A/N so to be honest no sure i like how this turned out. it didn't necessarily go in the direction i wanted it to but this is what my magical hands typed... I'll try to steer myself back on the right path after this.

Let me know if you like or not

"Well Ms. Morton," Dr. Gohen announced his arrival, "I have some good news and some bad news."

Annie took a deep breath bracing herself.

"You don't have myocarditis anymore."

She wrung her hands, "Uh, uh, can... how?" she settled on.

"Through the the tests we have taken today its confirmed that the small case of myocarditis you contracted is no longer an issue. I was concerned about how you would heal when you had given me the report that you had been shot in the heart, and that it had taken over 2 minutes for you to be revived, but I'm not anymore. Your heart is good condition."

She swallowed and shook her head trying to gather her thoughts, "Do you have any idea of what else the episodes could be?"

"Thats the bad news," He replied, "theres honestly thousands of possibilities. I'm going to ask you a series of questions, answer yes or no about what happens during these episodes and at the end I can direct you to one of my theories at which I can refer you a doctor to confirm.

She nodded and the questions began.

How Often had they happened?

Chest Pain?

Fainting?

Nausea? Dizziness? Lightheaded?

Numbness?

Racing heart?

Irritable?

Tiredness?

Sweating?

Shaking?

Tension?

...

"I have crossed out a huge list of possibilities from this. From the physical we gave, which you passed, I have to say that this seems to be more of a physiological issue. I am sensing something like anxiety or panic attacks. As you know that is not my field of expertise, but I can recommend you to someone...,"

PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Four words that rattled Annie to the core. She hadn't felt like this since her sister kicked her out almost three years ago. She tried to convince herself it may not be PTSD, but she had read the symptoms, and furthermore she just knew. Annie had never had panic or anxiety attacks in her entire life, they didn't just magically appear.

"Yea, of course. I can be at work at five," Annie heard herself say to Auggie over the phone. She played it cool, like she wasn't sitting outside of a doctors office realizing her worst fears might be coming true, "Uh, I'll talk to you later."

You tell most people they have a heart disease and they are petrified. For Annie she was relieved to some extant. For her it was easier to come to terms with her body being messed up than her brain.

A heart condition that could be controlled she could hide from the CIA longer. PTSD there was no escaping. She hadn't had a psych evaluation yet, but it would be coming soon. If they even suspected the slightest bit of it she could be banned to desk duty, and then she would really go insane.

The farther she drove the darker her thoughts became she turned the radio up trying calm her mind. Wouldn't it have been easier to just die then go through this? Why live? You have nothing to live for. You made sure no one cared about you. You broke it off with Auggie. You haven't spoken to Arthur in months. You try not to speak to Joan. Your sister thinks you are dead. You don't plan on ever talking to Eyal again. You pushed every one away, you forced yourself not to care about anyone, so why live?

She hummed the words lightly telling herself not to think like that. Annie didn't give up. Annie was strong, determined. Annie was smart. Annie wasn't someone who would be weak enough to give up on life. Annie was...dead.

Annie really was dead because Annie was all of those things, but this new person was none of those. Annie became Jessica Mathews and Jessica became Lisa Morton and Lisa became Andrea Quinn on this newest mission. Annie had died 4 lifetimes ago, and by now there was no sign of her ever coming back.

So why live?