"Back again, Isley?" asked Matron Leland, warden of the women's section of Gotham City Jail, as the police officers escorted Ivy, Selina, and Harley into the cell block.
"It's Ivy," snapped Ivy, as she was shoved into the empty cell indicated by Leland.
"You're going to have to put all three of them in there together – I'm outta space in the rest of the cell block right now," said Leland. "We're completely full."
"But there are only two beds!" protested Selina, as she was shoved in after Ivy, closely followed by Harley.
"So one of you sleeps on the floor," said Leland, shrugging.
"Or, y'know, you could always share," said one of the officers with an unpleasant grin. "I'd pay to see that."
"Nothing like that goes on in my jail, thank you, officer!" snapped Leland. "You can just fight it out amongst yourselves, ladies."
"I'd pay to see that too!" chuckled the officer as Leland led them out. She returned to see that Ivy and Selina had already claimed the two bunks, leaving Harley shivering in the corner, clearly terrified about being here.
Leland sighed. "First time in jail, huh?" she asked Harley.
She nodded. "It ain't so bad," said Leland. "You get used to it. The girls will tell you that – Isley and Kyle have been in and outta here so many times, they should really start their own tour group."
"Never in here very long, though," retorted Ivy. "A night, a couple nights, a week at most. So stop sniveling, Harley. We'll be outta here soon," she said, lying back down on the top bunk and lighting up a cigarette.
"I used to tell her not to be so sure of herself," sighed Leland. "Now I just agree with her. You stick it out, kid – it'll be over soon," she said to Harley with an encouraging smile. "I'll see if I can find you some spare blankets for the floor."
"Thank…thank you," stammered Harley, who slowly stopped shivering, looking around at the cell. There wasn't much space for the three of them, but she could endure this in the short-term. It was Jack she was concerned for – the men and women had been separated at the police station, and the three of them had been dragged off to jail. She would give anything to know that Jack was all right, to have him here with her, to hold her and comfort her and tell her everything was gonna be fine…
"Thanks a lot, by the way, Selina," muttered Ivy, puffing out a cloud of smoke. "What were you thinking, just bringing a strange guy into Arkham? You gotta know they're our kind of people, that they're trustworthy, before you let 'em in."
"I thought Bruce was," growled Selina.
"You only went out with him a couple times – you just wanted to show off," snapped Ivy.
"Well, maybe I did," admitted Selina. "But he's rich and handsome – forgive me for wanting a future with him."
She lay down on her bunk. "Got a spare smoke?" she asked Ivy.
"Only if you admit you're jealous of Harvey and me," said Ivy, smugly.
Selina sighed. "I'm jealous of Harvey and you," she muttered.
Ivy smirked, passing a cigarette down to her. "What about you, Harley?" she asked. "Cigarette?"
"No, thanks," murmured Harley, taking a seat against the bars and curling up.
"Aw, c'mon, cheer up, kid," said Ivy. "It ain't so bad. I mean, I guess if we were nicer people, we'd let you have a bunk."
"But we're not," said Selina, lighting up her cigarette.
"No, we're not," agreed Ivy, puffing out a cloud of smoke. "But here's what's gonna happen. Harvey's gonna be told the club's been raided, he has a word with the appropriate people in authority, it's all called a misunderstanding, and we're released scot-free. That's what always happens."
"What about the men?" asked Harley.
"Same goes," said Ivy. "Everyone in Arkham knows if they keep their mouths shut about him, he'll get 'em off. That's why Arkham's a very exclusive club. Only loyal people allowed."
"Jesus, Ivy, stop rubbing it in, all right?" demanded Selina. "Being arrested is a minor inconvenience, but it ain't the first time it's happened, and it certainly won't be the last. So just drop it and stop bitching, would ya?"
"I'm allowed to bitch about a minor inconvenience," retorted Ivy. "Time in jail is time I'm not performing, and therefore not getting paid. Penguin doesn't give us paid jail-leave, y'know."
"You'd think he'd be a little sympathetic since it's his fault we're arrested," said Selina. "He's the one selling the booze, after all."
"Actually, it's your fault we're arrested this time," snapped Ivy. "And no, I won't drop it."
"You don't even need to be paid!" snapped Selina. "Your boyfriend buys you everything you could possibly want!"
"Can't ever have too much money, Selina," said Ivy, shrugging. "I think even your rich, so-called boyfriend would agree with that."
"Nah, judging by this, he's an idealist," sighed Selina. "Means he'd probably sacrifice money for principles."
"Idiot," retorted Ivy, blowing out a cloud of smoke.
"Looks like J spends a lotta money on you, though," said Selina, turning to Harley. "That's a genuine diamond necklace you're wearing, right? I can always tell genuine diamonds from fakes. Got a passion for them."
"Shame you can't afford 'em," snorted Ivy.
"Oh…yeah, it is real," stammered Harley. "Jack's a real…generous guy. He spoils me."
"I guess some women are just glorified prostitutes," sighed Ivy. "Sleeping with a guy just because he buys 'em a lotta jewelery."
"I'm not with Jack because he buys me stuff!" snapped Harley. "I'm with him because I love him!"
Ivy stared at her. "What's to love?" she asked. "He's not handsome. He's old, he's irritating, and he's gotta be crap in bed."
"No, he ain't!" snapped Harley. "He's great in bed! And he is handsome, and he's not old! He's just the greatest, sweetest guy in the world, and he's done so much for me! He's perfect, and we're perfect together, and I love him!"
Both Selina and Ivy laughed. "Wow, she's got it bad, huh?" chuckled Selina.
"Yeah. You sound completely naive, Harley!" laughed Ivy. "No guy is perfect! Even my Harvey, who's got a helluva lot more going for him than your Jack, has his slight defects. Jesus, it's like you've never been in love before. You think it's true love, huh? Think it's gonna be all Romeo and Juliet?"
"No, that was a tragedy," snapped Harley. "They both died at the end."
"Never read it," said Ivy, shrugging. "Anyway, you need to get those schoolgirl ideas right outta your head. There's no such thing as true love. And no relationship is perfect, just like no guy is perfect. If you're lucky, you get one that's pretty good, and you put up with the defects. But there are always gonna be faults."
"Not with Jack," snapped Harley. "There haven't been any faults. Everything he does, and that we do together…it's just incredible. It's like we're made for each other, meant to be…"
"There it is again!" laughed Selina. "That grand romantic language that innocent virgins use!"
"Maybe she is one of those – maybe she ain't gone to bed with him," said Ivy. "Maybe J just has her for show, or can't get it up, or something."
"We've gone to bed together lots of times!" retorted Harley. "And it's always been amazing!"
"Going to bed don't mean sleeping in bed, kid," chuckled Selina.
"I know what it means," growled Harley.
"It's just funny, because J's never brought anyone else to Arkham," said Ivy, shrugging. "Never seemed to really be interested in women. Or men, or anything, really, except for his crimes."
"That's because it's true love," retorted Harley. "And Jack knows that, same as me."
"He does seem to be kinda crazy for her," admitted Selina. "Just look at that necklace."
"So they're both crazy and stupid," said Ivy, shrugging. "Suited, I guess."
"Or it's true love, like I told ya," snapped Harley.
"Ok, you keep believing in that, kid," retorted Selina. "But life ain't a fairy tale, and true love doesn't work out, if it even exists. Your romance may be perfect, but life isn't, so it's always gonna find some way to screw it over."
"Here you go, Harley," said Leland, returning with blankets and a pillow. "I hope those are warm enough – it can get chilly in here. Let me know if you need anything else."
"Er…thanks, but…are you meant to be nice to us like this?" asked Harley, slowly.
Leland shrugged. "I figure I can treat everyone in here like crap and they'll resent me and the justice system…or I can try to be nice to people and they might return the favor and stay outta jail."
"Has it worked?" asked Harley.
"Clearly not, since we're full," sighed Leland. "But it's too late to change now. Anyway, the people in charge seem to approve, since I've got a couple pay rises since I started working here. So I'm not complaining," she said, heading off.
Harley looked at Ivy. "Is that Harvey's doing?" she asked.
"I put in a good word for her with him," said Ivy, nodding. "When you're good to Ivy, Ivy's good to you. Remember that, Harley."
"Yeah, I will," said Harley, piling the blankets on the floor into a makeshift bed. "You think we'll be outta here tomorrow?"
"Or the next day," said Ivy, shrugging. "Soon."
"Good. I miss Jack," said Harley, curling up. "Don't think I'll sleep without him here."
"God, you are so pathetic," sighed Selina, curling up in her own bunk and rolling her eyes.
"Ignore her, Harley," said Ivy, putting out her cigarette. "She's just bitter because she's alone. Life may not be perfect, but you can still find a lotta happiness in it. Look at me and Harvey," she said, yawning and shutting her eyes. "I can't see fate coming along and screwing us over. It's just not gonna happen."