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"Dani had moved away the previous year, she had been coming to see us every other weekend, but her life got busy and she hadn't been to visit in maybe two months. The past few days had sucked, I wasn't invited to homecoming, Mom and Dad argued constantly, and on top of that I was informed that we had to move again, to Jordan I think. It would have been the third move this year and school would be over in 3 weeks, so Dad told me we would stay until school let out for the summer," Annie took a deep breath.

Martin interjected, "So I'm taking it this part is when the pills come in?"

She nodded taking a moment to organize her thoughts, "Dad had bruised some ribs the previous year, and the doctors have him some hydrocodone. I just took one... The first day.

"Then I took two the second day, and three the third. I was taking 3 a day when I ran out. For me it wasn't a big deal because I knew people, my friends, that could get me more... So they got me more. From there things got so much worse," She trailed off swallowing around the tightness in her throat not being able to continue.

It was a week later and she was on her way to get lunch before going back to see Martin when she overheard the conversation. It was Arthur and Ryan McQuiad.

"Why not?" Arthur asked almost stunned, "Annie likes the field, she belongs there. Technically she's not officially banned from all field work. Dead drops are an option," He argued, "Joan even agrees that keep her here is too suffocating."

She could feel Mc Quaid shake his head even though she couldn't see it, "Look Arthur you and Joan have known Annie much longer than I have and if you think that is best, do it. Before you do consider this, sure, of course Annie has made some great breakthroughs this year. But I've been there almost every time to save her ass. Annie is shaky right now, even at her best. She wants to push her emotions to the side, but on every mission she finds emotions bubbling under the surface, you can't maintain a cover and fight a battle inside your self at the same time. What made Annie good is that she had a head she used, but her actions stemmed from the heart, her gut instinct made her good. She used to be good at the field, but now she doesn't know how to live without it. It's not just a job for her it's a way of life. Until she can find her true life, and old Annie, under my authority she wouldn't be in the field. She's still got the potential she just needs help getting her life back on track," He said and turned walking out the other door.

Annie leant against the wall sighing, that was the perfect description of her screwed up self. Her thoughts getting jumbled inside get head. It was hard to keep things straight it felt like.

"Oh Annie?" Arthur said and she physically jumped.

"Oh uh hey," She said trying to play it casually.

"How much of that did you hear?" He questioned.

"Enough," she have him a grim smile not knowing what to say or do next, "I, I have to go to my appointment," she held up the notebook and scurried away.

Arthur frowned, eavesdropping on that conversation sure wasn't going to help her state of mind.

"I decided to right stuff down in a notebook like you suggested," Annie declared almost triumphantly, she knew that her first appointment wasn't going to be that helpful but over the last week or so off field her mind felt so much more refreshed, she was determined to 'fix' herself.

"Okay and what have we wrote?" He asked writing something on the clipboard.

"Okay you said to write any topics that was bothering me down and then write why, that parts a little more confusing, but the songs that I can relate to thing was easier. I found 2 songs and I think really fit."

She took a second opening the notebook, "Trouble Is by Allison Iraheta. Sober by Pink.."

"Interesting choices I haven't even heard of any of those," Martin observed out loud, "why those?"

"Um.. Trouble Is describes Auggie and our fucked relationship. I love him I think he loves me, but I thoroughly think to have this damn job, it's impossible to tangle your self around someone inside the agency, and impossible to get involved with one that doesn't know about it. I think that loving someone only hurts you, but it hurts that person so much more."

"Why? What caused this epiphany? Obviously this hasn't always been your thoughts."

Annie sighed this was going to be a long session. "Aug and I were great, really amazing friends. I had cared for him as much more than a friend long before he had considered dating me, seeing him with other people hurt. Us being in different divisions pulled us apart thread by thread.

"Aug was around a lot and helped me through many things after... I got shot. I always saw people judging me about it, but never him. As we got closer the threads that had been broken came back to together but with a new more intricate pattern.

"I had always let my heart lead me and my brain help me, just going with emotions. I went to Russia, violated Auggies trust and ignored his pleading. This was were the first knot in the thread was.

"Soon after the thread became tighter, and better than ever. The thread found a different, and for awhile, better path. Then they hit a new fabric. Auggie thought it was best not to be together because work kept pulling us apart.

"It hurt so bad. I think that is the first time I saw how different my relationship with Auggie had been than with other guys like Simon and Ben. Ours was complex, yes, but so much more real and true.

"Then I Ieft again just like Russia, except so much differently, and since then everything has gotten to a whole new level of complex. I hurt Auggie repeatedly, I was never a major help for him, he always helped me even when we were fighting. I just feel so guilty every time I see him, knowing it was my doing and that I put him through so much. It's easier to push the guilt away than confront it. It's easier to get rid of the emotions, even if I have to sacrifice love," She sighed.

"It's also good to talk. Auggie keeps you in his life for a reason. If he loves you and you love him back, but your not together I can see how that could create a barrier. While this is talking, talking with subject would be much more beneficial. Have you had any discussion with him about this since returning?"

Annie shook her head biting her lip nervously.

"That's this weeks mission than. Even the best of best spies can't keep everything bottled up forever, it's unhealthy."

"What happens after it's bottled up for to long?" Annie asked curiously. She knew it was bad to keep it inside, but she was just wondering how he would handle the situation.

"You explode."

Annie had no idea how close she was to exploding.