Hatake Kakashi was many things, but oblivious wasn't one of them. He had been a shinobi for the vast majority of his life and so, couldn't help but notice some patterns around him - especially in the ranks of the elite shinobi.

He didn't remember the last time he met anyone with a rank higher than jounin with parents who weren't dead and/or abusive in some way. In the present, his team, now regarded as one of the strongest teams in shinobi history, had two alive parents between the three of them. Hell, make that two alive parents between the four of them.

And they were both Sakura's, who also happened to be the only member of the team without some kind of dark past. Kakashi supposed that yes, most shinobi didn't survive past the age of thirty. But the proportion of elite shinobi who were orphans to those who were not... sometimes, it was a bit unsettling.

Sensei noticed the trend also, and when Kushina-kun's pregnancy became known to both of them, the two had a talk. Minato had, eyes hard, told Kakashi that he didn't want his son to grow up an orphan. He knew that kind of life, and he knew that Kakashi knew also. He didn't want Naruto to grow up that way.

The man had made him promise to, no matter what, spare Naruto from that life.

But after everything, after Sensei and Kushina-kun were mere names on the list of casualties, Kakashi was a coward. He had his excuses - because that's what they were, once he got down to it - but he knew his real reason was guilt. How could he bear to see his sensei's son, knowing that maybe, if he had moved a bit faster here, or made a different decision there, his parents would still be holding him in their embrace?

Missions, ANBU, age, excuses, excuses. Sandaime-sama reassured him and told him that Naruto was happy where he was, and Minato-kun would understand. Lies, and Kakashi had tried his best to believe them. But he had never been good at convincing himself.

Surely, Minato-sensei was cursing him from the depths of the shinigami's stomach. It was not until Naruto was older that Kakashi knew the truth of his early childhood, and he still felt guilty that he hadn't been brave enough to do the right thing. His student grew up unloved and miserable because Kakashi was afraid. But there was nothing he could do to change that. What's done is done.

But now, he had a chance - glowing bright in front of him, a chance to make up for his many mistakes and write a happy ending to a story that was supposed to end in sorrow. Kushina wasn't dead anymore - he hadn't had the chance to see her yet, but he knew that she was radiant and cheerful and every bit as lively as her cold corpse was not. Sensei was back - not the dark eyed Edo Tensei creation, but the real Namikaze Minato. Obito... Rin... Both the innocent children they were before, once upon a time.

And then, there was him. But young Hatake Kakashi didn't factor in any of his plans, at least, not greatly - and he had many of them. This time he wouldn't screw up. He won't let his loved ones die again.

Not that it meant that he couldn't enjoy himself while doing it. This Obito was still an idiot - well, not that he was no longer an idiot. But here, he was a sexually oblivious teen with a bat, not an emotionally oblivious criminal mastermind. And his Obito was here with him, and he always enjoyed screwing with Obito, any interpretation welcomed, and this was an once in a lifetime opportunity to fuck with his head.

No, he didn't feel bad for taking advantage of the situation. Kakashi considered it payback for Obito traipsing along with Madara during all those years, without a single word to the people who loved him. Besides, Obito had the kid version of him to mess with. The kid deserved it.

As if on cue, the younger Uchiha dove at Obito again, eyes bright. "This is your last chance, bastard!"

Obito looked extremely annoyed. Understandable, considering the embodiment of his childhood embarrassment was literally waving a wooden bat in front of his face. "You really have no idea what's going on here, brat."

"I know what's going on here," the boy replied confidently. "Now get away from Kakashi-teme. Zombie or not, bats hurt." He shook his bat for emphasis.

Kakashi and Obito exchanged a look. Somehow, he doubted that the kid could manage what a few thousand shinobi couldn't. But Obito clearly had no desire to be smacked by anything, let alone a little wooden something wielded by a very enthusiastic thirteen year old.

Peace was the best option. Obito sighed, gave him a "I can't believe I'm doing this" look, then walked closer to the boy. "Put the bat down. I'm not a zombie."

A scoff. "Yeah right! I heard you guys talking about it two nights ago - you can't fool me!" The younger Obito brandished a finger at his older self. "I'm dead. Kakashi said so." Kakashi shrugged helplessly. "Yeah, you zombie bastard! Just because you put Kakashi-teme under your evil spell doesn't mean -"

"Evil spell?" Obito exclaimed incredulously. "Look brat, I didn't put him under an evil spell, because I'm not a fucking -"

"Hey," he interrupted, pointing his thumb at Obito. "Isn't he supposed to be a zombie? Last I heard, witches used spells, not zombies." He took a moment to appreciate the utter ridiculousness of the shit he was spouting.

"Wrong kind of zombie!" Both Obito's exclaimed with tired exasperation, almost simultaneously.

Kakashi blinked. "Y'know, Obito... Why don't you sort this out yourself." Three minutes into the conversation and he already had no idea what was going on. That, and he had no desire to explain to an adolescent Obito how to insert part A into part B.

Obito turned around, scowl on face. "Oh no you fucking don't," he said, pointing angrily at him. "You were the one who said more than he was supposed to, and you're going to help me with him."

He craned his neck a bit to the left. "Er, Obito?"

"What?"

"The other you's gone," Kakashi said. "I looked away from him when you grabbed my shoulder. He's not there anymore."

The other man swung around, and immediately began to curse creatively. "Shit, don't tell me that he's gone off to - Dammit. I wanted to push that discussion off by a few weeks, at least. It wouldn't hurt if I never had to have it."

Kakashi scanned their surroundings. "I don't think he ran off."

"What are you - Oh, shit."

To be fair, "oh shit" tends to be most people's initial reaction to having a bat wielding, screaming teenager flying toward one's head from a very tall tree. Obito was very protective of his head, thank you very much, and this did not help.

Most people's secondary reaction would be to duck, or dodge, or get away from the object in any way possible. Obito was one of these people, but he didn't duck or dodge. A single blink, and his eye swirled into crimson red.

In Obito's defense, Kamui was incredibly useful, both in combat and out. Yes, his use of the technique probably counted up to the thousands, if not tens of thousands. For most of the past two decades, his go - to technique to evade an incoming attack, or incredibly pissed off Kyuubi jinchuriki, or just to make an incredibly cool entrance.

So when he saw a weapon moving at incredibly high speeds toward his face, it was understandable that his first instinct was to use Kamui. Understandable, but a huge mistake nonetheless.

The kid Obito crashed into a ground, bat flying out of his hands and rolling a few feet away. He pushed himself to his feet on unsteady arms, then stared at the frozen older man in shock.

"Oh crap," said Obito, his Sharingan still activated. "Look, it's not what you -"

The boy pointed a single shaking finger up at him, eyes wide with fear. "G-Ghost!"

At the age of 13, there were three things that Obito Uchiha feared.

Failure was one of them. He was always called a failure, by his parents, by Kakashi, by his classmates... and he wanted to prove them wrong. He would get the Sharingan and be a really powerful shinobi and Rin would like him and he wouldn't be a failure. He would prove himself in battle and make Sensei and his family proud, and the thought of really being the deadlast that everyone thought he was... he hated it. So he held on to that hope that yes, he would become Hokage, he would become strong.

Death was another. From the day his mother bluntly told him that yes, Auntie Misaka died on her mission and no, she would never come back to pat him on the head, or poke his forehead, or any of the things that she did before... he had been petrified of the very thought of death. One day, everyone will be gone - just gone, with no chance of returning.

Failure, as he learned, meant death in the shinobi world. Auntie Misaka had failed, so she had died. If he failed, he would die, or people he loved would die. Obito decided then that he wouldn't fail.

Both of which lead to the one thing he feared most. Failure lead to death lead to... well.

The day after he found out Auntie Misaka died, Obito went for a walk. He ended up near one of the many forests surrounding Konoha and found a tree and just... cried. He didn't know how long he was there, but it must have been a pretty long time, because by the time he finally looked up, it had already gotten dark.

That was the first time he saw them. Two shadows pressed against a tree trunk, far enough that he couldn't see their faces, close enough that he could hear their ravenous noises as they consumed each other's faces with relish. He was a coward - he didn't try to help the victim until it was already too late, until he had already been turned. Obito sat, trembling against his hiding place, until the two were gone.

He had heard about zombies before, those reanimated corpses that longed for human flesh. Obito just never thought they were real. That is, until now.

But they weren't what Obito feared most. Not even close. Face-eating zombies, at least, Obito could fight. They were physical and tangible and always ran away from Obito as he chased after them. No, they were nothing.

It was an easy train of thought to follow. If that's what dead bodies eventually became, what happened to the people that used to own those bodies?

Obito had asked his father, who had, in a startling display of actually caring, told him a story. A ghost story, actually, and an incredibly ridiculous one at that. It was obvious that the man had made it up from the top of his head, but Obito soaked it all in with horrified eyes, images of a wraithlike Auntie Misaka already flashing before his eyes.

Unfortunately for Obito, his father forgot to mention that ghosts weren't, in fact, real.

This was an enemy that Obito couldn't defeat, and that scared him. Terrified him, even. And now, for the first time in his life, he stood face to face - more like face to shoulder - to a ghost, and not only just any ghost, but his ghost. His angry, vengeful ghost from the future who he had just swung a bat through.

Obito swallowed. Then, with the speed only a trained shinobi possessed, he turned around and bolted for his life. Not that he got far. In a whirlwind of color and pain, Obito found himself tied up and gagged against one of the many nearby trees.

"Mmf," he managed as he wriggled, testing his bonds to no avail.

A pair of cold grey eyes looked down at him, then back up at the ghost version of himself. "Dammit, Obito," said the older Kakashi, sounding incredibly pissed off. "You can't even handle yourself?"

"...Where the hell did you get the rope? And how did you -" The wraith gestured toward him. Obito gulped.

"Let's just say that I've had a lot of experience in dealing with loudmouth brats. After the first few batches of genin, I could tie a small child up in less than five seconds." Kakashi paused, rethought his words, and sighed. "...That wasn't supposed to come out as creepy as it did."

"...I'm still surprised that they let you be a jounin sensei."

"Obito, please. I'm one of the most respected shinobi in the village."

"Most respected my ass," he scoffed. "You damn pervert -"

Kakashi gave him a look. "Don't pretend like you've never read Icha Icha before. I know for a fact that the stash under the mattress doesn't belong to me."

The ghost flushed bright red, and Obito distantly wondered how it was possible, without an actual body. "I'm not a - I was just curious -"

"Maa, maa. Whatever you say." The jounin sighed. "You don't have to hide it. I could tell from the day Sensei made me find you for practice and I found you with that picture of our team pressed to your face."

"Kakashi, you -"

Obito blinked, more than a bit confused. At least they were distracted. His hands were tied behind his back, but he knew that if he twisted his wrists a little bit more -

His fingers caught on the handle of one of the kunai sticking out of his pouch, and he cheered mentally. Now all he had to do was cut off the ropes and he could escape and tell Sensei about what he had discovered. Slowly, carefully, he crooked the tip of his finger through the ring of the kunai, careful not to touch any of the sharp edges of what was basically a sharp knife with a tiny handle.

But he couldn't actually see where the kunai were, and his pain tolerance was low enough that he gave a muffled yelp when he sliced his finger open with the part of the blade next to the handle. It wasn't particularly loud, but like most shinobi, his captors had pretty incredible hearing.

Obito found himself frozen as he was regarded with a single, blood red eye.

"Now, what the hell are we going to do with you?"

A/N: I got fanart! See it http ./. www deviantart art / Zombie - Killer - Obito - 390703915