"You're late for a very important date, Mr. Napier," said Tetch, glancing at his watch as Jack sauntered into the Ace Chemicals factory, smoking a cigarette.
"Yeah, sorry, my doll wouldn't let me leave," chuckled Jack. "She kept wanting more. That champagne bath really hit the spot, and then of course we had to get another bath to wash the alcohol off."
"I would prefer it if you didn't waste our hard work by bathing in it!" snapped Crane.
"It wasn't a waste, Johnny," said Jack. "Most erotic experience of my life. You and Mommy should try it sometime!" he chuckled.
"Look, for the last time, we're not a couple!" shouted Crane.
"Goodness, no," said Tetch. "What makes you think that?"
Jack shrugged. "You spend all your time together, and I've never seen either of you with a woman."
"I am seeing a woman," retorted Tetch.
"Quite literally," replied Crane. "Since seeing her is all he's doing. From afar. Watching her classroom day after day."
"She's a kid?" asked Jack. "That's kinda creepy…"
"She's a teacher!" snapped Tetch. "A Miss Alice Pleasance! Jonathan introduced me to her!"
"And her fiance," agreed Crane.
"I told you at the time, the course of true love never did run smooth!" snapped Tetch.
"You know she thinks those presents you send her are from her fiance, don't you?" asked Crane. "The flowers and chocolates and jewelry…"
"But they are all on a theme of Alice in Wonderland!" exclaimed Tetch. "And I told her repeatedly when we spoke that it was my favorite book…"
"Gee, imagine somebody not listening to you when you talk!" chuckled Jack, blowing out a cloud of smoke. "Let's get this crap loaded, boys."
"What have I told you about smoking around the tea?" demanded Tetch as they headed towards the huge vats full of alcohol. "It's highly flammable stuff, you know."
"I like to live dangerously, Tetchy!" laughed Jack. "What's life without that risky thrill, after all?"
"It's a risk I don't care to take," snapped Tetch. "If this factory goes up in flames, it'll ignite very quickly. My life is not worth your nonsensical thrills," he said, grabbing the cigarette from Jack and stamping it out on the ground.
"Yeah, where would Miss Pleasance get another unwanted admirer?" chuckled Jack as they headed over to an assembly line where the vats were being emptied into barrels. A fair number of them had already piled up.
"Let's get to it, boys – it's gonna be a long night," said Jack, removing his jacket and lifting a barrel onto the waiting truck.
Crane and Tetch joined him in transporting the barrels, and watching them from above, up in the rafters of the factory, was a man in a bat costume.
Bruce Wayne glared down at the operation – he estimated there must be about half a million dollars worth of illegal moonshine being pumped out of the factory. But it wouldn't reach the streets of Gotham, he vowed.
He dropped down suddenly, landing on a barrel and smashing his fist through it. "You're all three under arrest for the illegal production and distribution of alcohol," he growled.
They all looked shocked to see him, but Jack recovered himself first, laughing heartily with that annoying, hysterical laugh of his. "So the cops are employing lunatics to catch bad guys now? Are they really that desperate?"
"This is your only warning," snapped Bruce. "Hands up, and get on your knees."
Jack lit up another cigarette. "Or what?" he asked, blowing out a cloud of smoke.
"Or I'll make you," growled Bruce.
"Big words from a maniac in a bat costume," chuckled Jack. "Nobody tells me what to do in my town, pal."
"This isn't your town!" snapped Bruce.
"Really?" laughed Jack. "I can do anything I want in it, and no one can stop me. Especially not some mental case in a Halloween costume. I own this town – I rule this town. I'm the king of Gotham."
His words infuriated Bruce, and since he had already warned him, he waited no longer to strike Jack a harsh blow across the face, knocking the cigarette from his lips. Jack had his gun out in an instant, firing at Bruce's head. He ducked, leaping back up into the shadows.
"A lunatic and a coward!" laughed Jack. "What a winning combination! The ladies must really go for you, huh?" he chuckled, firing up into the rafters.
"What are we going to do?" asked Crane, nervously.
"Don't you worry, boys – he's mine," said Jack, climbing the stairs up to the platforms above the vats. "We've got a bat infestation, and I'll exterminate it, never fear!"
He looked up at the shadows, whistling. "Here, Batsy, Batsy, Batsy! Good boy! C'mon out! Olly olly oxen free!"
"Do you smell burning?" whispered Tetch, suddenly.
Crane did, and whirled around to see that Jack's cigarette had caught a trail of alcohol and ignited, heading straight for the barrels and the truck.
"No, no, no!" he gasped, racing after the spark and trying to beat it out with his jacket.
"You're just fanning the flame!" cried Tetch, trying to suffocate the fire by throwing his hat down onto the spark and stamping on it.
Neither of these actions did any good – the flame continued on its inexorable journey toward the barrels of alcohol on the truck. Crane grabbed Tetch's arm. "Take cover!" he shouted, racing as far away as possible from the truck. "J!" he shouted up at the rafters. "Get down! It's gonna blow!"
His warning came too late. A second later, the fire caught the barrels of alcohol, and they exploded in a huge cloud of flame and debris. The truck's engine followed shortly after, and Jack was temporarily blinded by the smoke, coughing as the remains of the explosion rained down on him.
The smoke didn't clear – the whole factory had gone up in flames almost in an instant. The alcohol in the vats below had been ignited, and the spare canisters of random chemicals that had been left around the factory began to pour into them as their containers exploded from the heat and the pressure, dying the concoction a sickening green color.
Jack clung to the railing, trying to feel his way back to the stairs. He kept coughing on the choking smoke as explosions kept going off around him, and bits of the factory began to collapse.
Then someone suddenly seized him around the neck from behind. "You're going to face justice for your crimes, Napier!" hissed Bruce.
Jack choked out a laugh. "No…I ain't!" he gasped, reaching for his gun and whirling around. He fired shots at the smoke in front of him, backing away…
And that was when the railing gave way. Jack plummeted down toward the vat just as Bruce shot out a hand to catch him. But he was too late.
"J!" shouted Crane, who could just make out the shape of the falling figure through the smoke.
And then Jack hit the green concoction and disappeared. "Oh my God!" cried Tetch, racing toward the vat where he had landed. Nothing moved beneath the surface of the chemicals, and the factory was suddenly rocked by another explosion.
"We have to get out of here, Jervis – this place is going to collapse!" shouted Crane.
"But Mr. Napier might still be alive!" exclaimed Tetch.
"After that fall into whatever extremely toxic chemicals are in there?" demanded Crane. "I very highly doubt it! But there's no time to search – the ceiling is coming down!"
Tetch reluctantly raced after Crane, and they managed to get out of the factory just in time. Almost the instant they were across the threshold, the building collapsed in on itself in a pile of flame and rubble.
Crane and Tetch stood in front of the ruins, staring at the wreckage and breathing heavily. "Oh God," gasped Tetch. "Oh God. However are we going to tell Miss Quinzel?"