hope you guys enjoy. I really still don't care for the direction this is headed but I'm going with it. And I've been drawing some inspiration from other fanfics so thank a special thanks to CA fanfic authors and a giant thanks to all my amazing reviewers followers and favoriters for asking me to continue.
She only had to take one and thats all it took to make her feel amazing, perfect.
She had only taken one and it made her feel like shit knowing that she was at the point she HAD to take something. She should've got the damn help she needed when she could.
It only took two in twelve hours to get her hooked. She walked into work the next morning at five doing her best to stay in a straight lin sweating would go away.
What the hell was I thinking?
She had taken one to calm her nerves before bed because alcohol wouldn't cut it, even though she had seriously considered taking the whole bottle at first. She told herself no more ever again yet this morning she got so frazzled she had to take another.
I knew it was a bad idea.
The instructions on the bottle specifically said to take one ever 12 hours if absolute necessary or directed by doctor, otherwise one ever 24 hours, considering they were a higher dosage than most.
"Annie" Joan said as Annie nearly collided into her.
"Oh, Joan. I'm so sorry," the blonde righted herself making the mistake to look Joan right into the eye.
"It's okay. Are you alright?" Whether it was from knowing Joan for so long or just being a spy she saw a shift in Joan in those few seconds. Joan had went from ice queen boss to caring mother.
"Yes" She said in a small voice with little conviction.
"Auggies not sending you anywhere until Friday. This is Arthur's day to work late, so Would u like to come over for dinner? That way you can meet McKenzie."
"I'm not sure," Annie managed to get out sounding tongue tied.
"It not an invitation, it's an order. Tonight at 7 please," With that's Joan breezed bye her.
Annie sighed, she knew Joan, and Joan wouldn't do this for just an reason. Then is dawned on her: Joan is in NA
Oh god what if Joan knew?
At 1pm she was almost halfway through her paperwork.
"Hey Annie do u think you could translate some papers later?" Auggie asked casually on the way back from a coffee break.
She looked at her watch 3 more hours for paper work and an 2 hours to translate the paper. She could be done by 7, probably.
"Sure why not." She agreed taking the papers.
Joan who always happened to be in the right place interrupted, "Actually, Annie can't do it. I think Clara might be able to though."
By the time Annie got to Joan's she was exhausted and drained.
She was actually happy she was coming for dinner, she hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast and she knew she didn't have the energy to make food, she could barely keep her eyes open.
She really wanted to take another one. They were in the side pocket of her purse just staring at her. If she took one now by the time she drove home it might be wearing off. It had been twelve hours and she was craving one.
Annie you can't Joan might notice! But... But
She caved, she took another one.
"It's great to see you out of work," Joan greeted her at the door, "I just put McKenzie down and set out plates."
"Oh okay. It's nice to see you to," Annie said and she followed Joan into the kitchen.
The first five minutes where deathly silent with the occasional clink of a fork.
"I'm just gonna jump straight to the point, what's going on? I know that those few hours you were gone in Venezuela something happened, I had Arthur look in the report. It said Walker was in distress and needed medical attention. So..."
Annie bit her lip. Joan didn't like Calder she might not tell him, she had no reason to tell Auggie. If she told Arthur it wouldn't be a big deal.
"I had myocarditis, but the doctors say it's gone. I... I haven't had it checked but the only other possibility for my episodes according to the doctor is panic/anxiety attacks and ... We'll... I think I have PTSD," Annie tried to shrug it off, she was really relieved to get it out.
"Annie," Joan started softly, "I had no idea." She took a minute to get her thoughts together, "But how have you been... Besides the whole heart/PTSD thing?"
It was clear the medication had effected her brain but there was still a trace of logic left and it screamed
Help me.
It was now or never,"I...I," She looked down ashamed of herself,"Please don't be mad at me," She said trying her best to hold back tears. It was now she realized how much of a loose canon she was... How much the pills made her feel amazing, irritable, and depressed all at the same time.
"Annie, whatever it is, I won't be mad. I might be disappointed. I won't let you go through this alone. You need a support system and people that care about you."
She nodded almost chickening out, "I took something," Joan didn't speak not wanting to push, but to let Annie volunteer when she was ready, "I took hydrocodone."
"How many times?" Joan asked sighing. She should've discussed this with Annie last week.
"Three, but I want to take more. They make me feel... Invincible," Annie admitted she pulled the bottle of pills out of her purse pushing them to Joan, "I, I don't wanna take anymore, I do, but I don't."
"It's not that easy and you know that," Joan took the bottle from Annie," Let's throw it away then." She stood up and walked to the sink, opened the lid and handed Annie the bottle, "It has to be your choice."
Annie dumped the bottle.
...…
Later that night she looked at her reflection hoping she could see some Annie in her eyes.
There was a sliver of Annie behind those icy eyes. A minuscule piece of Annie's sheer determination was saw tonight when she told Joan the truth. Annie wanted help, she didn't want to be a pill addict. She didn't want to do all of this alone. She wanted whatever help it took to make her Annie again.
The only problem was she had no idea what to do. She finally had the next 2 days off of work and she had no idea how she could spend them except alone. Wallowing in her bed, and with her recent improvements that wasn't an option.
Just take it one day at a time. Annie told herself Joan's exact words echoing in her mind.