Before long it was nightfall, and Dave's friends started to show up at his house. They all knew where the Strider's keep their spare key, so they just came in, one after the other unannounced. Bro, D, and Dirk were used to it on Friday nights- hell, Dirk sometimes held his own all Saturday (for increased irony)- but as D was in Hollywood, and Bro had rushed out this morning for a meeting conveniently placed in Hollywood (Dave was positive that D needed help with something, but didn't want to admit it cuz it wasn't cool, so Bro went there under the cover of a meeting), he had no one to tease him about it this time. Well, Dirk was still there, but he's having his all day sleepover tomorrow, so he doesn't bug Dave about it as much, knowing that whatever he did, Dave would do back tenfold AND in front of his boyfriend, Jake.
First came Rose in her black squiddle dress, boots and black lipstick, and Kanaya who was wearing her red asymmetrical skinny jeans, black, slightly heeled ankle boots, and a long sleeve black fitted tunic with a green sun on it. Kanaya also had a new, jade hijab on her head, that matched the colour of her eyes, which Dave complemented in the most ironically cool way. Then Dave noticed the huge bags they were carrying.
"Well, shit. Got a body in there Lalonde? Finally snapped and and took the life force from someone, in order to refuel your dark powers and stay young and healthy for all eternity? Need help to hide it, or are the police already on your tail? God, I can not go back to jail Rose, they know me there, they'd break me there this time, and no amount of shitty psychology will put me back together again. Like I'm Humpty motherfucking Dumpy, and the prison's the wall, are you really sure you wanna be the asshole that pushes Humpy Dumpy off the wall? Because that person was a grade-a asshole. Like a literal asshole, no body or anything, just a swirling black ass-mass of an asshole vortex, and fucking hell, you do not want to be sucked into the asshole vortex, especially without preparation Rose. Is that what you want? To spend your eternal life being squished in an asshole? Cuz if so, kinky. Does Kanaya know about all of these kinks?"
"Hello David. Yes I am wonderful, thank you for asking." Rose replied, sarcastically, "As for what's in the bags, well, you'll just have to wait for the others to get here, before you can see."
"Fine, you know where everything is." Dave said, and turned around.
"Dave, wait. You certainly aren't going to leave two delicate ladies to carry these heavy bags all the way to your room, are you? Especially seeing how we dragged them up sixteen flights of stairs." Kanaya intoned, with a light smirk.
Dave almost snorted, before shaking his head and turning back towards the two girls, "Delicate ladies? More like flighty broads. Nah, you brought that shit, you carry it."
"Oh my, Dave, why are you being so unnecessarily rude to us? Haven't we always been the pinnacle of helpfulness to you?" Kanaya said, a few tears rolling down her face.
"Uh." Dave mentally freaked out looking between Kanaya and his sissin. He made Kanaya cry. He's gonna die. Rose is going to stab knitting needles into his eyes and ride him down a waterslide. His soul is going to be ripped out and offered as an sacrifice to horrerterrors and other zoologically dubious creatures. "Calm down Maryam, I'll carry the damn bags. All of them even, so stop looking like I killed your fucking cat."
Kanaya immediately stopped crying, and rolled her eyes "Why thank you Dave, such a knight in shining armor."
"...What."
"Oh, I wasn't actually crying just now, I was exaggerating my reaction for effect and guilt tripping." She explained, while Rose giggled lightly behind her hand, with a fond and proud look at Kanaya for playing Dave so easily.
"And, you've corrupted her, haven't you Lalonde. Whatever pass me the damn bags."
Before long, Jade had shown up as well, her long so-dark-brown-it-was-almost-black hair (because, yes, in Dirk and Dave's awesomely ironic world, that is an actual hair colour used to describe the Harley-English's hair.) in a high ponytail held up with a neon green scrunchy, and her signature white dog ears headband, wearing some camouflage short-shorts and a white pink and green floral print halter top, saying that date night got cancelled, cuz Sollux was about to make a breakthrough in some coding shit, and not even the combined forces of herself, Becquerel, and Karkat could drag him away from the computer for more than two seconds.
She was soon followed by a cackling Terezi, wearing her dragon hoodie, teal jeans, and red crocks- Kanaya very literally cringed at the footwear-, who fist-bumped Dave, and hit him in the shins with her dragon-themed walking stick, then proceeded to chew on a red section of her currently rainbow hair.
Lastly, in comes Aradia, in her matching red gear pullover hoodie, grey slightly hole-y capri's, ridiculous white socks pulled halfway up her calves, and black, beat up sneakers with lil drawings in red pen on them, who Dave immediately forgives for being so late when she gives him a jar (with a red bow on top) of carefully cleaned and preserved bones, that she said belonged to a raven. As she moved a few strands of her black, rust red highlighted hair out of her face, she explained that she had to go all the way out to the greenhouse of dead things that she shared with Dave and sometimes Damara, to carefully collect the decomposed corpse, but took even longer properly cleaning them with peroxide and placing them safely in the jar, as a kind of good luck present. She also mentioned that Damara would most likely be pretty late, as their guardian, Dr. Scratch, didn't quite like the fact that they had turned the greenhouse he gave them into a storage for decomposing animal corpses, and that Aradia had 'dared' to bring the remains of the raven inside the house to clean them, so Damara gave her a chance to escape before 'privileges' were revoked. She seems positive that Damara will be alright, so Dave doesn't question it, but does say that both the sisters can spend as much time here for as long as they want, instead of going home- he knows his bros won't mind,
"Well, since we are mostly all here, I believe it is time to enlighten dear Dave with our plan." Rose said, once they were all comfortable in his room, either on Dave's bed or floor.
"Hell to the fucking yes." Dave exclaimed, leaning back on his bed from his position on the floor.
"Basically, John's problem with dating is that none of the people he dates stand out. They're easily forgettable, and have a hard time keeping his attention for extended periods of time. The only reason he had even been with Vriska for so long, was that he captured his attention through a similar taste in bad movies, and the fact that on their first date she pushed a guy down a flight of stairs- not something that easy to forget, right? But still quite morbid, so they didn't stay together, but she was interesting enough that John tried doubly hard to stay friends with her. So, you are going to be a different experience for him. Not only are you a guy, but the outfit you are going to wear will be permanently singed into his brain. No matter what happens, he'll never be able to forget it- almost as if it was carved into his brain. The outfit will immediately capture and hold his attention, and then you just have to be your regular... 'witty' self, and I am sure more dates will come of it."
"And what is this 'outfit' you've been alluding to for the past three hours, fifty four minutes, and seven seconds?" Dave replied with his usual accuracy to things surrounding time. He didn't view it as weird, since the Megido's did the same thing, and Dirk had his percentages and 'soul reading' thing (Dave still shivers when he remembers the first big lie he told to Dirk, which made him receive such a cold, hard, unshaded stare, that Dave felt like his soul was being ripped out of his body, as he hurriedly told the truth.).
At this point Kanaya unzipped the bag she was sitting beside on the bed, and took out a mass of red and black fabric, that when shook out, suspiciously looked like the shape of a-
"Is that a fucking dress. Is that a fucking dress my size?! What the actual hell. Ladies, I know I'm pretty, but I'm a dude. This is like some of Bro and Dirk's anime bullshit isn't it? You know John's gonna freak the fuck out, and not speak to me for the rest of ever if I go to our first date in that, right? Like he's gonna flip off the handle. He's gonna do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle if he sees me in this." Dave says, eyes widening behind his shades.
"C'mon Dave! Trust me, I'm his cousin, John would never, ever stop speaking to you, and this is the perfect chance to totally capture his attention, like Rose said! She's right you know! John's always telling me how his dates can't understand or live with his pranksters gambit, and were a bit dull." Jade chirped, waving around her hands as she talked, giving Dave an ample distraction of the contrast the many different coloured forget-me-knots, and neon green nail polish that matched her eye colour, made across her brown fingers. He briefly wondered how she remembered what each knot meant, before reluctantly going back to the present conversation.
"And correction Dave, this dress is not your size, but a rough estimate of your size. When Porrim shows up, we will be measuring you, taking in and letting out fabric as necessary." Kanaya explained.
Dave sighed and rubbed his temples, "You lot are crazy, you know that?"
"Only figuring that out now, Dave?" Terezi said with a slight cackle, and leaned forward to lick Dave's cheek. "What had tipped you off, Doctor Honeytongue?"
"Nope, not RP'ing with you tonight TZ, nor wearing the damn dress. Take that idea and put it on the train to nopesville, let it take the noway-hosay express, all the way to the no-fucking-chance station, let that idea settle down, get a Japanese wife by the name of Iie, let them have millions of tiny spawning no babies, let the no fester and repopulate the town like rabbits, until this economy brings them right the fuck down, and makes them have to kill each other to survive, eating their nay husbands, and their no children, till there is one no way survivor, who would then looking at the carnage be shot down by the swat team, and put an end to those kinda thoughts."
"...Wow Coolkid, I never knew you were such a scaredycat!" Terezi falls to the floor and laughs happily.
"Excuse you, we Strider's aren't scared of anything, except for the immense power of our own swag." Dave said.
"Says the person who made that whole elaborate story, just in order to get out of wearing a dress! What, is the Coolkid not hot enough to pull it off? Does he not have the guts? Is his precious lil masculinity gonna be bruised? Poor baby."
"Shut the fuck up Terezi, you know any other day I could work that dress so hard, that people would drop down dead at the sight of me, then come back to life as ghosts just to watch me walk past. I wore a fucking dress to church once- back in fucking Texas - in prep school when the teacher started pressuring me and my bros to go, so don't even test my comfort in my masculinity or guts."
"Yet, you refused to wear a dress, because of John? A dress which my girlfriend and her sister has been making for you, and are fully prepared to stay up until midnight to finish? And for person who you know you could always pretend the dress was a joke later on, and he'd believe you? Your so called 'best bro'? I'm sorry, dear brother, but I have to agree with Terezi on this." Rose intoned lightly.
Dave groaned, and said, "Fuck it, fine, I'll wear the damn dress, you win Lalonde, and the flighty broads crew. If anyone asks though, I did it for the ironic yolo."
Then Dave realized, "Wait, this dress was 'made' for me? Dammit Lalonde, how long have you known that John was gonna ask me out?"
"Well, he first came to me at the beginning of last month, if that answers your question?" Rose said with a smirk.
Dave made another frustrated noise, and ran his fingers through his hair, "So done with your passive-aggressive bullshit, Lalonde. Thanks though, Kanaya, I'm sure the dress will be perfectly flattering for a goddess like me."
Kanaya smiled, her incisors a bit more pointy than the rest of her teeth- a family trait, and said, "You are most welcome, Dave. No doubt I will be making your wedding dress as well."
"Hell yes." Dave said seriously, and fist bumped Kanaya.
"Look at the bright side Dave!" Aradia said, crawling towards him to fix his hair, also sitting on the floor as Jade, Rose, and Kanaya- not to mention the dress and other measuring and sewing bobbles- took up the bed, "This is a major selfie moment! You could get Tumblr famous, or maybe you could even wear the dress as your Halloween costume! You could take a bunch of sweet photos, wearing that in the graveyard, and put it in your little collage thing, or keep it for a portfolio if you ever take up photography seriously, or become a model."
By this point she had forced his head into her lap, and was running fingers through his hair, "If it makes you feel any better, if things with John go bad, we can all pretend he's dead for a bit." Her hands stopped in his hair, shocked by her own words, before she continued excitedly, "Yeah! We could totally do that, and host a corpse party for him! I bet we could even make all the guys there wear dresses! It would epic!" She smiled brightly down at Dave, dimples in full bloom, her smile wide enough to put the Cheshire Cat to shame. Of course, Dave was too used to this smile to be creeped out by it.
"Sure, you death fangirl." Dave replied, poking her forehead.
Aradia pouted and weakly glared at Terezi, "See what you started! Now everyone's gonna be calling me that. Not that I object, or disagree though." She smiled widely again, dimples back, "Of course that means Dave's a death fanboy."
Dave psh'ed and said, "Please, I would be a better death fangirl than you, but I'll let you keep that, so don't go calling me death fanboy."
They all bantered back and forth a bit, before Porrim, wearing jade high waisted shorts and a black tank top, showing off her tattoos arrived with Damara, who was wearing a red pleated skirt, and her red gear pullover hoodie with the sleeves ripped off to show the sleeves of the long sleeve black fishnet top she was wearing underneath, and socks matching her siblings, as well as sneakers whose only difference was they were red with black pen scribbles all over. The thing most striking about Damara today, though, was the nasty bruise blooming on her cheekbone.
At first Dave didn't notice, his back towards them, opening with the joke he always said when they came around together, "So, two Asians, one an Indian woman and the other a Japanese woman, both walk into a bar..." He trailed off when he turned around and saw Damara's face.
"Shit, Damz." Dave muttered, only to get all but shoved of Aradia's lap and onto the ground, when Aradia stood up to go over to her sister.
"What did he do? What happened?" Aradia asked, reaching out to touch the bruise, before pulling her hand back, and stepping aside as Jade went to the kitchen for some ice.
Damara snorted and said, "Bastard hit with broom handle. We no 'house privileges' for while."
Aradia then hugged her sister, muttering in angry Japanese, which caused Damara to laugh and join in, Dave only catching from their rapid conversation, some swear words that'd shame a sailor. Or even a Strider. Hot damn, make that a Makara.
Damara patted her sister's hair, and pulled back with a dimpled smile, slightly wincing when the bruise was pulled back, "I fine hellbaby. Better me than you. Thanks for giving a shit though. We need find place crash."
Dave spoke up,"Luckily, since I'm such an awesome guy, I already told Aradia that you and her could stay here for as long as you like, so that's all set."
Damara smiled widely, "Thanks cumbaby."
Dave just waved away the thanks, as Porrim comes towards him.
"So I am guessing my sister already told you of the plans, correct?" Porrim inquired.
"Yeah." Dave heaved a sigh, and stood up, stretching his arms out to either side, "Measure away. Cool nose ring, by the way."
"Not as cool as all your piercings and tattoos are going to look, when you come to me on your birthday. Plus, I have to admit, Kanaya would pull off a nose stud better than me, so she's getting one for her birthday." Porrim said, as she picked up various things from the bed.
"Sweet." Dave replied.
Both Maryam's, then started to measure Dave's waist, chest, length from armpit to knee, etcetera, while Damara and Terezi took great pleasure in stopping Dave from squirming around. Dave distantly heard pictures of him being taken as he was held still, but paid it no mind.
Unfortunately, the frogiverse seems to have it out for the youngest Strider, as just as Terezi was standing on the bed, holding Dave's hands above him, and Damara was pulling up his shirt, Dirk pops into the room. The two Strider's just stare at each other for awhile, and Dave opens his mouth to give some crappy explanation, but Dirk just holds up a hand and says, "I don't want to know. Kan, since you're here, I think I got down the main design for the hoodie for the robot bunny for Jane, wanna take a look and see if you need to make any alterations before making it? If you're not too busy with all this bondage crap."
Kanaya looks at Porrim, who states, "Go ahead sweetheart, we got down all the measurements needed, and we weren't that far off in the original fit. I'll just start altering it, but it shouldn't take too much effort, or time."
As Kanaya left, Jade came back in with the ice, and handed it to Damara, complaining about swords falling out of the freezer. Porrim took up most of the bed to start altering the dress, Damara lightly shoving Rose to the ground, and taking her space on the bed with an insincere "Whoops.", and a smile, which turned into a pout when she became Porrim's official stuff holder.
"Daaaaaaaaave." Jade whined, laying on her back on the floor, and tipping her head backwards to look at him, "Isn't it about time for the 'Ironic Nail Painting and Gossip'? Not that watching Porrim work isn't fun, but it isn't fun!"
"Sure English-Harley, don't get your panties in a twist- no matter how tempting the option may sound." Dave said as he walked over to the shelves that held a wide selection of nail polish- a birthday gift from D. The shelves were right over the glass cabinets that held Dave's jars of bones, Aradia's gift obviously taking center-stage, though. Dave called back, "Since the furry's nails are already painted, and Porrim and Damz are doing inappropriate things with their already painted fingers, the rest of you, pick colours."
"I would prefer the purple and black, David. I nearly gave my poor Art teacher a heart attack with my bright orange sundress and my last coat of bright yellow and orange nails. The poor fellow was stuttering something about it not fitting me and my art style, the poor dear was so confused." Rose lightly drawled with a smirk.
Jade laughed while calling Rose mean, Porrim and Aradia snorted, Terezi and Damara cackled loudly, and Dave just shook his head, a matching smirk on his lips, and threw the nail polishes into his sissin's lap.
"Silver and red for me, Dave." Aradia called out, and caught the two polishes in the air.
"Rainbow!" Terezi shouted.
"Jesus fucking Christ Terezi." Dave mumbled as he took down all the colours, and placed them in his shirt to carry. He walked back over to Terezi, and proceeded to dump them on her head.
"Haha, dump things on top of the blind girl, why don't you?" Terezi grinned up at Dave.
"Please, you're somehow getting off on all the colours surrounding you, don't even joke. You're like fucking Kanaya when she gets skittles." Dave replied.
"That's because, Dave." Terezi took off her red glasses, and stared at Dave with her milky burgundy eyes, "I AM Kanaya when she gets skittles!"
"Dun dun dun, dramatic gasp." Dave dead panned as he sat to the ground, "BTW, Lalonde, once you're done with the the black pass it over, I'm going red and black."
"No pink this time, Dave" Rose asked, as Jade started on her nails.
"Nah, not with that dress. Maybe next week." Dave waved her off, and proceeded to do Terezi's nails, and Aradia's nails.
When he was finished with their's, both girls got to work on Dave's nails.
"I would've thought you'd bully Sollux to do your nails, TZ." Dave said, "And it's red with a black tip, get it right."
Terezi stuck out her tongue at him, before saying, "I was gonna, but you heard Jade, Mr. Appleberry Blast has all his coding shit, didn't even flinch when I licked him! And I was gonna ask Karkles too, but he had already dyed my hair, and Meenah had bullied him into painting her nails, so I stood no chance." Terezi explained, "I'm gonna get Sollux back though. Next week I'm gonna drag him to that spa owned by the Ampora's and watch him grovel for mercy." She grinned, "And when either I forgive him, or I can't stand being around Eridan any longer, I'll drag him to the park and make him play troll-cops with me! He makes such a good police car, and Jade already approved my plan- there's no way he's getting out of it!"
Dave whistled through his teeth, "Damn. You don't play, do you Pyrope?"
"This is justice, Dave. I never play with justice." Terezi answered happily.
"Next week you say? I'll have to warn Feferi not to stop by the spa then. Or to carry a video camera!" Aradia said.
"You and Fef, I don't know how the universe can handle all the bubbly cuteness you two as a couple produce. It's almost sickening. It's like you two are a swimming pool, and I just finished eating- I have to stay back for five to ten minutes before even approaching the two of you together." Dave said, "But apparently, someone else painting my gorgeous nails is dating a specific spiderbitch, and didn't tell me."
Terezi slightly cringed, "Yeah, so I'm dating Vriska. And Nepeta. I guess you already figured that out though, huh Coolkid? Nothing gets past a Strider. I was gonna tell you later tonight though!"
"Wait, wait, wait. Back it up. Back it up like Nicki Minaj in Anaconda. You're dating Vriska /and/ Nepeta? Nepeta, as in cat lover, the girl that when her spine got snapped, got an actual blue tail attached to it while it was healing? And dating as in the whole polyamorous threesome thing, that Jade has with Sollux and Shouty?" Dave asked.
"Yup. Surprisingly, for a hyperactive shipper, Nepeta can hold her own in this relationship. She even beat Vriska in kickboxing. Unfortunately, that means that Vriska taught her how to street fight, but I won't complain, the amount of money they bring in makes up for it." Terezi explained.
Dave said, "So you're not gonna go all justice on their asses? Gonna pretend not to see them?"
"Dave, I'm blind, I literally can't see them." Terezi cackled, "And besides, you know Vriska. As long as she's just fighting strangers in the streets- preferably crooks- then I'm fine. And Nepeta has Equius -who made her her weapons, this cool set of claws that she wears- to stop her from going too crazy, so it works out! She LARP's with me and Vriska, too. It's kinda weird but it all the scratching, sniffing, and breaking works." Terezi shrugged.
"Equius, as in the big, looks-like-he-can-snap-me-in-half, dark skinned with the blue arrow Sagittarius symbol on his arm, dreadlocks, cracked glasses guy, who's acquaintance of Dirk thanks to robotics club?" Dave asked.
"Same one." Terezi nodded.
"Jesus, never even thought those two would be in the same social circles." Dave said, taking back the hand Aradia was painting, and waiting for it to dry.
"Wait, isn't Nepeta's older sister dating that Kurloz Makara?" Aradia asked, "I thought you didn't get along with the Makara's, or Gamzee in general. But aren't Nepeta and the Makara siblings pretty close?"
"Yeah, Gamzee's like a brother to her, if I remember right. The amount of piggyback rides that girl and her sister got from the Makara brothers should break a goddamn school record." Dave added.
Terezi grimaced, "Yeah, about Gamzee... Remember how I didn't like him because he was always high in school, and the teachers didn't do anything about it? And I was sure it was because the Makara's are so filthy rich and scary? Well apparently, it's all prescribed drugs he's on. I don't exactly remember what he has, but it seems that when he's sober he gets extremely violent- something about voices and gods, I don't even remember, but once I realized he's not a dirty rule breaker, we got along just fine. I mean, were not best friends or anything, but it's tolerable and he's close to Nepeta so." Terezi shrugged, before blowing on Dave's nails. "All done Coolkid!"
Dave shook his nails with a smirk, and said, "Thanks TZ, 'Dia, I'm sure to be the prettiest princess in all the ball. Sweet score with the bitches though, you can tell Nepeta and Feferi they can come over next Friday if they want. Not Vriska or Eridan though- I would say no offense, but those bitches be cray when they wanna be, so it's just for our own safety."
Terezi grinned and rolled her eyes, "Yea, I agree with you. But! I did tell Nepeta about this, and gave her your chumhandle, so be ready for a barrage of messages from an 'arsenicCatnip', asking about your date sometime soon. You and John are going on The Wall, Dave." She cackled.
"Why do I feel like The Wall was capitalized?" Aradia asked.
Terezi stared at her head on, before replying ominously, "Because is IS capitalized!"
"I hate to break up good dramatics, but as I am finished with Jade's nails, I believe it is time for me to bestow upon David, the very essence of crossdressing and femininity." Rose said with a light smirk, as she got up from her seat on the floor, and removed something from one of the bags she brought, then handed it over to Dave.
"...You gotta be fucking kidding me Lalonde." Dave dead panned as he looked at the makeup container he was just passed.
"Not at all, dear brother." Rose allowed the smirk to fully encompass her features, "Would you like pointers on how to put it on?"
Dave continued to stare at the makeup, before shrugging and tossing the container to the side, "Nah, how hard can it be?"
Rose just stares at him, before bursting into tiny giggles behind her fist, "I suspect you will find out."
Dave opens his mouth to make a witty retort, when Kanaya came back in with some drawings in her hands, and asked, "How far have you gotten, Porrim?"
"I'm almost done, darling...just, sew up that side for me, will you?" Porrim replied, distractedly, and Kanaya ran over to do as was asked.
"And...done! There you go, love, a one of a kind Maryam dress." Porrim remarked, as Kanaya hung up the dress, and put it on Dave's closet door.
"Thanks, I guess." Dave acknowledged.
Jade stands up, "Time for accessories!" And scurries over to the bags.
"Accessories. Of course, can't be looking like no cheap trashy whore. I'm a high class prostitute." Dave said as he accepted his fate.
Jade squeals, and says, "You are going to adore this Dave!", then shows off a pair of over-the-knee, black socks with a red trim, and Dave lets out a low whistle.
"Dayum. Egbert won't know what hit him." Dave says as he reaches out for the socks.
"Me wanted you get fishnet ones." Damara remarked, as she was finally freed for being Porrim's stuff holder.
"Not on the first date, Damz, Egbert would die from the sexiness." Dave replied with a smirk.
"My turn to give you an accessory Dave!" Aradia remarks, and stands up.
"Ooh, more presents, my body is ready." Dave says dramatically.
Aradia just rolls her eyes, and presents Dave with a pair of red with black 4 and a half inch platforms, with red gear-shaped buckles, and tiny skull decorations on the platform part. "You may borrow The Shoes. You may keep Them in your closet. But just remember, I am not above breaking in, and taking back The Shoes every once in awhile to wear them." Aradia says seriously as she hands him The Shoes.
Dave holds up a hand, takes out his IPhone, and plays a "choir of angels singing the word "Aah"", before reaching back for The Shoes. "I will treat Them as if They were the lovechild of Nicki Minaj and Iggy Azalea."
Aradia nodded sagely, "You had better."
"I have one issue though." Dave says calmly, "How in the seven hells do I fucking walk in these medieval torture devices?"
Damara claps, and smiles, before remarking, "That's me shit! I teach sweet cumbaby how walk in heels!" She walks over to the bags.
"No, seriously Lalonde, do you have Mary fucking Poppin's bag, or the Doctor's TARDIS, or some...shit." Dave trailed off as he noticed the stripper heels Damara had pulled out.
"You lucky we wear same size." Damara says nonchalantly, walking back over.
"Damz... Those are stripper heels. Now, I'd make a damn good stripper, people'd be throwing themselves over one another for a chance to give this plush rump some cash, but don't you think this is sorta extreme?" Dave rambles.
"Might be a only date, but you fuck-wow him. You walk these, you walk any shoe. Platforms are be nothing. Now, shut up and walk. You be one throwing themself over desk for fuck." Damara smirks as she forces Dave in the heels.
Dave stands up wobbling, and almost falls after the first step. "Yeah, no. Take them off."
Jade giggles and says, "Don't give up! It's for John!"
Dave curses loudly, whilst Damara gives him a slight push. Before long he's slowly walking along the length of the room.
"Come on, Coolkid! I'm blind and I can walk with more confidence than you! Sway them hips Dave!" Terezi cackled as Dave walked.
"Shut the fuck up TZ, you're blind, how can you tell if I sway or not." Dave replied, a bit petulantly.
"I'd hate to admit it, but Terezi's right, David." Rose said, with a permanent smirk.
"The stripper heels are all about forgetting the heel, walking on the ball of your feet, and confidence, young grasshopper." Porrim added.
"You got it Dave!" Aradia exclaimed, with double pistols, a dimpled smile, and a wink.
Dave just continues to grumble and curse, while getting used to walking. "I swear, I will never ever make fun of Tavros for the rest of my life."
After a couple painful, but hilarious hours, Damara swats Dave, and gives him a dimpled smile, "You good now. Cumbaby walk goodly now."
"Sweet." Dave high fives everyone, before sitting down and taking off the heels, thanking every lord he knew off while he did so.
"Now David, are you sure you do not require help with your makeup?" Rose questioned once again.
"Yeah, darling, it isn't as easy as we girls make it seem." Porrim threw in.
"Nah, seriously, how hard can it fucking be?" Dave repeated his earlier statement, and chose to ignore all the girls as they laughed at him.
"Well, thank you for the unwanted help. I'm sure I'll look hella fine, with all the work y'all put in. Not that I'm not already hella fine, but still. I will kill all of you if Egbert freaks out, just so you know. Though who knows, my beauty may blind him." Dave rambles on, only to be hit in the face with a pillow by a laughing Aradia.
"Oh sister, it is so on." Dave said, while lashing out with a pillow.
After a (totally ironic) pillow fight, everyone changed into their PJ's, and watched a shitty Nic Cage movie, for good luck on Dave's date. Before long, they all fell asleep, piled on top of one another.