A week and a half later, Kurt finally gives in and pulls up the contact in his phone. Stalling for a few extra seconds, he changes the name again. Fed up with himself and his procrastination, he flops back on his bed and starts typing.
Me: Okay, you were right. I'm an idiot. I applied to 3 more programs/colleges. Feel free to gloat.
It only takes a few seconds to get the ever-prompt response.
His Royal Smugness: LOL I knew it! You're NOT as stupid as you sounded! What colleges?
Me: Ugh. I knew you'd be smug about this. The standards I guess... NYU, Marymount, and Parsons. I barely caught the deadlines... so thanks for being a jerk I guess.
His Royal Smugness: Anytime =D
Me: Moving on, how was your Thanksgiving?
His Royal Smugness: Uneventful. My family doesn't get into it much. We had a family dinner, my older sister came in to visit, we didn't even eat turkey. We aren't quite on the bucket of fried chicken or chinese food level, but we don't go all out.
Me: O lol Yeah, no. My dad goes all out. Esp now that we have a 'real family'. Carole's sister comes with her family and Carole cooks a huge dinner, Dad and Finn watch the game. It's very stereotypical.
His Royal Smugness: Sounds boring as hell.
Me: It really is. But I smile and nod. It's not like I won't want that one day with my own family, and I'm glad Dad is happy. So whatevs.
His Royal Smugness: Well, that's just fantastically uninteresting. How has the rest of your week been?
Me: Mind numbing. Our glee club is going through a huge drama (or 4) and we're smack in the middle of trying to figure out what to do now that Blaine has run back to the hive.
His Royal Smugness: Lol You were once part of the hive weren't you?
Me: Dear god, don't remind me. I still have nightmares about wearing a blazer I can't get out of (like a straight jacket) and a tie that does nothing but tighten when I try to take it off.
His Royal Smugness: You're such a drama queen. Lol It couldn't have been THAT bad.
Me: No, it really could. They hated me there.
His Royal Smugness: Uh? I thought you were still friends with them? You said Jeff was your friend.
Me: Well, I still keep in contact with a few of them, Jeff and Nick mostly. Thad always hated me. I think Wes thought I was weird, but he liked to watch me... like a tropical bird with pretty feathers. Interesting, but don't try to befriend it. I liked Trent but that was mostly because his reactions were hysterical. I'm pretty sure Blaine won all of them in the divorce though.
His Royal Smugness: *snort* Probably. So what ARE you guys going to do about sectionals? Luckily you won't actually have to face off against the teen dream.
Me: Ok, what the hell?! How do you know who we're facing? And please tell me you didn't just refer to Blaine because of Katy Pery.
His Royal Smugness: I'll let you in on a secret... I'm in show choir too! It's how I met you, sort of. And no, I totally did. The mutual friend I told you about (he's a warbler) told me all about your googoo eyes the first time you set eyes on the boy wonder.
Me: That's the best news I've heard all day. I'm going to go climb under a rock now.
His Royal Smugness: Aww lol Don't worry, I won't judge you too much for being into overly gelled gnomes with bow ties.
Me: *glare* Why do I talk to you?
His Royal Smugness: Because I'm awesome?
Me: Nope, that's def not it.
His Royal Smugness: Because you're sad and lonely?
Me: *sigh* getting warmer.
His Royal Smugness: Because there's literally not any other damn thing to do here? Besides have sex, but we've already established that you don't do that.
Me: Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Also, shut up. I'll have sex one day... probably when I'm in my late twenties.
His Royal Smugness: Lol Are you seriously planning to hold out that long? Fuck that.
Me: Hold out? I thought we established that I'm sad and lonely? It's more 'find someone willing' than 'holding out'.
His Royal Smugness: *blink* You are fucking kidding me right? You're not going to have trouble finding a guy that's willing to fuck you, dude.
Me: Uhh... *looks around, even checking under the bed* Sorry, I must have missed that hidden guy that actually finds me attractive. I've been looking for him, thought I found him, but it's like Where's Waldo. I was so sure that Blaine was him, but I didn't notice that his hair wasn't poofed and he didn't have the hat. So close.
His Royal Smugness: Lol totally gonna start calling Blaine 'Waldo' now. At least in my head. Not out loud. Because then he might mention some really sexy guy calling him Waldo to you and it would all be for naught.
Me: Damn! You almost fell for it. So you're sexy huh? Must be nice. Ugh. I'm turning into one of those people that has to have a man to feel good about themselves and I really hate that.
His Royal Smugness: Lol You're so deluded. Why the hell do you think you're not sexy?
Me: Um, maybe because every guy I've ever been attracted to has either hinted at or flat out told me I'm not? Granted, some of those were straight guys, so they have an excuse, but the only two openly gay boys I've ever talked to have made it very clear that at best, I'm not their type.
His Royal Smugness: Uh, what? One of those guys is Blaine right...?
Me: lol O, you didn't hear that part from your warbler? Before we started dating Blaine told me I wasn't sexy. Said my sexy faces look like gas pains or something. Imagine my surprise when he kissed me a few weeks later. I really should have seen this breakup coming.
His Royal Smugness: Woooow. That's super douchey! And that's coming from ME! (I take great pleasure in being underhandedly insulting to people)
Me: Yeah. Well, at least Blaine didn't say it maliciously. He was trying to help me with performances. Sebastian just looked at me like I was everything wrong with the world. Good times.
His Royal Smugness: Wasn't he trying to sleep with your bf? Maybe he just didn't like the competition?
Me: O no, he seems like the type that would love competition. He probably enjoys the chase just as much as the sex at the end. Not that I know him very well, we've only spoken a few times. Besides, it's not like I blame him.
His Royal Smugness: What does that mean? If he was really giving you looks like that, why not blame him?
Me: Well I was just as bad as he was that day. Ugh, I hate the person I became around Blaine. It's why I'm not super upset about the breakup. I loved Blaine, I probably always will a little, but I just turned into this total basket case around him.
His Royal Smugness: um... like how?
Me: IDK, I'm just different with him. Because he likes the spotlight so much I had to get used to taking the backseat. It turned me into this jealous uptight nightmare. And for the record- I really hate the backseat.
His Royal Smugness: Really? I LOVE the backseat. There's so much more room to move ;)
Me: lol shut up. I just mean that with Blaine I always felt like I had to defend. Defend my solos, defend my opinions, defend my bf. He was just so... flattered by Seb (not typing his long ass name anymore) that it made me feel like a troll. Yes, he's hot, but do you have to pant after him with me sitting RIGHT THERE?
His Royal Smugness: So Seb's hot huh? Do you even have a type? I heard that you got in trouble at school for liking a jock, then you dated Blaine, now Seb is hot... what the hell dude?
Me: Lol no really, shut up. The first crush was poor judgment. He was nice to me in a very rough time. Now he's my brother and that's all I see him as.
Me: Blaine was... perfect. He was everything I wanted to be. He was confident, comfortable around other guys, and an amazing performer. The first time I saw him he had the entire school eating out of his hand. And this was during a time that I was getting terrorized at school. It seemed like too good to be true. Which I guess he was.
Me: Seb is just... hot. There's not much else to say. He's an ass, and clearly he's only out to have sex. He's the gay Puck, which is fine. I don't have a bf he can steal anymore, and like I said, they deserve each other. Maybe if Blaine gets used for sex for all the wrong reasons he'll understand how crappy he made me feel. *end rant*
His Royal Smugness: lol yeah, tell me how you really feel, babe. But a couple things, one- your crush is your brother now?! Lmao! You poor bastard! Two- Blaine's an idiot. Him treating you like something convenient to ditch his virginity with is super shitty. And three- I thought you said you didn't know Seb? How do you know he's only out to have sex?
Me: I'm skipping the first two because I've already expressed my feelings on both. As for Seb, I don't know him... but he was clearly trying to get with Blaine while we were still together. Somehow I don't think he wanted to play pictionary.
His Royal Smugness: Lol fair enough. But for the record, speaking for all of us gay men out there, you're attractive. There are a lot of different types of attractive, hot, sexy, cute, pretty, handsome. You fit under cute and pretty, with a possible option for sexy, but I haven't seen you in a situation where you would have been trying to be sexy, so I'm not sure. But srsly, finding someone to fuck you? That WON'T be a problem when you know more than 3 gay guys. You probably just aren't their type. I'm sure you know guys that are attractive but that you wouldn't date even if they came on to you. (Seb much?)
Me: If you say so. Moving on?
Soon after Kurt admits he was wrong, he finds himself texting his new friend more than all of his 'real' friends combined. Way more than he'd ever texted Blaine. He learns more about the guy bit by bit and soon is talking to him every day, usually about the most random things. His contact name changes frequently as their relationship evolves, mainly because the boy still refuses to tell Kurt who he is, despite Kurt asking at least once every few days.
Me: Sectionals is saved!
Possibly Sexy: Oh? Do tell!
Me: One of our members from last year came back! He moved away with his family but Finn tracked him down. He's living with us now, because he has little siblings so his family couldn't just pack up. Woot! We're having extra rehearsals to rework everything with him.
Possibly Sexy: Awesome! Maybe we'll face off at regionals? Who knows, maybe by then I'll even tell you who I am! (don't count on it) So if I was to look up your competition videos from last year which guy would now be living with you?
Me: Why does it sound so... porny... when you say it?
Possibly Sexy: Because you're projecting? Something to share with the class, Booboo?
Me: Shut up. And he's the blonde.
Possibly Sexy: Hang on, searching.
Possibly Sexy: LMAO Those are some LIPS. Is he gay? Is he staying in your room? Can you share?
Me: OMG shut up! No, no and NO. … but yes, the lips are memorable.
Possibly Sexy: Hahahaha I really hope I've ruined your friendship with him now.
Me: Hard to do. Once you've seen someone in shiny gold underwear and been taught how to do a stripper roll, your friendship is pretty solid.
Possibly Sexy: WHAT?!
After sectionals, Kurt gets a new round of texts before the auditorium is even cleared.
Lip Lover: I totally get the stripper roll reference now.
Lip Lover: Did Lips teach you those moves?
Lip Lover: I can't believe your teacher let you do that.
Lip Lover: You should have seen Blaine's face! I purposely sat where I could see him. He looked like he wanted to climb on the stage and wrap you in a muumuu.
Lip Lover: Btw, I totally called it. You can def be sexy when you want to. ;)
Me: LOL Thanks? Not sure I believe you, but I tried. Sam did most of the choreography, which I'm sure Blaine would have never allowed if he was still here. He also did a much better job of teaching me to be sexy than Blaine did. He laughed himself silly at the faces I tried to make because of Blaine's 'teaching'.
Lip Lover: You let Blaine Anderson try to teach you to be sexy? No wonder you came across as a milkmaid! He's almost as 'innocent blushing bride' as you are, babe. Of course Lips did better!
Me: Lol Well, I'm glad you approve. And I don't really care what Blaine was doing. He left without speaking to me, so I'm good. YOU however, should have congratulated me! Are you ever going to tell me who you are, or just creep on me forever? D=
Lip Lover: Oh, look at that! My ride is leaving. Gotta go.
Me: YOU DROVE YOURSELF!
Lip Lover: What's your point? Txt ya after dinner! Gonna be driving!
Most of the texts were about random, friend type things:
Creeper: What the fuck is a VHS tape?
Me: lmao It's basically a dvd but from the 90's. Why?
Creeper: That's what my mom wants for Christmas. We have a bunch of home movies that are on VHS and she wants them converted. I don't even know how the hell to do that.
Me: There's probably a place in Columbus that does it. Hang on, I'll google it.
Creeper: Woot! You're the best.
Me: My friends are assholes.
Non-Hipster: Lol What did they do now?
Me: We exchanged secret santa gifts today. I got Tina a lovely skull and crossbones brooch. Someone (we didn't reveal ourselves) gave me a Disney Princess Popcorn tin!
Non-Hipster: LMAO Omg! That's amazing. Send me a picture!
Me: Hatechu.
Me: GRRR!
Non-Hipster: Uh oh. What's up?
Me: I really do need new friends. Ever since I moved in with Finn (and now Sam) I've felt a distinct lack of privacy. They (and Puck) run into my room whenever they feel like it, never knock and apparently go in there when I'm not home.
Non-Hipster: Sure sure. (they're boys... duh?)
Me: (shut up.) So I bought a new doorknob. One for a front door, and I installed it. Now you need a key to get into my room if it's locked, not just a tiny screwdriver.
Non-Hipster: Ok, I don't blame you. So what's got you all growly?
Me: See! THAT! You didn't immediately fall down of shock that I knew what a screwdriver was or could install something myself!
Non-Hipster: uh... I need more here, babe.
Me: All three of them (Finn, Sam and Puck) acted like it was just SO unbelievable that I could use tools and make anything other than a huge mess. UGH. I've worked in my dad's garage since I was 10 for christ's sake!
Non-Hipster: Lol surely they knew that? (about the garage, hell, even I knew it)
Me: They did! I guess they thought I was just standing around looking pretty or that I stuck to office work. Ugh. Hate men.
Non-Hipster: Hey!
Me: Ok, I hate boys. You can be a man, so I can just hate them. Because they are acting like CHILDREN.
Non-Hipster: Woot! I'm a man! I've got to go tell my mom!
Me: You totally just ran off to tell your mom didn't you? Don't worry, just txt me when you get back. Idiot. Lol
…
Non-Hipster: MANLY idiot. Now, can we discuss your proficiency in knobs? ;)
Every now and then, Kurt would find himself being flirted with and would flirt back without really thinking about it. When the other boy had first started referring to Kurt as attractive he'd shrugged it off as him being nice, or trying to make Kurt feel better. But after sectionals, the flirting had gotten a little bit harder to ignore.
Manly Idiot: I'm bored.
Me: Lol Awww. I'm sorry. Personally, I'm annoyed. My house is so freaking loud atm. Finn and Sam have Puck, Mike and Artie over since we started xmas hols. They're playing xbox, and throwing stuff at each other. So I'm hiding. I don't expect it to last much longer. Sam at least will hunt me down eventually. =(
Manly Idiot: lol I'm still not sure Sam isn't trying to get in your pants.
Me: *rolls eyes* He's really not. Sam is straight. They're all straight. Which isn't fair. Because I'm a gay virgin in an unsupervised house with 5 reasonably attractive-very hot guys and not a single one of them wants me. Porn has lied to me.
Manly Idiot: LOL It's still funny to me that you're new to porn.
Me: Ah, the joys of youth. It was one thing to not like it when I was 16 and didn't even know how sex really worked. Oh, how quickly that changed. Although I still probably don't watch as much as most guys.
Manly Idiot: Def not as much as I do ;)
Me: Safe bet. You're a total pervert.
Manly Idiot: Aww! Thanks, babe! But no, srsly, keep an eye on Sam. I don't trust him. *shifty eyes*
Me: Lol You're ridiculous.
Manly Idiot: Come on! I can believe that one guy can live with you and not make a move, but two? Nope. He's molesting you in your sleep or something.
Me: *sigh* Are you off your meds?
Manly Idiot: Lol Anyway, I would assume Finn was too, but clearly if he'd wanted you, he could have had you.
Me: LOL So could Sam, trust me.
Manly Idiot: Hey! None of that!
Me: Uh, why? Srsly, you've said yourself that he's hot. And it's not like it matters, he's not gay!
Manly Idiot: He doesn't have to be! (and I'm not so sure he's not) He just has to find tiny hips and bright eyes attractive enough to not care! =(
Me: ya know, you really aren't allowed to play the jealous bf when we aren't dating. Esp when you won't TELL ME YOUR NAME.
Manly Idiot: Ugh. Not this again. I can't tell you! You'll hate me!
Me: I won't hate you! You're one of my best friends at this point.
Manly Idiot: *deadpan* That's hot.
Me: This is ridiculous! I thought you said you were sexy?
Manly Idiot: I am! It's just... you didn't seem into me at all when we met. And I know you a lot better now than I did then, you WON'T like me.
Me: UGH. You have a choice to make. Tell me your name so that we can at least meet for real, or stop getting jealous when I talk about other guys. It's not fair that you know who I am, can see me all the time (through facebook if nothing else. I smell you, creeper.) but I can't know anything about what you look like or where you go to school or anything.
Manly Idiot: *sigh* I get it. But it's really not fair to me either. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you wouldn't like me. I'm more sure of this than you are of NYADA, and you were willing to risk your whole career on that. PLEASE let it go. I'll stop bugging you about other guys. Just don't shut me out.
Me: I won't, like I said, you're one of my best friends... and it's not like it matters about other guys. Sam IS straight. So is everyone else. Or at least they pretend to be when I'm around =P
Manly Idiot: Lol trust me, with that ass, they HAVE to be straight to have not copped a feel. I never got a chance, I was too stupid and wrapped up in the dinner-from-hell guy. =(
Me: Poor baby, you didn't get to molest someone you didn't even know. How is this you NOT being a stalker?
Manly Idiot: I never said I wasn't a stalker. I've accepted that about myself. Btw, your hair is sticking up in the back, you may want to straighten it before Sam comes in.
Me: … you're lying. You're not really out there.
Manly Idiot: Lol Then why did you check?
Me: ?! Are you really outside?
Manly Idiot: No. Get away from the window.
Me: OMG! You can't have my crown! It's MINE!
Manly Idiot: Lmao oh come on! The closet is the first place I'd look!
Me: HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS?! I'M ON THE SECOND FLOOR!
Manly Idiot: I'm in a tree with binoculars. That or I'm laying on my bed and I just know you too fucking well. Either/or.
Me: Hmph. We need to talk less.
Manly Idiot: Probably true. But then you'd be playing xbox... so...
Me: Bring on the stalker!
Manly Idiot: LOL
ItsNotEasyBeingGreen: Just to be clear, I'm still allowed to talk about your ass right? ;)
Me: LOL sure. Just don't get pissed off when I start talking about Puck's arms, Sam's abs, or Seb's smirk.
ItsNotEasyBeingGreen: Lol you total slut! Did you really have to name THREE guys?
Me: Yes. I really did. Lol you have to get over the jealousy thing. That or come up to me at a competition and kiss me. Either of those works.
ItsNotEasyBeingGreen: Ok, but if someone kisses you at regionals, make sure it's me before you head off to the bathroom or something ;)
Me: lol will do.
Wondering how he was going to survive the night, Kurt stays mostly hidden behind his dad, hoping no one will notice him. Finn and Rachel, and the rest of the glee club, were shooting a Christmas special. Kurt was also supposed to be in it, but with Finn and Rachel hosting, Finn had weaseled out of coming. Kurt wasn't so lucky. He'd been cornered and guilted by Burt into coming to the first political dinner that the new congressman had to attend.
Looking around the room, Kurt tries to find absolutely anyone else within five years of his age. When he finally does, he jolts and almost knocks his dad over in his attempt to hide behind him further. Oh god. That's the last thing I need, to have a verbal sparring match with Sebastian Smythe over cocktails and political stances.
Panicking slightly, he leans in to whisper to his dad. "Hey, I came to this, I even wore the most boring suit I own, you owe me."
Giving a polite smile to the person he was talking to, Burt turns to his son to hiss quietly, "Fine! What do you want?"
Nodding his head in Sebastian's direction, Kurt whispers, "Stay as far away from that guy as possible. If he sees me I make no promises to not end up on the news. He may very well be dating Blaine and I'm just not dealing with that."
Looking somewhat startled, Burt glances over at the tall, bored young man his son has indicated and nods. "Sure, kiddo. Let's head over to that corner."
Burt makes their excuses to the pompous looking couple he had been talking to and leads Carole away by the arm. When he finds a new couple to talk to, as far away from Sebastian as he can, Kurt steps a few feet away to lean against the wall behind a potted plant. After making sure that his dad knows where he is, he double checks that he's well hidden but can keep an eye on Sebastian. Figuring that he should be fine there for awhile, Kurt pulls out his phone.
Me: Ugh! Screw this whole day.
Stalker: Lol what now? I promise you're not having a worse time than I am.
Me: O, don't be so sure. But you first, just in case I have to lie and embellish to make it worse.
Stalker: Lol I'm stuck 'having dinner' with my parents. I haven't actually seen either of them in a good 20 minutes, but they still like to drag me out like a show pony.
Me: Aww lol poor baby. What do you mean 'having dinner'?
When he doesn't get a response within a minute, Kurt starts to wonder if he's somehow crossed a line. Considering the numerous and often inappropriate topics of their previous discussions, he somehow doubts it. Maybe his parents showed back up?
Figuring he'd take this chance to look around, he notices that his dad hasn't moved but is talking to different people. When he glances around the potted plant, he sees that Sebastian is standing now, making seemingly polite small talk with an uptight looking man. Instead of looking bored like he had earlier, he looks like he's barely keeping a check on his temper. Kurt wonders vaguely what he's mad about before settling back against the wall. About 30 seconds later he gets a text.
Stalker: Sorry! Having to make small talk is the worst.
Me: np. I'm just bored. Small talk with who? Thought your parents were MIA?
Stalker: Oh, they are. It was some random guy my dad works with, or something. I wasn't really listening. Luckily he was called away.
Me: Well that's good. Now you're all mine! Trust me, I need the distraction. Quick! Say something funny!
Deciding to check to see if Sebastian was going to make a scene, he leans out as soon as he hits send, hoping to buy himself a few seconds. If Smythe is making a scene he doesn't want to miss it. Instead, he's disappointed to see that the man has moved on and Sebastian is sitting down frowning at his phone. Huh. That sucks. I was hoping something interesting would happen. I'm never coming to one of these with Dad again. Ugh.
When he sees an honest smile cross Sebastian's face though, Kurt cocks an eyebrow. Hmm... whatever he's doing, he seems to actually like it. He doesn't look as smarmy and arrogant... After a few more seconds of watching Sebastian mess with his phone, a chime sounds on his own, pulling him back to his conversation with his 'stalker'.
Stalker: Of course I'm yours, babe. No one else is worth the time ;) As for funny... I dunno. I burned myself on a chafing dish earlier, you probably find that funny. Asshole.
Me: LOL I do indeed. But on with my story, so tonight I was supposed to be shooting a tv special with the glee club and I didn't get to do it. My dad guilted me into helping him and now I'm bored out of my mind while all of my friends (and my brother, the traitor) get to do something fairly amazing for high school students. Ugh. I may never talk to anyone in my house ever again.
Knowing that he'd taken a few minutes to type all of that out, he leans back over and hits send, deciding to watch Sebastian again, hoping to figure out what he was doing. He'd actually been leaning back in his chair chewing his lip, glancing at his phone. Almost as soon as Kurt starts watching though, he suddenly sits up, smiling and obviously reading a text. He starts typing a response and smirks as he sits back again. Kurt's phone beeps.
Wait a minute. That was a coincidence... right? I mean... It had to be.
As Kurt checks his phone and types out a reply, he waits a few seconds, watching Sebastian, before hitting send.
Stalker: That sucks, babe. Don't worry though, I'm sure you'll get another chance to do something amazing.
Me: Aww, thanks! Um...you never explained to me what you meant by dinner btw.
Sebastian had sat smiling at his phone and as soon as Kurt had hit send, he'd smiled wider, moving it closer to read an incoming text. Oh my god. No no no. No. Nope. No. This is not happening. My 'stalker' is not Sebastian Smythe!