afraid to admit it? Wasn't he the one that always faithfully stood next to her? Would she ever regret her decision to choose Shikamaru? Did she need something that is more than friendship between them?
Ino closed her eyes.
"I …" Ino wanted to tell him that, but something stopped her. "I think I need to go. We'll… we'll talk later."
"Wait." Shikamaru said. "I… really have to tell you this."
He must have wanted to talk about the incident.
"There's no need for …"
"I'm in a relationship with Temari now." Shikamaru said. "So you don't need to … worry about me lashing out anymore."
It took her exactly three seconds to digest that word he said. Her head spun madly, the only sound she could hear was the sound of her heart beating, her throat dried up.
She wished Chouji would have told her.
Why wouldn't Chouji tell her?
Ino blinked as she tried to focus her vision once again upon the Nara heir, his usually lazy expression had vanished to God knows where. He looked at her in the eyes, a mixture of somberness and regret was in it. She could clearly see that he was not joking about it.
"Oh." That was the only reply she could muster. Out of her large vocabulary, out of all fancy words she could say, that was the only thing she could come up with.
She actually was too stunned to say anything, but Shikamaru took it the other way. His expression told her that he thought that her response was like that because she was still somewhat upset with what happened between them back then. She was embarrassed, yes. Surprised, yes. But upset, she wasn't.
She never was.
And yet, Ino didn't make a single attempt to clarify it to him. She didn't know why. Maybe it was because she had turned into a closeted sadist who loves to see people drowning in guilt. Maybe it was the proverb that said 'misery loves company' is actually true and she was miserable and she was trying to drag people along with her to that sad, bottomless pit of self-pity.
Or maybe because it felt like he cheated on her by going out with Temari.
Didn't he say that he had loved her after all these times? Since their childhood?
She hadn't even managed to properly turn him down and he was already hopping to another relationship with another woman. How dare him.
"Okay." Shikamaru said as he rubbed the back of his neck out of nervousness.
"Okay." She replied back in a tone that came across as icy. She might have or might have not deliberated it. Ino actually would have loved to reconcile with Shikamaru, telling him that they're on good terms, telling him that such small accident would never affect their lifelong friendship, telling him that the premises of them being together are not impossible.
However he just dropped that news like that and there was no way she would say all that. That way, at least she'd still keep her dignity intact. That way, at least she'd have something to hold over Shikamaru.
Ino sensed Chouji's uncomfortable movement behind her and how Shikamaru's eyes darted from her to their chubby friends.
"Well, if you have nothing more to say, please move. You're blocking mine and Chouji's way out." She gave him a polite, fake smile. Shikamaru looked like he wanted to say something and Ino prayed that he wouldn't say anything more. It had been a long time since the last time she communicated with people at all, and her rusting ability to properly manage her feelings to maintain a cheerful, confident façade she wore felt so obvious. Ino was one sentence away from screaming all those thoughts to him.
Her prayer was answered this time because Shikamaru moved a step from the Yamanaka's door step. He was still looking at her like he wanted to say something but she ignored it.
She had to.
She walked pass him with Chouji closely behind her in silence. The old Ino would have made a conversation with Chouji about how lovely the weather is. About how beautiful the flowers have blossomed . About everything else that didn't include him. It was her way of excluding someone she was upset with and everyone knew that. Now, she was just walking in a one-step-too-fast pace in silence.
"Why are you still mad at me?" Shikamaru's voice was merely a touch above a conversational volume, enough for her and Chouji to understand, but not enough for everyone else to even here.
"Please forgive me, Ino. I promise I'd never do such horrible things again." His voice trembled and Ino would have recognized the voice anywhere. It was the voice of Shikamaru at the brink of tears. Ino bit her lips so hard she started to taste blood in her mouth.
And she just walked away from him, in silence.
It was a short chapter, I know. Please tell me about what you think of this story in the review section! Your review would very much be appreciated ;)
spoiler for next chapter : FROM THIS POINT ON, IT'D BE HELL AFTER HELL FOR INO BWAHAHAHAHA.
ps : if you have time, please read my newest one-shot, Royal Lights. It's an InoxAsuma story and pretty much The Prettiest Girl 0.5. Share what you think of it, thanks xxx