1 Month Later *
This last month was unexpected. Connor and I have become inseparable. I don't think it's possible for anyone to be closer than we've become. I first thought Connor threw off my schedule when I met him, but now, it seems as if he's become part of it. Every morning, he meets at my locker and we walk to Statistics together. Once in Statistics, there's not much learning. Despite anyone else's knowledge, I spend most of that class in a daze. Following first period, I don't see him until lunch, but we sit together, along with Taylor. Lunch is fun. We wisecrack with each other, but also discuss tennis. Districts was coming up, so it was important for the team to be in tip top shape. After lunch, Connor and I have all the same classes, so we walk together. We can be so comfortable with each other even in silence. So it's not awkward just walking with nothing to say. A lot of the time when that happens, I find myself imagining our conversations. Full of laughs and sarcasm. But what I love the most, is that Connor and I have deep serious conversation, too. It's not just quips and tongue-in-cheek talk with us. We genuinely care for each other, and have each other's back. We listen to each other's problems, and I value that more than is weird, though. I have never been this close with another guy. I know that lots of guys have best friends, but are they like… this? We tell each other everything, but there are also moments where our eye contact lingers for what seems a little too long. I honestly can't be sure if it means something. Every time moments like that happen, Connor seems to get a little distant. It's not for a couple a days, or until he does something "masculine", that we're completely back to normal. I just don't get it, and I don't get him sometimes.
(…)
Today, Wednesday, was shaping up to be just another normal day. I sat down at our lunch table, and began to discard the items from my brown sack lunch. I felt someone sit down next to me, but when I looked up, I saw that it wasn't Connor or Taylor.
"Hey, Jude!" The girl trilled.
"Hey, Daria. What's up?" I responded. Daria was a girl I'd known since 7th grade. She was pretty, and from what I gathered, decently smart. She was really good friends with Taylor, so I wondered why she was talking to me.
"Oh, not much. I was just curious as to whether or not you'd like to go to a movie with me Friday night?"
Her forwardness really shocked me. I had never been approached by a girl like this, or anyone for that matter. Does this mean she's interested in me? Do I even like her? I mean, I don't THINK so. But that doesn't mean I couldn't like her… Jude, say something. You can't just leave her hanging!
"Uh.. sure. That would be fun!" I respond, somewhat half-heartedly, hoping she doesn't notice.
"Awesome!" She shrieks, wrapping both of her arms around me. I try to return the..hug.. but my arms are being held in place by Daria's grasp.
"Ok, well I can't wait for Friday. See ya!" she twitters as she struts away.
Not even a 5 seconds later, I am greeted by the slamming of a lunch tray and a very high pitched squeal of, "OH MY GOD!"
"Please Taylor!" I shout, while cupping my hands over my ears, "I've already had enough inaudible girl noises for today!"
"Stop being such a baby, Jude! This is a big deal! Did Daria finally ask you out?!" She prodded.
"Yeah. So, wait. You knew about this?" I inquired.
"Of course I did, silly!" She screeched back to me.
Seating himself next to me, Connor intrudes:
"Jude, why was Daria over here?"
"She asked me to go to the movies with her on Friday night" I plainly stated while taking bite of my sandwich.
"What…like on a date?" he asked.
"DUH!" Taylor interrupted, "She's been crushing on him for weeks. I'm so glad she finally asked you!" She cheered.
At Taylor's comment, Connor seemed to sink a bit into the chair. Using his plastic lunch utensils, he pushed around the food on his tray and poked and prodded, yet not eating any of it. He stayed like this for a good five minutes, and it wasn't until Taylor got up to use the restroom that I commented on his state.
"Bro," I whispered as I bumped his shoulder, "what's up? Talk to me. You haven't touched your lunch." I said, concern evident in my voice.
Rather than answer my question, Connor posed one of his own.
"Do you like Daria? Like, do you want her to be your girlfriend?" He inquired while staring stoically at us untouched meal.
"I don't think so, no." I posed. With those words he sat noticeably more upright and slightly turned his face towards me.
"Really?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Really. I mean, she's nice and all, but I don't really know here. I guess I'll just tell her I can't take her only Friday. It hopefully won't be big deal." I remarked. "And maybe we could hang out instead?" I said, with a hint of optimism in my voice, the pitch tapering a bit upward in anticipation at the end of my words.
"Now that's what a fun Friday night looks like!" Connor shouted, his face glowing.
"Don't worry", I started, "I could never leave my best friend to suffer one Friday night without me. T'would be such a tragedy!" I quipped dramatically, while patting Connor's knee mockingly.
"Grow up, Jude!" he retorted while snickering a little in the process.
It took me a second to notice, because neither of us mentioned it, but my hand hadn't left Connor's leg. It was placed on his upper thigh when I finally gained the feeling of where my arms appendage was. In a sudden panic, I jerked my hand away and stood up. Startled by the motion, Connor's face jerked up and gave me a confused look. Suddenly realizing what had just happened, his face started to get red, and he whipped his head around to face his lunch.
"Uhhh…umm. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll see you in class." I stuttered out while gathering my backpack from under the table. Connor only nodded to signify that he'd heard my pathetic excuse.
As to be expected, Connor and I kept our distance from each other the rest of the day. As I was walking to my car after practice, I thought about lunch today. Now that I'd actually thought about it, things like this happened a lot more than I had previously thought. It had never been as physical as what I had done today, but these "romantic" moments tended to happen more than just occasionally. I had known for a while that I felt differently towards Connor than I'd ever felt towards anyone. Not just differently than other boys or girls, but anyone. I knew deep down what this could mean, but I just kept pushing it further into the depths of my mind. Yes there were undeniable feelings there, but I just could not bring myself to admit them to myself.
And for the first time since I'd met Connor, I went home and neglected my school work. I sat down on my bed, and listened to music until I was lulled to sleep by La Valse de L'Amour. Waking up the next morning, I just had a feeling that it was going to be one of those days. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was just not feeling right. I got to school and opened my locker. Connor popped up next to me. We didn't exchange greetings, but just walked to Stat in silence. I didn't think much of our silence, but it was unusual that I actually used class time to learn the material. After class, Connor bolted, and left me to walk alone. I wasn't at lunch because I had to help momma with something in her office. It was then that I got a text from Taylor.
Hey, why aren't u lunch?
I'm helping mom with something in the office, why? Everything ok?
Yeah, it's just Connor isn't here either and I really dont wanna eat alone lol
I glanced at my glowing screen, a little confused. Why wasn't Connor there? That's strange. He was awfully quiet. I wonder if he's ignoring me… Why would her? This is more silence than I've gotten from him before. All of these thoughts intruded my head, so I excused myself from my mom and joined Taylor at lunch.
I finally saw Connor after 6th period and we walked together to tennis like usual. I decided to strike up a conversation with the ever silent Connor.
"Hey, so when you come over tonight I was thinking we could order some pizza, and play video games. Maybe watch some Netflix?" I questioned, as I glanced at his calm face to try and gauge an answer. No response. I turned my face back in front of me to try and think of something else to say, but nothing was coming to me. Why isn't he talking to me? Does he hate me now?
"Stuffed crust pizza even! Our favorite! And also, mayb—" I was cut off.
"Look Jude. I can't come over tonight. I made other plans." he said briskly.
"Wh-why?" I stammered. My eyebrows scrunching together, and the corners of my mouth wilting as I questioned.
"I asked out Daria. We're going to the movies." He said.
"Bu-but why? I don't get it." I said, clearly stumbling to get my words out. My eyes oscillating between the pavement in front of me and Connor's face.
"Jude. Just leave it alone. You said you didn't like her anyways. Besides, why do you care so much? It's not like we're dating!" He voiced, starting to sound irritated.
"You know what Connor, you're right. I hope your date goes well." I huffed back, making sure to throw a scowl his way as I stormed off. As I walked away, I though I heard him call after me, but i just kept going.
(…)
I was standing around talking to Taylor at practice when coach comes up with an announcement.
"Ok guys. I made a list of practice matches I want to happen today." He shouted to the crowd of hovered kids. As he read off the names, I couldn't help but feel like I'd get named to play Connor.
"Jude, I want you and Stevens to play!"
Figures. This would happen to me. I walked over to the court with my racquet bag and water jug. Setting everything down by the bench, I removed my racquet and began to walk to the baseline. We didn't exchange words or glances. We hit the ball in silence warming up. The only sounds on the court were the sound of the ball reverberating off our strings and the pop of the ball bouncing off the courts surface.
"You ready to start?" Connor shouted over the net.
"Yeah." I answered dryly. I didn't know how this match was going to end up, but I knew it would be a challenge.
(…)
Drenched in sweat, I wiped the falling droplets off my forehead with my towel. Sitting on the bench with my head between my hands in my towel, I tried to focus myself in the match. We were playing best of 3, and we were at 1 set all. I won the first one handily. 6-3. He won the second 6-4. And now I was up 5-3 in the final set tiebreaker. I knew what I had to do, but I just couldn't focus on the match. All I could think about was why Connor had asked out Daria. I thought we were best friends. I mean… I know we're not dating…or you know, anything like that… but.. still. I walked to the baseline tossing the ball in my hand. Ok, Jude. You just need to get this done. ESPECIALLY because it's can't let him win.
I brought the ball up to the face of my racquet and tossed the ball above me. I lunged forward and hit the ball. Crap. The ball fluttered to the bottom of the net. I took my spare ball out of my pocket and bounced it twice on the service line. After going through my service motion, I tossed the ball in the air. Momentarily taking my eyes off the ball, I glanced over at Connor. We locked eyes. I knew this would end badly. My eyes returned to the ball, but it had fallen too low. I swung at it, and once again, the ball was dumped into the net. Throwing up my arms I looked up at the sky and began to shake my head. Frustrated with myself, I let out a loud raspy groan. 5-4. I walked to the ad side of the court and began my service motion. The serve landed inside the box, and Connor whirled the ball cross court. Too good. I couldn't get there. 5-5. On the other side of the net Connor shouted "Come On!" while clenching his fist.
It was Connor's serve. He stepped up to the line and served. The ball plummeted to the net. I let out a sigh of relief. Had that ball gone in, it would have for sure been an ace. His second serve was slow, and I took full advantage of it. I stepped into the court, and worked my feet and body behind the ball. Pivoting my hips as I made contact with the ball, I whipped the ball down the line for a clean return winner. Clenching my fist I glared across the net at Connor. He looked back at me, only to turn away just as quick. Yes, this is it Jude. 6-5. Match point. You can do this. Bending my knee's, I hovered over the baseline, awaiting Connor's serve. I felt a drop of sweat trickle down my face and drop off my chin. Spinning my racquet in my hands, I watched as Connor tossed the ball and began to swing. My feet came to life, and I lunged toy right. The ball bounced near the T and I flicked the ball back at Connor. He hit the ball back up the middle of the court, and I shuffled my feet to get behind the ball. I shot the ball inside out to the corner opposite Connor, and he bolted in the balls direction. I sprinted up to the net as the ball arched above me. As I prepared to hit an overhead, I couldn't help but think about the last time I was in that position. As the ball bounced, I looked Connor right in the eyes and made sure he knew what was about to happen. I lifted my left arm and pointed at the ball. I banged the ball right at Connor's feet and he jumped out of the way. And with that, the match was done.I had won.
Looking at Connor, I sighed. I walked over to my things and threw my racquet in its bag. As I began to swing my bag over my shoulder, Connor started walking towards me. I walked off the court, not planning on looking back.
"Wait. Jude!" Connor shouted after me, defeat in his voice.
I was so done with this day. I just had to get out. Leaving the courts, and headed to the parking lot to drive home. Connor was not going to ruin my weekend.