Chapter Six

A few days slipped by quietly with few harsh words and without violence. Asvald and I tried to give each other some room, while doing our best to act civil. There were times I felt angry toward him, but when that feeling came, I would go outside and breathe the crisp air and remembered that while Asvald stole me away from my home, he spared my family when he didn't have to.

A cool evening breeze stirred the air inside the longhouse. Asvald and I sat together on one of the benches built into the wall. The rest of his family had gone to other homes for the evening, so we had the house to ourselves.

I reclined against the wall with my knees up to my chest, my arms wrapped around them. "The quiet is a nice change," I whispered with a smile.

He nodded, but did not share in my good mood.

"Why are you sad?" I asked quietly without looking at him. Instead I rested my chin on my knees and stared ahead.

"I have tried all this week not to...frighten you or show you how much I long to have you as my wife in every way. I wish you could understand how hard it has been for me."

I looked at him and frowned. "I have noticed, Asvald. I know it is hard."

Again he nodded halfheartedly and didn't speak.

He was gentle with me all week and didn't show any desire to force himself on me. I wondered how he had managed that, since he seemed like a passionate man with demanding needs.

"How...Is there another woman satisfying you?" I asked softly, blushing.

He glanced at me, and finally smirked, his lips tilted in a smirk. "Would you be jealous?"

Now I blushed more and turned my face away. "No." I realized it was a lie. I would be jealous. But why?

He chuckled and placed his hand palm up in my lap. "This is the other woman satisfying me."

I glanced at his hand, then back at him. "I do not understand."

Again he chuckled, his blue eyes sparkling as he slipped his hand into his pants. "My hand has satisfied me."

My mouth opened in shock and I covered my face with my hands. "Asvald!"

He threw his head back and laughed. I joined his laughter and soon found myself leaning on his shoulder.

I looked up at him and he looked down at me. Neither of us moved. My heart beat a little faster. My lips parted to speak, but no words followed.

Finally, he shifted so his arm slipped around my shoulder, cradling me against his side.

Taking a deep breath, I placed my hand on his thigh. I placed a soft kiss on his cheek and fingered his hair. My heart was racing but for some odd reason I felt the need to comfort this man who seemed so vulnerable.
He sighed and turned his head, offering his lips to me. I found myself wanting that contact. This past year was just too lonely. I wouldn't suffer from it anymore. I touched my lips to his, the warmth spreading straight to my toes. Moving slowly, he twisted so I was lying half under him on the furs on the bench, him leaning over me.

"You are my wife. I've wanted only you," he whispered, nuzzling against my neck. His thin, short beard tickled my skin and I fought the urge to giggle.

He pulled back and smiled, and it made him look gentle, kind. Reaching behind me, he pulled the bindings from my braid and let my hair fall in gentle waves around my shoulders. "My beautiful girl," he whispered and kissed my cheek. I smiled, soaking in his attention. I was starved for affection.

"How old are you, Asvald? I don't even know the age of my husband," I said, the fact bringing me sorrow.

"I am twenty years old," he chuckled. "No more talk now." He brought his lips back to mine and as the kiss deepened, I tried not to tremble and failed. His tongue dipped past my parted lips and touched the tip of mine, sending thrills through me down to my toes. Pressing my hands to his scruffy cheeks, I pulled away.

"Do you love me, Asvald?" I whispered, searching his eyes. His lips turned down and I saw the distance form in his eyes.

"I do not love you yet, my Eachna," he murmured, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "But I will."

I nodded, my heart tight with emotions I did not understand.

He smiled before gently biting my lower lip. "I am yours."

His words echoed in my mind for a moment as I let them soak in. Asvald had claimed me for himself when he stole me from Ireland, always reminding me that I was his. But now, he showed me that he was giving himself over to me, letting me steal him from his own home; a home of control and possessiveness.

A log in the fire popped and crackled and I nuzzled closer to Asvald's warm body. "I want to love you first…Before we…before you bed me."

He sighed, disappointment lacing his eyes. "Still you insist on resisting me."

"No, Asvald. I am telling you that love is important to me. You told me you want your home to be a place of love. So give me time to love you."

"Having me inside you is not always an act of love. It can have many meaning. First, it will mean desire. Later, it will be love," he reasoned with me. "Let me kiss you for a while, then you may decide if you want an act of love."

Though I knew it was a bad idea, I nodded and offered my lips to him again.

We stayed like that and kissed, again and again until my heart raced. Soon I felt his hardness against my belly and I went tense, letting out a whimper of fear.

"No," he murmured against my lips. "Do not be afraid. My body wants you; that is all. It will not go anywhere you do not want it to go."

I nodded and he went back to kissing me. Slowly getting more passionately, with more and more tongue; he cradled my head in his hands. I felt him shifting his hips slightly against me, to get some friction on his aroused manhood.

"Asvald..." I whispered. "Soon we will not be able to stop." He cut off each word with a peck on my lips.

"Why should we stop?" he asked, ducking his head to kiss the tender and sensitive skin of my neck.

I felt it getting harder and harder to stop. This felt good, and almost right. And I did not truly want him to stop.

He lowered his head even more and grazed my breast with his teeth, gently. I cried out then bit my lip, red-faced and embarrassed. My cry drew a similar sound from Asvald and he rocked his hips forward, his hardness pressing into my belly.

A heavy ache formed between my legs, insistent and intoxicating.

"Let me touch you," he murmured in my ear, his hand lowering to my hip. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, trying to steady my breathing and clear my mind.

"But I think I may still hate you," I whispered and pressed a hand to my forehead.

He laughed softly, his voice deep. "Well, hate me while letting me touch you."

Unfortunately, his family chose that moment to return. They poured into the longhouse, all laughing and talking loudly.

Embarrassment swept through me as his parents smiled at seeing us in such an intimate position. "Asvald, get off," I whispered and pressed against his chest.

His brothers and sisters glanced at us, then ignored us as they prepared themselves for bed.

Asvald ignored me and kissed my neck, even shifting his hips against me again.

"Asvald!" I hissed in his ear. "We are not alone now. I will not be touched like this in front of others."

"They do not care. We are married, they know this is what married people do," Asvald murmured and covered one of my breasts with his hand.

I rolled and slipped out from under him, my head spinning as I briskly strode out the door into the chilly evening air.

Asvald wasn't far behind me. My face flushed as I realized what we had been doing, the way he was touching me. Now that my head cleared, I realized just how ashamed I felt.

My stomach twisted as I knelt in the grass a shot ways behind the longhouse. I felt like I was going to get sick.

Asvald placed his hand on my shoulder. "Are you well, kone?"

I shook my head and leaned forward, gagging as bile spurted from my mouth. Whore, little slut! I heard my father's voice in my mind.

"Oh, love," Asvald sighed and knelt beside me, lifting my hair away from my face as he rubbed my back.

My whole body shook violently as more bile came up. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I groaned and clutched the long grass in my fists. For the first time in my life, I truly hated myself.

Asvald leaned down and kissed my shoulder. "Calm down, kone. Just breathe."

"I can't," I stuttered and gagged again. How could I let this happen? How could I let a murdering, cruel man like Asvald seduce me?

He touched my back and I leaned away. "Please don't."

"What is wrong, love? Are you upset because my family saw us lying so close?" He did as I asked and removed his hands from me.

I shook my head and took a deep breath, feeling my stomach settle. "I was wrong to let you touch me like that." I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

Sighing, Asvald took my hand and began twisting the ring on my finger. "I know you must feel like you've betrayed your family and perhaps even yourself, but you must remember, you are my wife."

My heart clenched in my chest and I looked up to the sky, fighting a severe feeling of hopelessness. "I am not." The words were a lie, but I spoke them anyway. I knew I was his wife, but to me it still felt impossible that this man was my husband. I still felt like a child, a child whose innocence was torn away too quickly.

We sat side by side in the grass for a while, neither of us speaking. I closed my eyes and let the cool breeze caress and calm me.

Asvald must have noticed, because now he turned to me and touched my cheek. "I must do something. Will you be alright?"

I nodded and let my eyes drift away without focusing on anything. He stood and walked away into the gently rolling hills.

Finally I stood and brushed off my dress, my legs shaking as I went back into the longhouse. Groa noticed my entrance and came to me, her eyes gentle as she placed her hands on my shoulders. "You do not look well, daughter."

Tears welled in my eyes. "I am sick." Sick of heart, sick of mind, sick of spirit. A harsh storm followed me wherever I wandered and whipped me into a dull acceptance of the events around me. More than anything I yearned for a sweet ray of sunshine to split the black clouds around my heart and warm the frozen emotions inside me.

Groa led me into Asvald's bedroom and tucked in into his bed, kissing my forehead. The lines on Groa's face showed a life of pain from the lines on her forehead, and a life of great happiness from the lines around her eyes and mouth. I wondered what story my face would tell one day.

"Try to sleep," she whispered and slipped away.

I did not sleep. Instead I let my mind travel anywhere it cared to go, finding myself in my favorite memories. I felt my nephew's hands caressing my face, his smile as he told me he loved me. The eyes of my sister, the arms of my mother around me. I heard the chorus of Irish voices at the marketplace, saw the steep green cliffs over-looking the ocean. But then Asvald's face appeared. I did not push the sight out of my mind. I allowed him to linger there, wondering what he would do.

I saw him walking through my home, the village I grew up in. He smiled, seemed peaceful. He caused no destruction in my mind. I saw us together in his bedroom, but instead of fighting, we laid entwined on the bed, his lips owning mine.

When I opened my eyes again, I realized I had been crying. Rolling over in the bed, I pulled the thick blanket to my shoulders, surrounding myself with the smell of Asvald. Tears pricked my eyes and soon I broke into sobs. The smell of Asvald made me lonely and confused, yet I did not understand why.

I startled when I felt a body slide into the bed beside me and glanced over to see Asvald lying beside me, his hand resting on my hip. "It's alright, Eachna."

Surprisingly, I didn't feel threatened by his presence. I rolled onto my back and wiped at my eyes, my chest still shaking as I sniffed and tried to force the sobs away.

"I have something to say to you," his whispered gently, his blue eyes the color of wildflowers; vulnerable. "It is a poem."

This caught my attention and I shifted onto my side, facing him. I nodded my encouragement and he began to speak.

"Against the ship the waves crashed,
Son of a chieftain I was born,
Full of rage, many lives I smashed.
From your green house you were rudely torn,
Harsh words played like music from a loud horn,
Wanting love while your heart I bashed.
A hole of guilt in my heart gashed,
Your bitter tears prick me like a thorn.
Leave the old pain, no more rehashed,
Give your forgiveness and be reborn."

My breath caught in my throat and I stared at him with awe. Poetry was considered a fantastic romantic gesture. I would never expect such a thing from Asvald. He cared enough to show me he was repentant of his sins toward me. He took the time to memorize a poem meant just for me.

"Asvald..." My voice was weak and my hands made their way to his chest. "Are you speaking poetry only to seduce me?"

He brought his face close to mine, our foreheads almost touching. "No."

I slid my hands slowly up his chest and neck to his cheeks dusted with course hair. "What do you want from me? Other than me spreading my legs for you."

Asvald covered my hands with his, amazed that he was touching me in such a tender way. "Let me answer your question with a question of my own. What are the duties of a wife?"

I rolled my eyes and dropped my hands. "Of course that is what you want to talk about." All he cared about was my surrender, so he could take me like a dog.

"No," Asvald said firmly and squeezed my chin, making me look at him. "Yes, a wife warms her husband's bed. But that is only maybe an hour every other night, possibly even less than that. What of everything else?"

"She supports him," I said softly, looking down at my lap. "She is always there when he needs to talk. She bears his children."

Asvald nodded and trailed his finger down my neck. "You're getting closer. But there's more than that. You need to go deeper."

I sighed. "Deeper is exhausting." Closing my eyes, I pressed a hand to my forehead. If I thought too much, I started to miss my family and how I would be betraying them if I fell in love with Asvald. "It's not that I won't love you, Asvald. It's that I can't."

Asvald bit his lip and clenched his jaw. I knew he was trying to control his temper. "Let me say this. You may think that this whole time, I've only been pushing you and hurting you, and being angry, and perhaps some of that is true. But I've been watching you, learning who you are. You're stubborn." He smiled endearingly and touched a strand of my hair. "You're brave, and you do not give up. You can love me, because you can do whatever you decide to do."

"Asvald..." I sighed and felt tears prick my eyes. "My family...I cannot betray them." How could I willingly chose to love the man who separated me from them?

"If your family wants you to stay miserable in your situation because it would be a betrayal to love me, it could be time to re-think who your real family is," Asvald said softly and lowered his head toward me, asking my permission for a kiss.

I closed my eyes and tilted up my chin and our lips touched, a satin caress that shined a light on the feelings I'd tried to hide away in the deepest, darkest corners of my heart and mind.

"What am I to do?" I whimpered against his lips. If I chose to love this man, there was no chance that I would ever see my family again.

"Let them go," he breathed, cupping my face between his hands.

A sob escaped me and I turned away from him, covering my face with my hands. "I can't!" I wailed and my whole body shook as howls racked my body.

Asvald pulled me back to his chest and cradled me. "Listen to me. Shh. Breathe and listen to me." He stroked my hair until the howling stopped and my breathing slowed, though I still felt like someone had struck me in the chest.

He continued, "This will hurt. It might always hurt. You may hate me because I'm the one who caused the pain. But I will give you a little time to let your family go, and I know you will mourn that loss for a while."

I pressed my hands to my sore eyes. I'd cried every single day since I left Ireland. "It will kill me to let them go."

"It will kill you to hold onto them," he murmured and caressed my back, sending chills through me. Lying beside him like that, I could feel the strength of his body, the solid muscle. If only he used that strength for good, and not evil. How long could I fight him? "What if I choose to never give in to you and fight until I die?"

He sighed. "I will give you to another man. You cannot be my wife if you will not meet my needs, and provide children. As the son of a chieftain, I need heirs."

I felt like an icy rock had dropped into my stomach and I sat upright, leaning over him. "What? You cannot do that." Panic started to take hold of me.

His eyes were sad as he took my hand and squeezed it. "If you choose to be unhappy, I will not need you anymore. You will be the slave of another man, and you will have no chance of achieving happiness."

I pressed a hand to my mouth. My stomach twisted and my mind raced. Asvald could be cruel and short tempered, but ultimately, he hardly ever committed evil against me. Going to a new man would only make my situation worse. I told myself to breathe.
"How long do I have before you will give me to another man?"

"If you are willing to let your family go and be my wife, I will give you two weeks to mourn your loss and accept the fact that you are my wife and will act accordingly. If you tell me right now that you will never let your family go, I will divorce you and give you to another man by tomorrow evening."

The selfish side of me wanted to say, yes, I'll be your wife and forget my family. But of everything I believed in, I believed in family above all else. I would live with the guilt and shame of becoming Asvald's whore because I feared the life of a thrall.

I bit my lip and felt my heart tearing inside me. "I cannot, Asvald," I said softy, nearly a whisper. I felt too weak to even speak the words. "I cannot forget my family, and I cannot be your wife."

Asvald's face drooped and his eyes slowly closed. "You have made a grave mistake." His voice was hard and cold, a bitter edge that cut through my spirit like a frosty sword.

He rose from the bed. "I must gather witnesses for our divorce. I will return shortly." He stalked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

I sat up and wiped my eyes, and for the first time since my abduction, I sincerely wished for death. Instead of crying, I poured water into a bowl and washed my face, and re-braided my hair. My life was over. I would not have a loving husband. I would not have children, unless they were illegitimate, and I would never have a future. But the alternative seemed worse, to give up the love of my family, my own flesh and blood. I could never turn my back on my history, my heritage, and my country. I had to accept what must be done.

Asvald's bedroom door opened and people poured in. I recognized them as the witnesses of our wedding night.

Asvald became to my side and we stood before the small group of people.

"Witnesses, these are my reasons for wanting a divorce from this woman. Our marriage has not been consummated. We tricked you on our wedding night."

The witnesses looked at me and I blushed. "It is true."

The witnesses nodded, and didn't look too pleased. "Go on," a man said.

Asvald lifted his chin and I glanced at him, noticing that his eyes were watering. "She refuses to meet my needs, whether sexual or any other kind of need. We have an unhappy marriage and I want out of it."

"We need to discuss your plea for a moment," the same man spoke, then the witnesses formed a circle and huddled together, whispering in hushed tones.

I folded my hands to try to stop their trembling, and closed my eyes to take a deep, calming breath before turning to Asvald. "Please do not sell me to a cruel man."

He refused to look at me, his jaw clenched. "I will not sell you to an unkind man." He paused for a moment. His voice softened as he murmured, "I did not believe you would actually decide to do this instead of just submitting to be my wife."

Before I could respond, the witnesses turned back around and one woman with thick black hair and a sharp face spoke. "We have found your reasons to be valid. We will continue in the divorcing process. You must declare yourself divorced in your bedroom, in the doorway of your house, and before a gathering of people."

Asvald straightened and sighed. "I, Asvald, son of Bork, declare myself divorced from this woman, Eachna."

As his words sunk in, I felt the numbness of spirit beginning to take hold of me. I followed Asvald and the witnesses to the doorway of the longhouse, were he repeated the same words.

We walked outside and I curled my arms around myself, even though the weather was comfortable. Asvald strode into the middle of the village. "Everyone gather around!" He shouted and the villagers obeyed, a crowd quickly forming around us in all directions. I felt like a mouse surrounded by cats.

"I have gathered you here as witnesses to my divorce." His voice rang out loud and clear, and the crowd responded with gasps and whispered, fingers pointed to me, along with disapproving glances.

"Our marriage has not been consummated," he shouted.

My face turned red and hot, shame coursing through me. Why did he have to include that part? All he had to do was proclaim himself divorced. He did not have to explain why.

"She refuses to meet my needs, whether in our bed, or any other area of our lives. She rejected my life, therefore we have an unhappy marriage. I, Asvald, son of Bork, declare myself divorced from this woman, Eachna."

It was final. Asvald was no longer my husband. The crowd slowly began to disperse. Asvald met my gaze and I could see my own pain reflected in his eyes.

"You will sleep in my home but not in my bed tonight. Tomorrow you will be sold." He narrowed his eyes at me before turning and pacing back to the longhouse.

I followed him, relieved that the sun was nearly setting. I wanted to sleep and forget my troubles. Tomorrow I would face my fate.