Stupid Believer

The brat was good, Levi would give her that much. Damn patient too, Levi thought to himself as he watched as the brat used the hooks from the 3D Maneuver Gear for make-shift target practice against a tree. Luz had been surprisingly eager to learn how to use the device once the long-ass detour was done and over with. He and his squad had almost been apprehended by the fucking Military Police, and he had made an agreement with that fat-ass pig Reeves. This plan better goddamn work, Levi thought as he absent-mindedly gazed at the clouds. Otherwise…

He thought about the last time he had obeyed Erwin's orders; to stay exactly where he was and replenish his gas and his blades. During that time, Levi's entire squad minus Eren had been slaughtered. Petra's body in particular had shaken him deep inside. He could still see the streaks of blood on the tree, her pale face facing him, her amber eyes vacant… Perhaps he could have saved his squad. But he had told himself that the past was the past. He must move on. Their deaths would only give him strength. Why then did he feel at times, when no one was looking, sleepless at night and staring at nothingness, that he had a hole in his heart? Otherwise…all of this…would have been for nothing.

He continued to observe Luz as she continued to work the 3D Maneuver Gear. She had been with Levi and squad during those shitty hours. Since her failure to transform into a Titan, she had been subdued and had a vacant look in her eyes. Almost as if she was dead. Now she looked alive again. Imagine if I told her that Titans were originally fucking humans. Then she would realize who the monsters truly are. Levi could tell that Luz was feeling remorse for all the humans she had eaten. Hell, he knew what it felt like to feel remorse. She could not allow the guilt to eat her inside until there was nothing left, however. Otherwise, Luz would become an empty shell. Levi suspected that Armin had told her similar words last night. That boy was shockingly kind for the shit-hole word he was in, although Levi could already see signs of ruthlessness overtaking him. Just like… Levi pushed the thought away. He had thought too much about her today.

"Levi?" He turned to find Luz standing not far from where he was standing. Her short dark hair was damp with sweat and sliding across her face, and her two hands were gripping the blades tightly, as if she was afraid to let them go. Although no one had appeared to notice before, Levi could see numerous callouses on Luz's hands and fingers. Her hands were hard and muscular…and not from illegal 3D Maneuver Gear usage.

She's not just good, Levi thought as he remembered the numerous times he had been sent to observe the brats with their 3D Maneuver Gear during his time in the Survey Corps. She's a natural. Levi had worked her ass off to the point of exhaustion, and yet she was still standing and able to train. He also observed that when he taught her hand-to-hand combat, she had almost managed to overpower him. Her blows and hits still stung, especially against his dumbass healing leg. Although her memory hasn't returned, her body remembers everything that she had learned as a soldier from the past. And I stopped her stupid halting sentences too. That was fucking trying my patience.

"What?" he stated shortly.

"Why did you hide who you truly are?"

Levi stared at her, hard. "What the hell do you mean, brat?"

"Everyone seems to think you're a cold person. A person without any emotions or feelings." Her blue eyes peered into his own. Soulful, was Levi's only thought. They seemed to peer into him, as if knowing everything hidden inside. "A person who isn't human," she whispered.

"That I am," Levi said in a bored tone. He watched her as her eyes followed the flowing grass, no longer meeting his face. At the sound of his cold words, Luz shook her head.

"No, you're not." Before Levi could retort, she started speaking in a quiet tone.

"You're not like him, Heichō." The title that Levi despised, and the title Levi had demanded her not to call him, came from her mouth. At first, anger poured out of him. His hands were calm despite wanting to punch some sense into this stupid fucking little girl. Then it dissipated, turning into an emotion he never thought he would feel again. Grief. "Heichō…"

He was aware of the brat speaking to him, but instead it was as if another person was standing in her place. Copper hair with amber eyes flashed, and again he could hear her laugh that he had adored. He saw her smile, and felt her soft touches that calmed him when nothing else could. Levi felt her kisses against his aching mouth, so real, so real, as if he could touch her again. "You're not like Erwin Smith." She closed her eyes. "I can see how much you care for your squad, even when your actions say otherwise. You told me that you would have killed me if I eaten your squad…and Armin told me that you don't like unnecessary deaths. You hate it when people die in vain."

Levi watched as she clenched and unclenched her fists. Her eyes conveyed the sadness she held inside. Sadness…that he felt inside his own heart. How could she…? "You portray yourself as a human without feelings when in fact you feel every loss of life. Erwin Smith…he notices the deaths around him, but he feels nothing. He sees the people around him as sacrifices to advance humanity…nothing more."

"Enough," Levi spat. "Erwin feels the weight of those deaths as much I do." He glared. "Didn't your little boyfriend teach you anything about this fucked-up world? This world is nothing but cruel. Morals don't matter here. They don't evenexist." He was aware of the unchecked emotion coming from him, and said quietly, "Those who can't give up on their humanity can't change anything. Sacrifices happen every time I go outside the Walls. I can't tell you how many times I've watched comrades die in front of my eyes. I don't feel anything anymore," he lied. He swallowed the pain in his throat.

"I'm prepared to sacrifice anyone for the sake of humanity, just as Erwin is. I'm the true monster here. Not you." He saw the astonished look on her face when he said those words. Levi looked away as tears started trailing down her cheeks. The guilt is eating away at her, and fucking Eren Yeager isn't helping. The argument had occurred after he and his squad had rescued Jean and Armin the day before. Levi didn't have the shittiest idea what it was about, but it had caused Eren to scream at Luz. "No one wants you here, you fucking monster!" Levi gazed at the pathetic girl in front of him. Didn't he tell her that all that mattered was how she thought about herself, and not how other people thought of her?

"That's not true," Luz whispered. Tears were continuing to frame her face. "I'm…the real monster, not you. You know that," she rasped. "I killed and killed so many people. I'm unable to sleep because all their faces and screams haunt me. I feel like a monster, because I killed so many people and ripped their lives away. I watched them die." A shudder went through her. "You're not a monster, because you kill to protect people who you don't even know, and you carry death inside you as if they were your own. You are human, not like – "

"Listen to yourself, you shitty brat." Levi stated. "You tell me that I'm human because of I feel the deaths of my comrades and don't see them as stupid fodder. What about you?" He walked towards her and gripped her shoulders with his hands. "You feel every death you had caused when you were a Titan. Doesn't that make you human? A monster is someone who feels nothing from their actions, no matter what the actions may be." Like him. "No, go." Levi barked. "Another set of thirty exercises using your 3D Maneuver Gear." The girl nodded, and as she disappeared into the distance, Levi had a memory of another young woman who had asked those very same questions that Luz had asked. "Why must you always be so strong, Heichō?"

Petra…

"Levi-heichō?!" Luz watched as Levi held Historia up above the ground, his hands around her throat. Luz's breath was in her throat as she too watched in silence as Levi used his hands to make Historia obey his order. Luz had been stunned as the other members of Levi's squad when Levi told them that the Reiss family was the true royal blood, and that Historia would be ascending the throne as the queen to achieve their goals. The bewildered faces of the squad had become shocked, none more than Historia's.

"I…can't." Historia had whispered. A flash appeared before Luz's eyes.

Fire and flames were engulfing the city. The buildings were cracking, falling apart, and screams and gunshots whispered in the air compared to the sounds of violence. Suddenly, a man with a bloodied uniform and matted hair stepped on an overturned car, yelling and screaming in a language that she didn't understanding. The blood-soaked fingers gripped a head, its dark green eyes vacant and glassy, and its mouth open for flies to come in. The blond hair was unmistakable. The president of the United States of America had been assassinated. Washington had fallen…

"It seems this is your fate." Luz blinked, her heart in her throat as she witnessed yet another violent scene. The decapitated head with its gaping eyes flashed through her mind as Historia fell to the floor, gasping for breath when Levi let her go. Luz stood motionless as the members of Levi's squad rushed to Historia's aid, and as Jean yelled at Levi. This world…has no morals, does it?

"What do you guys think you're doing tomorrow?" Levi asked. He didn't seem bothered by the hateful glances aimed towards him. "That you're going to eat your meals tomorrow? That you'll be able to sleep tomorrow…is that what you're thinking?" Luz watched Levi silently. His eyes bored into everyone's around him. "The next person to you…will be standing there tomorrow?" She watched as he met her eyes briefly. "I don't think that." As he started to speak, Luz felt herself losing herself in what he was saying. He's saying…

She watched the hateful glances toward him as Historia shouted that she would follow them; she would be queen. Luz remembered what he told her the day before. "A monster is someone who feels nothing from their actions, no matter what the actions may be." He has to be strong, to be rough, Luz thought as she watched the disgusted faces of his squad disappear behind the door. Otherwise, they would see his weakness…who he truly is, and they wouldn't follow him. As she and the members of Levi's squad hid from the Military Police, Luz silently followed the angry conversation around her.

"Levi-heichō is probably going to use physical force to get anyone to things his way – just like what he did to Historia!" Even though they're talking about him…why does it feel like I'm the one they disapprove of? Luz felt only annoyance for the words that were said, and she steadily felt anger seep inside her as the members continued to speak against their superior. Why…do I care what they say about him? He wouldn't even care.

"Even though he was acting so accommodating towards the Reeves Company! What he did scared the life out of Historia…he must want to do the same once she becomes queen so that she would still obey his every command!"

"You're wrong." Sasha and Connie turned towards her. Luz was surprised by how much anger was coming out of her lips. She could see the shocked faces and the ones that were sneering at her.

"Do you like him or something?" Connie yelled. "He doesn't care about us! We're just pawns to him!"

"You're wrong," she repeated. Her blue eyes glinted like ice. Her voice became dangerously calm. "Levi is doing this because he cares for us." Stunned silence was the answer. "Didn't hear what he said? "'I'm counting on you, Historia.'" If he meant to kill her, he would have. I'm not saying what he did was right," she added when she saw the furious faces. "Levi is good man, even though his actions state otherwise. He had to force Historia to become queen, because otherwise all the sacrifices people have made to fight Titans would be in vain. She is the key to make that happen. If she didn't accept, all the sacrifices that…everyone made would be in vain."

"Armin once told me that a person who can't give up on anything can't change anything." She saw Armin and Jean nodding. The others watched her, uncertainty in their eyes. She sighed. "Levi…is willing to sacrifice his humanity so that no one else has to," Luz stated slowly. "He doesn't want anyone else to die, and that includes all of us. He trusts us to carry out our role, as he trusts Historia to carry out her role." Her eyes followed the members of Levi's squad for a moment. She could see understanding in some eyes. In others, Luz saw suspicion and even disgust. "I don't know if this the right decision," she stated to half to herself and half to the others.

All I know… "You don't have to agree with me." All I know…is that… "I'm just a stupid believer," Luz whispered. "I believe in Levi, and I believe in his choices. I believe that he cares for us. All I know that we have to trust him, and hope that our choice will be the one we regret the least."

No one said anything for a moment. Then someone began to laugh softly.

"You're different, Luz." Armin said with laughing eyes. "Before…you used to cower before us, and speak in halting sentences. You even believed you were what we said you were. Now, you're…someone I like Levi-heichō would be proud of."

"I still think she likes him," Connie mumbled. "Who would like a guy like that?"

"We have to make a choice," Mikasa stated softly. "If we go with short and shorter, we might live. If we don't, we die."

The others made their choices. They decided to trust in Levi, and waited for him. Luz could feel the squad's eyes following her. They seemed to notice a difference in her that neither of them knew existed. All I know… Luz thought as she scanned the sky, is that I have to trust in Levi. I don't believe in myself, but I believe in him and his will. I want to thank you, Levi. Without your words, I certainly wouldn't have survived. I may just be a stupid believer…but that's okay with me.