Notes: Battle of the fans!
Chapter 6: Fan Mail
Dear Pippin,
I am your biggest fan! I don't think you're stupid! I love how you knocked the skeleton down the well and made tons of noise and let all the orcs know you were in Moria. Coolest part in the movie! (In the first movie.)
Sincerely, a fan
Dear Aragorn,
I am nineteen years old and have brown hair and blue eyes. I love swordfighting and I just got a new bow for my birthday and already can hit a beetle at two hundred yards with my eyes shut. I have also learned the skills of tracking, signalling, and living in the wild. I prefer to wear elven robes, but I don't mind dressing like a warrior when the occasion calls for it. I have included my photograph and phone number. Please write me back soon! (Or call me!)
Sincerely, Ranger!Sue
Dear Pippin,
You're my favourite hobbit after Bilbo. No, wait, no, yeah, you're my favourite hobbit and Bilbo's next, actually. I've liked you ever since I was like five years old and I think your scottish accent is really cool.
Sincerely, a fan
Dear Legolas,
We are holding a conference this month on how to kill mumakil and we'd like you to be the main speaker. Please let us know if this will work out for you. We will pay.
Sincerely, the Gondorian Guardsmens' Guild
Dear Aragorn,
I love how you fell off a cliff and survived. Your scars looked so cool. I wish I could fight wargs with my bare hands like that. I was not among the orcs at the Black Gate who destroyed your army. I didn't want to fight for Sauron but he made me. I'm tired of fighting for him and want to fight for you if you decide to raise an army.
Sincerely, an uruk admirer
Dear Legolas,
You're so handsome and cool. I love how you skateboarded down the stairs on a shield at Helms Deep. You saved us all!
Sincerely, a maiden from Rohan
Dear Aragorn,
I am locked fast in Sauron's tower and am not allowed to get news, but I hope you are still alive and are devising means of rescuing me. I am waiting patiently, but it is horrible here. Please come soon.
Sincerely, Galadriel
Dear Pippin,
You're my favourite hobbit. Can we be friends? I like to read. I like The Lord of the Rings and The Magic Treehouse series.
Sincerely, a fan
Dear Aragorn,
I am interested in purchasing your palantir. If you ever consider selling it, please contact me at once.
Sincerely, The Witch King of Angmar
Dear Legolas,
Come home at once. No excuses.
Love, Dad
Dear Pippin,
My little sister has a crush on you and asked me to write this letter for her. She drew the picture herself.
Sincerely, the brother of a fan
Dear Aragorn,
Can I have your autograph? Please send it to the return address on this envelope.
Sincerely, a fan
Dear Legolas,
We would like to purchase the rights to your image for use in advertisements for our new line of TangleFreeTM hair care products. Please call us at your convenience so we can discuss details and payment. Thank you.
Sincerely, HairStuff Inc. TM
Dear Pippin,
Yeah, I totally agree with you about the beacon lighting. I mean, that was dangerous. Way cooler than what Merry went through. I'm sending my favourite recipe for stuffed mushrooms. Hope you like it! Write back soon.
Sincerely, a fan
Dear Legolas,
Sauron has taken me prisoner and is keeping me locked in his tower. Please come to rescue me at your earliest convenience.
Sincerely, Galadriel
Dear Aragorn,
You creep have you seen my sister?
Sincerely, Eomer
Dear Legolas,
I think you should have been the one to kill Smaug in The Hobbit. It would have been so much cooler. And by the way, why were you so much fatter then than you are now? Don't worry, I still think you're cute.
Sincerely, a fan
Dear Pippin,
Next time Gandalf calls you names, call him "fool of a wizard!" I'll bet he won't like that. Anyway, I'm sending the T-shirt for you to sign. It's got a white tree on it, so I can look like you when I wear it.
Sincerely, a fan