The rest of the week seemed to go by pretty uneventfully. I began to talk to Connor a lot more. He was smart, funny, and really just a great guy. I still felt something in the pit of my stomach every time we had a conversation, and each time, the feeling got larger. With every sarcastic comment I laughed harder, and with every smile, my stomach flipped higher. I'm pretty sure these feelings don't happen this quickly for anyone, but I decided to just ignore them. No good could come from letting them mean something. And just like that, it was the end of Friday, and I was heading home for the weekend. I was anxious and excited for the next day, but I wouldn't allow myself to acknowledge why.
Feeling the warm beams of sunlight peeking through my blinds, I reluctantly opened my eyes. Stretching, I expanded every part of my body to cover my bed and let a squeal escape my mouth. Glancing at the clock, I registered that Connor would be coming over in about 2 hours to start working on our Statistics project. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I sat there for a moment, just trying to wake up. Dragging myself to the bathroom, I turned on the shower and let the water run so it would get warm. I find that during my showers is when I get the most thinking done. I'm not really sure why, it was just something that tended to work for me. And this time was no different.
I couldn't help but think about how just after one week of this school year, I could tell it was not going to be what I expected it to. I thought about the day I ran into Connor. His Hazel eyes and contagious smile just drew me in from the start. Why was that? I'd always acknowledged that I saw boys in a different way than girls, but this was the first time that I had ever known so indisputably that that was the case. Whether or not I was gay, I didn't want to label myself. That would go against everything I wanted to accomplish in high school. Being gay was something the other kids took notice of, and I never want to be noticed.
With a vacant expression on my face, I stared into the falling droplets of water as the pounded against my skin. I wasn't sure of how much time passed, but I finally got out of the shower when the water ran cold. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I thought about my looks. I wonder how I'd look if I styled my hair with gel. What it I spiked my bangs? I wonder if he'd notice… Jude… Don't get carried away. This is just for a project. You don't need to care if Connor will like the way you look. Well, despite my inner voices of reason trying to talk me out of primping myself up, I still ended up styling my hair, putting on cologne, and a nice polo. Checking myself out in the mirror, I looked back at the clock. Ok, still have 45 minutes. What to do, what to do. I scanned my room and decided to play the new Zombie Apocalypse shooter game I'd just gotten.
Hearing a knock at the door, I paused my game and trotted down the stairs to the door. Opening the door, Connor greeted me with that toothy smile. My stomach flipped a little, but I ignored it. I exchanged a greeting and proceeded to show him up the stairs to my room.
"So, are we the only ones here? Are your parents out?" Connor asked.
"Yeah, my moms are out running errands, and the rest of my siblings are in college." I replied.
"Oh you have two moms? That's really cool!"
"Yeah, they're really amazing. I love them!"
"I really think it would be cool to do Hypothesis Testing though. We could take really fun surveys at school, or look up sports statistics, and then run a test to see if there are patterns for prediction." I declared.
"That does sound really cool, Jude, but I'm not entirely sure how to do that? Like, I love the concept, but I just… I don't understand all the formulas and wording involved." He admitted, looking down to the shag carpet below us.
Feeling bad, I leaned over and spoke softly:
"Look, I'll try and help you." I cooed.
Leaning over, I picked up my spiral and my pencil, which was sitting next to Connor. Picking up my pencil, my hand brushed Connor's pinky. I tried to not seem affected by it, but I could feel Connor tense up. He inched a little closer as I began to explain the test on the notebook paper. I could feel his breathing near my ear and behind my shoulder. It was strangely relaxing, and the warmth of his breath made my hairs stand up: but I pushed that to the back of my mind. After finishing my explanation, Connor knelt beside me and said
"Wow, that really helped! You're so smart, Jude. I wish I could understand all of this stuff that well." He sighed.
"Thanks, but it wasn't always this way." I recalled.
"I had no interest in my studies before I got here. There were a lot of other things occupying my mind."
"What do you mean before you got here?" Connor prodded, furrowing his eyebrows.
"I was a foster kid. I was in the system until I was 13. That was when Stef and Lena got my sister and I. I was in pretty bad shape, but so was Callie. We were beaten every now and then. But it was something I just got used to. I was more concerned about whether or not we were going to be live functioning humans, rather than things like the quadratic formula or Newton's Laws."
Looking up, I saw Connor staring at me. His face looked so broken. His mouth gaped a bit, and his eyebrows drooped. I went back to fiddling with the carpet in between my fingers.
"Wow. Jude I am so sorry. That must've been terrible and traumatic." He sympathized.
For a brief moment we made eye contact. In that moment, I felt comfort. I'd known this boy for less than a week, but for some reason I felt like I could trust him. Listen to me. Sounding like something from The Notebook. Please. That's not me. Clearing my throat, I got up and sat down on my bed. Peering around the room Connor shouts:
"No way! You have the new zombie apocalypse game?!"
Walking over to my TV, I respond
"Yeah, the multiplayer mode is beast, bro. Wanna play?" I ask.
"DO I EVER!" Connor cheers.
"Bro, bro! You can't do that! Stop killing my backup!" I shouted at Connor.
"Hey, it's not my fault you can't defend them from my zombies!" Connor rebutted.
Annoyed with his methods, I took one hand off my controller and started waving it in front of Connor's face.
"Jude, stop! That's not fair!" He whined while batting my hand out of the way, only to have me bring it back.
Then Connor put down his controller, and grabbed mine. Waving it around in the air pressing random buttons.
"Dude no! Are you kidding me! STOP CHEATING!" I screamed, my voice bouncing off the walls.
"I'm not cheating! You just suck!" Connor retorted, wrinkling up his nose and letting out a breathy laugh.
"Whatever Stevens!" I quipped as I rammed my shoulder into his, pushing him off his bean bag seat.
"Wow. You little shit! You think you're funny?" Connor bantered as he got up.
I sat there laughing, unable control the sounds and the types of laughs that were leaving my body. My arms were grasping my stomach, and I was flailing my legs erratically. But before I knew it, I was on the floor too. Connor pinning me down with his arms and knees. I just laid there, laughing like a complete idiot, while Connor hovered over me joining in my laughter. Ours laughs finally subsided, and I opened my eyes. I lost myself in hazel eyes. Those eyes were timeless. I could stare at them for hours and never get bored. After what seemed like a few minutes, Connor started to lean towards me. I wasn't sure what was about to happen, but I made no effort to stop it. Connor was so close to my face that I could feel his breathing on me. The gap between us was about to close when his denim jeans vibrated. Climbing off me he cleared his throat and walked to the other side of the room.
I lifted my back off the ground and ran my hands through my hair to fix the disgruntled mess it had become. I rested my arms on my knees, and briefly put my head between them. Composing myself, I looked up and glanced over at Connor.
"Hey, is everything alright?" I inquired.
"Yeah, it's just my dad. I better get going." He responded.
I walked him down the stairs and opened the front door.
"Well this was fun, and productive. I'll see ya Monday!" I chirped.
"Yeah. See ya." Connor responded almost as quick as he was out the door.
I shut the door and leaned up against it, letting out a deep breath. Wow. What a day. I thought to myself. Entering my bathroom, I found myself staring at my lips. I placed a finger up against them, and lightly brushed them. I shut my eyes and thought about what had almost happened. Well, at least what I THOUGHT had almost happened. Maybe it's a good thing nothing actually went down. Who knows what would've happened after. It could have been really awkward. Roaming out of the bathroom, I decided to go downstairs and get a snack. Treading down the stairs, I heard the familiar voice of Lena.
"Hi honey! Just got home, I heard you had a friend over today! I'm glad you're making friends." she trilled.
"Yeah. His name is Connor Stevens. He's also on the tennis team. We were working on our Statistics project." I responded.
"I'm just thrilled that you're branching out to friends other than Taylor." she answered.
"I hope we'll see more of him around here!"
"You probably will. Coach also wants us playing doubles this season, so that'll be interesting." I whispered.
Then transfixing my eyes into my bag of chips, a smile snuck its way onto my face. This could prove to be a very interesting journey.