Spoilers for Ch. 60.

Because of You

Luz could still feel Levi's warmth as she watched as Levi stood before the captured member of the Central Military Police. She could still remember of his arms, surprisingly strong and tender, holding her as she wept. "I killed…I killed my brother." The words she had painstakingly uttered echoed in her mind again. Luz remembered of how agonizing pain had coursed through her as she had finally admitted the truth.

I killed my brother, she thought again. The child that I had killed…the one that had pleaded with me, and begged for me to spare him was my brother. Her grip on the sword tightened as Luz remembered that night of so long ago. No wonder my mind was trying to protect me. No wonder I felt despair and agony as I remembered the memory that had caused me to feel so much guilt and remorse. My brother was…the most precious person to me.

Levi had helped elevate the emotional agony. It somehow had felt as if the pain and sorrow Luz had caged inside was nothing to be ashamed of. He made her feel that everything was alright, and that everything that would come to pass would also be. Luz had no idea how long she had cried. She could barely see through her swollen eyes, and was almost driven to tears again when she saw of how Levi did not judge her. He did not ask for her to explain what had happened to cause her to kill her brother. His gray eyes showed nothing of the judgment she had seen in so many eyes. He did not speak when she sat down next to him again, motionless and silent, until she had whispered good night to him. She did not hear Levi reply.

Luz had observed silently as Levi and Mikasa apprehended two Military Police members the next day. They appeared to be only a minimal threat, and Luz was surprised when Levi stated that the two would become their new comrades who would help them locate the Central Military Police headquarters. It had become clear early in the ambush that Eren and Historia were not hidden in the base as what was previously thought, but Levi had captured one of the Central Military Police members for interrogation.

She watched the said man as he stood with contempt at the man bleeding before him. I wonder…what made me kill the one person I cared most about? Luz heard the man gagging and coughing, blood coating his mouth as Levi continued kicking his foot into his mouth. Unlike the other time with Historia, no one said a word against it. Luz heard the man begin to speak, contempt also in his voice as he spoke to Levi and the others.

"I'm telling you…whatever you've done…the only thing you Survey Corps troops can do…is to run around inside this damn wall!" His voice reached a higher octave, slightly cracking from the intensity of the mockery and scorn in his screams. "Roll around in mud and struggle to live, that's all!" His breathing became more ragged, and his eyes squinted at Levi in front of him. "And in all that, sacrificing your own comrades! So you can't blame the world for treating you like that based upon how you've acted!" As the man continued, Luz began to feel anger burn within her.

She felt disgust for the man cowering against the tree, and watched as Levi stood still with an emotionless gaze. Sacrifice…? Her fingers curled into fists. What does he know about sacrifice? What…does he know what any of us have been through? Her mind shifted through the memories when Armin had told her about his world, telling her about the death and destruction that had plagued him and his friends at such a young age. She thought of herself, wide-eyed and with her mouth open in a soundless scream as she witnessed the numbers of dead surrounding the battlefield, gruesome wounds across their lifeless bodies. She thought of how she and her team had infiltrated a town searching for survivors after a recent bombardment by Russia, and finding nothing but debris and blood and soot. Bodies were everywhere, and Luz remembered of how she had found a body of a three year old girl holding onto a frayed doll. She looked so peaceful, as if she was sleeping. The arms of her brother, enveloping her in the comfort that she craved. And then… "I can't let you do this…I just can't…" The sound of her brother's body falling onto the ground, the blood on her hands.

She listened as the Central Military Police member said of how Erwin Smith would pay for their actions, as he was the person that had started the idea of overthrow of the government. Something Levi had said echoed in Luz's mind. How ironic it would be that a person sacrificing everything for humanity was killed by humanity. Luz's thoughts abruptly stopped when she heard the Central Military Police's next words. "Unless of course…we take your head instead of Erwin's. I'm certain you could save the lives of your comrades that way. Save the lives of your other comrades…in exchange of your own. "

Luz's breathing stopped, and her blood ran cold. What…? She wasn't aware of the world around her. She wasn't even aware of herself. Why was it so hard to breathe? Why couldn't she move? Speak?

Against her will, she saw the memory of soldier carrying the head of the American president. His gaping eyes drowned in her own. Blood coated on the assassin's fingers. Then suddenly, it wasn't the American president's anymore. Levi… His eyes were open, as expressionless as ever. She could see blood dripping on the corner of his mouth, and Luz couldn't understand what she was feeling. Too many emotions were agonizing her mind as she continued to stare at the decapitated head. Sickness started to spread through her, and she fought the urge to vomit. Luz felt she was dying, again. It felt as if her brother had died again. The brother that had died by her hand. Only the feeling was worse. A hundred times worse. Levi…no.

Luz's body stopped shaking when she became aware of her body again. She could breathe again. Her body became warm, and she wasn't aware of her tears until she tasted them. Levi…thank you. You refused him. I'm…sorry I feel this way. From Sasha's shout and the slight glare of the weapons, Luz observed that the Military Police had found them. She could see the others preparing for an attack. She too prepared lifted her sword, her gazing never leaving Levi's as the man spoke to him.

"I told you…Heichō…it's too late. You're dead…"

"It was an honor serving with you all, sons and daughters of Deutschland. Now it is time for us to make our last stand."

Levi...I...