Straight Forward

Chapter 6: Bathhouse Boogaloo

For a moment, Sanji had really and truly believed that God had finally smiled upon him. Nami had learned that the small island's main tourist attraction was a large bathhouse and had insisted that they all go. His heart had nearly burst right out of his chest.

All the way to the building he had felt like he was floating on air just knowing that they were all going to bathe together. He could care less about the other men, but thought of seeing his beloved Nami and beautiful Robin in their skimpy bathing suits nearly popped the blood vessels in his nose. Completely on cloud 9, he hadn't even really tuned in to what the others were chatting idly about as they walked to their destination. All he could think about was how blessed he was and how his time had finally come to realize his dream of sitting in a steaming bath with his two favorite ladies. The thought of relaxing in the bath right between the navigator and historian made him want to sing.

Caught in his daydream, he hadn't even noticed that they had arrived, much less that Nami had bargained down their group price to nearly half what was posted. As the women began to walk towards a red curtain that lead to the bath he began to follow only to be stopped by a pair of rubbery arms wrapping around his middle, pulling him back. "Where are you going, Sanji?" Luffy asked with a laugh. "You have to go with us!"

"What? Why?"

He heard Zoro groan as the others laughed. "You weren't listening at all. It's not a communal public bath, you pervert. There are separate sides for men and women."

Instantly his hopes were dashed and the bubble, no, the hot air balloon of happiness that had grown in his chest popped, causing him to actually gasp before yelling, "WHAT?!" He should have known it was too good to be true.

The three women stopped before reaching the curtain, Nami throwing a small smile the cook's way before saying, "Sorry, Sanji-kun," and walking into the women's bath. Robin let out a quiet laugh and gave a small wave before disappearing after her. Shiloh stayed put, a brow raised at the sulking cook before turning her gaze to the other men. "Is he going to be okay?"

Franky gave her a toothy grin and slung a heavy arm across Sanji's slumped shoulders. "Don't worry, he'll be fine. You go on and have a suuupperrr time!"

The redhead shrugged and began turning to walk through the curtain. "Alright then. See you guys in a bit!"

After being practically dragged into the bath, Sanji sighed and took a good look around. The entire floor save for the steps up to the door and the small area for washing to the left was completely water. It was one of the largest baths he had ever seen. The water was clear, steam rising from the glassy top. The walls were made of some sort of ivory wood, a tribal pattern carved into the panels. He had to admit, it was beautiful. He sent a glare at Zoro who had thrown off his pants and sat at the washing area, scrub brush in hand and Chopper in tow. "What are you doing, you nudist monkey?!"

The swordsman rolled his good eye as he settled into the spot he had chosen. "Like I said, stupid cook, you weren't listening. This isn't a damn pool."

Sanji would have come back with a snarky retort if he hadn't suddenly realized how zoned out he really had been. It was a bathhouse. Of course they'd have to get naked so of course the women couldn't bathe in the same area as the men. Suddenly, a drip of blood oozed out of his nose. The girls were naked on the other side of the wall! In one move he was rid of his clothing and splashing towards the right side of the room. Even if he couldn't bath with them, he would get as close as he could and God help anyone who stood in his way.

Before he could settle into a nice cozy spot in the water, he heard Shiloh's voice seemingly right next to his ear, say, "That's just not fair." He saw the rest of the men turn their heads in the direction of where the sound had come from. It really wasn't much of a surprise since the baths were only separated by a wooden wall. Before any of them could speak, Shiloh continued, "I wish I had bigger breasts." A beautiful image of the nude, voluptuous Nami nearly sent Sanji across the room, his nose had gushed blood so hard.

Nami's laugh cut through the steam, her voice penetrating the thin barrier between them. "Don't be like that. Yours are so cute." His nose instantly stopped bleeding. Vaguely, he noticed that the other men had stopped whatever they had been doing to listen. Only Zoro didn't seem to care. The swordsman sat against the bath wall, eyes closed, having finished scrubbing Chopper.

The smaller redhead let out a groan. "That's the issue. I'm already small; I don't want to look like a kid too. Sanji doesn't even flirt with me because of it."

"Do you want him to?"

"No, God, no." Sanji momentarily wondered if he should be insulted but Zoro's quiet snickering caught his attention so he splashed water at the swordsman. Before he knew it, the two engaged in some sort of silent splash war, Franky and Usopp joining seconds later. Luffy, Brook, and Chopper sat listlessly to the side, soaking in the hot water because, really, it was all they could do.

Robin's laughed floated through the air. "But you'd like Zoro to, hmm?" Instantly, the water battle stopped as all the men turned to smile suggestively at the green haired man whose cheeks had turned red from more than just the steam. "You want him to see you as a woman, not a child." It wasn't a question.

"Well, yeah," Shiloh answered slowly. "Especially since I am a woman." There was a pause, as if the redhead was choosing her words carefully. "This face and body of mine only attracts weirdoes…"

Nami giggled, "We've all been hit on by our fair share of weirdoes. Don't take it personally."

Recovering from whatever embarrassment he had been feeling, Zoro smirked, sent Sanji a cocky look, pointed his finger at him, and mouthed, "She's talking about you, creepy cook." In response, he kicked water as hard as he could at the swordsman's face.

They continued to fight for a few minutes before Shiloh's voice asked thoughtfully, "When did you two start hitting puberty?"

Once again, the men froze and stared towards the wall, as if they could see the women conversing. Sanji supposed they were just as curious and nosy as he was, except Zoro of course, who had rolled his eyes and plopped right back down into the water.

"Hmm," Nami replied slowly. "I had my first cycle when I was twelve."

"I was thirteen," Robin said calmly.

"Huh," Shiloh responded nonchalantly. "I was ten."

"So like, four years ago?"

The sound of splashing followed by Nami's laugh told Sanji that the contortionist had probably thrown water at her. "Very funny. More like ten."

Sanji's eyes widened in surprised. What?

Nami's voice echoed his thoughts. "What? There's no way you're twenty."

"I'm nineteen. I'll be twenty in a few months, though."

"You're the same as Luffy and Usopp, then," Robin's soft voice said with slight amusement. "It's not surprising but I thought you were a little younger."

A thoughtful hush fell over the ladies, so Sanji moved closer to Zoro and whispered, "You're in luck, stupid marimo. She really isn't a kid. You can admit your feelings and tell her you love her now."

There was almost no greater satisfaction for the cook than seeing Zoro sputter. The green haired man raised a fist to hit him and yelled, "I DO NOT-"

"Do you think Luffy's penis stretches too?"

Surprised splashing echoed from both sides of the bath. "WHY WOULD YOU EVER ASK THAT?!"

"You've never wondered?"

"NO!"

Shiloh giggled and said mischievously, "Now you have."

Nami's furious screams and the smaller redhead's laughter filled the bath, causing Sanji to feel faint. There were two ladies just on the opposite wall of him probably wrestling. Naked. He could just see Nami's ample breasts bouncing around as she-

"I'm sure it does."

Shiloh's laughs grew even louder as Nami asked the historian a baffled, "What?"

"I'm sure Luffy's penis does stretch, just like the rest of him. It only makes sense."

"Robin, don't humor her!"

All the men's eyes were on their captain, who at first shrugged, then nodded. Zoro let out a disgusted sound before pushing the younger man's head under the water. Usopp, Brook and Franky were chortling quietly, tears of repressed mirth in their eyes (or lack thereof). Chopper simply looked confused. Sanji was reveling in the fact that his beloved Nami-swan was not pleased with Shiloh's crass questions. Shiloh may have admitted to classlessness but he knew beautiful Nami was womanly pride and would never stoop to such lowbrow jokes. And Robin, well, she was just wonderfully matter of fact, as women of her type were apt to be.

The screeching and laughing from the other side suddenly stopped as Shiloh's voice rang out, "Why don't we just ask?"

"Shy, don't you dare!"

"Why not? It's an innocent question."

"It's a dirty question!"

An eerie silence filled the air, Luffy's occasional sputtering coughs the only noise that floated through. Matter-of-factly, Shiloh replied, "It's only a dirty question if you have bad or sexual intentions."

Apparently, Nami was as stumped as the men on the opposite side of the wall because all she offered in response was a confused, "Huh?"

Shiloh let out a very loud, dramatic sigh as Robin giggled softly. "Oh, never mind. Here, let me wash your back."

A few quiet minutes passed before a scuffling sound outside the bath caught Sanji's attention. He noticed that Zoro and the others had turned their heads in the direction of the noise. It began to grow louder, and soon the cook could make out the stomping of boots of about fifteen men. His blood grew cold as he heard Nami's voice calmly say, "Excuse me, this is the women's bath."

"It sure is," a gruff, ugly voice replied. Sanji felt his skin crawl. "We heard there are a bunch of people here with bounties." The cook felt worry begin to creep up his spine. All their weapons had been put in lockers outside the bath for safe-keeping, including Nami's Clima-Tact. If a fight broke out (and he was sure it would), half of them were already down for the count since they were Devil Fruit users. That left them with Sanji's legs, Zoro's brute strength, Franky's body weapons, and Nami's cunning. He wasn't counting on Usopp. Hopefully, that would be enough. He had no idea what the bounty hunters were capable of, or even what they looked like.

"Um," Shiloh's voice echoed, "I don't have a bounty. Can I just leave?" Sanji's jaw dropped. Was the contortionist really going to leave them there, just like that? He turned to glare at Zoro, as if it were somehow the swordsman's fault, but Zoro's face had the most enraged expression he had ever seen so he settled for glaring at the wall and hoping Shiloh could feel his anger.

One of the bounty hunters laughed. "What's your name, Tiny?"

"Shiloh Catling."

A rustling, like the shuffling of papers could be heard clearly. Sanji felt his face beginning to burn with agitation. Did those stupid sounding assholes actually have their wanted posters with them?

"I don't see one for her, Boss."

Another booming laugh filled the air. "What the hell, since you asked so nicely, go ahead."

"Thanks." Sanji could hear the water sloshing around as Shiloh walked towards the men to walk past them. From the corner of his eye, he saw Franky's arm cannon point towards the wall.

Before the cyborg could fire, he heard a loud battle cry-like yell from Shiloh and an even louder yell come from what sounded like three men before a tremendous splash permeated the air. "Franky, now!" He ordered.

When the smoke cleared, Sanji didn't see Shiloh front flip and land both her feet directly into one of the men's chests, knocking him down. He didn't see her then immediately plant her feet into the water and uppercut another. He missed her swaying to the side to dodge the punch of one man only to bring her elbow down directly onto the back of his head.

All Sanji saw before he promptly passed out from sudden and rapid blood loss was the pale beautiful roundness that were Nami's breasts.

"Is he dead?"

"If we're lucky."

"Zoro! Don't even joke like that! Without Sanji, I wouldn't get my five meals a day!"

"We're going to starve to death! This is it, this is how we all meet our doom!"

"You two would only care about that."

A pause. "He sure was suuuupppeerrrr lucky, huh? I bet he glimpsed heaven."

"All I ever want to glimpse is panties…"

"I'll show you mine."

"SHY!"

"What? Ow, Nami, don't hit me! I was just kidding."

"You guys, he needs quiet! Be a little respectful."

A moment of silence passed before- "Is he dead?"

"AUGH!" Sanji sprang up, hands over his eyes. "You guys ruined it. I was reveling in the most beautiful sight in the entire universe and you all just had to ruin it with your stupid idiotic conversation!" He turned to Nami and immediately felt his cheeks heat up. "Thank you, Nami-swan for blessing me with the most lovely-"

"Alright, he's fine. Let's go now."

Undeterred, Sanji blew her a kiss, which she promptly waved away. No matter, he knew there would be plenty more chances. Simply looking at her, even clothed, gave him such a high that his heart soared and he wasn't sure if it would ever come back to him.

"We can't go yet, Nami," Chopper said. "Sanji needs to stay still for at least ten minutes before he can move."

It was then that the cook realized he was lying on a couch in the reception area of the bathhouse. The others were sitting around nearby. "How long have I been out?"

"About twenty minutes."

Shiloh's smiling face popped into his field of vision. "I really thought you were dead, Sanji. I've never seen someone lose so much blood all at once."

"You'll get used to it," Zoro grumbled from somewhere behind the redhead.

The blond rolled his eyes, choosing to ignore the implication of Zoro's words, and pulled at Shiloh's cheek. "You should look more upset then. C'mon, Shorty, where are the tears? Is this how you mourn the man that feeds you and makes sure you don't eat anything that could kill you?" As the girl sputtered and giggled, a thought struck the cook. "What happened to the bounty hunters?"

Luffy appeared above him, placing his hand on top of Shiloh's head. "Shy happened."

It was Shiloh's turn to roll her eyes. "I only knocked out like, three of them. Nami slapped the hell out of a couple and the rest these guys took care of," she said, jerking her thumb in the direction of the other men.

"Seven."

Sanji and Shiloh turned their heads to face Zoro. "Huh?"

"You took out seven men."

The redhead visibly blushed and turned her head away from the swordsman immediately. "Three, seven, it's not that big a difference."

Sanji's eyes widened. He had to admit, he was impressed. "You're just full of surprises, Shy. Why didn't you tell us you're a fighter?"

Amber eyes focused on his with a glint of irritation. "I'm not a fighter." Her voice softened as she added, "My contortion teacher just showed me how to convert some of the moves into something more...useful, if you will."

"I'll say," he replied with a chuckle. "Where are those losers now?"

"Luffy, Franky, and Zoro took them outside and took turns launching them into the air."

"You didn't leave any for me, stupid marimo?"

Zoro glared. "You didn't even help, pervert cook!"

Sanji opened his mouth to reply but Chopper was suddenly sitting on his chest, hoofs out to stop Zoro who had leaned in menacingly. "Zoro, stop! He needs rest!"

"Chopper," the cook said as he sat up, causing the little reindeer to tumble into his lap. "I'm fine." His mind flashed back to the image of Nami's lovely buxom bosom and his heart skipped a beat. "Better than fine, even. If I died right now I'd die happy."

The others were already picking up their things as he spoke. Zoro made a scoffing sound and said as he put his swords at his hip, "Let's just leave him." The cook flipped off the green haired man and stood up slowly, eyes meeting Nami's for the briefest second before she turned away. He could have sworn he saw a pretty blush painting her cheeks. A soft smile formed on his lips.

From the corner of his eye, Sanji saw Shiloh jog to catch up with their captain. "Hey, Luffy," she said slowly. "I have a question."

"Hmm?"

"Does your p-"

"SHY!"

He couldn't help but laugh as his beloved Nami-san swiftly punched the top of the smaller girl's head. In the distance, he could see the Thousand Sunny's sails blowing gently in the quiet wind. Maybe whatever deity was up there wasn't completely out to get him after all.

A/N

Obligatory girl talk and bath scene. Sanji gets a little love peek. Everything is right with the world.