Rating: T

Summary: Kushina interrogates a hapless victim, and Obito realizes that he regrets everything. Meanwhile, the Kannabi Bridge mission is coming up in days, and the older Kakashi and Obito realize that they really have to get their shit together.

"So, about Mikoto's younger son. What's his name again?"

"Sasuke."

"Right, Sasuke. Does he have a girlfriend?"

"Not the last time I checked –"

"Ha!" Kushina sprung to her feet, eyes glinting in excitement. "Beat that, Mikoto! My son has a cute girlfriend and he's only – uh, wait, how old is he again?"

Obito looked at the clock on the wall blankly. Four hours, now. "…Twenty-three," he mumbled, and prayed for death to come soon. If this was penance for all his crimes…

The red haired woman in front of him checked something off on the paper in front of her, a single finger lifted to her mouth in thought. "So, about this 'Hinata'… on a scale on one to ten, how likely is she to abandon my son to the mercies of the wild?" At Obito's blank stare, she elaborated. "Y'know, if they're ever on a mission and get stranded without food or water."

"…Your son is one of the most powerful shinobi alive," he pointed out weakly. "It's not as if he's at risk of being mauled by a bear –"

"It's the principle of the thing! So, scale of one to ten?"

"One?" Obito tried. Okay, so he had never paid much attention to the romantic couplings of the former teenagers who had been some of his greatest enemies. He had been much more concerned with his own, or rather, his lack of them. "She did almost die for him at one point, if I remember correctly."

"Nice! I like that in a daughter-in-law. Is she fierce?"

"Not… particularly?"

"Eh, she'll learn." Kushina flipped a page. "Alright, in your opinion, what are the chances of me getting grandkids before my kids turn thirty?"

Negative eighty-three percent, seeing how they finally got from 'awkwardly intimate handholding' to 'ridiculously long hugging' in the span of about five years, Obito wanted to say. But then again, he also wanted to live.

"They exist," he says quickly. "Um, Kushina-nee… when you said you were going to ask me questions about the future, I thought they would… well, have a different subject matter." His scars, Rin's disappearance, his relationship with Kakashi – anything but the detailed love lives of the next generation of hormonal teenagers.

Kushina was silent for a moment. Without a word, she closed her notepad. "Well, I was wondering why Rin-chan didn't show up with you two… But I don't suppose you would -"

"I changed my mind, I'll tell you everything about Naruto's non-existent love life," Obito blurted out immediately.

She looked at him pointedly. He flushed red.

"Well… knowing how determined you two are… The both of you already have something planned for the Kannabi Bridge mission, don't you?" At Obito's look of surprise, Kushina scoffed. "Hey, it was totally obvious that something was going to happen there, what with you and Kakashi moping around…"

"We do," he said after a brief hesitation, lying through his teeth. Hey, it wasn't his fault that all of his time had been taken up with dealing with stupidly embarrassing past versions of himself and overtly curious clan heads. They would… think of something. Yeah.

"Someone's going to die on that mission, aren't they." It isn't a question.

Obito looked up at the ceiling. "…Yeah," he says, casually not mentioning that he was the one who died, because that would lead to a whole lot of awkward explanations that he did not want to get into, not if he wanted to get locked up or executed.

"There's really nothing Minato or I can do on just your and Kakashi's words, except to just be really careful." Kushina snorted, showing just what she felt about the idea. "Oi, Obito-kun – if you and Kakashi need any help with whatever you two are planning for the mission…" She winked, and gave him a big thumbs up. "I don't want anything to happen to the brats, alright? I'll even keep it a secret from Minato – he always gets tripped up over stuff like 'but what if everyone dies' and 'safety of the village.' Bah, whatever."

"Thanks, Kushina-nee," Obito said, "but I don't think –"

He paused. Wait. Waiiiit. A devious grin spread over his face. "Actually, I think there's something that you can help us with…"

"Obito," Kakashi said blankly, "are you serious?"

"Well, yeah."

"What made you think that this would be a good idea, in any way?"

"…Give me a few minutes to think of an answer to that."

"We are seriously holding the fate of the shinobi world in this universe in the palms of our hands. You came up with this plan in about thirty seconds."

"It worked fine loads of times with Akatsuki." Obito paused. "…Before you say anything, the Moon's Eye Plan was not one of those, and I was at a very bad time in my life when I first decided to subscribe to that –"

"Yes, I know, Obito. Madara thought it up. You didn't. This is the fifty-seventh time you've clarified that, since the end of the Fourth Shinobi War."

"…Really?"

"Yes, I just make a mental mark whenever I roll my eyes."

"Shut it, Kakashi. Besides, it's too late to have second thoughts. Kushina's already in on this plan, and she gave it the okay."

"…An okay from Kushina usually means very bad things for the sensibility and general survivability of the people involved with the plan, Obito."

"You don't know that –"

"I do," Kakashi said with a shudder. "I do."

"Okay, I honestly don't see why you're so worried," Obito complained. "I'm a phenomenal actor. You're – well, you learn quickly. We've both mentally played through this mission more times than is probably healthy – well, I did, at least."

"Me too," the other man admitted with a sigh. "…Alright, fine. What do I need to do?"

"We're going to need a kind of transformation jutsu that isn't purely illusionary, and won't dispel from physical contact. Something that will last as long as we need it to last. You have hundreds of jutsu copied with your Sharingan – do you have anything similar?"

Slowly, Kakashi's eyes curved into crescents – a sure sign that he was smiling under the mask. Obito swallowed, and it hit him that he might have made a mistake here.

"You know… I think I might know just the technique."

[A/N: Total, shameless build-up for the next few chapters, which will be – you guessed it – Kannabi Bridge and the aftermath. Because I realized I had too many WIPs, and I really needed to kick my ass in gear and finish up some stuff.

We're back on the crack road, guys. Hang on tight.]