Notes: 2MFriedmanFreak: They each got the same amount. That was completely unintentional, though. (I had to go back and count to find out.)
Content Advisory: Warning. This chapter rated T for drug references.
Chapter 7: Gimli's Discovery
Pippin, with a stack of paper his own height, sat down in the middle of his letters and began writing replies to every single one.
"Aren't you going to open yours, Frodo?" asked Gandalf.
Frodo sat up and listlessly picked up a letter.
"Who is it from?" asked Sam.
"Probably a tenth walker," said Merry, who hadn't gotten very many letters and had already opened them all.
"Here, I'll read it for you," said Sam, seeing Frodo was still staring at the letter without attempting to open it.
"Look, Gimli," said Legolas. "There's a letter for you, too."
"For me?" Gimli took the letter and stared at it, as if he could hardly believe it was there. "I didn't know I had any fans."
"Open it," said Merry.
Gimli tore open the envelope as carefully as if it had been a custom gift-wrapped birthday present.
Dear Gimli,
I am locked in Sauron's tower. Please come and rescue me.
Sincerely, Galadriel
"Oh, you got one too," said Legolas.
"Locked?" said Gimli, staring at the letter. "Locked in Sauron's tower? No!"
"You didn't know about that?" asked Elladan. "She's been a prisoner since they took out Lothlorien."
"I must save her!" said Gimli.
"Have fun," said Aragorn.
Gimli, unheeding, ran to get his axe.
"So you see," said Gandalf. "She's expecting to be rescued. You'll have to follow my plan now."
"You didn't have a plan," said Aragorn. "I still say it's impossible."
"There'll be no living with Gimli if you don't rescue her," said Gandalf. "And if we stay shut up together here for much longer, we'll all go insane."
Gimli sat by the fire that night, sulking to himself, while the rest of the inmates of the cave heartlessly ate dinner as hungrily as if Lady Galadriel wasn't a prisoner of Sauron. Gimli was not hungry: he had spent the afternoon imagining all the gruesome tortures Galadriel might be undergoing and, his imagination being aided by memories of orc horror movies he had seen (Gimli was fond of orc horror movies), he had completely lost his appetite.
Why wouldn't anyone do anything? That jerk Aragorn! And even Legolas - his best friend, Legolas - wanted to go to Mirkwood instead of saving her! Who would want to go to Mirkwood anyway?!
Gimli looked up and noticed that Legolas was not eating dinner either. He sat on the opposite side of the campfire, gazing abstractedly into the flames and gnawing his nails.
"Why won't you go save Lady Galadriel?" asked Gimli. As Gimli had asked that same question almost without pause the whole afternoon, Legolas was the only member of the fellowship left who didn't whop him when he asked it.
"Aragorn says it's impossible," said Legolas.
"Remember the time you killed an oliphaunt single-handed?" said Gimli. "And that time we killed like a million orcs at Rauros? And like twenty million in Moria, plus a cave troll? It's not impossible."
"Well," said Legolas, "I can't go, anyway. My dad told me to come home."
"Legolas," said Gimli. "Be serious. You don't want to go back to Mirkwood. The whole reason you came on that ill-fated quest to destroy the ring was to get away from Mirkwood, and your dad."
"Yes, but..." said Legolas. He apparently couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Why aren't you eating?" asked Aragorn, coming up just then.
"I'm not hungry," said Gimli.
"Me either," said Legolas.
Aragorn sat down with a half empty plate. "Did you run out of pain meds?" he asked Legolas in a low voice.
Legolas covered his face with his hands. "Yes," he said. "And anti-depressants, too."
Gimli's mouth dropped open. "I didn't know you were on meds," he said.
"Is that why you're so skinny?" asked Sam.
"Is that why you're so anxious to go back to Mirkwood?" asked Aragorn astutely.
"All right for you to talk," said Legolas. "You take pain killers, too."
"Athelas," said Aragorn. "That's over the counter stuff, dude. That's completely different."
"I can't help it," said Legolas, despondently. "That orc in Esgaroth really messed me up. I've had to take stuff for the pain ever since. And as for the anti-depressants, well, you just don't know what it was like growing up with dad. And I lost my girlfriend, too."
"Yeah, well I've probably been through at least as much trauma as you," said Aragorn.
"Have not," said Legolas.
"Have too."
"Giant spiders, man?"
"Well, what about the time I got bitten by a mad warg?"
"So it's pills that make you so zoned out all the time," said Lindir. "I thought it was because you were autistic."
"I'm not autistic," said Legolas.
"Cheater!" roared Gimli.
Legolas looked shocked.
"That's why you won the drinking contest!" Gimli shouted. "No wonder it didn't affect you. Do you have any idea what kind of headache I had the next day?"
"Well, it was your silly idea in the first place," said Legolas.
"Some friend!" said Gimli.
"Get over it," said Merry, chucking a turnip at him.
There was a long silence in the cave after that. Finally Sam said, "Do you think if I took pain killers -"
"No," said Legolas quickly.
"I have it!" said Gimli, very suddenly and very loudly.
"Have what?" said Elladan.
"I've heard of people breaking addictions through hypnotism," said Gimli. "Legolas should try it."
"Who's going to hypnotise him?" asked Gandalf.
"Lady Galadriel. She does hypnosis, doesn't she?"
"I think it's telepathy."
"Close enough," said Gimli. "Legolas will be cured. We'll all be heroes. All we have to do is save her."
"Simple enough," said Aragorn drily.
"But if I get off the meds," Legolas protested, "I'll have the pain and depression."
"Maybe she can cure that, too," said Gimli.
"See what I told you?" said Gandalf to Aragorn. "He won't stop until you give in."
Aragorn stood up. "All right," he said. "After this, we'll all probably be on morphine, but apparently there's no alternative." He belted on Narsil and threw on a ragged cloak.
"Yippee!" said Gimli, grabbing his axe.
"If we're going to storm Mordor, we'll need an army," said Aragorn. "I'm going to the paths of the dead."
"But the dead already helped you and went to the Halls of Mandos," said Pippin. "They aren't in limbo anymore."
"I know," said Aragorn, "but maybe they weren't all there when we went through last time. Maybe some of them were off golfing or something."
"Bowling," said Gimli. "With skulls."
"No, it's called bocce," said Legolas.
"Anyway," said Aragorn, "there may be a few of them left. Every little bit helps, you know. I'm putting you in charge, Gandalf. Meet me at the crossroads in Ithilien in about a week's time."
"Where are you going?" asked Frodo, eight conversations behind as usual. Nobody paid any attention to him.
"We're going to be heroes!" said Gimli, leaping about and brandishing his axe. He was apparently addressing Legolas, but each individual thought he was personally addressing him.
"Orc slashing!" said Elrohir, dumping all of Elladan's belongings on the floor while searching for his sword.
"Maybe we'll find some mushrooms," said Sam hopefully, packing up his cooking pots.
"Pipeweed!" said Pippin, Merry, and Gandalf.
"Send us your address so we can forward your letters," said a cave troll.
"And anything you might leave behind by accident," added the other cave troll.
The company frolicked out the door of the cave and into the open air, singing one of Lindir's old hits. The cave trolls waved to them until they disappeared.
"It's so quiet," remarked one troll.
"I guess it's okay to take the dirt out of the bathtub now," said the other.