Chapter Five

Voices filtered through the darkness and I heard Ulf laughing and Thord crying, Groa was mumbling and Bork was yelling. I cracked one eye open and saw the whole family gathered around the fire for the morning meal. Sitting up, I drew the eyes of everyone, but mine settled on Asvald. He pressed his lips together and looked away.

"Good morning," I murmured and stumbled into Asvald's bedroom to dress. Once I was decent, I joined the family for the meal, but everyone was done except for Halla, Asvald's fifteen year old sister. Asvald put away his dirty dishes before storming out of the longhouse. I blushed, realizing that his whole family had heard us fighting last night. Halla smiled at me and took my hand, saying something in Norse. I looked at Groa for translation.

"She says that she can't speak Irish, but she wants to learn," Groa said with a smile. I looked back at Halla and said,

"I can't teach you now, for I have to speak with my husband. But I will teach you, I promise." Groa turned my words into Norse so Halla would understand.
When she nodded, I rose and went searching for Asvald. I soon found in by the goat pen, leaning against the fence. After taking a deep breath, I joined him though he still ignored me.

"So we are both angry with each other now," I said, reaching into the pen to pet one of the goats, who was trying to nibble on the end of my braid.

"Don't speak to me, woman. Go tend to your chores," he snapped, avoiding my gaze. I placed my hands on my hips and turned to face him.

"Are you going to build a longhouse for the two of us?" I asked, getting right to the point.

Finally his eyes met mine, though they were cold and distant. "Yes, I am. I am sick of being disgraced by you in front of my parents."

I pursed my lips and gritted my teeth. My eyes glanced up at the sky as I tried to contain my irritation. It was a struggle but I managed to stay silent, figuring that after all the arguing I had done in the past couple weeks, there was nothing more I could say.

"If you are not going to pull something out of that smart mouth of yours, I suggest you get away from me." His jaw was set, his hands tight on the railing of the fence, making his knuckles turn white.

I grabbed his arm and yanked sharply, finally getting him to look at me, even if he was glaring at me. "I know what you called me last night."

His glare morphed into a smirk and I resisted the urge to smack it right off his face. He folded his arms over his thick chest and rested his hip on the fence. "It is true, is it not? You are fleeing my cock."

Feeling embarrassment shoot straight through me, I kept myself from lowering my eyes despite the warmness of my face. "I am fleeing being ravished," I spat, willing myself not to cry in front of him.

He gazed at me as moment, before sighing and touching my chin. I narrowed my eyes.

"You are a young little thing," he murmured, almost like he was talking to himself. "Innocent. I can hardly blame you for being frightened. It is true I have not been treating you like the young virgin that you are."

"Enough!" I shouted angrily and shoved him away from me. "I am not frightened!"

Asvald only moved closer and straightened so he towered over me. "Get your arse back in that longhouse. I do not want to hear another word from you."

Despite my hate of defeat, I lowered my head and slipped back to the longhouse. Hatred boiling in my heart and I felt myself growing bitter as I went straight to Asvald's bedroom. Groa called to me but I ignored her and shut the door behind me.

My chest heaved as I felt sobs building up inside of me. More than anything, I wanted my family.

Throughout my young life, I believed I was strong and could handle large burdens on my shoulders. But I felt myself beginning to crumble and it scared me. My spirit was dying and bitterness and anger controlled my thoughts, bringing me down to a dark place.

I went to the bed and laid down on my side. After taking a few deep breaths, I noticed I was lying on the wrong side of the bed, my head resting on Asvald's pillow. I was about to roll away, but instead I stayed still and simply breathed in his scent. His scent was becoming more and more familiar to me.

A knock came at the door and I sat up as Groa stepped into the dim room. Her expression was unclear, shadows shading her face. "Are you well, daughter?"

I sighed and glanced upward, feeling the tears beginning to sting my eyes. "I know you love your son, Groa, but I cannot."

Groa softly came to my side and laid on the bed beside me and tucked her arm under her head. "Let me tell you a story. There once was a small, young boy. His greatest desire was to please those around him, especially his family. As the oldest child, he learned to work hard and protect his younger siblings."

I listened quietly. Clearly she spoke of Asvald.

She continued gently. "He grew older and his temper grew with him. Restlessness haunted him and made him irritable. We decided it was time for him to find a wife. We brought many women of the village to his attention, but he wanted nothing to do with him. He decided he wanted to claim a woman in the raid. His father encouraged him, but his mother did not. Of course, his father had the final word." She paused and took a deep breath. "So he captured a feisty girl, who seemed to bring out his temper more than ever. But deep down inside, he wanted her to accept him, yet he did not know how to appease her, which only increased his frustration and temper." Again she stopped and looked at me, offering a gentle smile. "The rest of the story has yet to be told."

I sighed. "So you are blaming me for his abuse?"

"No, he is responsible for his actions. But I believe if you were calm with him, he will respond to you with gentleness."

We laid side by side in silence for a while, my head swirling with a storm of anger and impatience, hurt, and confusion.

Finally she squeezed my hand and rose from the bed, and slipped out of the room without another word.

I wanted to ease my pain with sleep so I closed my eyes and allowed my mind to go numb until blackness swallowed me.

I awoke with a start, a hand squeezing my shoulder. Asvald stood over me. He frowned as I wiped my mouth and blinked up at him.

"Why are you sleeping in the middle of the day? I know you have work to do," he scolded.

Ignoring him, I rose from the bed and headed toward the door.

He grabbed my arm. "You answer me when I ask you a question," his voice an ugly growl.

Instead of responding to his anger with my own, I simply looked him in the eye and whispered, "Sleeping numbs the pain."

Asvald's face softened for a moment, his eyes reflecting what I felt inside. His grip loosened on my arm.

Uneasy, I moved out of his grasp and slipped out the door into the main room of the longhouse where the rest of his family gathered. It was time for the evening meal.

I smoothed my hair and wiped my eyes, sitting down beside Asvald's brother Ragi. He smiled at me and patted my knee. Groa passed me a plate of meat and roasted carrots, then sat beside her husband.

My stomach ached with anxiety but I tried to nibble on the food. Asvald stepped out of his room, and pointed to his brother and spoke a single harsh word in Norse.

Ragi sighed and rolled his eyes. His eyes met mine as he shook his head and moved to sit next to Halla.

Asvald sat beside me, his arm brushing mine. Chills shot up my spine. After the evening meal, Asvald would expect me to retire with him to his bedroom, and I was not strong enough for yet another fight with him.

"Eat your food," he mumbled and gestured to my plate.

My mouth set in a hard line. My tolerance for his constant commands had run out. I tilted my head and glared at him, lifting my plate out to the fire and dumping my food into the flames.

"Eachna!" Groa scolded me, but I didn't pay her any mind.

Asvald's eyes turned dark, and reflected the blaze of the fire. "You will not disobey and mock me in front of my family."

I smiled sarcastically and tapped my fingers on my chin. "Oh, but I just did."

His jaw tensed and he pointed toward his bedroom. "Get in there. Right now."

Still smiling, I looked down at my lap and folded my arms over my chest. "No."

Asvald stood and grabbed my arm, pushing me into his bedroom and locking the door behind us. "How many times are you going to behave this way until you learn your lesson?"

My heart was pounding but I made the choice to make him angry, knowing he would respond this way. So I decided to stay as calm and fearless as possible. I went to the bed and sat at the edge. "I am tired of your games, Asvald."

He approached me slowly, like a cat stalks a mouse. "Who said this is a game?"

Take the chance, I told myself. "I hate you and I would rather die than have you touch me. You understand that, yes?"

His eyes stayed locked on mine. "You make that clear."

My heart pounded and I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. But I could not let him see my fear. "If you want to take me, take me. But it will be against my will." I laid back on the bed and lifted my knees. "You keep saying you will ravish me. Go ahead. I am done fighting.

Tears streamed down my cheeks, blurring my view of him. Through the haze of my sadness, I watched him strip off his pants and crawl onto the bed, so he leaned over me with his hips between my legs.

I felt sick and sobs choked me. "Just do it."

He stared at me for a while, and I felt his skin pressed to me. Looking down, I saw that his manhood was not aroused. I raised my eyes back to his.

"Eachna..." he murmured and leaned down, pressing his lips to my cheek. I closed my eyes and trembled with fear as I felt the tip of his tongue flick against my skin.

He pulled away and brushed his thumb over where his lips had been. I realized he had tasted my tears. His manhood was still soft.

"You do not want to ravish me," I whispered and felt my heartbeat beginning to slow.

Sitting up, he slid off the bed and pulled his pants on. He pressed both hands to the wall, his back to me.

"I've seen the way you care for your family. You try to convince me that you are a heartless demon who will do anything to get what he wants, but I have just proved that is untrue." I paused and wiped my eyes and steadied my voice. "You are as human as me."

Slowly, he turned to me and came to sit on the side of the bed. "I still want you as my wife."

"I know," I whispered, lowering my gaze and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"We cannot fight forever, you know," he murmured, his blue eyes gentle instead of angry for once.

I bit my lip and remembered the agony of being torn from my family and my home, remembering Asvald's cruelty. "But how could I ever love you?"

His hands curled into fists, the muscle in his jaw clenched. But then he took a deep breath and eased the tension in his body. "You must learn to. I struggle to love you after you do things such as breaking my nose and disrespecting me in front of my family."

I tilted my head to the side. "You are trying to learn to love me?"

"Aye, of course," he said. "You are my wife. You are the one I will hold close on a cold night and the face I will see every morning when I awake."

His words made my tummy tingle and I stayed silent, not knowing how to respond. I'd never really seen this side of Asvald before. Was this the Asvald Groa was trying to tell me about?

"Do you not want the same thing?" he asked softly and lifted my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes.

"I want my family," I sniffed and began to cry softly, my heart sinking with the heavy ache that was so familiar to me.

He wrapped his arms around me and brought me to his chest, his hand cradling my head against him like one might hold a child. "I am your family, love."

For the first time, I returned his embrace.