Chapter 4. I Had My Reasons
I hope you guys don't hate this chapter. It was the worst for me to write. This chapter was inspired by my watching the Prom Queen episode, and the hallway scene where Finn finds out Rachel is going to the Prom with Jesse. When he said "don't you remember how horrible he was" I always wondered why Rachel didn't say something like "look what Quinn did and you forgave her." So this had me wondering, if Finn forgave Quinn the whole Puck baby thing, something so heinous and he didn't even really love her, what could Rachel do that was even bigger that he would forgive? Toying with the idea, I came up with the one the saddest things a woman can do to a man. I struggled with this but once it got in my head I couldn't get it out. Anyway, I hope that many of you are not offended and you continue reading. It is all done for dramatic affect anyway. We know there will be a happy ending. And I love me some angry Finn ;) He will rear his angry self in the next chapter.
I don't own Glee or any of its characters. However, if I had a little boy, I would have stolen Finn's name.
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With her heart rate at dangerous levels, her whole body is rocking with the rhythm of her pulse, Rachel stands in front of Finn's door studying the faint, fine lines that the paint brush left behind. Three times she has raised her hand to knock, and three times she has lowered it without doing so. She has been standing there looking at his door for the past ten minutes and can't get up the nerve to knock. Having this conversation will be so unbelievably difficult. How do you deliver such news and have this conversation without falling apart? Is it possible? The only thing that keeps her from falling apart right now, is that it all feels surreal. Like she is having an out of body experience and it's not her who's going through this, but a complete stranger. Finally, she raises her hand and knocks three times quickly.
Inside, Finn is pacing. He is wearing jeans and a white button shirt untucked, sleeves rolled at his forearms. What does he say? He is not ready to be a father...he is not even ready to be a sports news anchor. Ultimately, however, none of it is in his hands. He has no say so whatsoever. Men are the ones that have the short end of the stick when it comes to kids...women can get pregnant and have the child or decide otherwise and their hands are tied. That is the ultimate punishment for women being physically weaker than men. They have the power in decisions that matter most. His pacing abruptly stops when he hears the knocking on his door.
Rachel waits for the door to open patiently. When Finn opens the door, her eyes look to his eyes to see their reaction. She is afraid he is going to look at her differently. When he sees her, he doesn't smile, but he does something even better. He reaches for her hand, pulls her inside the apartment and closes the door behind her. He wraps her arms around her for a tight hug wordlessly, and she buries her face in his shirt. His caring quality, the tenderness of his embrace make her begin to shake uncontrollably, her body shaking slightly with low sobs.
"I'm sorry, Finn...I know this is terrible." She says through her slight sobs and bunches his shirt in her fists.
"Shh, shh, it's going to be ok,"
They remain rooted to that spot for a few minutes, delaying the impending talk.
When Rachel calms down and has regained her composure, she pushes back slightly to look at his face. He gives her a small smile and she looks at him with a small pout.
"Ok, let's go sit down and talk...we'll figure this out," he says a little nervously. She sits on the couch and he walks to his kitchen and quickly returns with two bottles of water. He carefully opens hers and leaves it in front of her on the coffee table.
"Can I have some coffee, Finn? I feel like I am in a fog, going through the motions and I need something to clear my head." She looks at him hopefully.
"Sure, but I thought pregnant women shouldn't drink coffee," he looks uncertain.
"Just for tonight...I really need some, please." He nods and she follows him to the kitchen where he goes to the counter and begins making the coffee. She walks behind him and wraps her arms around his waist and rests her head on his back. She wants to hold on to this moment while she can still do this. Who knows what this experience will do to them.
"Finn, what are we gonna do?" she lets her arms slide down and she hooks her thumbs in the front pockets of his pants...she is so exhausted, she doesn't even have the energy to hold her arms up.
He grabs one of her hands, and turns in her arms to face her. "First, we will make some coffee. Let's just take everything one step at a time, deal?"
"Deal!" Rachel and Finn look at each other as the coffee brews without saying a word. In no time, the coffee was ready and they pour it into two mugs and Finn carries both into the living room with Rachel following close behind. They sit on the couch, their bodies turned in such a way that they are facing each other. Rachel picks up her mug and takes two very good sips and places it back down.
Finn starts, "Ok, tell me how everything went down today at the doctor's office."
"Well...the doctor was going to give me the prescription, but since it had been a month since my period, he decided to do a pregnancy test first. Then he came back in and told me I was pregnant." Rachel picks up her mug and takes another sip.
"And there is absolutely no way they made a mistake?" Finn looks at her hopefully.
"No, I am pretty sure after he told me some of the early symptoms. As a matter of fact, you even mentioned one of those symptoms a few days ago." His puzzled look urges her to continue. "The other day you mentioned that my boobs were finally getting bigger...one of the first symptoms." Finn's eyes widen and he nods his head.
"Ok, so there is no mistake then. Do you want to do the pros or cons first?" His eyes bear into her expectantly.
"Are there really any pros?" She looks sadly at him.
"Yes...we'd have a miniature Rachel running around. That would be pretty cute." He smiles at her.
She smiles back and pinches the fabric at the hem of her shirt between her thumb and index finger absentmindedly rolling it, "But the list of cons is huge. For example, neither one of us has a real job. I'm not even out of school yet. Also, I have an audition in two weeks and if I got the job, I would be pregnant on opening night...the play opens in late fall. Add the fact that your apartment only has one bedroom and there is no room for a baby. And did I mention the fact that we can't afford to raise a baby? We are not financially stable."
"So, you are saying you don't want to keep the baby?" He looks at her carefully, and does she detect a little bit of relief in his voice?
"No, I am not saying that! I want to keep the baby, but I am not sure if I should keep the baby...I think. We just have discuss if there is a way to do it. I will call my parents and see what they say, I am sure they'll fly up here and kill me. Then the decision to keep it or not will be removed...cause I'll be dead."
Finn twitches his lips at her over dramatic statement and voices his opinion. "Look, I would be lying if I didn't say this is scaring me to death. Like, my knees shaking kind of scary. If someone asked me yesterday about kids, I would have said that I am not ready and won't be for a few years. But sometimes things happen that force our hand. This is one of those things and I don't know if I can handle it, but I want you to know that I will try my hardest. But I would also be lying if I didn't say that there is a part of me that would love for you to decide not to keep it. What I make working for my dad, is barely enough to support me. But I could find another job and between the two we could probably swing it until you get a Broadway show. You would have to wait until after the baby was born to pursue Broadway, and that sucks for you, I know. Also, I can probably ask for help from my mom and dad. See what they can do. I am sure they'll be supportive."
"We can only hope." Rachel bites her lip. "It's such a huge decision...a life changing decision."
Finn takes her hand in his and brushes his thumb over her knuckles. "Rachel, you are the one with the most to lose here, and ultimately it is your decision to make. I just want you to know that whatever you decide, I'll stand by you 100%!"
Relief flows through her and she leans over to hug him and kiss him on the lips. What is meant to be a slight peck, turns into a passion filled desperate kiss which seeks comfort and quickly turns to their making love on his couch.
Afterward, Finn is lying on his side his back against the couch and with Rachel in front of him in a spooning position. Her eyes are closed but she is not sleeping. He moves his hand to her bare abdomen and places his palm against her lower belly. There is a baby in there that's mine... his mind keeps repeating this and it seems so incredible to him.
"Mmmm, what are you thinking?" Rachel asks him sleepily.
"That just a few inches below of where my hand is, there is a little peanut that is ours." He says and leans over to place a kiss on her neck. Rachel takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. She turns in his arms to face him. "I think I want to wait to make a decision until we talk to your parents...is that ok with you?"
"Sure! I'll call them tomorrow and we'll go see them."
"Ok!" She sighs and snuggles in his arms once more.
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The next morning, Santana's reaction to the news was 10 times worse than Finn's.
"What do you mean you are pregnant...didn't you take precautions?" She eyes Rachel with accusing eyes.
"Of course I did, but something went wrong." Rachel glares back at her.
"Obviously." Santana stands with her arms crossed and her foot tapping uncontrollably. "Well, did he ask you to marry him?" Santana places her hands on her hips.
Rachel looks at her surprised, "No, he hasn't, but he said he would support any decision I make. I wish you would do the same."
Santana walks to her laptop and sits down on the couch, lifting the lid open. "I will support you by researching planned parenthood clinics in the area. Rachel, if you have this baby now, all of your hopes and dreams of Broadway go down the drain, you do know that, right? Never mind the stretch marks that the giant's baby genes would cause on your skin."
Rachel begins to pace with her hands on her hips, "Not necessarily, Santana," Rachel says unconvincingly. "And some women don't get any stretch marks. Anyway, we are going to speak with his parents today and I'll make my decision after that conversation takes place. Please don't be all doom and gloom with this. I need to know that you will be supportive of me if I decide to keep it ok?"
Santana looks up from her laptop, her face softening, and walks to Rachel and puts her arms around her. "Of course I'll be supportive...I'm just afraid everything you have worked toward will get derailed. I don't want that to happen."
Rachel nods and hugs her friend tightly. "I don't want that to happen either."
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Rachel is waiting for Finn to pick her up from her apartment to take her to his parent's house. She put on a sleeveless brown sun dress with beige polka dots all over it, and a matching brown wide belt. Her hair is straight and her make up minimal. She hears the doorbell and hears Santana go to the door. Nooo, she thinks to herself, Santana don't attack him. She runs out to the living room just in time to hear Santana greet Finn, "Hello, come in, BM!"
"BM as in bowel movement? You can call me shithead you know if you want." Finn teases her.
"Ha!, no... BM as is baby maker!" She tilts her head on the side and Finn's grin falls.
Rachel walks up to Finn and gives him a hug and turns to Santana, "Bad girl! Go sit on the couch!"
"Huh! Already practicing your parental skills, I see! Great!" Santana's sarcastic manner is in full force.
Finn looks at Rachel with eyebrows up and says, "Are you ready?"
The ride is about 30 minutes, and Rachel and Finn are mostly quiet in its duration. Periodically, Finn looks at her and says, "It's going to be ok!" Same phrase is repeated three times and by the third time Rachel is convinced he is saying it more to himself than to her. They arrive at a house that is large, brick and beautiful. Not a pretentious mansion, but still extremely intimidating. They drive though a gate and finally walk to the door and knock. While they wait for the door to open, Finn looks at her and says, "I didn't say anything to them yet, just that I was bringing you over for dinner." Rachel's eyes widen in surprise, her mouth opens to say something when the door suddenly opens and a beautiful older woman greets them.
"Finn, honey, come in!" Carole's happiness is evident in seeing her son.
"Mom, this is Rachel, my girlfriend. Rachel this is my mom, Carole Hummel." Rachel looks at him in shock. This is the first time he has called her his girlfriend.
"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Hummel." Rachel reaches out to shake Carole's hand.
"Please, call me Carole." Carole beams at Rachel.
They go into the living room area where Burt is watching a game on TV. Finn walks in and greets Burt with a hug, Burt's love for Finn is genuine and obvious. They are a close family, Rachel thinks. Finn introduces Rachel, and Burt looks at her and says, "You look familiar...have we met before?"
Rachel smiles and replies, "I work at your hotel in Brooklyn, Mr. Hummel. I am Rachel Berry."
"Oh, that's right! You know, it's always a bad idea to date the boss's son." He looks at her with a stern look on his face.
Finn is shocked, "Dad.." Just then Burt, bursts into laughter.
"I'm just kidding!"
They are chit chatting in the living room, when Kurt comes in with Blaine in a huff.
"You drive like my grandma Hummel, Blaine. It took us forever to get here."
Blaine's response is just as pissy, "I prefer to arrive alive, thank you very much."
Carole stands up and cuts them off, "Boys, Finn has brought his girlfriend, Rachel. Rachel this is Kurt, Finn's brother and Kurt's fiancee, Blaine."
Kurt and Rachel exchange greeting and Kurt gets right down to business asking Rachel all about being raised by two gay parents. He is full of questions and keeps her occupied until it's dinner time.
They have just finished desert, when Finn asks to speak to Burt and Carole privately. Burt looks at Finn and says, "This is a family, Finn. Anything that concerns you concerns all of us, so if it's ok, Kurt can be here too." Finn nods his head and looks at Rachel. He takes a deep breath and reaches under the table to take her hand. The gesture does not go unnoticed by Carole whose eyes squint a little in puzzlement.
"Well, as you know, Rachel and I have been seen each other for a while now, but we have some news that's going to be a little surprising."
Kurt chimes in, "Oh my God! You are not getting married already are you? You've only been going out for a few weeks!" Finn gives a exasperated sigh and looks at Burt. Burt continues to look at Finn and speaks to Kurt, "Shut up, Kurt!"
Finn swallows noisily and takes another deep breath and quickly spits out, "Rachel is pregnant!"
"What? You are not even married!" exclaims Blaine. Finn closes his eyes and counts to three. Finn opens his eyes, Burt is still looking at him and yells at Blaine, "Shut up, Blaine! On second thought, Finn you were right. This should have been done privately...Kurt, Blaine thanks for coming to dinner...please leave." Carole has been sitting there biting her lips in a line, eyes closed shaking her head back and forth.
As Kurt and Blaine leave, Kurt does the "call me" sign to Finn. Finn nods and looks back toward Burt and his mom.
Burt looks back at Finn, "Ok, let's start at the beginning. How did you guys meet?" Finn begins the story, leaving out some of the more personal things and ends with the knowledge of the pregnancy. Burt continues to look at both of them, Rachel has remained with Finn's hand in her lap, her holding on to his hand with both of hers, her eyes down cast and looking at the tablecloth, too ashamed to look at them in the eyes.
Burt continues with, "Finn, you didn't know she worked for me?" Finn shakes his head no.
"And Rachel when you met Finn you didn't know he was my son?" She shakes her head no. "So, what is it that you guys want to do now?" Burt asks Finn.
"We are exploring our options, right now. I wanted to speak to both of you," Finn looks between his mom and Burt, "because I need to know if you could help us if we needed it, financially, just until Rachel can get a job on Broadway. I am willing to work a second job to do this, but I need to know that I can count on you in case we need it. Rachel was supposed to audition in two weeks for a Broadway play, but we can't be sure what will happen with that, and as you know, although I get by with my pay now, it isn't enough to raise a baby with, so I want to know what you are willing to do to help."
Rachel interjects at this point, "More than anything, we would want to see if you could help with watching the baby during work hours. I am going to ask my parents for help financially as well, but due to their being in Ohio, I can't count on them for child care."
"We'll get to that in a minute, but I still find it a little convenient that you date the boss's son, and then get pregnant, Rachel. I don't mean any disrespect, but look at it from my perspective." Burt watches Rachel closely and as he is speaking, she raises her head and there is an anger in her eyes that is focused solely on Burt.
"You think I did this on purpose? I have... no, HAD... a bright future on Broadway until this happened, and I don't know if this will affect my career at this point. You think I would jeopardize this for what? Neither Finn, nor I have established ourselves yet with our careers. What could I possibly have to gain?"
Finn expression changes from one of confusion to anger as well. "Dad, she didn't to this on purpose. And she wasn't alone in this, either, ok?"
"Finn, you and I have been down this road before, haven't we?" Burt says sternly.
Rachel's eyes fly open and her head turns to Finn. "What? What does he mean, Finn?"
Finn's head is hanging low, his chin near his chest. Burt keeps on, "I'll tell you what I mean, Rachel. When Finn was in high school he told us he got a girl pregnant and we supported the girl's decision for months, financially for doctor's bills and emotionally in preparing for a grandchild, until someone let it out that the baby wasn't Finn's. He and all of us were deceived for months, and if we hadn't found the truth, he would have a child right now almost eight years old. Needless to say, you can understand how we can be a little bit skeptical." At that point, Carole cuts him off.
"Burt, you can't judge Rachel by someone else's actions. Finn was just a victim in that whole mess."
"That's right Carole, and I won't let anyone take advantage of him again." Burt looks at Carole delivering his line sternly.
Carole looks back at Finn, "Finn, are you sure this is what you want."
"Mom, I know that neither one of us is ready for this, but it is what it is."
Carole looks at Burt and sees him give in. "Ok, I am willing to go along with helping out, on the following conditions. I will have lawyers with contracts involved, and will provide financial support for you, Rachel until the time comes where you are employed on Broadway. Also, as soon as the baby is born, there will be a paternity test to prove that Finn is the father. If it turns out that he is not, you will repay every cent. If it turns out that the baby is Finn's you will not be allowed to move to another state until the time when you are financially independent of me."
Finn, Rachel, and Carole stare at Burt incredulously.
"What? Dad..." Finn looks at Carole, and then Rachel. Carole shakes her head at Burt like she can not believe him. Finn begins to speak again and Rachel interrupts.
"You know, I think Finn and I need to leave. Thank you for the offer, but if Finn and I decide to have this baby, we will do it without your help. We will make do, right, Finn?" Finn looks as confused and lost as anyone has ever been and it breaks her heart to see him so disappointed and hurt by Burt's actions. Very quietly she continues, "You have a great son here Mr. and Mrs. Hummel, and the fact that you are now treating him like this at a time of great need is shameful. It's evident that you both love him very much, but treating him like he is in high school again and not trusting his judgement is hurtful to watch. And Mr. Hummel, if your help comes with your dictating my life to me, what I can and cannot do with MY kid, then I don't want your help." She turns to smile at Finn and he looks flushed and ashamed. Her smile gets brighter and she nods at him. "I'm going to wait in the car." She leans up and gives him a kiss on the cheek and walks to the foyer to get her purse and walk outside.
Once she is gone, Finn looks at his parents and finally gets over his shock. He rounds on Burt, "I can't believe you just did that...why didn't you just say you would think about it and told me privately? You insulted her and you know nothing about her."
"Son, can you tell me with 100% certainty that this baby is yours?" Burt asks gently.
"Yes! I am as sure as you are of Kurt being yours or as much as any man can be certain!" Finn gets sassy. "You know, I know that you guys have been taking care of me, paying for college and giving me this job after, but I didn't realize until this very moment how little respect you have for me as an adult...a man." Burt opens his mouth to respond and Finn puts his hand out to stop him. "I know now that it's my fault. I allowed myself to be carried instead of walking on my own two feet. I'm gonna change that."
As Finn turns to leave, Carole grabs his hand to stop him. "Finn, you know you can count of me to help in any way I can." Finn smiles at his mother, "I know, mom," and looks at Burt.
"Just so we are clear Dad, Rachel was a virgin until she met me...there was evidence, if you know what I mean, and you just treated her like some lying slut that got pregnant on purpose to take your money!"
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Back at his apartment, Finn and Rachel sit on the couch discussing the events of the evening.
"I have a lot to think about. I can't believe your family reacted that way." Rachel runs her hand down the length of his thigh soothingly.
"I guess that high school experience will come back and bite me in the ass for the rest of my life." After a deep sigh he goes on, "We are going to have some serious budgeting to do and work like crazy to save money for when the baby comes...day care costs are outrageous." He smiles a little.
"Finn, I know I said I wanted to keep the baby, but we can't possibly do this without help and the timing is so, so bad. I think I should really consider having...the alternative." Rachel looks at his surprised face and continues. "I was 75% sure I wanted to keep it before, but now the percentages have flopped."
"Rachel, please don't make this choice because of what Burt said. If that is truly what you want, I'll support you, but I want you to make a choice clear headed and not in fear or anger, ok?"
"It's not just because of what Burt said. I have been thinking about it for purely selfish reasons as well." Placing her head on his chest, she rubs her face lightly on his shirt and hears him say, "Let's not make any rash decisions right now, ok? We'll talk again in the morning." Rachel responds with an "Uh huh!" and is slowly nodding off. Finn stands up and picks her up bridal style and carries her into his bedroom and slowly removes her clothes and covers her with a blanket. He walks around the bed, strips down to his boxers and slides in next to her.
Morning comes with the chirping of a bird which is unusual for Manhattan. Rachel opens her eyes, stretches, and gets out of bed. Everything looks lighter this morning! She feels a calm she hasn't felt for two days now. That's how she knows the decision she made last night is the right one. She walks to the kitchen to find Finn at the table drinking his coffee and reading the paper. She pulls the paper out of his hands and throws it on the floor and straddles his lap.
"Good Morning, Handsome!" she tells him sexily and bends his head back to kiss his neck.
"Mmm, someone is in a good mood this morning!" He starts running his hands up and down her back clad in only a tank top.
"After making that decision last night, I feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders." She says with a forlorn look.
"I thought you were just considering it last night?"
"Nope," she looks at him, "Decision is made. It's going to be really hard, but I know it's what I should do. Are you upset with me?"
"Rachel, I told you I would support any decision you made, and I meant it. If this is what you truly want, then I'm by your side."
"It is what I want."
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It's been two weeks and it is four days after Rachel's graduation. Today is Thursday, and today is the day that it must be done. They have an appointment at the clinic for 10:00 A.M. and Finn picks her up at 9:30. They arrive and everything moves quickly. Rachel takes another pregnancy test, they go together to the counselors office and to answer some questions about the decision. After that Finn is relegated to the waiting area, and Rachel is taken in the back. Once there she changes out of her clothes and puts on a hospital gown. Then a nurse comes and places an IV catheter in her arm and leads her into a waiting room with several other girls. Two girls are talking to each other and laughing in hushed tones. All of them have IV catheters in their arms waiting for their name to be called. Rachel watches the clock as each hour passes by. She has been there for an hour and a half. One by one, the girls are called into the back. As the numbers dwindle, Rachel's breathing becomes erratic. Her face starts tingling and her hands and feet as well. She stands up on shaky legs and walks to the nurse sitting behind a desk.
"I don't feel well...I think I'm going to vomit." The nurse looks up and jumps around to take Rachel by the waist. Rachel's legs give out and the nurse lays her on the floor and raises her legs together and holds them toward the ceiling.
"Breathe in and out slowly...in on two, out on four...in (one, two) out (one, two, three, four) that's right hon...keep breathing."
At that moment another nurse comes in to help. She looks at the nurse helping Rachel starts rubbing Rachel's arms and says, "Some of these girls don't have the stomach for what they want to do." Soon Rachel is back to normal and sitting in the waiting room chair.
Outside in the waiting room Finn is watching the clock ticking away. It's been over two hours. He has had a really bad feeling in his gut all day. He wanted to tell Rachel that she is making a mistake, but didn't want to hurt her even more by undermining her decision. But his instincts tell him that he needs to stop this...now. He runs to the attendant behind the glass partition.
"Excuse me, I need to see Rachel Berry, right now!" The lady, a grossly thin woman, barely more than a skeleton, looks up and says "I'll go see where in the process she is." She gives him a kind smile and gets up to leave. He assumes that this woman has seen this before; the guy in the picture trying to stop this.
Within minutes Rachel comes out dressed looking the worst he has ever seen her: pale, almost gaunt looking, make up streaked from tears. She is accompanied by one of the nurses and walks up to Finn. Finn puts his arms around Rachel and the nurse tells him, She's fine." When they first arrived, during the counseling session, he received a packet of information for care afterward. He goes back to the seat to grab it realizing he waited too long to stop it...it's too late...it's done. He tries to control his trembling lips and tearing eyes by swallowing and taking deep breaths. He has to put on a brave front for her now. Make her think she did the right thing, even though he feels this was wrong. She will not be allowed to see how devastated he is. When it hits her she will feel awful and probably be full of regret.
Rachel looks at Finn as he comes back with a small smile and looking relieved carrying the packet and takes her hand. They exit the building and slowly walk to the car. Rachel is in a fog. She didn't do it. She is still pregnant and he thinks it's done and he is off the hook. He looks content and relieved. How can she tell him that she didn't go through with it? She will come back another day this week with Santana. She can't put him through this again. She'll just pretend it's done now, and will take care of it later.
"I have a surprise for you." Finn whispers to her in the car. "I'm going to take you to Nantucket where my family has their summer house for the weekend to relax and recuperate. I arranged it with Will to give you the next few days off, and don't worry, he doesn't know the real reason." He looks hopefully at her. She can't handle his sincerity right now while she is feeling so deceitful. She will take care of things next week, so there is no point telling him that she didn't do it and put him through the roller coaster again.
"Finn, I don't want to go to Nantucket. I want to go home." Finn's face falls and he looks at her surprised.
"Rachel, I want to take care of you. Take you away from all of this."
"No, I wanna go home." she says angrily.
He pulls up to her building and parks. Walking around to the passenger side, he opens Rachel's door and helps her out. They walk together to the door of her apartment but she doesn't open it.
"Finn, I need some time on my own to deal with what is going on right now, ok. Please just give me a week...no phone calls, no visits, no contact. Can you do that?" She looks at him with cold eyes.
"You are breaking up with me. Rachel you are the one who wanted this...I don't understand. It's like you are angry with me, when you made this decision." Finn moves back and leans against the rail of the stairwell and crosses his arms defensively.
Rachel can't take his hurt look anymore...she needs him to back the hell off right now, she feels bad enough as it is.
"What I wanted Finn is for you to be a grown up, but your first instinct was to run to Mom and Dad. I wanted for you to get down on one knee and tell me that you wanted us to be a family. But that thought never even crossed your mind."
So there it is...Finn thinks to himself but says, "Rachel, we have known each other for not even two months!"
"That's right, we have, but guess what? Had you done that, I would have said yes, even after not even two months. That's where we are different. Or maybe you would have done it after the baby was born and had a paternity test because deep down maybe you have doubts."
"That's not true, and you know it! Why are you doing this? It doesn't make sense." Finn looks at her for answers and gets none.
Rachel raises her head high, crosses her arms and tells him, "You know, I can't look at you anymore. Please, go!"
"Fine, you want me to go, I'll go! But I am coming back in one week. I will give you one week to do whatever it is you need to do without me, and then you'll have to decide whether we are going to be together or not. If you decide you don't want to be with me, I'll walk away for good." He turns to go down the stairs and stops on the third step to take a final look. "Just know that this..." he gestures between them, "...is all on you. I've done everything I could to support your decisions...decisions that were out of my hands."
With a sad face Rachel whispers back, "I know." Finn shakes his head in exasperation and runs down the steps.
Rachel goes inside the apartment and sees Santana standing about 15 feet from the door, apparently listening to the entire exchange.
"Are you ok?" she asks Rachel.
"I chickened out, I couldn't do it, San," Rachel blurts out! "Will you go with me next week?"
"But that conversation...does he think you did it?"
Rachel nods, "He looked so relieved when I came out, I couldn't tell him the truth."
"Rachel, I will do whatever you want, but I know you enough to know, that if you couldn't go through with it today, it doesn't matter if you go to that clinic 10 more times...you are not going to go through with it. So why don't you call Prince Charming back and sit down and tell him the truth.
"I WILL go through with it...you said it yourself when I told you. It's an impossible situation. Look, I'm tired...I'm going to go lie down."
Rachel walks into the room and stands in front of her dresser looking at her reflection. Placing her hand on her abdomen, she hears her phone beep. It is from the director of the play for which she auditioned two days ago. With shaky hands she picks it up and answers.
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Rachel has just finished her callback audition and feels really good about it. It's for a play call "The Secret Home" and it is based on a home for unwed mothers set in the 1950s. Figures, something to rub salt in her wounds. The director told her that they will make their decision within a couple of weeks and will get back to her. She needs to get away for a time, so Rachel decides to go home to Lima for a few weeks. Maybe a frank conversation with her dads is what is needed here. She is still too afraid of Finn's reaction to call him. Thinking back she realizes that as soon as she got pregnant their relationship was doomed. It happened too soon after they met and even when he sat there saying he would support her decisions, she knew in her heart that they would not survive it. Yes...going home for a visit is just what she needs.
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Finn is nervously drumming with his thumb on the steering wheel. He has not contacted Rachel for a week (has not even gone to the hotel to check) as promised, but the week is up and he is now driving to her apartment. He is hoping that the time apart has shown her that she misses him and wants to stay together. As he parks and walks out toward her building, his heart rate is accelerating. Taking her steps a few at a time, he is at her floor in no time and softly knocks.
The door opens and Santana is standing there a little surprised to see him. "You're back! Come in!"
"Thanks," he enters looking past Santana to the back of the apartment. "Is Rachel here? The week is up...I need to talk to her."
"The week is up?" Santana responds quizzically.
"Yeah, she said she needed a week. The week is up. Is she here?" Finn asks looking around walking toward Rachel's bedroom.
Santana stops him in his tracks with her response. "She is in Ohio with her parents."
"What? She left? For how long?" He looks at Santana like he doesn't believe her.
"I am not sure...I don't think she knows for sure either. She just got a call last night about her callback audition and she got the part, but the play won't open now until February sometime and rehearsals won't begin until fall, so I don't know how long she plans on staying in Ohio."
"Ok, I'll give her a call." He takes his phone out and dials Rachel's number. He gets an automated message that the number has been disconnected and that the customer is no longer available.
"What the hell?" He looks at Santana.
"Look, she wants to move on, make a fresh start."
Finn looks like he has been kicked in the gut. Santana would love to come clean with him, but she promised Rachel to keep her secret even though she knows that it's wrong.
"Well, you tell her I came by...like I promised. I keep my promises, unlike her." He begins walking toward the door and Santana stops him.
"Finn, don't give up on her. She is in a bad place." She is trying to send him a message without saying anything that would betray Rachel.
"I don't have to...she gave up on me." He pulls his lips in a line and walks out.
A/N: I know this is really bad, but it will work out in the end I promise.