AN: Working on something big. May show up next week on my , may just be on SB. We'll see.
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The rather jolly fellow who possessed far too much beard, and roughly six inches too much height to be a firsty, sat down with aplomb, and then placed the sorting hat on his head.
"Oh dear," The Sorting Hat said, "You don't even belong in this reality. Well, only one thing for it then. RAVENCLAW!"
...
"AND HOUSE LOVECRAFT FOR THE BEARD!"
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He was rather large for a firsty. Also, rather green. Also, rather tall. Roughly eight feet too tall. And muscular. About eight hundred pounds too muscular.
The hat didn't even sit on his head properly.
"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat screamed.
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Haaaa-kooouugh
The student body stared.
Haaaa-kooouugh
The staff stared.
Haaaa-kooouugh
The Sorting Hat stared, at least until the armored figure placed it upon his head. Over his helmet.
Haaa-kooouugh
"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat screamed.
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A burning eye, held aloft between a pair of ebony spires floated silently across the floor of the Great Hall, glaring silently at the Sorting Hat.
"Oh don't even bother," The Hat growled, "Slytherin if I ever saw one."
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A robust mechadendrite with a broad gripping attachment at the end carefully raised the Sorting Hat, and then placed it upon an armored skull.
One of the second years was quietly sick as she caught sight of one of the implants beneath the individuals red robes.
"RAVENCLAW!"
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A short, but determined girl of asiatic descent stalked up to the stool, small red jewel grasped firmly in hand. She was small, too small to be a firsty, even counting the often-smaller stature of orientals, and the hat completely engulfed her head, concealing all but the very end of her brunette ponytail.
Less than a second passed before the hat spoke.
"HUFFLEPUFF!" It declared, a sort of vindictive amusement clear in its voice.
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A psychedelic pink Pony bounced; not skipped, not cantered, bounced to the hat, then with a deft flip of its head, flipped the hat on, then sat, almost vibrating with excitement.
"HUFFLEPUFF!" The hat shouted.
"YAY!" The Pony shouted from the Hufflepuff table, the hat falling onto the stool as there rather abruptly was nothing supporting it.
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A crackling blue-white orb of energy with a pair of energy arcs extending from opposite sides drifted over to the Sorting Hat, and slipped beneath it.
"SLYTHERIN!" The Hat declared, "YOU IDIOT!"
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AN: Purely for my own amusement. My project of the last two weeks is at ~21k words, with 30+ hours of additional background work done. This is, obviously, something that comes from a lack of writing time for other things. Also, for my own amusement. If you can figure out who or what each individual sorted is, you should be able to imagine what an interesting year this is going to be, yes?
Cookie for anyone who figures them all out.