A/N "Grenfell does not own Naruto or Hellsing"

Hokage Tower

Naruto looked at the Hokage with his now heterochromatic eyes, "So Jiji, the Kyuubi is gone and I need to drink human blood now."

Naruto's incredibly blunt statement caused everyone in the room to sweat drop. Hiruzen sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "Naruto-kun, I'm going to need a bit more information then that. Especially if you are requesting human blood now." Normally the old Hokage wouldn't be too worried about the blood thing, by the Sage he lived in a ninja village with bloodline users, weird shit happens. However he had seen what Naruto was like on a ramen binge and, if that transferred over to his new blood thing, he feared for the village.

Naruto nodded in understanding, "Well, while I was lying on the ground, dying," Schrödinger and Walter both flinched at the blunt statement, "The Kyuubi decided to transfer his essence into me, making me, like he was."

Hiruzen's eyes widened, "So... your the knew Kyuubi?" he questioned frantically.

Naruto merely gave a dark chuckle, "Not quite, contrary to popular belief, that was merely a form that The Kyuubi took a liking too a few centuries back, no I'm what he called, a vampire." at this Naruto showed off a sharp toothed smile, his crimson eye glowing slightly.

Hiruzen sighed at the theatrics, "And what, precisely does that mean?"

Naruto hummed to himself in thought, "I suppose the best way to explain it is to say that blood is life, it carries the soul and for individuals like myself, it the blood of other's can be used to prolong my own life. Sacrificing the soul of someone I have drained instead of my own when I am to die."

The old man nodded, "And what if you don't drink enough to kill?"

Naruto went through his new memories before finding the answer, "Well it depends. If I'm drinking from a bag, it will sustain me, kind of like if I just ate dinner. However, it is when I drink from a live person that things get interesting. Drinking directly from someone of the same gender or someone who has had sex, will quickly turn the person into a ghoul, an undead monster that can only be killed with my death, destruction of the body, or destruction of the brain, under my direct command. But if I drink from a virgin of the opposite sex, I create another mini-me who will see me as their master."

Hiruzen's mouth hung agape at the implications of this information, 'If he was a ninja, we could simply drop him into an enemy village and his eating habits would destroy them within days.'

Coughing into his hand in an attempt to compose himself the Hokage looked seriously at Naruto, "Are you absolutely sure you don't want to join the Shinobi forces Naruto, your abilities would be major boon."

Naruto began to cackle, almost dementedly, "Jiji, first of all, I haven't even begun to explain the abilities I gained, that was just a byproduct of eating. Secondly, their is know way in hell, that I am going to protect and serve the honorable civilians of this village."

Hiruzen managed to contain his slight shock Naruto's first point. He nodded sadly however at the boy's second, having expected that reaction for sometime now. Finally he came to a decision, "How about I offer you a similar deal that I gave your friends here Naruto-kun? You will work directly for me, rather than the village. On paper you will be my secretary, handling my meetings, arranging appointments, and making sure relevant paperwork gets to me. Behind the scenes, however, you will work as our secret weapon and, if you prove strong enough, my bodyguard."

Naruto let out a bloodthirsty grin worthy of Alucard's heir, before a frown began to work it's way onto his face, "Jiji, are you just trying to get out of some of the stupider meetings and pointless paperwork, so that you can read your perverted books some more?"

The Hokage chuckled nervously, "W..well, th..thats not the only reason... Look, if you keep quiet about the books, then I will assign your friends as assistants, deal?"

After two shouts of "Hey!" Naruto quickly agreed to the deal, 'Sure I will have to deal with some paperwork, but at least he will be paying me to hang out with Walter and Neko-kun, as well as getting to scare the "important" people, this just might be fun.'

4 Years Later

Within his apartment, Naruto woke up once again to find Schrödinger sleeping beside him. It had become quickly apparent that neither Walter or Schrödinger were aging normally, though Schrödinger did appear to be aging along with him. Over the years he had come to accept his position as the Hokage's secretary, taking immense entertainment at terrifying young Genin and civilians that would come to the tower, by walking through walls and causing laughter to echo through "empty" rooms.

Naruto had managed to convince the man to, on top of blood bags from the Hospital, allow him to feed from death row inmates, so that he may build up his "castle". While he wasn't able to find any noteworthy familiars in the prison, he was able to use the accumulated souls to reform a more foxy version of Baskerville, having enjoyed the memories of how Alucard would utilize the hell hound.

After showing the Hokage his inhuman strength and speed, as well as his more supernatural powers, the Hokage had agreed to him being utilized as a bodyguard for specific events and as an emergency asset, when a team is over their head.

Naruto had also continued his training with Walter and Schrödinger. He had managed to achieve as high of a proficiency with his Chakra Wires as he was likely to get, finally being able to slice through the more tender areas of the human body, as well as most protective materials found on shinobi, though chakra metal was a bit resistant. With Schrödinger, he had finally managed to disappear as he wished, thanks to a combination of his vampiric abilities and the chakra technique they had been working on.

Appearance wise, Naruto had grown quickly, now standing at 5' 3''. His hair reached down to the nape of his neck and he had two black bangs reaching down to his jaw. His clothing merely being refitted to match his new size.

Suddenly Schrödinger began to stir. The cat man slowly stretched out on the bed, purring slightly, "Morning, Naru-chan, do ve get to frighten little civilians again today?"

Naruto chuckled as he prepared for the day, "Not quite, a little birdie told me that today is the first day for this year's graduating class's D-rank missions. So we may get a chance to put the newbies in their place."

From the kitchen, Walter's voice could be heard, "Naruto! Cat! breakfast is ready, get your asses in here before it gets could or your fending for your fucking selves!"

Hokage Tower

Sarutobi Hiruzen took a relaxing puff on his pipe, having already finished most of the day's paperwork. Ever since he hired Naruto, only the most urgent and important papers found their way to his desk. He had also begun sending Naruto out to help out Teams in trouble, saving the lives of numerous Genin in the process. While his presence and attitude hadn't made the boy any more friends among the civilians, most of the shinobi corps. was behind that lad. He had even started having the boy handle mission assignments for Genin teams. This way, he reasoned, the teams would be prepared for the unexpected as they left the office and have a healthy dose of Killing Intent whenever they entered the mission assignment room.

On the floor directly below the Hokage's office, Naruto was currently meeting with the three most prominent Genin teams of this year's graduation. Sitting at his desk, while being flanked by his two best-friends/bodyguards/assistants, Naruto proudly displayed his black hitai-ate around his neck, hiding his scar. He carefully studied each of the teams standing before him.

Kakashi's team was perhaps the most prepared for a serious mission, consisting of the Uchiha, Sai, and a pink haired banshee, 'Huh, I thought they were extinct,' though the banshee might hold them back in anything physical, if her body is anything to show for her skills.

Asuma's team looked far more well rounded, the Ino-Shika-Cho trio revived, though that wasn't saying much really. Plus the blonde's tapping was beginning to grate on his ears, 'The Nara could probably get them through a C-rank but, maybe they will get better all together as time goes on.'

Finally their was perhaps the biggest disappointment, Kurenai's team. The Hyuuga appeared to be scared of her own shadow, the Inuzuka's dog was more intelligent then it's master, and the Aburame, perhaps the most proficient shinobi there, was to quiet to really take the reigns. To top it all off on his annoyance meter, their sensei had come in with a sense of superiority, 'she has got to be a newbie.'

Having gone over that disparaging amount of issues that stood before him, Naruto slowly took out a pack of cigarettes and lit one up with as small flame jutsu. It was a habit he had picked up from Walter.

Right before he was about to talk, the newbie Jounin decided to speak up, "Couldn't you wait smoke that disgusting thing until we were gone?" she questioned.

The other two sensei in the room merely face palmed at their colleagues mistake, they had seen the damage Naruto caused through his office when someone pissed him off.

Schrödinger had a smile on his face and a glint could be seen behind Walter. Naruto merely smiled as he looked at Kurenai, letting out a bit of his killing intent, making it difficult for the Genin to breathe, "You know Yuhi-san, I had planned to be nice, a few scare tactics here and there, sure to prepare the little Genin. Now though I'm a little annoyed."

Taking a long drag on his cigarette, he quickly grabbed the worst D-rank he had and tossed it to the red-eyed Jounin, "Your team will be catching Tora, have fun."

Kurenai merely scoffed, thinking that the secretary was all talk and hype before she lead her team out to complete the mission.

Once the team had left, a devilish grin appeared on Naruto's face, "Neko-kun, would you please ensure that Tora has all the assistance the darling thing could possibly need. Oh, and make sure most of the obstacles can target the Jounin."

Schrödinger merely let out a laugh that terrified the remaining Genin as he left the building.

Naruto noticed the blonde girl about to protest his orders, causing the grin on his face to widen slightly as he smoked his cigarette. Sadly her sensei saw what was coming and quickly covered her mouth, much to Naruto's disappointment. Finally he sighed as he addressed the teams, "Alright fresh meat, you are here for your first ever D-rank mission as you just saw, if you piss me off I will find a way to make sure your missions go horribly. Now Team 10 you will get a mission to paint the retirement home's building. Team 7 will help one of our local farmer with some work they need done."

The team's quickly left the room, "So what do you think Neko-kun will do to them Walter?"

Walter merely sighed as he took out his own cigarette, "I assume the damn cat will rig Tora's escape route with annoying prank traps while covering the Jounin in cat nip. I still don't get why I can't simply behead the annoying bastards."

Naruto sighed, "Because, as exciting as that might be to watch, torturing them this way provides for longer entertainment."

It was a few hours later that a haggard Team 8 came stumbling into the mission assignment room, having finally captured Tora, for the day. They had even broken a Tora record, sadly it was for the longest amount of time it took to catch the demon cat.

Naruto merely looked at them, Schrödinger smiling deviously behind him, getting a bit of pleasure out of the especially frazzled Jounin, "So... how did the mission go?"

Kurenai glared, knowing that the secretary had something to do with the leap of difficulty that the mission gained, before she composed herself, "Just fine, secretary-san. I think my team is done with missions today."

After receiving their pay she quickly left the room with her team. Schrodenger quickly broke into laughter, "Oh, you should have zeen it, Naru-chan. Every time zey caught little Tora, ze cats attracted by ze catnip vould give him a chance to escape, zhen ze pathetic team kept running into my traps. Zhat Hyuuga girl didn't even zink to use her special eyes to spot zem."

Naruto nodded, a grin adorning his face, "Well then, I think one team wont be ready for C-rank missions for a while."

3 Months Later

The time had finally come in the mission office, his three most frequent Genin teams were demanding C-rank missions. Naruto evaluated the teams slowly, starting with Kurenai's, "Yuhi-san do you mind if I smoke while I think this over?"

Recognizing the verbal trap, Kurenai refused to answer, the last time she did the secretary had somehow humiliated her in public utilizing a dead fish, some glue and Tora, she still had nightmares about the event, finally believing the rumors surrounding the boy.

Naruto smirked at her refusal to answer as he began to smoke his cigarette. Team 8 would still run blindly into the usual traps set up for the missions, but they were slowly learning. Finally coming to a decision he tossed the team a C-rank scroll, much to Kiba's pleasure, "Before you get too excited, it is a simple delivery mission to one of our border outposts, at most you'll run into bandits while having access to immediate back up."

As the team left he turned to Team 10. As expected, this team had grown slightly, though they would still need the Nara's expertise, that was likely to remain an issue however, he also tossed them a C-rank mission, "There is a bandit camp near one of our outlying towns, you lot are to exterminate it." Naruto looked at Asuma before continuing, "I would suggest making sure that they get their first kill on this one, it might help them later on."

Finally he turned to Team 7, Sakura was still largely as pathetic as before, so he found them what was the second easiest C-rank available, though he had a bad feeling about it. At Naruto's signal, Walter left to retrieve the client, "You all will be escorting the bridge builder, Tazuna back to Nami no Kuni, as well as protecting him as he build his bridge."

Tazuna walked in, drinking from a jug of sake. He took one look at the team before speaking, "I thought I hired shinobi not two depressing looking kids and a pink haired toothpick."

As he was taking another gulp from his jug, there was a glint of chakra wires as his jug was cut to pieces. He quickly looked around, finding Naruto sitting back in his chair, adjusting his fingerless gloves, "Tazuna-san, it is against the rules to drink on an escort mission. As for your team, I chose them myself based off of their skills and the dangers listed on the mission, now either you are lying to me about the mission, or you don't trust my ability to judge people. Which is it?"

Tazuna and the Genin stared in fear of the secretary as his shadow appeared to take the form of a demonic, multi-eyed fox, "N... nothing like that Sir. Y...you misheard I think this is a super good team, perfect for the mission of protecting me!"

The fox disappeared immediately as the boy grinned, "Very well have fun on your mission everyone!"

As the last team left, Naruto turned to Walter, "I think we may be heading to wave soon."

The next day, Naruto found himself in the Hokage's office, going over some of the more important files and setting up arrangements for the Chunin Exams.

Suddenly a small pug-like dog poofed into the center of the office, "Hokage-sama, Kakashi-sama requests help for the C-turned-A rank mission to escort the bridge builder to Nami. The team has encountered missing nin Momochi Zabuza and is expecting to have to fight him again."

As the summons completed giving it's message it poofed away. Naruto suddenly started cackling, much to Hiruzen's concern, "HA! I told you we would be heading to Nami Walter!"

From beside him Walter merely sighed.

"I don't remember giving you the order to assist Team 7 Naruto, I could always send a reserve team you know." Hiruzen reminded the excited young man.

Naruto merely stared blankly at the old man, "Hokage-jiji, either you send me, or I go for a walk, and we all know which will cause more paperwork."

Hiruzen straitened up and quickly agreed to Naruto's "request". As he was leaving Naruto threw out one final comment, "By the way, I'm taking Walter and leaving Schrödinger in charge of handing out missions!"

The Hokage merely sighed, knowing he'd get an increase in complaints about Schrödinger trapping missions soon. He was aware that Naruto had him trap most D-ranks, usually as a way of punishing stupidity, arrogance, or just improving a Genin's skills. However, when Schrödinger was left in charge, the traps quickly delved into the realm of pranking the entire shinobi corps.

"Please... just hurry back to control your boyfriend." The Hokage muttered, much to a sputtering Naruto's embarrassment.

In order to save some of his remaining dignity, Naruto left the building without another word and prepared for the slaughter to come, 'I bet Zabuza will make a wonderful familiar.'

A/N Alright, first thing, while Naruto has a number of Alucards basic abilities, he is not as experienced, he also doesn't hold nearly as many lives within him, so he has to build them up. Currently I'd put him at a match for most normal Jounin, though he would struggle in a straight fight with most higher level shinobi, we will see a bit of this with Zabuza. We have also begun to see a bit of the fun sadistic Narucard and will see a bit more of that next chapter, where he will see a real leprechaun!... or not.

Finally, let me know if I'm moving the story too quickly and I will try to slow it down a bit more.