Lily Lindsey-Aubrey: Okay, I'll make some more Lindir chapters. :D Unfortunately I don't do him as well as you do. Machete Girl: Eowyn is easily convinced. I think deep down she's insecure. (After all, Aragorn basically dumped her.) Pip the Dark Lord of All: :D I'm loving the Lord of the Braces, by the way - it's awesome! OneSizeFitsAll: She's tons of fun! PythonAnon: Is there a 911 for Middle Earth? I'll call Elrond. firstlegolasfanever: Here you go! (By the way, are you the first fan? O.O) Rousdower: Do you mean Eowyn? She is scary. BlueBerryMuffins: Yes, Frodo will get more with it later on. Maybe when he gets closer to the ring. Gimli needs a fanclub.
Thanks, everyone!
Chapter 16: Survivor
Everyone looked around to see from whence the voice had come. There was a flash of green and someone who looked like Robin Hood with reddish hair swung down from a headless statue and landed in front of them, holding a microphone.
"Hello, everybody, and wilcome to t'die's epeesode of Soovivah. T'die we have contistants—oh, wait. We seem to be out of contistants."
Here the announcer stopped and looked confused. Then his face brightened.
"Would you like to be on t'die's show?"
"No," said Gandalf crossly.
"Are there prizes?" asked Merry.
"Yes, you win tons of money if you soovive."
"I'll be on your show," said Pippin.
"Peregrin Took, you should know better than to accept money from strangers!"
"I'm not a stranger," said the announcer. "Don't you remember me, Gandalf?"
"Oh, that's right. You're that annoying Denethor's crazy son Faramir."
"I'm not crazy!"
"I meant to say, you're that annoying Faramir's crazy son Denethor. No, that crazy son Denethor's Faramir. I mean—"
"Hey, what's up?" said Aragorn.
"Aragorn!" said Legolas.
"You made it!" exclaimed Sam.
"So where is everybody?" asked Aragorn, looking around and noticing there were a lot of people missing from the fellowship.
"They deserted us," Gandalf explained shortly.
"To go to a creepy elf contest," said Pippin.
"Gimli went to a creepy elf contest?"
"No, Gimli got captured by a nazgul."
"Oh," said Aragorn, still slightly confused. "Okay. Well, it's a good thing I brought some recruits then."
"Uh, Strider," said Sam, "you're all by yourself."
Aragorn looked around. "Wha— where'd they go?" He facepalmed. "Oh no. I told them they weren't allowed to swim in it!"
He turned and took off through the woods while the rest of the fellowship followed. When they reached the forbidden pool they stopped short in amazement. A whole host of green glowing people were diving into a sea of skulls in the pool, which they seemed to have drained for the purpose.
"I thought you released them," said Gandalf.
"These are different ones," Aragorn replied.
"Dad!" shouted Faramir.
Denethor poked his head out of a pile of skulls.
"Oh no. You," he said, pulling his head back in.
Aragorn rolled his eyes. "I told them to leave the skulls behind in the cave," he said, "but they all insisted on bringing along the best ones from their collections and look at how many they brought!"
"My skullssss! My precioussss!" said Smeagol.
"Boromir, you're still alive!" shouted Merry and Pippin.
"And the orc dude who killed you is still alive too," observed Legolas.
"Yeah, we're best buddies now," said Boromir, as he and Lurtz continued pelting each other with skulls.
"This is perfect! You can ALL be in my show!" said Faramir.
"We don't have time for that," Gandalf protested.
"I forgot to ask," said Pippin; "what are we supposed to be surviving?"
"Orcs," said Faramir. "Ithilien is full of orc hunting parties. And a stray mumakil or two."
"And so far you haven't had any survivors," Gandalf pointed out.
"Well, no. But tons of people watch the show anyway."
"Your audience is probably completely made up of orcs, that's why; and no thank you by the way. We have to get to Mordor and get the ring back from Sauron."
"Aw, Gandalf!" said Legolas.
"Yeah, it sounds like fun," said Aragorn.
There was a sudden high-pitched shriek and everyone cowered.
"Nazgul!" someone screamed (probably the cameraman who was still filming).
"Hey," shouted Faramir. "Get a video of me doing this!"
He shot an arrow at the fell beast the nazgul was riding and it tumbled to the ground.
"I hit it! I hit it!" sang Faramir, dancing around the fallen beast. The black rider climbed out from under it and slapped him.
"Moron!" said Eowyn. She stomped over to Aragorn.
"Oh, uh," said Aragorn, recognising her. "Eowyn, I—"
"Jerk!" said Eowyn, slapping him. "You just walked out on me and now you want me to help you get the stupid ring back."
"Uh, who told you about that?" asked Aragorn.
"Gimli."
"Is he okay?" asked Legolas.
"Yeah, he went off to save Lady Galadriel."
"I told you so!" said Gandalf.
"Did you say you were going to help us?" asked Aragorn.
"Yes," said Eowyn. "On one condition. ONE."
"What's that?"
"That you give me the ring so I can be the one ruler of Middle Earth."
"But that would defeat the whole purpose!"
"That's extortion, Eowyn!" shouted Gandalf.
"Yeah, not to mention the title Dark Lady sounds really weird," muttered Legolas.
"Sexist!" shouted Eowyn, slapping him.
"Ow!"
"Okay," said Aragorn. "You help us get the ring back and we'll think about it. How's that?"
"Don't try to trick me!" said Eowyn. "You have to promise!"
"Well, we're not going to!" said Sam. "We've got to destroy the ring or Sauron won't be defeated. Isn't that right, Mr. Frodo?"
"The ring must go to Mordor," murmured Frodo zooily. They took this to mean yes.
"Then I'm not going to help you!" said Eowyn, crossing her arms.
Gandalf cleared his throat. "Eowyn," he said in a wheedling voice, "you're really pretty and—"
"Yeah," Aragorn interrupted. "And if you help us take out Sauron you'll prove to everyone that you're more powerful than the dark lord."
"Really?" said Eowyn, her eyes growing starry.
"Yeah, and it'll look totally awesome," said Legolas excitedly.
"Ahem," said Aragorn, cocking an eyebrow at him.
"What?"
"Don't overdo it," Aragorn whispered. "I was just saying it to make her say yes."
"Weeeeeelllll..." said Eowyn slowly. "Hey!" she said, her voice changing suddenly. "Stop filming me, okay? I don't want to be on your stupid show. And get away from my dragon, you."
Faramir was still standing in exactly the same place and position he had been in when Eowyn slapped him. His eyes were starry and he was staring at Eowyn with his mouth open.
"What's the matter with him?" asked Eowyn.
"Uh, Faramir, are you okay?" called Aragorn.
Faramir didn't respond.
"Okay, so let's go," said Aragorn. "There will be orcs here soon. Come on, everybody. To Mordor!"
"One does not simply—" began Boromir, but he was cut short by a sudden chorus of orc yells.
The creepy elf contest will be in the next chapter. Until then, I have a poll on my profile for who ought to win the contest. Please vote for your favourite creepy elf and help the judges out. (Otherwise I will simply pick the one I think is the creepiest, and just so you know, it's Galdor - look up a pic of him on the LotR wiki.)