Kate gulped, a trickle of fear causing goosebumps to sprout across her skin. "What do you mean he's here because of me?"
Jeremy started walking, guiding her along beside him. "I didn't say he was, only that he may be. But we won't know for certain until I talk to him. There's a shed on the west side of the property, not far from here. We'll have to move quickly. If I could smell him, he's sure to have smelled you. I'll spin it someway, but he can't know that you're still here."
Grateful that she'd worn flat boots, Kate hurried alongside him as they headed deeper into the woods. Before long a rectangular wooden shelter came into view. "If I'd known I'd be camping out in a shack I would have worn a different outfit," she mumbled, trying to keep up with Jeremy's long strides.
Opening the shed's door, he walked in ahead of her and looked around. There were various supplies inside - some tins of paint and brushes neatly packed on shelves, gardening utensils, brooms and the like. "This should be fine." He turned and looked at her. "Keep the door closed. No matter what, don't leave unless I come get you or I send one of the others. Do you understand?"
"How long do you think you'll be?" she asked with a frown.
"Hopefully not long, but I can't be sure. Depends on why he's here."
Jeremy was being curt and impersonal, his demeanour almost businesslike in its efficiency and so at odds with the man who'd held her in his arms mere minutes before. Stepping towards him, Kate placed a hand on his chest, bewildered when he brushed her aside and moved towards the door.
"Jeremy?" Kate called after him, concerned by his apparent detachment. She was aware of the confusion in her voice, the tinge of worry.
Their eyes met and for a brief moment his indifferent mask slipped to reveal a glimpse of his unease. Within two long strides he was back at her side, drawing her close. His mouth crashed down on hers, robbing her of breath, the insistent pull of his lips coaxing a response from her. The kiss was hard and demanding, an edge of desperation to it. Kate couldn't help responding, a part of her sensing some inner struggle within him that she didn't understand, but still wanting to comfort him, to let him know everything would be alright, even if she couldn't be sure that it would.
All too soon he pulled back, his eyes burning into hers. "If you're still here by late afternoon, the temperature will drop suddenly. Keep as warm as you can. I will come for you when I'm able." He touched her cheek fleetingly, his mood softening infinitesimally. Then he was gone, closing the door firmly behind him.
Weak kneed, Kate sank down onto the rough wooden bench behind her, trying to gain some control over her frayed emotions. Trepidation filled her chest and rose into her throat, the feeling almost overpowering in its intensity.
Something was horribly wrong.
Sprinting through the woods at breakneck speed, Jeremy headed back towards Stonehaven. He couldn't believe how close he'd come to signing Kate's death warrant. Had Roman found her in the house, he would most likely have demanded that she be killed, even offer to do it himself. While Jeremy controlled his territory and what happened within it, there were some universal rules that did not go unchallenged; humans knowing about the existence of wolves were one of them.
With the wind whipping through his hair, Jeremy leapt across a fallen log, barely breaking stride. Not for the first time he wondered how they would make this relationship work, if it was even possible. Every part of his life held certain dangers that he couldn't escape. If it wasn't Roman, it would be someone else watching his every move, questioning his every decision. Despite not being particularly concerned about wolf politics or his ability to negotiate around it, things became inexplicably more complicated when a human was involved. Realisation was dawning, the haze of love momentarily receding as the truth fought to make itself known - pursuing a relationship with Kate would mean placing her life in perpetual danger, something he didn't think he'd ever feel comfortable doing.
With the back porch in view, Jeremy slowed down, making sure to stroll the remaining distance towards the house. If he was being watched, he didn't want to give the impression that he had anything to hide.
Taking a calming breath, he pushed his anxieties aside. Wolves could smell fear and his ability to control his would be what sent Roman Navikev on his way sooner rather than later. Stepping inside the kitchen he could hear Clay, Nick and Elena's voices coming from the front room. Entering, he saw Roman standing beside his desk, a glass of scotch cradled in his beefy palm, one of his men standing off to the side in silence.
"Roman," Jeremy said, keeping his tone light and pleasant. "An unexpected surprise. Sorry to keep you waiting."
"Jeremy," the Russian alpha replied, his speech thickly accented. Placing his glass down, he extended a hand in greeting. "Your family has been keeping us entertained while we awaited your return." He gestured to the tall, dark haired man at his side. "This is my nephew, Dimitri."
Jeremy acknowledged the introduction with a nod.
"We've been telling Roman about our problem with the local kids," Clay said.
Nice thinking. "Yes. A few of them have been known to sneak onto the property from time to time to play pranks on one another. I caught a few earlier and escorted them off."
"They're alright?" Nick asked casually and Jeremy knew they meant Kate.
"Perfectly." Pasting a smile on his face, he regarded Roman.
The Russian straightened, his paunch protruding in front of him. "If I were you I would take more decisive action against humans trespassing where they don't belong. It is your duty, as alpha."
Feeling his hackles rise, Jeremy nonetheless remained calm. This was a common disagreement amongst them. Roman believed that Jeremy was too soft, too tolerant. "You and I clearly have two very different ideas on how best to rule over our respective territories. I'd prefer to avoid resorting to unnecessary violence. The less attention we draw to ourselves, the better."
Detecting the steel in Jeremy's voice, Roman's eyes hardened fractionally. "Some would say that's a sign of weakness."
Clay lurched to his feet and Dimitri moved towards him threateningly before Nick interceded, grabbing hold of his friend's arm. "Don't," was all he said.
"You dare to disrespect Jeremy in his own home?" Clay growled.
"It's alright," Jeremy said, not taking his eyes off the Russian. "How I choose to rule in my territory is my business. I'm sure Roman understands this."
Roman smiled but it didn't reach his eyes; they remained cold and calculating. "The Council worries that you can't control the mutts in your jurisdiction."
"The Council, or you?" Jeremy asked, dropping all pretences.
The Russian's jaw clenched tightly and Jeremy knew he'd hit the mark. Roman had never made a secret of wanting to control North America. "Both. I was in the country on business when I heard of the mutt problem you're having in Bear Valley. I thought I could lend my assistance."
Inside, Jeremy seethed. Roman never did anything that didn't directly benefit him. "Thank you, but that won't be necessary. We have the situation well in hand. The mutt has already been apprehended."
Roman looked doubtful, a hint of malice entering his voice. "There's talk that you're involved with a human," he said, suddenly. "That it might be serious."
Thankfully Jeremy successfully managed to hide his distress. So Roman knew about Kate. "Serious?" he asked with arched brows. "Even wolves crave female companionship from time to time. I wouldn't call that serious."
Smirking, the Russian took another sip of his drink. "This is true. Just unusual for you. Aren't you generally more…discrete in your liaisons? I had wondered if perhaps there was something special about this woman, this doctor?"
Jeremy knew that Roman was testing him and he had to remain unaffected, but the idea that he knew all about Kate, that he might have seen her, was testing his self-control. "No. She's just a woman. Same as any other." He glanced at Elena. "With the exception of present company, of course."
"Then the rumour's not true? You haven't moved in with her?"
"You came all this way to check up on the state of Jeremy's love life?" Nick asked, making the question sound both juvenile and ridiculous.
Roman glanced at Nick, clearly angered by his disrespect. "It is my duty-"
"Then you must be on your way to Africa next? Asia? Or is Jeremy the only one you're truly interested in?" Elena asked, folding her arms across her chest.
Jeremy leaned back against one of the Chesterfields, deciding to intervene before tempers flared and one of them started something they'd regret later. "Spending a few nights with a woman hardly constitutes moving in with her. Besides, the liaison has already come to an end."
Roman watched him for a moment, his expression guarded. For some inexplicable reason Jeremy couldn't shake the feeling that the Russian didn't quite believe him. Slowly, Roman nodded. "It's as I thought. Jeremy Danvers is not susceptible to the follies of ordinary mortals."
"Glad to know I'm so predictable."
"I am relieved, of course," Roman continued, placing his glass on the desk. "If it was believed that you were entertaining your women here-" His hands spread wide to encompass the whole room. "It would lead to questions I'm sure you wouldn't want to answer."
"Such as?"
"Whether they knew the truth about you…and the consequences if they did."
Jeremy wanted nothing more than to punch a hole in Roman's smug face. He didn't miss the barely veiled threat. "Then it's a good thing that's not the case."
Their eyes locked, Roman's assessing, Jeremy's challenging. "Indeed."
"When are you heading home?" Elena asked abruptly, breaking the tension.
Roman glanced at her appraisingly. Jeremy knew he was fascinated by Elena. "We're leaving for New York this afternoon. If my business goes well, we'll be back in Russia in a few days. But since I am here, I was hoping to discuss some Council matters?"
Jeremy didn't like him staying for longer than absolutely necessary, but short of throwing him out, he had no choice but to acquiesce. "Of course."
As he listened to Roman talking politics Jeremy covertly glanced outside. The weather was changing. While Kate would be adequately sheltered in the shed, it could get very cold, very quickly.
Exchanging a worried look with Nick, he forced himself to focus on his Russian counterpart. It took two hours, but eventually Roman and Dimitri departed. With the rain now coming down in torrents, Jeremy and his family watched the departure of their unexpected guests from the front porch.
When the car turned onto the main road, he looked at Clay. "Start a fire in my bedroom. By the time I get her back here she's going to be soaked through." Clay nodded and disappeared inside. Hastily, Jeremy strode towards the kitchen, Elena and Nick hot on his heels. "Both of you, keep an eye out. Roman might still have one of his people lurking around. Let me know if you see or hear anything."
"How does Roman know about Kate?" Nick asked, watching Jeremy shrug into his jacket. He'd been wondering the same thing, internally battling his fears.
"It would seem he's got eyes everywhere," Elena replied. "Since the mutt uprising, he's been looking for any opportunity to unseat Jeremy."
The clouds hung low, the rain pelting down in icy sheets of grey. "I can handle Roman. For now, be vigilant."
They nodded in unison as Jeremy stepped outside and sprinted into the woods, his senses on high alert.
It was freezing in the wooden box the Danvers' housed supplies in. Running her hands up and down her arms in an attempt to get her circulation going, Kate listened to the thunderous sound of the rain as it bombarded the shed's roof. She'd been there for close to three hours and Jeremy hadn't been exaggerating when he'd said it would get cold. Despite the fact that the structure was waterproof, it was by no means insulated. If she exhaled, she could see the steam billowing from her mouth, little puffs of white dispersing rapidly into the frigid air.
Kate had no idea what was happening up at the house and she could only hope that all was well. It wouldn't hurt if someone arrived to fetch her sooner rather than later. Already she could feel her feet going numb, her opaque tights hardly a barrier against the persistent cold.
Hopping when the door opened, she slumped in relief when she saw Jeremy's broad silhouette. Jumping to her feet, she rushed towards him. He was soaked, his jacket wet, his jeans sodden, water running down his face and hair in rivulets.
Her gave her a thorough once over. "Are you alright?"
She nodded. "Just a little cold. What happened?"
Jeremy stared out into the bleak weather. "Roman was just stopping by. He wanted to discuss some Council matters. That's why it's taken me so long to get back."
Something seemed off. Kate had a feeling that he wasn't telling her everything. "But he doesn't know I'm here?"
Those piercing blue eyes met hers. "No, I don't think so. But we should get you back to the house as quickly as possible, just in case."
Kate looked out into the rain and shivered. "I take it there's no car nearby?"
For the first time since they'd discovered the Russian's presence earlier that morning, Jeremy's lips curled into a faint smile. "Unfortunately not."
"Well, then I guess we'd better make a run for it."
Grasping the hand Jeremy extended towards her, Kate followed him out. Already the rain was wetting her hair and spotting the lenses of her spectacles.
"Come on," Jeremy said, setting off at a slow jog. Within minutes her hair was plastered to her head, her coat becoming heavier the more water it absorbed. Quivering against the cold, Kate used her free hand to run a finger across her spectacle lenses. There was so much water running down them it was becoming harder to see. That aside, she was huffing and puffing while Jeremy's breathing was still completely even.
Clucking in annoyance, she plucked her spectacles off, the distraction causing her to stumble. Glancing at her, Jeremy quickly assessed the situation. Removing his hand from hers, he wrapped one arm around her, whilst bending to place the other beneath her knees.
"Hold on."
With a yelp of surprise, Kate found herself being lifted smoothly into his arms before he set off again, his strides long and sure. Holding onto him tightly, she buried her face in his neck, shuddering when she felt the water penetrate her jacket and soak into her dress beneath. It was icy cold, the wet fabric clinging to her skin and ridding her of any residual warmth. They didn't talk at all as Jeremy raced through the woods in the direction of his home, the combination of the weather and the effort to get them where they were going rendering conversation redundant.
It took some time to get there, the muddy floor making Jeremy extra cautious. By the time the house came into view, Elena was waiting for them. When Jeremy marched into the house, Kate could feel her teeth clattering against one another, her hands and feet like frozen blocks.
"Y-you c-can s-set m-me d-down n-now," she stammered. Jeremy ignored her completely, striding swiftly towards the staircase.
"The fire's going. The room should be warm by now," Kate heard Elena say.
"Everything okay here?" Jeremy asked, taking the stairs two at a time.
"Nothing out of the ordinary," the petite blonde replied, her voice trailing after them from below.
Jeremy stepped into his bedroom, shouldering the door closed behind him. Carrying her past the bed, he walked straight into the en-suite bathroom before setting her carefully on her feet. For a minute Kate just stood there numbly, too cold to move. Jeremy reached into the shower and turned on the spray, fiddling with the mixer until he was satisfied with the temperature.
Shifting his focus back on her, he grabbed her scarf, waterlogged and heavy and unwound it from around her neck. Then he went to work on the buttons on the front of her jacket. Kate would have helped him, but she didn't think she could move, her limbs so cold and heavy. The bathroom was rapidly filling with hot steam, warmth seeping slowly into her frozen appendages. Realising she was standing in a puddle, she glanced apologetically at Jeremy.
"W-what is it with m-me leaving water m-marks all over your f-floors?" She was still shivering, but with less intensity than before.
Jeremy smiled faintly. "It's not your fault. Besides, I'm not doing any better."
He was right. There was a rapidly expanding circle of water gathering around him too. Slipping her coat off her shoulders, he dropped it in a pile beside them. His movements were economical and impersonal as he helped her out of her dress, shoes and tights. Her cheeks strained red, Kate tried to maintain the same semblance of cool when Jeremy unclipped her bra because her fingers were too clumsy to cooperate. Once she'd stepped out of her panties, he guided her towards the shower.
"A-are you coming in t-too?"
To her surprise and disappointment, he shook his head, "No. Will you be okay?"
She nodded, confused, the same feeling of unease she'd felt earlier resurfacing. Watching her for a second longer, Jeremy turned on his heel and exited, closing the door silently behind him. Something was wrong with him, she could sense it. His reserve worried her, made her wonder what he was thinking and why it was making him push her away. She'd ask him of course, just as soon as she was warm again.
Stepping under the spray, Kate gasped, the hot water like stabbing shards of glass against her cold skin. But soon she adjusted and the water felt wonderful. Once she'd thawed completely, she looked around and grabbed Jeremy's shampoo, recognising the popular men's brand. She lathered and rinsed her hair before washing her body.
Finally feeling more like herself, she shut off the faucets and reached for two fluffy white towels. One she wrapped around her head, turban style, the other she draped around her body before grabbing her spectacles off the side of the wash basin en-route to the bedroom. Jeremy wasn't there, but she was grateful to see he'd left some clothes on the bed for her, obviously Elena's.
With the fire roaring in the hearth, the room was toasty. Dressing quickly in the black sweat pants and matching sweater, she felt human again. Glancing around she moved to the chest of drawers and pulled the top drawer open, pleased when she found what she was looking for: socks. Grabbing a thick black pair, she slipped them on, amused when the heels came up past her ankles. Since she didn't have a dry pair of shoes, they would have to serve as footwear.
Dabbing her hair with the towel to absorb as much moisture as it could, she left it loose to air dry and went in search of company. The house was quiet, the kitchen and lounge deserted. Where is everyone, she wondered, walking down the hallway that led off the main foyer before she passed a door that stood slightly ajar. Under ordinary circumstances she might have walked by, but peeking inside she could see a faintly lit passage with a myriad of steps leading underground. Intrigued, she stepped down. The walls on either side of her were all bare stone, their grey colour nondescript. At the base she followed the passage that ran to the left until she heard familiar voices.
Rounding the corner she saw Clay, Nick and Elena in a square room converged around a table that had a single light dangling above it. Curious, she stepped further inside and noted the stacks of scrolls, yes scrolls, strewn across the table's wooden surface as well as filling the shelves off to the side. Attracting her attention though was the large metal cage at which the group was staring.
"Kate!" Nick exclaimed in alarm and three pairs of eyes focussed on her. "What are you doing here?"
Unable to take her eyes from the cage, Kate approached them, a feeling of dread settling like lead in her stomach. "I couldn't find anyone upstairs and I heard voices…" Her words trailed off, her eyes widening when they recognised the prostrate figure locked inside the cage.
Was this some kind of secret dungeon? A place Jeremy brought mutts to torture? She shuddered at the thought.
"Nick's right. You shouldn't be down here." It was Clay this time.
She gave him an annoyed look. "He's the reason I'm here to begin with."
"You smell like Jeremy," Elena said, regarding her curiously.
Cheeks a little flushed, Kate shrugged. "It's the shampoo."
By now she was standing beside the table, her gaze fixed on the man curled up on the cold stone floor, his eyes closed. He looked worse than she remembered, blood stains all over his torn jeans and sweater, fresh cuts and bruises all over his face.
She swallowed convulsively. He'd been badly beaten. "Is he…?"
"He's still alive," Clay said.
Kate approached the cage cautiously. About a foot away, Salazar jerked, clumsily getting to his feet and vaulting towards the bars. The shock of his sudden movement sent Kate staggering backward in fright, her heart hammering.
"Watch it!" Nick shouted, grasping her arm protectively and drawing her away.
"If it's not the bitch who started it all," Salazar rasped, his eyes narrowing. "I should have killed you that first time I saw you, damned the consequences. I would have been long gone by now."
The coldness of his grey gaze chilled her, as did his easy talk of killing. "Why are you doing this?"
"I haven't done anything…yet," he said, his dirty fingernails curling around the bars, his face pressed between them. He was standing on one leg only, the other bent slightly to keep his weight off it. "But come a little closer and I'll show you a thing or two."
"Don't listen to him," Elena said, placing a reassuring hand on her arm. "He's trying to rile us up so we'll do something rash and impulsive."
Kate nodded. She couldn't really think of anything to say. She was so far out of her comfort zone.
"C'mere, Blondie. I'm sure I can still show you a good time," he leered, his eyes travelling insultingly over Elena's figure.
Clay snarled loudly, but Elena placed halted him when he moved towards the cage. "Don't, Clay. This is exactly what he wants."
"You all just gonna stand there and stare? Or are one of you ladies going to entertain me? I quite like curves," he said to Kate. The way his eyes roamed over her made her feel as though she needed another shower. "But I'm not fussy."
"Yeah, you're just pure class," Nick said in disgust.
"I bet the Council would love to hear all about the Danvers' and how they're letting humans in on the big secret. Goes against the cardinal rule, doesn't it? I wonder how they'll feel when they find out it's an alpha who's breaking it? So he can keep his whore-"
"Enough."
None of them had heard Jeremy enter. Dressed in jeans and a soft blue jersey, his hair was still damp from the shower. Just the sight of him had Kate breathing easier.
Salazar stared at Jeremy, his eyes widening at the fury on his face. "Just stating the facts," he said, although his tone held considerably less heat. "They're gonna come for her, you know it. There isn't any way you can keep her safe forever. She knows too much and the way she's making doe eyes at you tells me she knows everything. How long before your careful plans are ruined? Before someone sees you together and realises the truth?"
His words knocked the breath from her, making her fearful. Just as he intended she was sure.
"That is not your concern," Jeremy replied calmly, though Kate could tell by the tick in his jaw that he was anything but calm.
Salazar pushed against the bars. "Oh but it is. It doesn't matter if you kill me or not. There will be someone else, somewhere else. Her time," he said, jerking his head in Kate's direction. "Is coming."
Within a few quick strides Jeremy was at the cage, one hand wrapped around Salazar's throat. Kate gasped loudly, her hands flying to cover her mouth. None of the others uttered a word, although they seemed to tense simultaneously. "That may or may not be so. The one thing that is certain, is that you won't be around to see it."
On that harsh note, Jeremy flicked his wrist and Kate heard a decisive snap. Salazar's eyes rolled back in his head, his body crumbling to the floor like a rag doll once Jeremy let him go.
Shocked and horrified, Kate stared. She couldn't believe he'd just taken a life right in front of her. Salazar was dead. And Jeremy had killed him. Bile rose into her throat, nausea roiling in her stomach. With breathing becoming difficult, she spun around and ran from the room, not stopping until she was bent over the toilet boil, retching in great heaves.
It wasn't long before she felt a cool cloth press against her forehead, warm hands pulling her hair back from her face. Sinking to the floor, Kate looked up at Jeremy, his expression completely inscrutable.
"I didn't know I'd react that way," she said, sagging weakly against the wall.
"Don't apologise."
Kate took the hand he proffered and levered herself up, walking to the basin to rinse her mouth. Her mind kept replaying the terrifying scene; Jeremy's hands, Salazar's neck, the awful crush of bone. It kept repeating itself, as though it was on some dreadful loop she didn't know how to shut off.
Facing him, her thoughts were a jumble. She didn't know what to say, or even how she felt. Seeing that side of him, how easily he'd killed someone, made her uncomfortable and if she was really honest, it frightened her. Kate didn't think she was afraid of him, merely of what he seemed capable of. Tempering that though was logic; his world was different to hers, the laws that governed it, dissimilar. She couldn't judge him for doing what she might have done in his shoes. What bothered her, however, was the realisation that being a part of Jeremy's life would mean constantly being subjected to that kind of violence, to the reality that he was a man who had to be harsh and cruel at times to protect what was his. Could she deal with that?
Ultimately, she'd wanted to know what his life was like. Now she knew. She just didn't know how she felt about it.
"Jeremy-"
"Kate, I think it's best if we don't have this discussion right now. You've been through a lot today. We can talk in the morning." He sounded perfectly reasonable, but there was an underlying inflection in his tone that made her anxious.
Despite his words, she asked, "What's going on? You've been acting strangely since you left me in the shed earlier."
He glanced away, his hands on his hips. "Nothing. A lot's happened. I don't think now's the right time to go over it."
Something about his rigid control sparked her anger. Kate knew they were standing in a bathroom, hardly the most appropriate place to hash things out, but at that moment she didn't care. "Screw the right time. I want to know why you're acting so distant, so…unaffected and calm."
He shook his head. "I don't know what you mean."
Kate's temper flared. "Do not patronise me, Danvers." She raised a hand and ticked off fingers as she spoke. "You haven't touched me once in any way that wasn't perfunctory since we got back from the woods. You've barely spoken two words to me and whatever exchanges we have had has been cool and detached. Add to that the fact that you can barely look at me right now and I'm pretty certain that everything is not alright. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you weren't the man I'd just spent the past 24 hours with."
"That's not true."
Jeremy watched her eyes, fiery with indignation and he couldn't help thinking how magnificent she was when she was riled up. He couldn't believe that mere hours ago he'd slept with her in his arms, had made love to her multiple times. It suddenly felt like a lifetime ago, like it had happened to someone else. There was so much going on in his mind, so many fears and insecurities he needed time to dissect. He'd killed a man in her presence, done so because he'd lost control; the one thing he was always fastidious about maintaining. He'd shown Kate a side of him he'd known he couldn't hide forever, but still, the look on her face before she ran away – the horror, the fright, the shade of revulsion. It was embedded in his brain. Then there was Roman Navikev, who knew all about Kate. The Russian hated him and would leap at any opportunity to destroy him so that he could lay claim to North America. If he suspected how Jeremy really felt about Kate, he wouldn't hesitate to use her as a means of getting what he wanted.
He needed time to process things. But having Kate poke and prod at him wasn't helping matters. How could he explain what he was feeling when he wasn't even sure what it meant? A nagging voice in the back of his mind kept telling him that he knew exactly what had to be done, he was just too afraid to acknowledge it.
"Yes, it is! What's wrong? Are you upset because of how I reacted to what happened downstairs? I think it would be more than a little unfair if you were. This is all new to me and I'm trying to make sense of it all. I just need some time."
"I'm not upset about that," Jeremy said, frustration making him sound harsher than he intended. "Can we please drop this?"
"No! I demand to know what's going on." Her words echoed off the bathroom walls.
"Kate-"
"And don't tell me it's nothing because I won't belie-"
Agitation made him snap. "I don't think this is going to work out."
Kate went stock still, the deafening silence following his words echoing louder than the discourse that had preceded it. "What? I-I don't understand."
Taking a deep breath, Jeremy steeled his resolve, knowing what he needed to do. "For a time I thought that a relationship was something I wanted, but I realise that it's not."
Kate was staring at him slack jawed, as though he'd lost his mind. He didn't blame her. "Just to be clear…are you saying that you no longer want to be with me?"
Her eyes were large behind her spectacles, her body rigid. You're doing this for her, Jeremy kept reminding himself. "I'm sorry."
She stepped closer to him, her gaze searching his. "But you love me," she breathed, her voice breaking. "You…you told me."
Jeremy's jaw clenched almost painfully. "I don't get to love, Kate." His tone was firm, resolute.
"So that's it?" she asked in disbelief. "It was great while it lasted, now be off on your merry way? Does this have to do with what just happened? I admit, I'm scared, but not of you, Jeremy. I'm still here. I still want to make this work. I don't need you to be noble."
He remained still, just staring at her. She waited, her mouth moving, but no words coming out. In the face of his stoic resolve, her eyes filled with pain and Jeremy hated himself a little more.
"I don't believe you," she said faintly, shaking her head.
"I don't know what else to say other than I never meant to hurt you." Even as he said the words, he cringed, knowing that in order for this to work, for him to keep her safe, hurting her was essential.
Kate flinched, as though he'd struck her, her eyes welling with tears which she blinked away rapidly. He watched her swallow repeatedly, her chin wobbling and he knew she was fighting not to cry. As long as he lived, he'd never forget the look of devastation on her face or forget that he'd been the one to put it there. Self-loathing filled him, burning a hole into his soul.
"You never wanted to hurt me?" she repeated in a ragged whisper, an edge of anger creeping into her tone. "Then you should never have told me you loved me if you didn't mean it." She backed away from him and Jeremy wavered in the face of her grief. Catching himself before he reached for her, he stood up straighter, his mask firmly in place, continually reminding himself why he was doing this.
He loved her, he loved her so much and if anything ever happened to her because of him, he'd never forgive himself. It was best if she hurt now, rather than later, when the consequences could be so much more damaging than a broken heart. At least that's what he kept telling himself. However, in the face of her obvious distress, those reasons seemed paltry and no more of a comfort than a knife to the heart.
Kate stared at him for the longest time before she turned away and rushed out of the bathroom, bumping into Clay as he passed by. He caught sight of her face and froze. "You okay?"
She nodded curtly. "Will you take me home, please?"
Clay looked across her shoulder and his eyes collided with Jeremy's. He inclined his head, giving his permission.
"Uh, sure," his son said.
Kate stepped away. "I'll get my things and wait in the car," she murmured, walking towards the staircase. Jeremy followed at a slower pace, passing through the foyer and halting behind his desk in the living room. Within minutes Kate was back downstairs, a bag which he assumed contained her wet items in one hand, her purse in the other. Without a word to either of them she marched outside and climbed into the front seat of the FJ Cruiser, her gaze focused ahead, unblinking, unwavering. She looked numb, shocked, a little disorientated.
Jeremy watched her through the window, his eyes greedily drinking their fill. Clay moved to stand beside him. "Jeremy, are you sure-"
"I've made my decision."
Clay placed a hand on his shoulder before grabbing his jacket and keys and heading out. Jeremy remained at the window and watched them drive away, watched until the taillights of his son's car was long gone. Rage, yearning and frustration roiled inside of him, his insides a churning mass of despair. For the first time in his life he cursed his existence, cursed who he was, hated that it was keeping him from the one thing he wanted more than life itself.
In a fit of fury, resentment and bitterness at its boiling point, he turned, snarling loudly as he swept his arms across his desk, sending everything in its path clattering to the ground. Even the dull thud of plastic, the sound of shattering glass and the splintering of electronics into shards of carbon fibre did nothing to soothe the growing ache in his heart.
Kate was gone. As suddenly as she'd burst into his life, he'd made sure that she was out of it.
Loneliness settled like a heavy coat around his shoulders, a feeling that had been strangely absent since he'd met her and fallen head over heels. Slumping down into his leather chair, he leaned forward, his elbows resting on the desk, his face dropping into his hands.
Hours ago he'd been happy, happier than he'd ever imagined possible. For the first time he'd started to contemplate the idea of a future, one where he wasn't always alone, always the one caring for instead of being taken care of. How was it possible to go on pretending that you were happy, content, satisfied, when you'd had a taste of heaven only to have it snatched away? How could he possibly go on knowing that she was out there, his match, his mate and she would always be just beyond his reach?
For the first time since Antonio's death, Jeremy felt the weight of a grief so powerful it robbed him of breath, descend upon him, his eyes burning with unshed tears.
He'd felt impotent before, helpless in the face of adversity. This, however, was the first time in his life he'd ever felt undone.