First of all, I made a mistake in the last chapter (I already fixed it so don't bother to look) where I said Arwen used her wedding dvd. No, she's not actually married to Aragorn yet. I just keep forgetting which alternate universe I'm in. :P Timey wimey stuff. Sorry about the confusion.

MacheteGirl: It is indeed. XP Rousdower: I didn't think about that, but yes, that meme is pretty creepy. Phillip Callaway: XD BlueberryMuffins76: Yup, I ship Farawyn! :D Lily Lindsey Aubrey: Definitely put that in LoL - it's perfect!

Chapter 18: A Short One

"WHAT!" screamed Sauron, staring at the tv screen. "How could he not win? That was totally creepy!"

"You have to admit, Arwen's was pretty frightening," said the Mouth. "I don't know that we should allow orcs to see such things. I mean, Mordor is supposed to be a safe place."

"Man, I should have bet on Galadriel," Sauron sulked. "I thought about it. I put the rest of my bets on Galdor and he didn't even place.

"Neither did Celeborn," said the Mouth with a sigh.

They jumped as someone suddenly pounded on the door.

"Go see who it is," whispered Sauron.

"Who do you think it is?" asked the Mouth, wondering why Sauron was frightened.

"I don't know, but it could be Galadriel. Or..." Sauron's voice trailed off as a thought occurred to him.

"What?"

"Elrond! That's who it is! I promised him I wouldn't publish that video if he did what I told him to. Now he's probably mad at me."

"Lord Elrond?" asked the Mouth, awed. Lord Elrond was intimidating.

"I didn't really publish it. I just entered it in the contest. That's not the same. It's probably all over YouTube now, but that's the orcs' fault, not mine."

"Open up!" shouted a voice on the other side of the door.

"Go tell him to go away," said Sauron.

"But master, the last time I opened the door to see who it was somebody chopped off my head!"

"Obey me!" hissed Sauron, slipping behind his heavy iron desk while pointing inexorably at the door.

Ducking his head and cowering, the Mouth obeyed. He had barely lifted the latch before the door flew open, banging him against the wall and a small bundle of hair, beard, and chain mail bounced into the room swinging an axe.

"Where is she?" shouted Gimli. "Where is she that is fairest? I've come to rescue you, my lady!"

"She's not here," said Sauron, straightening up and toying with a paper clip to make it look like he had simply been retrieving one from the floor.

"Where is she?"

"Why? What are you doing here, and where is the rest of the fellowship?"

"I'm here to rescue her," said Gimli. "The rest are coming."

At this the Mouth, who had come out from behind the door rubbing his head, quickly hid himself behind the door again.

"They're coming, my master!" he squealed. "Don't let them get me!"

"Quiet!" ordered Sauron. "We must keep calm." He turned back to Gimli. "You say they're coming here?"

"Well," said Gimli, remembering that he had to be discreet, "they may be. It'll probably take them awhile. It was rather hard for me to get in here."

"But you still got in," Sauron pointed out. "All right, we need to form an emergency plan."

Gimli was growing impatient.

"First you need to tell me where the Lady Galadriel is," he insisted.

"The Lady Galadriel?" said Sauron. "I thought you were looking for Eowyn. How am I supposed to know who's fairest, after all? She's at the creepy elf contest."

"Don't lie to me," Gimli said, holding his axe at a threatening angle. "You've been keeping her a prisoner here."

Sauron clutched his Maia hair in both hands.

"When will I be rid of these people?" he harangued. "Mordor used to be a peaceful place - no uninvited guests wanting to drop in to cut off people's fingers and destroy rings. No armies making suicide attacks. No crazy Rohirrim demanding their sisters. No elven hippies."

He paused, meditating on how nice it had been.

"And now," he resumed, "I can't have a single moment to call my own."

"Give up the Lady of Light and I'll go away," said Gimli.

"She's not my prisoner," said Sauron. "She's working for me."

"Lies!"

"She's my secretary."

"She'd never!"

"Well, she is, so deal with it."

Gimli's jaw dropped so low that his beard touched the floor.

"She...she can't be."

So next time: The elves discuss the results of the contest. Erestor is stoic. Elrond swears revenge. Celeborn and Galadriel come up with a devious plan.

See you next week! XD