The loud, big brass strains of upbeat ragtime music rocked the walls of Arkham as Harley and Jack danced, shuffling through a swing routine together. Harley had never really danced before, but Jack was very talented at it, even with a bandaged shoulder. He led her capably along the floor, and she was happy to be guided by his firm, strong hands.
The song ended and the dancers applauded the band. "Thanks, folks – we're gonna mellow things out a little here with the sensual soul of Miss Poison Ivy," said the conductor, as Ivy appeared on stage to rapturous applause. She began singing a slow, soulful number, and Jack pulled Harley into his arms, holding her close as they swayed across the floor. Harley put her arms around his neck, sighing in delight.
"Guess I'm a fool for needing you like I do,
Guess I'm a fool for wanting you near,
Guess I'm a fool for dreading losing you,
But I'll be your fool as long as you're here.
It's kinda a joke, it's kinda all fun -
You and me, look at us, we're a pair.
Guess I'm a fool for thinking you're the one,
Guess I'm a fool for loving you – I don't care.
Guess I'm a fool who's crazy to want you,
Guess I'm a fool for wanting to stay,
But the madness is something I'm used to,
And no one will pull me away.
Guess I'm a fool for wanting forever,
Guess I'm a fool in so many ways,
But a fool is happy forever,
And the madness is here to stay."
Ivy finished her song and Jack dipped Harley down, kissing her. Harley pulled him close, beaming. She had never been this happy before, and she never could have imagined being this happy only a few short days ago. So much had changed since then, and all of it for the better. It was crazy, how much everything was different, and how fast it had all happened, but she loved the craziness more than anything else. Except Jack, of course.
"Let's get a glass of sparkling lemonade and sit the next dance out, huh, baby?" whispered Jack.
"Sure thing, puddin'," she said.
"What have I said about that name?" he asked, leading her over to a table in front of the stage.
"If you can call me baby and doll, I don't see any reason why I can't have a cute nickname for you, puddin'," she replied, playing with his bowtie.
"Those are nowhere near the same kinda name as puddin'," retorted Jack. "How would you like it if I called you puddin'? Or…cupcake? Or…pumpkin pie?"
"I'd love it," replied Harley. "They're cute names."
"Well, I don't love puddin'," retorted Jack.
"Well, I ain't gonna stop calling you it," replied Harley. "So I guess you'll have to dump me, puddin'."
Jack chuckled. "Do I look crazy to you, baby?" he murmured.
She shook her head, giggling. "Well, I am," he retorted. "Crazy for you, cupcake. My pretty, perfect little pumpkin pie," he murmured, cupping her face in his hands and kissing her.
"Miss Quinzel, I'm so relieved to see you're all right!" said Jonathan Crane, appearing at the table and interrupting the moment. "I read in the papers something about the Pinkertons at the Gotham National Bank, and feared the worst!"
"Aw, thanks, Professor Crane," said Harley. "It was kinda scary at the time, but…kinda exciting too," she murmured, smiling at Jack.
"Yep, and my Harley doll got to use a gun for the first time," said Jack, grinning. "She's a natural with a weapon. As deadly as she is beautiful."
"Good heavens, you weren't hurt, were you?" asked Crane.
"No, but I was, Johnny," said Jack, pointing at his shoulder. "You ain't concerned for my welfare?"
"No, in the event of your death, Jervis and I would just have to find another distributor," retorted Crane. "A minor inconvenience, at best. But Miss Quinzel's death would be a loss to the world."
"Puddin's death would be the end of my world," purred Harley, kissing Jack. "I won't let anyone hurt him ever. That's why I killed that nasty man who shot him. Just seemed the natural thing to do."
Jack chuckled, pinching her cheek fondly. "Hey, you ain't seen Harvey around, have ya?" he asked Crane. "I got his ten percent, but it's gonna be a lot less than he thought, what with being interrupted in the middle of the robbery and all."
"I'm sure Mr. Dent understands that these things do happen," said Crane. "But no, I haven't seen him tonight. He's not in his customary place from which to admire Miss Ivy."
"Did I hear my name?" asked Poison Ivy, who had left the stage after her latest number.
"Yeah, where's your boyfriend tonight?" asked Jack. "I got his money."
"He had to work late," replied Ivy. "He doesn't like to talk about work in his spare time, but from what I gather, the Police Commissioner wanted to meet with him about something in private. Harvey said he sounded a little cagey."
"Yeah, must be stressful being surrounded by criminals all the time!" chuckled Jack, lighting up a cigarette as Cobblepot came over with a bottle of champagne. "I don't know how he manages it!"
"Pamela, if Selina still isn't here in five minutes, you're going to have to go on," said Cobblepot.
"I already did my set, Oswald," snapped Ivy, lighting up her own cigarette. "It's my break time. If the other girl you hired isn't dependable, that's not my problem."
"She's never been late before, so I don't understand…" began Cobblepot, but Bane opened the door suddenly to reveal Selina Kyle striding into the club with a man on her arm.
"There you are, Selina!" exclaimed Cobblepot, rushing over to her. "Go get changed and ready at once!"
"All right, Pengers, don't get your flippers in a twist," retorted Selina. "Anyway, I can't leave my date without making introductions. Ivy isn't the only one with a famous boyfriend, y'know," she said, smiling triumphantly as she headed over to the table.
"Everyone, this is Bruce Wayne," she said, loudly. "Of Wayne Enterprises. Bruce, this is Poison Ivy, my fellow performer here at Arkham," she said, gesturing at her. "And Professor Jonathan Crane, Jack Napier, and…sorry, sweetheart, didn't catch your name," she said to Harley.
"Oh, Harleen Quinzel," said Harley, holding out her hand to her and smiling. "Jack's doll."
"Yeah, nice to meet you," said Selina, ignoring her hand and turning back to Ivy. "Where's your boyfriend tonight, Ivy?"
"Working late," replied Ivy, blowing out a cloud of smoke. "He's a busy man."
"Oh. Well, I'm sure he'll find time for you in his busy schedule soon," said Selina, smugly. "Now you guys make Bruce feel welcome, huh? I gotta get ready for my show. See you soon, Brucie," she purred, kissing him.
"You look kinda familiar, sport," said Jack, smiling at Bruce as he sat down.
"I'm in the papers a lot," muttered Bruce, hoping Jack hadn't got a good look at him during the heist last night.
"Yeah, that must be it!" chuckled Jack. "The life of the rich and famous, eh? I don't envy you. I think it's a blessing to be a poor, simple man with simple tastes," he said, kissing Harley.
"What happened to your shoulder?" asked Bruce, casually.
"Aw, household accident," chuckled Jack. "Pulled a muscle doing some yardwork, ain't that right, baby?" he asked Harley.
"Yeah, you need to be more careful pulling weeds, puddin'," purred Harley, kissing his cheek.
"Would you like a glass of sparkling lemonade, Bruce?" asked Ivy, holding up the champagne bottle.
"Is that real champagne?" asked Bruce.
Ivy grinned. "No, it's sparkling lemonade."
"It will pass a taste test for real champagne, I assure you," said Crane. "You have my personal guarantee. It's not your regular hooch – it's very carefully and specially brewed moonshine."
"He's like a proud father raving about his child," said Ivy, pouring Bruce a glass.
"Does that make Tetchy the mother?" chuckled Jack. "Where is Mommy tonight?"
"He stayed at the factory – he was concerned about some of the alcohol's fermentation process. It's in a very delicate stage and he thought it bore watching, so he elected to stay with it tonight, and…look, we're not some weird pseudo-parent couple!" snapped Crane. "Even though it might sound like that!"
Jack giggled. "When two people love each other very, very much, they can decide to make moonshine together…"
"All right, I'm leaving," snapped Crane, standing up. "Jervis probably wants to split the night shift anyway – we're both halfway responsible for…never mind!" he snapped, realizing how that sounded and storming off.
"So how long have you known Selina, Bruce?" asked Ivy.
"We've been out a couple times," said Bruce.
"She must really trust you a lot to bring you here," commented Ivy.
"Well, sometimes you just know, doncha?" asked Jack, smiling at Harley. "When you meet someone, and it just hits you, like lightning, that they're the one you're meant to be with. You don't need to hesitate then."
Harley beamed, kissing him. "If I know Selina, it's less about trust and more about showing off," retorted Ivy. "She loves to do that. What little she has to show off, of course."
"Oooh, and I thought Selina was the catty one!" chuckled Jack.
Ivy shrugged. "She started this personal and professional rivalry thing – I'm just winning it," she added, blowing out a cloud of smoke. "Bringing her rich boyfriend in here as if he could possibly compete with mine."
"Well, if you ask me, nobody could possibly compete with my Jack," said Harley, smiling at him.
"Nobody did ask you, did they?" retorted Ivy.
"Hey, don't speak to my doll that way!" snapped Jack.
"Who's gonna stop me?" she asked, puffing the cigarette into his face. "You?"
"Yeah. You get smart with my doll and I'll see to it that men don't pay to stare at your face no more," retorted Jack.
"My boyfriend would make you pay," said Ivy.
"He couldn't protect you forever," growled Jack.
"Why not? He protects you," snapped Ivy.
Bruce was just about to ask who this boyfriend was – clearly it was the man he had been looking for, someone in power who was protecting criminals. But at that moment, the music started up, and the band leader said, "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the playful and pretty kitty, Miss Selina Kyle!"
The distraction broke the tension growing between Ivy and Jack as Selina began her song. Bruce made a mental note to find out about this boyfriend – once he had the name, he could start rooting him out.
He checked his watch, and then looked to the door of the club. He had had a word earlier today with one of Commissioner Loeb's young officers, a man called Captain James Gordon. Captain Gordon was the officer who had handled his parents' murder case, a decent, good man who tried his best to fight crime and corruption in the city, and who needed allies. Bruce trusted him, and he had tipped him off about the speakeasy this morning. Gordon was to follow Bruce and Selina from a safe distance, and then return with a group of his men and raid the place, catching all of these criminals red-handed.
Selina's song was suddenly interrupted by a loud crashing against the door, and then Bane shouted, "La Policia!"
Bruce expected some sort of reaction from the patrons – screaming and panicking and a desperate bid to escape. But Jack merely sighed, sipping his champagne. "This farce again?" he muttered. "Thought your boyfriend had nipped this in the bud, Ivy."
"Gotta keep up appearances sometimes, J," retorted Ivy, shrugging.
Everyone else was similarly nonchalant – Selina immediately resumed her song and the band played on. Bruce looked around him in astonishment at the lack of reaction from everyone even as the police broke down the door. The only one who seemed remotely nervous was Harley, who was scared but tried not to show it, clinging to Jack's arm.
Gordon strode into the club. "Evening, officer," said Jack, standing up and raising his glass to him. "How can we help you?"
Gordon glared at him, and then snatched the glass out of his hand. "Cuff him," he said. "Cuff 'em all. You're all under arrest for the possession and illegal trade of alcohol! I'm shutting this place down!"
Harley shrieked as Jack was shoved face-down on the table as police officers cuffed his hands behind his back. "Jack…"
"Hey, it's ok, baby," he whispered, smiling at her. "It's gonna be ok. Just don't panic, huh? Keep your cute, baby chin up, whatever happens. We'll be outta this soon," he said, winking at her.
Harley was about to ask him what he meant when she too was shoved down on the table and her hands forced behind her back. She tried to hold back tears, her heart beating in terror, but everyone else in the club seemed strangely calm. Some of them even looked bored, as if this was a routine they had done before.
Gordon nodded at Bruce. "Thanks for your help in leading us to this place, Mr. Wayne."
"Great boyfriend you got there, Selina!" laughed Ivy.
"Shut up!" snapped Selina, as her own hands were cuffed behind her back.
"We'll take 'em all to the station for questioning," said Gordon.
"Ask them about Poison Ivy's boyfriend," murmured Bruce. "He appears to be someone high up. But we need a name to bring him to justice."
"You think any of them are going to give him up?" asked Gordon.
Bruce shrugged. "There's no honor among thieves, is there?"
Unfortunately for Bruce, he had severely underestimated this particular band of thieves.