"Jeremy." He heard Nick calling his name, but he couldn't look away from Kate. He watched those beautiful green spheres as confusion gave way to realisation and then to horror. They stared at one another, each of them too afraid to face the reality of what was about to happen.
"Jeremy!"
"What?!" he snapped at Nick.
"We have to move her. It's freezing out here."
That's when Jeremy became aware of the icy wind blowing against them, its chill penetrating the thin sweater he'd thrown on in his haste to get downstairs. Pulling himself together, he lifted Kate as gently as he could. She whimpered in his arms and his throat clogged with emotion. What she was beginning to feel was only a fraction of what was to come. "Nick, collect all her bags and bring it inside. Clay, Elena," he said, turning towards his son and daughter-in-law. "Find Dimitri and bring him to me." His tone was cold and flat, his face a blank mask.
The pair nodded in unison before Jeremy left them behind, carrying Kate into the warmth of the house. He felt torn. He wanted to make her comfortable, to take her back to his bedroom, but that was not an option. Already she was starting to feel the effects of the bite and in the hours to come it was only going to become worse. If she wasn't protected, she could end up hurting herself or others.
With a heavy heart he turned to Nick who'd placed her luggage in front of the table in the foyer. "Bring a bed down from the infirmary and take it downstairs. Place it inside the cage."
Nick nodded gravely. "I'm—" He seemed at a loss.
"I know," was all Jeremy said in return, leaving Nick in the foyer.
Alone with Kate, he walked into the living room and sat down in his favourite chesterfield, cradling her in his lap. She was shivering, so he grabbed a throw from the opposite couch and wrapped it around her shoulders. Every fibre of his being wanted to rage against the blow fate had dealt them. He'd only just found her and now he was going to lose her. He was going to lose their children. A pain so intense it robbed him of breath flooded his insides, its power devastating.
"What happened?" he asked, looking down into her face. Already she'd gone pale.
She licked her lips. "I'd opened the back of the car to get my bags. I didn't notice the wolf until I turned around. I screamed and that's when he jumped me." She shuddered and he held her tighter. "As soon as I fell to the ground he ran off."
"Damn Roman!" He should have known the Russian wouldn't let things go.
"Jeremy, I feel strange. Hot and cold. And thirsty," Kate said with a frown, swallowing. "But not for water." Her eyes lifted to his. "I don't understand."
His heart twisted painfully. The effects of the bite were coming sooner than he'd expected. "It's going to be okay," he said softly. But he knew it wasn't. Nothing would ever be okay again.
"My hands…" Kate lifted them up and Jeremy noticed they were shaking. "I feel this dull ache." Her lashes grew moist. "Tell me what's going to happen to me," she whispered.
How did he tell the woman he loved that she was going to die? He couldn't. "Kate, maybe it's best if you don't know."
She shook her head determinedly. "Please."
He took a steadying breath just as Nick re-entered. "It's ready," he said quietly.
Nodding, Jeremy stood and carried Kate through the back of the house and down the stone path that lead to the basement. Nick had placed the bed and a few clean sheets against one corner of the cell. "Would you give us a minute, please?" he asked the younger man who'd followed them.
"Sure. Yell if you need anything."
Walking inside the steel cage, Jeremy knelt on the floor and gently deposited Kate on the bed. She rolled onto her side, facing him, her eyes wide with fear. "I know Elena's the only woman who's ever survived a bite," she said, her voice trembling. "So that makes the odds of me making it through this virtually impossible. I'm going to die, aren't I?" she asked bluntly.
Jeremy cupped the back of her head, his thumb caressing her cheek. "The process is pretty rigorous," he hedged, not wanting to say what they both knew to be the truth. "As you know, the success rate amongst women—"
Kate's eyes flooded with tears. "—is literally one in a million."
He didn't know how to respond. Nothing he could say would make the next few hours more tolerable for either of them. "No one knows why Elena survived and no other female before or since has even come close."
Her hands moving down to cradle her stomach, Kate broke down, sobbing uncontrollably. "Our babies," she whispered agonisingly and Jeremy's heart broke in two.
Hot, scalding tears fell from his eyes and poured down his cheeks. "I'm sorry. This is my fault. If I'd just stayed away from you, if I'd left you alone, none of this would have happened."
She shook her head vehemently. "No. Don't say that, Jeremy." She struggled to sit up, so he helped her, still kneeling on the floor in front of the bed. "This is not your fault. I chose this. I chose you." Tears ran unchecked down her face as her forehead touched his. "I was the selfish one. I wanted a life with you and I didn't care about the risks. My only regret is our children." Another sob escaped. "I would gladly die if I knew it would keep them safe."
Jeremy hugged her close, their mutual grief wrapping around them like a sombre embrace. "Don't say that. Don't ever say that," he replied fiercely. "I love you, I'll always love you."
Kate drew back, giving him a tremulous smile. Leaning down she kissed him. It was soft, tender and poignant, filled with so much love Jeremy could hardly stand it.
"I have to lock you in here," he whispered when their lips parted.
"I know."
"It's for your own safety," he explained, hating it but knowing there was no way around it.
"It's okay, I understand."
"Kate—" he said raggedly, his voice a hoarse whisper.
Gently she pushed his hair back from his forehead. "I'm ready to know. Tell me."
He closed his eyes. "It's going to be painful. More painful than anything you can even begin to imagine. It's going to feel like you're being ripped in two and even then, when you think it cannot get any worse, it will."
Kate trembled, her breaths escaping in harsh gasps. "How long will it take?"
Jeremy shook his head. "It depends. Sometimes it's quick, sometimes a couple of hours. But the intensity of the trauma to your body will progressively become worse."
"The babies?"
He reached for her hands, agony sweeping through him in never-ending waves. "At some point I suspect that the strain will cause your body to abort the foetuses and you'll miscarry."
She made a heart wrenching sound of pain, her hands escaping his grasp to cover her mouth. "Oh God."
"I'm sorry. If there was some way I could reverse this or take your pain away, I would do it in an instant."
"I know."
Nick was descending the staircase. "Sorry to disturb, but Clay and Elena are back."
Jeremy didn't take his eyes off Kate. Not once. She was so pale, her eyes starting to sink into her head. She nodded. "Go."
He shook his head. "I want to stay with you."
"Go," she urged with more conviction. "We both know I'm not going anywhere."
"I'll stay with her," Nick volunteered.
Reluctantly, Jeremy nodded. "I won't be long." Standing, he bent and kissed her forehead before exiting the cage. On his way out, Nick placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Upstairs, Clay and Elena were waiting in the living room. "How is she?" Elena asked the second Jeremy walked in.
He ran a weary hand across his face. He felt as though he'd aged a decade in the past hour. "Scared."
Elena's eyes filled with compassion. "I'm so sorry, Jeremy," she said, embracing him. Her consideration was nearly his undoing.
For his own self-preservation, he pushed her aside, addressing his son. "What did you find?"
"His scent disappeared just outside the gates. Makes me think he had a getaway car waiting, which means he wasn't acting alone. There's no way he could have bitten her and then transformed back into human form quickly enough to have driven off himself."
Rage unfurled in Jeremy's belly. "So he's long gone."
Clay shook his head. "Maybe not. If we reach out to other packs in the area quickly enough, there's a good chance we can track him before he attempts to flee the country."
"Do it," Jeremy replied decisively. He personally wanted to snap Dimitri's neck in two.
Clay hesitated. "Jeremy…I'm sorry." His words held a wealth of regret. Jeremy nodded.
"How are you holding up?" Elena asked softly once Clay had gone.
Jeremy slumped into the chair behind his desk. "I'm not," he admitted, then made to stand. "I should get back to Kate."
Elena motioned for him to halt. "I've been thinking," she said, perching on the end of his desk. "There's a chance Kate can survive this."
Grief made Jeremy short tempered. "Elena—" he growled in warning, furious at her for making mention of the impossible.
"No, listen," she pressed, interrupting him. "Everyone thinks that I'm this great miracle, that there must be something incredibly special about me because I'm the only female to ever survive the change."
"You are and there is."
She shook her head. "What if we're looking at this wrong, Jeremy? What if I'm not the key and you are?"
Confused, he stared at her. "What are you talking about?"
"Think about it. Of the hundreds of women who've died during the process and the one who survived, what was the main difference in our circumstances?"
Jeremy shook his head. This conversation was ridiculous. "Stop this!" he demanded, getting to his feet.
"The difference was you!" Elena continued, following him around his desk.
"That doesn't mean it's significant!" Jeremy argued loudly, hating the way her words were giving him hope.
"But it also doesn't mean that it's not!" Elena insisted, holding firm in the face of his anger. "Jeremy, I've been where Kate is now and I know exactly what she's about to go through. Let me tell you, I wanted to die. So many times, I wished I could just put my head down, close my eyes and never open them again. Death would have been preferable to the agony of the change. But every time I prayed for it, you pulled me back, you gave me the strength to hold on. Kate is young and healthy and strong. She's a fighter. If I could survive the change with you at my side, I know she can do the same."
Jeremy's mind was awash with the possibility, with a burning desire to believe what Elena was saying. But he was afraid. "What if I try and she dies anyway?" he whispered harshly, the words torn from the depths of his soul.
Elena's voice softened with empathy. "There are no guarantees here; we are all flying blind. But that woman loves you and I know how much you love her. So that means you have to try, Jeremy. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't."
He took a deep breath. Elena was right. He couldn't focus on what might go wrong, he needed to focus on all the ways it could go right. He had to try. "Thank you," he said, giving her a swift hug.
"You know what this means, right?" she asked, looking up at him intently.
He nodded.
"Jeremy!" Nick yelled.
Propelled into motion, Jeremy and Elena raced towards the basement. Nick had locked the cage and was standing just outside of it, his face filled with distress. "It's started in earnest."
Glancing inside, Jeremy could see Kate writhing on the bed, her agonising moans echoing around the room. Jeremy's heart slammed against his ribs. He couldn't stand seeing her like that. Instinctively, he took a step forward, but Elena caught his hand.
"Remember what needs to be done," she reminded him.
Immediately Jeremy was reminded of the responsibility he'd undertaken moments before. He exhaled loudly and closed his eyes, his mind shutting out the sobs he could hear coming from the cage. This was for Kate. For their future. If he was going to ask her to be strong, then he needed to be stronger.
He nodded at Elena. "I'd like both of you to leave me alone with her. Do not come down here unless I call for you."
"But Jeremy—" Nick protested.
"Come on, Nick. Let's go." Elena grasped him by the elbow and dragged him after her.
When they rounded the corner and disappeared from sight, Jeremy approached the cage.
It hurts so much!
Kate couldn't stop the cry that escaped through her parched lips as pain permeated every pore of her body. Initially it had started in her extremities, her hands and feet, but subsequently it had moved further, radiating up her arms and legs and over her back. And it was getting worse. So was the thirst she'd described to Jeremy. Only now it felt more like a hunger, a deep gnawing desire for something she didn't understand.
Looking up, she saw Jeremy approaching the cage. Her eyes clung to his, surprise registering vaguely at the back of her mind at the impassive expression on his face. He looked…detached. He moved to the bars, his fingers curling around the cool steel as he stared, his eyes boring into hers.
"Kate, you can beat this," he said. His tone was calm, composed, so at odds with the emotional man who'd carried her into the cell earlier.
"No!" she yelled, gasping as her fingers and toes started throbbing, the feeling akin to someone taking a hammer to them.
Jeremy's eyes took on a determined glint. "Yes!" he contradicted.
"I can't," Kate sobbed, her eyes falling shut as stabs of pain shot up her arms and legs.
"Yes, you can! Listen to me! Look at me!" Jeremy spoke sharply, raising his voice above the sound of her pain filled whimpers. The firmness of his tone shocked her, stung even, so she opened her eyes and focussed on him. "What's going to happen to you is called 'the first change'. Do you remember when I told you about my first time at Lake Rushford?"
"Yes," she whispered tearfully. Why is he being so cold?
"Good. Kate, it's going to be painful. If you can imagine the worst pain you've ever felt, forget about it because this will surpass every possible experience. That feeling of thirst you described earlier – it's actually a need to hunt, to feed – it will become worse. It's going to make you want to tear your way through these bars, through anyone who stands between you and your prey." He was talking to her with a single-mindedness and a determination she'd only seen once before – the afternoon he'd talked about killing Salazar. "You're going to have to use that aggression as an outlet. Rail, scream, if you must, but do not hold it inside. You will need that outlet to get you through the final phase where the pain will be at its most intense. Don't fight it, Kate, it will kill you if you do. Instead, go with the pain, let it pass through you, let it take you where you need to go."
She couldn't do this. Already the pain was close to unbearable, the sensation akin to being torn apart limb from limb. But now she knew what this hunger was, this thirst. It was to kill. The idea was repugnant to her, but she couldn't deny its existence. Even now as she looked at Jeremy, her eyes were focussing on the pulse throbbing in his neck, the sound growing louder, her vision sharpening, becoming clearer and clearer until all she could see was the vibration of his skin.
Appalled, Kate closed her eyes, unable to stop the scream that wrenched from her throat. It hurt so much. She rolled and fell off the bed, hardly registering the tumble as she wrestled with the pain. She was burning up, her skin so hot she felt like she was boiling from the inside out. She yanked off her coat, then when she still felt no relief, she tore off Jeremy's shirt, not sure where her strength was coming from. Only once she was naked on the floor, her skin resting against the cool cement, did she feel an iota of respite.
That, however, was short-lived. The breath was knocked from her when another surge of blinding pain tore through her, accompanied by the sound of snapping bone. Kate screamed, her body arching off the floor.
"Let it wash over you," Jeremy repeated, firmly. "Go with it, Kate. Do not fight it."
It continued for hours, or at least that's what it felt like to Kate. Her world shrunk until only two things existed, the excruciating pain and Jeremy. Not once did he leave her or give up his vigil outside the cage, even when day gave way to night. He kept taking to her in the same steady, unwavering tone, reminding her to breathe, to scream, to rage. She did all of those things and more.
He'd told her it would get worse and it did. Just when she thought she'd felt the brunt of it, that the pain could not possibly become more unbearable, it doubled, then tripled. A few times she lost consciousness, her body's last defence mechanism that still seemed to work, but then she'd wake up and it would start all over again. Throughout it all Jeremy's voice stayed in her head, his resolute commands and instructions being repeated over and over. While his words did nothing to alleviate any of her suffering, it helped to make her feel like she wasn't alone, like she wasn't enduring the unending torture in isolation.
It became hard to determine which part of the process was the worst since the pain started melding into one lengthy trial in suffering. Kate could only differentiate one segment, when her body started to physically change in earnest - her fingers and toes growing more claw-like, hair sprouting all over her body, her back breaking and reshaping itself – that part made her want to die. She cursed, she cried, she begged Jeremy to end her misery, but he refused. Every time she was on the edge, so close to falling off he'd call her name, he'd demand that she look at him and that stubborn glint in his eyes would make her take one more breath, scream one more time, endure for another heartbeat.
Around her, sounds became louder, her vision crisper, her sense of smell more keen. It was overwhelming to juggle all of them at once, the struggle to control it taking every last ounce of willpower she possessed.
"What's coming now will be your final test," she heard Jeremy say. She couldn't care anymore. Kate was certain she looked grotesque, like a misshapen demon, part human and part animal. She was close to unconsciousness again, she could feel her brain wanting to shut down, to call it a day.
"Kate!" Jeremy yelled. She cracked an eye open and looked at him. She'd never seen him so indomitable, so unyielding. Then to her surprise, he knelt beside the bars and his face changed, betraying his own anguish for the first time since he'd sent Elena and Nick away. "Sweetheart," he whispered, his tone filled with torment. "This is the last bit. If you can hold on, it will soon be over, I promise. You're nearly there."
His words made her cry, great heaving sobs that wracked her distorted frame.
"One last leap, Kate. Just one more. You've been so brave, so strong. I am in awe of you, of how far you've come. Don't give up now," he implored.
And so she rallied, one last time. The pain, when it came, superseded all that had come before it. In those final moments as her body contorted, bones snapping and rearranging, organs shifting inside of her as all the pieces finally came together, Kate didn't know herself at all. She was surely on the brink of losing her sanity.
Then, just as suddenly as it had begun, it was over and her perspective shifted. She was on four legs, covered in dark hair and looking up at Jeremy who had an expression of complete incredulity on his face. She was a wolf.
Mentally and physically exhausted, Kate collapsed. When she came to she was lying on the floor and Jeremy was hovering above her, grabbing the sheet off the bed to wrap around her naked body. She was human again.
"I did it," she said softly, bone weary.
Jeremy's beautiful face appeared in her line of vision, his eyes clouded with emotion. "Yes, you did. You were magnificent," he praised. "I'm sorry I was so hard on you. But I knew if I allowed my feelings to get in the way, it would jeopardise your chances."
So that's why he'd been so cold. He'd been protecting them both. It was then that Kate remembered her pregnancy. She wasn't aware of when or how she'd miscarried, but she wanted to know.
"Jeremy, my pregnancy…when did it terminate?"
He frowned, looking down at the floor. Gently he unwrapped the sheet and glanced towards her legs. "I'm not sure. There are no signs of a miscarriage," he said in disbelief.
Kate's heart ground to a halt. "What do you mean?" She struggled against him and peered down at her lower extremities. "There's no blood," she said, in amazement. "Jeremy, there's no blood! Does that mean—" She didn't dare hope.
"I don't know. I don't know how it would even be possible considering the trauma your body's endured."
Despite her exhaustion, she grabbed hold of his shirt. "If I didn't miscarry, that must mean they're still alive."
Jeremy placed a gentle hand against her belly. "We'll find out what happened. But it may take a while."
"Why?" she asked, sagging against him. It was impossible to keep herself upright.
"You're not ready to be amongst strangers yet. It's going to take a few weeks for you to adjust, to become accustomed to your heightened senses, to control your new instincts."
Kate cringed. Still she was being bombarded with sounds, with smells. The hunger, it was still there. Just less intense. "I can hear everything. Smell everything."
"You'll need to learn to filter sounds and smells. It will take some time, but I'll teach you."
Her eyes drooped. "Okay."
Jeremy gathered her close and lifted her into his arms. "You need to rest, regain your strength."
Kate didn't hear him. She was already fast asleep.
"How is it possible that she didn't miscarry?" While Kate was resting upstairs with Nick keeping an eye on her in case she woke and was disorientated, Jeremy was downstairs with Elena, Clay and Logan. The latter had arrived a few hours ago. "After what she's endured, she shouldn't be pregnant."
Jeremy still couldn't believe she was alive. It was honestly a miracle, one he didn't think he'd managed to successfully absorb. There were so many times when he'd thought she was dead, his heart in his throat, seconds away from tearing through those bars to get to her. Then she'd stir and those gorgeous eyes would look at him and his lungs would expand once more. He'd never been so afraid in all his life.
"I think she's carrying a boy," Logan said. He was standing beside the Christmas tree, facing the rest of the room.
"What does the gender of the kid have to do with any of this?" Clay asked.
"Maybe everything." When three pairs of sceptical eyes looked his way, Logan continued. "I have a theory. If Kate's carrying Jeremy's son, a hereditary wolf, he'd be genetically predisposed to a lifetime of painful changes. Wouldn't that make him able to withstand such rigors early on?"
Jeremy was frowning. "So you're saying that if the baby was a girl, Kate would have miscarried?"
Logan shrugged. "That makes the most sense to me."
Clay shook his head. "I don't know…"
"Wait. Logan could be right." Elena rose from her seat beside Clay. "Think about it. If it is a boy, when he comes of age, he will experience his own first change. Surely a foetus with wolf DNA would naturally be more resilient than any human one?"
"But to survive a change?" Jeremy remained doubtful.
"There is no other plausible explanation," Logan insisted. "Human foetuses are fragile, particularly in the first trimester. Therefore logic dictates that she should have miscarried, but she hasn't. What's the obvious difference? Jeremy's the father and a wolf. I will put my head on a block. She's carrying a boy."
"When you put it like that, it does seem logical," Clay conceded.
"Perhaps," Jeremy agreed, still incapable of wrapping his mind around the fact that Kate was upstairs, alive and well. And so were their children it seemed.
"What happens now?" Elena asked.
"I'll have to inform the council that there's been another female survivor."
Clay's face darkened. "Will you be telling them about Roman?"
He glanced at his son. "I can't accuse him of anything until I can prove it. And the only way I can do that is if we find Dimitri."
"You sure you're not going to kill him before you get the truth out of him?" Logan asked.
Jeremy was wondering the same thing. "I want a fate worse than death, for the both of them."
"Banishment," Clay replied, knowingly.
Nodding, Jeremy crossed his arms over his chest. "I want Roman to lose everything – his territory, his pack, his power. That blow would be a lot more effectual than a swift death."
Logan whistled, impressed. "You want to turn him into the thing he hates most."
"A mutt," Elena said with a satisfied smile.
"How are we doing with finding Dimitri?" Jeremy asked Clay.
"We're close. I'm waiting on a call." Just then, the phone rang. Clay waved the handset at them before excusing himself. Elena followed.
Logan glanced at Jeremy. "Nick told me about what you're hoping to accomplish."
"I'm sorry I wasn't more supportive when you told me Rachel was pregnant."
"I get it. But now you know. Having a child, it…"
"Changes everything?"
Logan smiled. "Yeah, it does."
Jeremy placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "I'll do my best, but it may take time."
"I know. I'm just glad that you're willing to try. Jeremy, it means everything to me."
He squeezed Logan's shoulder in acknowledgement. "How is Rachel?"
"She's well. Out to here," he said, laughing proudly, his hands extending before him to indicate her growing belly.
Jeremy thought about Kate and how she'd look in the months to come. He smiled. It excited him.
"Jeremy." Clay strode back into the room, Elena hot on his heels. "We've found him. Elena and I are on our way to pick him up."
"Bring him to Stonehaven directly."
"Actually, Logan, will you go with Clay? I think I'll hang around here in case Jeremy needs anything."
Clay shrugged and looked at Logan who nodded. "Sure."
The two men departed.
"I'll get things ready downstairs," Elena offered just as Nick walked into the room.
"Kate's awake and asking for you," he said.
Jeremy took the stairs two at a time. He found Kate sitting on the edge of the bed, her legs dangling off the side. "Are you okay?"
She glanced at him and his guts tightened. She looked so vulnerable, so lost. Some of her colour had returned, but it was clear that she wasn't feeling well. It would take some time for her to adjust to the sensory overload. "I don't know."
He sat down beside her. "Tell me."
"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, Jeremy. Of course I'm glad to be alive, but what does being a werewolf mean? What am I? What's going to happen to my life as I knew it? My friends? My work?"
This was familiar territory for Jeremy. Elena had had the very same fears, the same questions. "I won't lie. Things will change. Where you were once completely open and unguarded, there are now aspects of your life you'll have to keep hidden, for your own protection as well as that of the pack."
She glanced at him. "So I'm a part of the pack now?"
Jeremy was taken aback. "Of course. You thought otherwise?"
"I don't know what I thought," she said softly. "This has all happened so fast. One minute I was collecting my bags from your car, my only concern whether everyone would like their Christmas presents and the next this wolf was attacking me and now here we are."
Jeremy felt his heart stutter to a halt. "Do you wish that I'd let you die?"
Kate shook her head. "No," she stated definitively. "I just don't know how to be this new version of myself. I don't know what to do with these…cravings…or the constant noise in my head, the smells that keep assaulting my senses. It's driving me crazy!"
She was rambling, her hands shaking, her eyes filling with tears. Jeremy understood her confusion, knew she was disoriented and needed to find her balance again. "I'm here and I will help you adjust. We all will. It's just going to take some time."
"And until then?" she asked miserably. "Am I going to lose my job?" A fat tear slid down her cheek.
"No," he whispered, reaching for her hand, but she pulled away. He tried not to let her reaction worry him. "All we need is to buy you some time. A couple of weeks and you can return to the practice."
"What happens if I can't control what's happened to me?"
"That's not going to happen—"
"But what if it does?" she insisted, her voice rising.
"Kate, don't worry. I would never let you hurt yourself or anyone else. You have to trust me," he said gently, making sure not to touch her.
Her face twisted in anguish. "I don't want to give up my life, Jeremy. I've worked too hard for it. I understand why you stay holed up here, but I need my work, my friends. It's important to me."
Desperately wanting to comfort her, Jeremy tried once more to touch her, but she turned away, lying down on the bed. "Kate—"
"Please, I want to be alone for a while."
He stared at Kate, upset and frustrated at his inability to console her. Usually he was good at this sort of thing, but nothing he said was helping. "I'll be downstairs if you need me."
It didn't escape Jeremy's notice that she didn't respond.
Kate felt confused. Within the space of a few hours her entire life had changed. Her initial relief at being alive had worn off and the fears of what her life would be like had set in. What was her place in the world now? What if Jeremy was wrong and she couldn't control the acute hunger that simmered in her belly like a pot of stew on a stove? It made her dangerous, deadly. Just the thought of killing someone made her want to hurl. She was so afraid. If she couldn't get her impulses under control it would mean that she'd never be able to work again. She'd have to stay caged within Stonehaven and if she was lucky, let out on a leash periodically. Kate didn't think she could live like that.
There was a feint knock at the bedroom door before a blonde head poked inside. "Hey, mind if I come in?"
Kate shook her head and sat up, leaning back against the pillows. "I don't think I'm particularly good company right now."
"I can guess how you're feeling," Elena said, sitting down on the coverlet.
Kate felt herself grow weepy again. "Miserable?" she asked flippantly.
"Angry, confused, relieved and terrified all at the same time. Am I right?"
Kate glanced at the other woman. In truth, Elena really was the only person who knew how she was feeling. "I understood that being with Jeremy came with certain dangers. I just don't think it ever occurred to me that this could actually happen."
"Do you blame him?" Elena asked. Despite her gentle tone Kate detected the tense undertone to the question. Jeremy's family was incredibly loyal. That's part of why she liked them all so much.
"No, not at all. I know it's not his fault and I'm happy to be alive, it's just—" She huffed, not sure she was articulating herself well.
"You're afraid that your life will never be what it once was."
"Yes! Elena, I love what I do. Being a doctor, it's all I've ever wanted. Working here in Bear Valley, it means so much to me. If I wasn't able to do that anymore, I don't know what else I'd be good at."
Elena scooted closer and grasped her hand. "There is no reason that you won't be able to do all the things you enjoyed before. Naturally, there will be some restrictions, but Kate, I'm a photographer, Clay is a professor, Logan is a psychologist and Jeremy is an artist. Nick is—" she hesitated, laughing. "Well, none of us are exactly sure what Nick is, but my point is that we've all followed our passions in life. Being a wolf hasn't stopped us from being able to operate in the human world."
That was true. "But what if I can't get past this? What if I never feel like myself again?"
"After Clay bit me and I transformed, I was so scared. I worried constantly about where I fit in and all I wanted was to deny who I was. In the end, the person who taught me how to live as a wolf and as a human, was Jeremy. He showed me the importance of striking that balance. I guess I'm probably more human than the rest of them because I wasn't born this way, but I found my place, Kate. So will you. Jeremy will teach you everything you need to know. I survived because of him. Trust him."
"I do! I'm so grateful to him. I would have died today, I probably should have. But I'm alive." She touched her belly, reverently. "We're alive." She gasped, realisation dawning, her eyes wide as she looked at Elena. "Oh God! I was horrible to Jeremy earlier. He was trying to comfort me and I was all over the place. I didn't even thank him!" She jumped up, then swayed. "Where is he?"
Elena caught her. "You're in no condition to be running around. You need rest."
Kate pushed at Elena's hands. "I have to talk to him."
The blonde gently shoved her back onto the bed. "Then I'll find him and send him your way. Just stay put."
Kate gave Elena a swift hug. "Thank you."
It wasn't long before Jeremy stepped into the room, his face filled with concern. "Elena mentioned that you weren't well?" He was hovering in the doorway and Kate knew that he was keeping his distance. It made her ashamed of her earlier behaviour towards him.
"Jeremy—"
"Kate—"
She smiled at him tentatively. "You go ahead."
He stood rooted to the spot across the room from her. "I realise that things are difficult for you and I want you to know that I will do everything in my power to make this transition as easy as possible. I know it's probably not what you want, but you'll have to stay at Stonehaven for the next couple of weeks. It's for your own safety. Once you've managed to get your impulses under control, you may resume your life." He looked away and Kate's heart sank. "Since I know you'll most probably want some privacy, I'll move your things into the guest bedroom—"
"What?" she burst forth, hopping off the bed. Unsteady, she grasped the nightstand.
Jeremy was there instantly, his arms holding her upright. "It's too soon for you to be up."
Kate made a dismissive sound, picking up the threads of their conversation. "You want to move my things out of here?"
"I want you to be comfortable," Jeremy said. He was still holding her and it felt wonderful.
"I am most comfortable with you!" Kate exclaimed. "Jeremy, I'm so sorry about earlier. I was scared and worried and I said some stupid things."
"No, you didn't," he replied, setting her back against the bed, but she clung to him, refusing to let go. Frowning, he brought them upright again.
"Yes, I did," she insisted. "I don't want to move anywhere else. I want to be with you. I love you and I trust you, completely."
His gaze searched hers. "Are you sure?"
She nodded emphatically and the relief in his eyes was nearly her undoing. Jeremy hugged her close and Kate buried her face in his neck. "Thank you for saving my life. For saving our lives."
He drew back, his hands lifting to cup her cheeks. "I love you and I promise, everything is going to be okay."
Jeremy kissed her softly and she melted against him. Lifting her, he placed her back on the bed before sitting down beside her. Kate leaned into him. "I'm hungry. Ravenous, actually."
Smiling, Jeremy wrapped an arm around her. "I'll get you something to eat."
"Not yet," she said, holding onto his shirt. "Stay with me a while."
He settled her against him. "I think we're having sons," Jeremy murmured against her hair.
"What?" she asked, twisting to look up at him.
Jeremy smiled and told her about Logan's theory.
"That actually makes sense," she said. "But regardless of the reason, I'm just glad they're safe."
"I'm glad you're all safe."
Kate heard a commotion downstairs. She winced, the sounds coming her way loud and reverberating. "What is that?"
"Clay and Logan are back," Jeremy said, his voice hardening. "With Dimitri."