Chapter 5 . I Had My Reasons
This update is quick because I actually had the last two chapters combined and decided to split them up. I didn't want to leave you guys hanging too long. So in the last chapter Finn walks away and Rachel is hiding out at her parents. Let's see how this will play out. Although I have a path in mind, sometimes as I write It changes it, so I am looking forward to it more than you.
Please excuse any typos…my eyes go googly after a while.
I don't own Glee or any of it's characters.
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Guilt. Guilt takes many forms. It can eat you from the inside until you barely recognize yourself on the outside. It manifests itself in a myriad of ways and it destroys your sense of self. You forget who you were, because now you have morphed into this unrecognizable being. This is what Rachel experiences everyday. She'd be reading a book where the protagonist has dark hair, and it's Finn's face she is picturing. Sometimes she'd be walking down the street and see a dark head taller than the ones around him, and it looks remarkably like Finn's. Sometimes she hears a conversation in a restaurant and the man's voice is Finn's voice. This has been going on for months. He haunts her. He is everywhere she goes, but it's all a mirage. She can hardly sleep because her dreams are full of angry Finns. Her face is thinner, even though her belly is bigger.
"You suck!" Rachel's reflection tells her as she stands brushing her hair. "You are a horrible, gutless, spineless, pathetic excuse of a woman."
"I know!" Rachel tells her reflection. "I just can't face him, ok? I waited too long now and he will hate me."
"Not as much as he will hate you when his teenage son or daughter tracks him down one day and he realizes he has missed everything in his child's life!" Her reflection taunts.
"You don't have any idea how hard this is going to be. I can't do this right now. I'm too busy with... going to pee all the time, and rubbing olive oil on my belly to prevent stretch marks, and I'm too..." Rachel stops to search for another reason.
"...too chicken. Like I said, spineless. Shame on you!" her reflection retorts.
"Oh, shut up!" Rachel throws her brush at her reflection and turns around and sits on her bed. Guilt also makes you have the hard conversations with yourself. She rubs her belly and can barely feel the little peanut moving around in there. She hasn't allowed herself to find out the sex yet even though she is dying to know. That's her punishment to herself.
Rachel has been back in New York from Ohio for exactly three months. Since she stayed in Ohio for almost two months, it makes it almost five months since she last saw Finn, and around 5 1/2 months pregnant. As Santana predicted, she couldn't go through with it. Her parents are going to be super supportive as always, but they wanted to know who the deadbeat dad is that abandoned their daughter. She couldn't even tell them the truth about what she did to Finn. They would look at her differently the way that Santana looks at her differently now. She honestly thought she would go through with it, so at first it felt like she was doing him a favor by not putting him through the whole ordeal again. But now things have gotten out of control. Everyday she wants to call Finn to tell him but can't find the strength or energy required for the task. Pregnancy was exhausting in the first trimester. Now she has renewed energy. But still is terrified of facing Finn. Santana being on his side doesn't help matters either. At least she has a great day planned for tomorrow. She is off from rehearsals and plans on going shopping for baby stuff. She can afford a small three bedroom apartment now downtown, so her travel time to the theater will be very short. She will also be interviewing prospective nannies for when the baby comes, hence the need for a third bedroom. Her due date is January 19th, so she has a few months left. She will be moving into her new apartment at the end of the month. That's in 10 days, October 1st. Part of her is terrified to be there alone, but she doesn't want to subject Santana to all night crying, so it will be ok. At least she can look forward to picking out baby furniture tomorrow.
"Hey, baby mama!" Santana calls to her from the living room. "Come here! You won't believe who's on T.V."
"Like I care!" Rachel yells back.
"Oh, you'll care!" Santana yells back. "Come on, I rewinded and paused the DVR so you can see this...don't leave me waiting here!"
"Fine!" Rachel fumes and stomps her feet like a toddler to the living room. "What? What is so important, Santana!"
"Watch this!" Santana pushes the play on the DVR and it continues with the program. The news station is on and the female anchor who is gorgeous and looks like Robyn Meade, looks at the sports anchor and says, "We have some bad news for you viewers out there. Our sports anchor is saying goodbye to us to take a promotion at another station."
"Who cares?" Rachel says and goes to stand up to leave.
"Sit your ass down!" Santana tells her in such a nasty manner, even nastier than normal Santana, that it takes Rachel by surprise.
Rachel sits back down and gets a hurt look on her face. Santana presses play again for the program to continue. The lady anchor continues speaking again, "We are going to miss him dearly, but it's not all bad news, especially for our female viewers. We have a new sports anchor that I think you'll all be happy with. He is here today to be introduced but won't officially be reporting the sports until tomorrow. Please welcome the newest member of our little station family...Mr. Finn Hudson."
Rachel gasps when she sees Finn on T.V. Finn in a suit looking handsome, his usual messy hair now shorter and in control, confident, at ease, and slightly flirty on camera. It's like he was made to be on T.V.
"See..." Santana says with a gleam in her eye.
"Oh my God...he did it! He said he wasn't ready." Rachel has her hand at the base of her neck rubbing the skin nervously; the same spot on which Finn often nibbled.
After a brief moment with Finn, the news station has the other sports anchor finish his last program for them. At that time Santana turns the T.V.
"He did it! I am so proud of him!" Rachel face is beaming!
"Great! Call him up and tell him." Santana throws Rachel her phone.
"I can't, he looks so happy! He's starting a new career. I can't screw that up for him." Rachel shakes her head.
"Excuses!" Santana says and gets up. "You know Rachel, I have always admired your tenacity and your crazy ambition and determination. However, you are incapable of admitting you are wrong. I see now that when you are faced with serious consequences, you are a coward! Be a woman and face the music...stop acting like a scared little teenager. What you are doing is wrong on so many levels."
"Butt out, Santana!" Rachel also gets up and they both storm off toward their respective bedrooms. Can't wait until I move out and get her out of my head, fumes Rachel to herself.
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Finn is at the station getting ready to leave wearing jeans and a blue sweater. He changes his clothes and leaves his suits in his dressing room so he can travel more comfortably. He puts his sunglasses on as he exits the building, and sees a familiar face approach him.
"Wow! Look at you! You look hotter all of a sudden."
"What are you doing here, Santana?" he asks with a small smile.
"Well, first I wanted to say congratulations on your new position." Finn smiles and thanks her. "Second, I wanted to tell you that you should go see Rachel. She is back at our apartment." His face becomes unreadable.
"That's not going to happen. I told her that she had a week to decide to be with me and and if not, I would walk away. She chose this; changed her phone number and everything."
"I know that, but you really need to see her." Santana pleads with him.
"Santana, why do you even care? You didn't want her with me anyway. You called me all sorts of names...I figured you'd be happy it's over." Finn retorts, his hand running through his hair in exasperation.
"Actually, I do that as a form of endearment, so you should take that I called you giant, or Bigfoot..."
"Don't forget BM.." Finn interjects.
"...as a compliment. Truth is that I have never seen Rachel be as happy as when she was with you, before or after."
"Well, since I don't enjoy having my heart put through a shredder, I think I'll pass. But thanks for coming down here to congratulate me on the job...hope you keep watching! But you can thank her for me...it was the whole experience that lit a fire under my ass to finally pursue my career. Because now when I fall in love again and something unexpected happens, I won't have to 'run to mom and dad'." He waves as he walks away toward the parking garage for his car.
Santana watches him as he walks away. She can't believe how stupid they are both being!
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This is so exciting! Rachel finally is in the Baby Superstore to choose her baby's furniture. She just finished her preggers yoga class, so she still has her yoga pants on and tight fitting top. Instead of a coat, she has a long cardigan sweater that goes to her knees and fastens with a belt. She enters the store and quickly looks for the signs that hang off the ceiling designating the departments of the store and zeroes in on the furniture. She wishes now that she had chosen to know the sex of the baby, because if it's a girl, she would want white furniture, but if it's a boy, she would prefer dark oak furniture. Her gut tells her to go with the dark oak because it would still look smashing for a girl. She is walking slowly from crib to crib, checking the sturdiness of each. She decides on one and asks the attendant to see if there is one in the store that can be delivered after October 1st when she moves into her new apartment. The attendant walks away to check and Rachel waits leaning against the crib that is near the aisle. So lost in thought she is that she doesn't notice the woman walking past until she is five feet away from her. When she glances up their eyes lock, and the woman's face lights up with a big smile!
Rachel's stomach drops to the floor and her heart pounds like a drum.
"Rachel? How are you sweetie? I am sorry we haven't seen you in so long." Carole is looking at Rachel like she genuinely is happy to see her. Rachel keeps her oversized purse in front of her belly, and discreetly tries to bring her sweater coat around to tie it shut.
"Oh, Mrs. Hummel...I am fine. How about yourself?" Rachel's uneasiness is evident, but Carole thinks it's because Finn and Rachel broke up.
"Rachel you don't have to feel uncomfortable around me because you broke up with my son. I understand that these things happen. I am here shopping for a baby shower gift and it's so much nicer now that people have registries. Just zip in and out in no time. What are you doing in here? I would imagine this would be a painful place to be considering..."
"Umm, just getting a few things for a friend. Well, I won't keep you, Mrs. Hummel! Enjoy the rest of your shopping!" As Carole begins to walk away, the attendant returns triumphantly and calls out fairly loudly, "Ms. Berry we have that model of crib available and we will be able to deliver it to your apartment by October 5th." Rachel's face is in total panic. She realizes that Carole has heard because all of a sudden Carole stops in her tracks. She slowly turns around and walks back to Rachel.
"What did he just say?" Carole eyes her suspiciously. Rachel can do nothing but just stand there stunned. "Rachel, did he just say he was delivering a crib to your apartment?" Rachel remains standing unable to utter a single word, trembling as if she were naked in a snowstorm. Carole approaches her and stands at arm's length. With one hand extended, Carole takes Rachel's hand which holds the purse in front of her baby bump and slowly moves the oversized purse out of the way. Carole's face falls and takes an expression of such sadness that Rachel will never forget it.
"Oh, Rachel! How could you?" is all Carole says slowly and very quietly. "Oh, God! Finn has been so hurt the past few months over your break up, but this? How could you do this to him, to lie about something like this?" At that point the attendant realizes he needs to leave and slowly walks away. "I understand that Burt was out of line, but this is such a cruel thing to do to Finn."
"I know. I didn't mean for things to turn out this way. You have to believe me. When I didn't go through with it and walked outside, I had planned on going back and taking care of it. Finn looked so relieved, that I just thought that there was no point in getting him upset again. When it was time to go again the next week, I still couldn't do it. Then I just couldn't face Finn. I saw him on T.V...he looks happy."
"Rachel, you have to tell him." Carole tells her sternly.
"I can't...I don't know how." Rachel's eyes are full of unshed tears. "I don't think I can face him. He's going to hate me."
"He might...but he deserves to know. Look, I won't tell him, but I will urge him to come see you. He'll figure it out when he sees you on his own. You won't have to say a word. I don't know how he will be with you, but he will be a good dad to this baby. Ok, give me your number and I will call you after I speak to him." After a quick nod Rachel gives Carole her new number. Carole puts her phone away after taking Rachel's number and goes to walk away, but turns back abruptly. "Oh my God! I'm going to be a grandmother soon!" She laughs and turns back to walk away with a wave.
Maybe Finn will react like Carole, Rachel thinks to herself. Fat chance, whispers guilt Rachel.
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Arriving at his apartment really late on Tuesday night, Finn checks the voicemail left on his phone. He does the news at 11:00 p.m so he doesn't get home until past midnight. He walks straight to bed after brushing his teeth and slides under the covers after stripping down to his boxers. Checking his phone he sees a message from his mom to call her. Expecting that it may have something to do with Burt's health, he immediately calls her back. He knows his mom stays up real late every night anyway now that she doesn't work. He hits the call button and waits for her to answer.
"Hi Finn, thank you for calling back," his mom says happily.
"Hi mom, what's wrong? You sounded kind of urgent in your message. Is everyone ok?" Finn's worried tone unsettles Carole.
"Oh, no, sweetie. No one is sick or anything. I just wanted to tell you that I ran into a friend of yours at the store today." Carole is doing her utmost to sound nonchalant.
"Ok, and you had to leave me a message about that, why?" Finn is perplexed.
"Well, it was Rachel, honey. I thought you should know."
"She's not a friend of mine anymore mom. We broke up...you don't have to go out of your way to be nice to a girl who chopped up my heart in pieces and cooked it with fava beans like Hannibal Lecter. I hope you ignored her." Finn says in a warning tone.
"Mmm, not exactly. Finn, I know that you're still mad at her, but I also know you still have feelings for her. She is not doing great, Finn. She gave me her number to give to you. Maybe you should call her to catch up. You guys left things unsettled." Carole prays he will fall for that.
"No way! And as far as my feelings? I'll get over them. Funny how she gives you her number to give to me, when all she has to do is call me. There's a reason she doesn't call me herself, mom." Finn says angrily.
"She has a reason, alright..." Carole says under her breath.
"What was that? I didn't hear you, mom." Finn asks.
"Oh, nothing. Never mind, Finny. I just thought you may want her number, but since you don't, that's ok. I'll let you go to sleep. Congratulations on your second day of being awesome at work, baby! Good night!"
"Thanks! 'Night, mom." after Finn hung up, Carole is devising another plan. This is turning out to be harder than she thought. Finn must have really loved Rachel to be so vehement about not contacting her. Which really stinks in her opinion because they were so cute together.
She sends a text to Rachel:
He won't come see you. We have to come up with another way!
Rachel:
He already hates me, it will be ten times worse when he finds out.
Carole:
I hate to do this to my son, but we are going to have to ambush him.
Rachel:
No! I won't do that to him. Why can't you just tell him? It will come easier from you as his mother.
Carole:
He needs to see you with his own eyes to believe it. And I think your guilt being written all over your face as it is will score points on your behalf. You have no choice at this point. Come here for dinner Saturday night at 7:00 p.m. I'll make sure he is here. He has the weekends off.
Rachel:
OK...I'm scared.
Carole:
I've raised a good kid. He won't kill you.
Rachel:
I'm not afraid of dying...it's the look in his eyes I am afraid of. His face doesn't lie, and shows every emotion, good and bad.
Carole:
Yes, well, see you Saturday!
Rachel:
Ok.
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Finn is still thinking about his mom's phone call the next day. Did his mom like Rachel so much in those few hours that they met to go out of her way for her? He is determined he will get over Rachel, come hell or high water! Wasn't his mom there to see what a mess he was after Rachel disappeared without a trace? She knows how much that hurt him. Five months without a mention of Rachel, and within two days, there is Santana showing up, and then his mom. Well, Rachel Berry, if you want to see me, don't send your minions to do your bidding. You'll have to come and find me! Well, it all stops here. He is not going to sit around pining away for Rachel Berry, runaway girlfriend! As a matter of fact, he is going to start today and ask the weather girl, Stephanie, out! So there! Take that Rachel Berry!
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Saturday comes with a lot of turmoil for Rachel. She thinks back to her conversation with Santana this morning.
Rachel goes to the kitchen to make some decaffeinated coffee (which she hates but it's better than no coffee) and runs into Santana. There has been a lot of tension between the two of them since that day they had it out after she saw Finn on T.V.
"Good Morning!" Santana chimes as Rachel walks in stopping abruptly.
"Good Morning...Santana I need to talk to you. I mean, really talk to you. Remember the day that I went shopping for baby furniture?" Rachel asks tentatively.
"Yes...I remember I was supposed to do that with you, but you were mad at me and went alone." Santana places her cup on the table disappointment evident in her eyes.
"Well, I ran into Finn's mom. Santana, she saw me and realized I was still pregnant." Rachel sees Santana's eye widen in surprise and curiosity.
"Oh my God! What did she say?" Santana moves to a seat closer to Rachel and takes her hands.
"She basically shamed me in the store for doing this to Finn. She tried to get him to see me, but he refuses to, so she wants me to go to dinner at her house to "spring me" on him, you know, 'surprise, your baby mama is here, oh, and guess what? She still pregnant!'" Rachel's uneasiness is evident and Santana squeezes her fingers lightly.
"I'm glad...you're doing the right thing. A little late, but I'm still proud of you. You know I went to see him at the station this past Monday."
"What? What did you say? What did he say?" Rachel's eyes dart back and forth between Santana's mouth and eyes.
"I didn't tell him you are still pregnant, but I told him he should come see you. He wouldn't go for it. He is really hurt. What he said though may give you a small ray of hope."
"What did he say?" Rachel says impatiently.
"He said he wouldn't call you because you put his heart through a shredder and that he actually sends his thanks because this experience gave him the push he needed to go after his dream job." Santana says with a grin.
"How does this give me a ray of hope, Santana?" Rachel looks defeated.
"Because he said that now that he has begun his career, the next time he falls in love and something unexpected happens, he won't have to run to mom and dad." Santana gives her a huge smile.
"He just threw my words in your face...I don't get it. How am I supposed to have hope from this?" Rachel is puzzled.
"Rachel, he said the next time I 'fall in love' which means he was in love with you. Don't you see? He probably still has feelings for you, that's why he is so angry. You can probably fix this...in time."
As she is getting ready to go to the Hummel's house she gets a really queasy feeling. Uncertain of how to dress, she seeks out advice from Santana.
"Santana, should I go with a tight dress making the baby bump obvious at first glance, or a loose fitting empire waist dress that covers it a little and won't be like 'here comes the baby belly?'"
"Well, we don't want him to shit his pants, so maybe the loose dress would be a more subtle approach," Santana advises.
"Ok...gotta go get dressed. Can you call a cab to be here in one and a half hours?" Santana agrees to do that and Rachel goes to take a shower. She takes special care to look and smell very nice today.
By 6:15 she is standing fully dressed and ready in front of the mirror. Her dress is periwinkle color and complements her skin beautifully. It has an empire waist and it falls to about five inches above her knees. There is periwinkle beading encircling the empire waist beautifully. Even though its sleeveless, she's comfortable because being pregnant she does feel the cold as much, and besides it's still late September and the temperature is still very mild. Her make up is understated with pale pink lips and cheeks. The only thing she went heavy on is her mascara. After approving of her look in the mirror, she goes to the living room to wait for the cab. Almost immediately, her cab arrives and she puts on her three inch beige heel sandals, picks up her clutch, and goes downstairs.
30 minutes later, she knocks on the Hummel's door. Carole's face lights up when she sees her. "Rachel you look beautiful...glowing... like a pregnant woman should!"
"Thank you!" Rachel enters the foyer and places her purse on the table at the side of the room. Her steps are uncertain, and Carole takes her hand.
"Don't be scared...Burt will be at his best behavior." Carole says with a smile.
"It's not Burt that I am scared of." Rachel raises her eyebrows in anticipation.
"Let's go into the family room." Carole takes her hand to lead her through the house. She is being so sweet about this!
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At 7:00 p.m., Finn pulls up to his parents house and parks in the driveway. He turns to his side and looks at his passenger and says, "Ready?" She nods and he walks around to open her door. He rarely brings dates to his house, but after the conversation with his mom, he needs to show her that he will move on from Rachel. He will get over it. He hasn't said anything about bringing a date to dinner, but his mom always cooks a lot of food, so there will be plenty for another person. Stephanie is a girl around 5'6" and has very curly red hair. She reminds him of Nicole Kidman when she did Dead Calm...cute. He goes to the house and uses his key this time. As he enters the foyer, he puts his keys on the side table and notices a beige clutch purse there but doesn't think too much of it.
"Mom, I'm here!" he calls out and immediately walks toward the family room where his parents hang out 70% of the time. He takes Stephanie's hand and walks into the room. Spotting his mom on a chair he begins, "Mom, I want you to meet Stephanie, I know I didn't tell you I was bringing her, but..." his words falter when he notices the back of someone's head on the couch. A dark haired head that seemed strangely familiar.
His mom's hand flies to her mouth in surprise, her eyes open in horror when Rachel turns her head around to look at him.
Finn's eyes go from shocked to angry, "What is she doing here?"
"Hi, Finn," Rachel says and tries to suck in her belly so he just thinks it's a loose dress.
"Hi, Finn? You disappear and after five months you come here to say 'Hi, Finn?'" Finn is shaking with rage and whatever else he is feeling. As angry as he is, he still wants to run up to her and hug her and kiss her, and he hates himself for that. Stephanie looks puzzled, but also a little entertained by the whole exchange.
"Carole, this was a bad idea. I'm going to go. Can someone call me a cab? I'll wait outside." Rachel slowly moves toward the foyer when Carole's hand reaches out to grab her wrist.
"No, you are not going anywhere." Carole's desperation is clear to Finn.
"Mom! Don't grab her like that! Let her go! This is none of your concern!" Finn hasn't raised his voice to his mom since he was going through his teenage angst.
"Yes, it is!" Carole screams at Finn.
The heated argument finally alerts Stephanie and she starts with, "I don't know what's going on here, but I'm really uncomfortable right now. I want to go home, Finn."
Rachel's eyes have pooled with tears and Carole looks at the other girl with sympathy.
"Stephanie, right? Stephanie, do you mind if Burt takes you home. There are some unresolved issues here that Finn needs to deal with right now."
Finn balks at this, "No, mom, I will take my date home, ok?"
Stephanie pipes in, "Finn, I'm ok with your dad driving me home, really. Clearly there are things going on here I don't understand and don't need to be here for. I'll talk to you later." She smiles at him and goes outside to wait for Burt.
"Finn, I am taking your car since it's blocking mine, ok?" What Burt didn't say is that taking Finn's car would also prevent Finn from leaving.
"Fine, whatever!" Finn says.
Rachel's eyes are studying the carpet on the floor while Finn is busy examining how many night bulbs are in the really high ceiling fan and how Burt manages to climb up there the change them.
"Ok, you two, let's sit down and have a talk." Carole says gently.
"I'll stand, thank you!" Finn says crossing his arms.
"For God's sake, Finn! Put your ass on the couch! You, too, Rachel!" Carole's hands go to her temples and Finn is shocked! His mom very rarely uses bad language and only when she is extremely stressed out.
As she rushes past him, Rachel's flowing dress molds to the front of her body for a split second, but that split second is enough for Finn to notice something. You see Rachel is only 5'2" and weighs a hundred pounds soaking wet. Most women at 6 months wouldn't be showing as much, but on her petite frame, she is very obviously pregnant.
"Stop!" Finn calls out to Rachel. Rachel stops and turns toward him to look at him sucking at her lips. "Don't...move," he warns her as he approaches her.
He looks at her with squinted eyes as he comes closer and stands about two feet from her. He slowly puts both of his hands on either side of her dress at her waist and very slowly, as if he were afraid, pulls the fabric taut against her body. There it is...a very obviously pregnant abdomen.
He dropped the fabric as if he were burned. "Jesus!" He says breathlessly. He walks backward to the couch and falls onto to it. "You lied...you lied and ran off making me believe that you had an abortion. How could you do this do me?" He then looks at his mom, "And you knew and didn't say anything, mom?" Carole opens her mouth to speak, but Rachel interjects at his point. "Your mom didn't know...she saw me buying baby furniture a few days ago and realized it. Don't blame your mom."
"Oh, I don't blame her...I blame you! You are nothing like the person I thought you were. Santana coming to see me, telling me to go see you? Now it all makes sense. I need some air!" He gets up and goes out of the French doors onto the deck and bends his head back to the sky his right hand rubbing the back of his neck. He lets out a scream, followed with a string of curse words that she had never heard uttered all in one sentence before: it started with motherfucker, son of a bitch, and went on for a good minute. He stood out there for a good while just shaking his head, kicking the patio chair over, bending over, picking it up and kicking it over again.
Inside, Carole looks at Rachel and says, "Well, that's the typical Finn rage...the worst is over...are you relieved?"
Rachel shakes her head no. "I almost peed my pants. Speaking of which, I need to use the bathroom." She walks down the hallway to where she remembered the guest bathroom being and goes in to close the door. After using the bathroom, she stands by the sink washing her hands and looking at her reflection. She tries to remember the expressions in his eyes when he found out. She saw surprise, anger, betrayal, anger again, but she doesn't think she saw hate. She guesses that means something. She doesn't know where things will go from here, but at least she can let the guilt go now.
Finn comes back into the family room from the deck and sees Rachel gone. "Where did she go? Did she leave, cause I swear if she disappears again I'm going to hire a string of investigators to track her down."
"No..." Her voice comes from behind him, "I was in the restroom."
"Oh!" He takes a deep sigh and lets it out again. He is quiet for a few moments, but then asks, "How far along are you?" Finn asks, calmly now looking at her belly.
"About 6 months." She kind of smiles at him.
"Have you found out if it's a boy or a girl?" He doesn't look at her in the face, but still keeps his eyes on her abdomen.
"No." She shakes her head back and forth. Rachel slowly makes her way near the couch where he is standing. Carole discreetly leaves the room to give them privacy.
"Have you had any ultrasounds yet? Is the baby ok, health wise?" he can't take his eyes off her belly even though with this dress, he can't really see it.
"Yep, ten fingers, ten toes. Do you want to feel it kicking? It's very faint, but if I lie still it feels like a butterfly in there." she asks him tentatively.
After he nods his head, she goes to the couch and lies completely flat. He puts his hand under the hem of her dress and slides it up her thigh to her belly. He looks at Rachel's eyes when her breath hitches a little bit and scrunches his eyebrows together. He spreads his fingers and palm over her abdomen and she kind of sucks her stomach in. "I'll tell you when it happens, ok?" She is cherishing this feeling of his hand touching her again so much, that it almost brings tears to her eyes. Just a few moments later, there is a very faint tap against his hand. "There...did you feel that?" She asks excitedly.
"Yes...I think so", he pulls his hand away from her and pulls down her dress.
She begins sitting up on the couch placing her legs on the floor. He sits in the chair opposite from her.
"Finn, I want to explain how this happened. I didn't intentionally deceive you," Rachel begins apologetically.
"Save it...I don't want to hear it. Nothing you say can excuse what you did. I will be there for my kid and that's all. I am simply going to tolerate the fact that you are a part of this baby's life, but I don't have to make you a part of mine. You didn't want lawyers and such involved when my dad offered, but guess what? That's exactly what's going to happen now. I am going to file for joint custody and we will both get equal time with him or her."
"I understand...I screwed things up. I deserve your wrath."
"No, Rachel. You don't even deserve my wrath." Ah, there is the hate in his eyes that was missing earlier. "When is your next doctor's appointment...I'm going with you."
"Monday afternoon." She answers sadly.
"Since I haven't changed my phone number, please text me the doctor's office info. I will meet you there." Just then Burt returned with the car.
"Everything ok in here?"
"Oh, it's just fantastic!" Finn says facetiously. He goes up to Burt to stand with his hand out for the keys. He glances back at Rachel, "Come on, I'll drive you home."
They walk together to the car and he doesn't even open the door for her. She gets in and puts on her seat belt.
"I'm moving from Brooklyn to Manhattan in a few days. I'll text you my new address." she tells him.
"I guess you are employed then." he states in a matter-of-fact manner.
"Yes, the play I auditioned for luckily got postponed until February, so I got the part. We're in rehearsals right now." She explains.
"When are you due?" He glances at her and then back at the road.
"January 19th."
He purses his lips and says, "Ok,"
"By the way," she adds, "I'm really proud of you for going after that anchor job. Congratulations!"
"Thanks," he chimes in, "Too bad you didn't believe in me when it counted."
He pulls up to her apartment thinking back to the first night he brought her home after they met. She was angry with him then. Now he is angry at her. It feels like a lifetime ago. He leans over her, his arm brushing against her baby belly and reaches for her door handle to open the door from the inside.
"See you Monday," his tone is dismissive.
Rachel bites her lips and turns her body to leave, but before she gets off the seat, she turns and looks at him.
"For whatever it's worth, I am sorry." she says sadly.
He swallows hard and looks at her with an icy glare, "It's not worth much."
Rachel nods her head and gets up and shuts his door. She stands on the sidewalk watching him drive away consumed with regret. This could have been so much better had she not screwed things up. She guesses there are some things you just can't come back from.
A/N: Initially, I was going to have Carole discover the truth after the baby was born and was around 6 months old by recognizing Finn's face on the baby, but I figured that maybe Finn missing the birth of his child may be too much. So I revised it to when she is still pregnant. I hope you liked this chapter.