Just a friendly reminder that this story is rated M…

The morning after I talked to Iroh, after I'd been attacked and again unable to defend myself properly, that was when I really stopped trying to reason. Nothing else seemed important to me, nothing but gaining that edge over the Fire Nation. It was strange, I could feel the anger and hate inside me, right where it had always been, but it didn't overwhelm me like it normally did. I felt somehow disconnected from everything, and in some corner of my mind, it scared me. I woke up that morning with a rumble in my empty stomach, and I remembered that I didn't have any money anymore. I didn't even think twice about it, I walked out of my shack and strode down the street. When I walked past a vendor selling fruit, I simply reached out and plucked a piece. I didn't look around, I wasn't afraid I'd be caught, I just took it and kept walking. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't even consider that it wasn't necessary. I had to eat, and that was the easiest way. No one noticed.

I just kept replaying the episode from the night before over and over in my head. While it was happening, I'd been so angry at the thieves, but I wasn't anymore. It was my fault. I couldn't stop it, and it was my responsibility to make sure if I was going to be in danger, that I could defend myself. I ate the fruit and experimented with the breathing techniques I'd learned the night before and looked forward to the day when I could kill anyone who wanted to take from me. By the end of the day, I'd stolen enough food for the next couple days and a piece of meat I'd always wanted to try but could never afford. It works both ways and if they didn't defend against thieves, it was their fault that I could steal from them.

I made sure to get back to my shack just when the sun was going down so that I wouldn't miss Zuko. My mind shot little bits of warnings through the fog in my mind. Before last night, I would feel myself sinking deeper into that place where I could forget everything and just be with Zuko. When I was in his arms in the cave, I felt so content, and happy. I wasn't thinking about Kenshin for the first time in so long and it felt more serene than anything I'd ever experienced. My mind had been swimming in cool water while my body was on fire. It felt wonderful, until it was over. When I stopped him and his face slipped back into that angry mask, everything I'd forgotten in those few moments came rushing back and the thoughts felt heavier than they ever had because now there was guilt to add on top of them. Guilt that I'd allowed the murderer of the Avatar to get so close to me. That he'd been the one to make me forget.

Once, after my mother died, I'd broken down and decided to get drunk, just to numb the pain. It felt amazing, I felt weightless and free until the bottle ran out. Then, my stomach started to roil and my head pounded and all the pain came back. That's exactly how I felt after leaving Zuko's body heat in the cave. It was wonderful while it lasted, but that sort of thing can never last. Not when the pain is always going to be there, under the surface.

I sat and stared at my hands, sitting so uselessly on the tabletop. I sat there all night, waiting for Zuko, but he never showed up. When the red streaks of the sunrise started to rise above the stacks, my jaw clenched with frustration. He never actually said he would meet me that night, but I expected him anyway. How was I supposed to learn when my master didn't even care enough to let me know when he'd be training me? I sat there and thought about every possible way to kill Kenshin.

""""

It was three days before Zuko came to my shack again. I'd just gotten back from the bathhouse and I was arranging the fur to go to sleep when the cloth over my door fluttered. I'd given up hope that Zuko was coming to see me anymore, so I spun and raised my hands defensively in front of me, expecting danger. My heart was pounding and my eyes were wide with surprise when I saw who it was. I dropped my arms and straightened my back.

"Zuko," I said with a nod of my head.

His face was closed off, that serious expression he always wore pasted to his features. His eyes flicked over my body and he took a step forward. "Show me your stance again," he said.

My eyebrows drew together in confusion, but I did what he asked. I bent my knees and put both hands out in front of me, palms forward. His eyes narrowed slightly as he studied me, his eyes never reaching my face. "No," he said. "Your feet should be wider apart, shoulder width. And if you hold out your arms like that, you won't have any power behind your attack."

I felt my face slip into that numb, but focused, mask again. This is what I'd been waiting for. I slid my feet apart and bent my elbows, drawing my hands closer to my chest. "Like this?"

He took a breath and closed the distance between us. He took my right arm and brought it back out so that my palm was almost touching his chest. Then, he pushed my other hand back so that it was next to my cheek. "Make a fist," he said. "This is your defensive stance. Your right arm tracks movement while your left delivers the attack."

"Where were you?" I asked.

The only thing that betrayed his surprise was a quick flick of his eyes up to my hard stare. "I was… on vacation."

I stared at his face until he was forced to meet my eyes. "If you leave like that, you have to tell me. We have an agreement."

His face darkened with annoyance. "I don't have to tell you anything. Besides, I didn't know until the day we left."

"We?"

He raised a hand to rub at the spot between his eyes. "My sister and… her friends."

I thought that over for a while, but eventually decided that I really didn't care. I wasn't interested in how his vacation went. "We can't train here. Do you have—"

"I know where we can go. Follow me, and stay close. We can't be seen." He pulled the hood of his cloak up over his head and turned to leave. He stopped at my doorway and peeked out, making sure the way was clear. He reached a hand back to gesture for me to follow and he slipped out of the shack, towards the city.

"We're not going to the beach?" I whispered. He didn't answer, just took a sharp right turn when he saw an opening between shacks. The moonlight was dim through the clouds, and all I could see was his dark shape moving through the buildings. I quickened my pace and followed closely to his back as he stopped at another street. He looked left, then right. Then left again. Then right again. I huffed a frustrated sigh. "Just tell me where we're going, I can get us there."

He glared over his shoulder and said in a harsh whisper, "I know where I'm going."

"Listen, Your Highness, I'm willing to bet that I know the stacks much better than you do. Where are we going?"

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration before he growled softly. "It's just because it's so dark. There's a path at the northeast corner of the stacks that leads into the mountains."

The space we were standing in was very narrow so I had to squeeze past him to get in front. Our chests pressed close together and he paused for a moment before almost jerking away. He stood behind me and the hood fell over his face so that I couldn't see his expression. I rolled my eyes at his behavior. "Okay, you follow me. There are usually guards at either ends of the alleys, but I don't think they'd stop us even if they saw us." He glanced up at me, nervous. "Don't worry, I'll keep us hidden. It wouldn't do for the crowned prince to be seen in the stacks." I moved into the street before he could respond.

Once we'd reached the northeastern edge of the stacks that was tucked up against the mountainside, I stood aside to let Zuko take the lead. As he walked past me, he paused. "Rei, it's not that I'm ashamed to be seen with you."

I gave him a blank look. "You don't have to explain, Zuko… We're far from the Earth Kingdom, I know that."

"You don't know anything. It's dangerous, and not just for me. If my father found out I was sneaking out to the stacks for a girl who is not my fiancé, and who is here illegally, you'd be—"

I blinked. "Your what?"

He looked confused for a moment before he thought over his words. Then, his face cleared with realization and he cleared his throat. "I'm engaged. Well, not technically, but we've been courting for years."

Engaged. He'd been engaged the entire time, and hadn't told me. I felt like I should have been more shocked, but I wasn't. Of course he was capable of that kind of deceit. "Your vacation… it was with her, wasn't it?"

Zuko looked supremely uncomfortable. "Not just her."

I expected to feel jealousy, but I didn't. I only felt a spark of pity for the woman he'd betrayed, but then again, I didn't know her. And she was Fire Nation. If she was stupid enough not to see what he was doing, she deserved it. I felt like I was watching this whole situation through a window. It was sad, but it didn't really matter to me. Whether or not Zuko married this girl, I had to kill Kenshin.

I nodded and said, "Well, let's get going."

He looked surprised that I'd dropped the subject, but he was also relieved. Without another word, he led me along the rocks and down a narrow path concealed in some bushes. We walked down the path in the near dark for a long time and I was shocked that he knew the uneven ground so well. "How do you know all these places?"

He didn't even glance back. "When I was younger… well, I wasn't always welcome at home. I tried to get away as much as I could. Especially after my mother left," he added quietly.

My eyes widened at his back and my steps stumbled a little. I'd heard that there was no Fire Lady, but it never really clicked that Zuko's mother wasn't in the picture. I tried not to think of the Fire Lord most times. I didn't know what to say, so I kept my mouth shut. We walked the rest of the way in silence. I was breathing hard when we started to climb upward and eventually, we came upon an open area. It was open on one side to the sea, and I couldn't see anything but empty beach and the moonlight reflecting off the water through the thinning clouds. The walls were high around us, blocking out the lights from the capital and the dirt below my feet was scattered with scraggly patches of grass and bushes. It was beautiful, like a little mountain haven.

"This is my favorite place," his quiet voice said beside me.

"It's peaceful," I said, still staring out at the ocean. "I could use some peace."

He didn't say anything, but I felt him inch closer to my side as we both looked out over the water. His heat pulsed against the skin of my bare arm and I closed my eyes to focus on it. A good person would have told him I never wanted to see him again after learning about his courtship, but I didn't. A good person would have decided that another woman's happiness was more important than my own revenge, but I didn't. My mother would have. She'd have suffered in silence so that everyone around her was comfortable and safe. I couldn't. It felt so good to stand there with him, and I thought back to my realizations the day he left for vacation. Being close to Zuko felt like a drug to me. I didn't want to be near him, I only wanted to learn how to firebend, but being with him felt like I was finally home instead of wandering aimlessly. I always regretted it, but I never stopped it. Because when he was gone, I felt nothing. I was ambition and anger and hate, but mostly, I was a void. I needed him like an alcoholic needs a drink. Those three days had frightened me more than any other time I'd experienced.

"Zuko," I whispered, my eyes still closed. I felt his sleeve brush against my arm as he turned to look at me. I opened my eyes and turned to meet his gold gaze. "I'm trying to forgive you." I just thought he needed to know that.

His expression turned pained and he dropped his head to stare at the ground. So softly that I wasn't sure I heard him right, he whispered, "Don't." Before I could ask him what he meant, he stepped back and moved to the middle of the clearing. He stripped the cloak off and revealed just a light red vest that left his arms bare and that place in my chest flickered again at the sight of him. I took another sip of that bottle. "I'm going to show you the defensive stance and attack," he called. "Stay back."

He turned so that I saw his profile and sank into the stance he'd showed me in the shack. He stayed that way for a moment and I saw him take a deep breath before his face twisted into an expression of unyielding focus. His right arm drew back as his left fist drove a gust of fire in front of him. He twisted and brought his leg up to kick a wave of flame out from his body and used the momentum to send out a wall of fire from his right hand that trailed along the ground and rose at least six feet in the air. His body dipped and rose and twisted sinuously as he released a barrage of attacks. The clearing was as bright as day from his flames, but I wasn't really watching them. I was watching him, and he was beautiful. His eyes glowed from the light of the fire and his skin looked like it was alive and flowing as the flames danced over it. His limbs were strong and sure, and my heart was pounding. Rational thought left me and I wanted him. I was tired of being angry, and I was tired of all my hate. I wanted to feel something different, and I finally was. I didn't care what he'd done, I didn't care that he was engaged. Watching him, seeing him as he focused completely on the most primal part of himself, I lost myself again and I wanted him to find me.

I stood rooted to the ground as he brought his arms back into a resting stance and calmed his breathing. I didn't even try to hide my thoughts and when his beautiful eyes turned to meet mine, I saw them darken with all the lust that must have been in mine. Almost before he seemed to think about it, his feet turned toward me and took a sudden step in my direction, his eyes widened with purpose. Just as suddenly, he halted and squeezed his eyes shut. He turned his back on me and his hands clenched into fists at his sides. I stood and stared at him, waiting for him to do something. Because whatever he did, I didn't think I could fight it.

"You try," he said abruptly. He turned quickly and his face was back in the serious mask. It startled me out of the fog and my feet moved forward mechanically. I stopped a safe distance from him and crouched into the defensive stance like he'd showed me. His face took on a look of concentration as he examined me. "Good. Now, step forward with your left foot while your left hand pushes the attack." He stood next to me and showed me the first move in slow motion, without fire. I copied him the best I could, but he rolled his eyes and said, "No, you have to put your whole body into it. This is when you have to start commanding the fire." I tried again, but he just gave an angry huff and moved behind me. I did my best to concentrate on the move he was teaching me. "Try again."

"It really didn't look this complicated."

"It's not. You're too timid," he said coldly. My jaw clenched against the insult and I punched my left hand forward while bringing my right back. "Better. Throw your whole left side into the punch." I tried again, but my entire body went still for a moment when I felt his hands settle on my hips from behind.

"What are you doing?" I blurted.

"You're not getting it," he said. "Again." His left hand pushed my hip forward with my punch while his right twisted my other hip back toward him. My fire was reacting to my emotions and a little burst of flame shot out of my left hand when I punched. "Did you mean to do that?"

"No."

"You need to control it. It's a part of you, it'll do what you tell it," irritation flooded his tone and I shoved his hands off me and turned to face him.

"Back off," I snapped. I didn't know what he was doing, why he was being like this.

"You asked me to teach you—"

"No, you offered it! Why are you being such a jerk?"

His jaw clenched and his nostrils flared. He took a couple steps back and growled, "Get in your stance."

I met his glare and sank into the stance. Before I could really react, he came at me, his hands raised to strike. I broke the stance and jumped back to dodge the blow he sent at my head. "What the hell!" I shouted.

"Firebenders don't run! You meet an attack with one of your own. That's your first real lesson. You are always on the offensive." He came at me again.

My mind reverted to the only move I knew and I quickly fell into my defensive stance and shot my left hand towards his chest. I hadn't meant to use fire, but the flame burst out against him anyway. Before the flame could reach his chest, his hand came up to knock my arm to the side. My eyes squeezed shut as I braced for the hit I was sure was coming. That wasn't what happened.

His hand wrapped around the back of my neck and his lips slammed against mine. My shock only lasted for a second before I was clutching every bit of him I could hold. My hands tangled in his hair and his shirt and I dragged him as close as he could get. A moan ripped up my throat without my permission and he used the opportunity to kiss me deeper. His tongue explored my mouth and danced with mine. His hands moved to my waist and he spun us both so that my back met with the rock of the mountain wall and I was trapped between two extremes. The cold of the rock at my back warred with the extreme heat of Zuko's hard body against my front and the sensations jumbled and drove my own fire higher.

My hands had a mind of their own and snuck under the hem of Zuko's shirt to caress the muscled ridges of his stomach. I'd never been kissed like this before, I'd never felt such a frenzy. His hands were everywhere and his mouth moved against mine like he was desperate for more. I knew I was. He broke the kiss long enough to wrap his arms around my waist and lift. He pinned me against the wall of the rock and the healer in me was screaming for me to stop this. She wanted to know why I was letting him touch me like this, and was calling desperately for me to shove him away. But the healer had grown awfully weak those past few days. The firebender wrapped my legs around Zuko's narrow waist and gasped as he pressed against the most intimate part of me. His lips moved into the hollow of my neck and sucked and nipped at my skin. I dragged my nails helplessly across his shoulders and tightened my legs around his waist as my head fell back against the rock.

He pressed me even more firmly against the rock so that his hands could slide down my sides to the hem of my shirt. I arched my back off the rocks so he could pull the shirt off me, and the separation was long enough for me to catch a glimpse of his face. His eyes were melted gold and his lips were parted with his panting breaths. I couldn't help it… I lost myself completely then. Nothing else mattered but being with him.

But my heart stopped for a moment when his heated gaze roamed over my bare chest. The scar was awful, obscuring the majority of my small breasts and tightening the skin at the base of my neck. His eyes met mine again and he must have seen the fear in them. His gaze softened and slowly, he lowered his face to my chest and kissed the edges of the scar. His mouth trailed down my neck and kissed the marred valley between my breasts. It wasn't as sensitive as before the attack, but knowing that Zuko accepted it, that he still wanted me, fanned my desire even higher. His hands moved up to cup and tease at my breasts while my fingers moved to the front of his vest and undid the straps there. Once it was open, I pushed the cloth off his shoulders and ran my nails down his chest, arching my body into his. He moaned against my skin and the sound went straight through me. His hand reached up to grip the rock above my head, I think to just feel grounded.

I grasped either side of his face and brought his lips back up to mine. My skirt was already riding high on my thighs, so it was easy enough for him to push it even higher so that the material bunched around my hips. Suddenly, we were only separated by the thin material of his pants. We both moaned at the feeling and our movements became frenzied again. I ground my hips against his and he had to break the kiss to throw his head back with a gasp. His mouth moved to my neck again and his hands gripped the tops of my thighs, bringing me hard against him. I reached between us to undo the drawstring on his pants. I couldn't let this stop here, not when we were so close to something amazing.

Zuko saw what I was doing and let my legs slide to the ground long enough for him to help me. Our heavy panting mixed with the sound of the waves against the rocks below. Once he was freed from all of his clothes, I didn't even get much chance to admire him before he'd closed every bit of empty space between us and lifted me again with one arm around my waist, the other gripping my thigh and shoving my skirts up. I felt him lightly press against my opening and whimpered in pure anticipation.

Zuko was shaking with the effort of holding back as he growled against my neck, "Are you a virgin?" His rough voice deep with lust sent another shiver straight to my core.

"No," I said.

Without another word, Zuko shoved into me with a quick upward thrust. My eyes watered with the pain as my body tried to accommodate his size, but he wasn't giving me any time. I should have explained how long it had been since I'd last had sex, but I couldn't wait, either. Zuko was way past being able to stop, and I didn't want him to. The pain started to fade as pleasure flowed forcibly through me. I slammed a hand back against the rocks to steady myself as I moved with him, taking him deeper and rubbing his length against my most sensitive part. He rested his forehead against mine and occasionally pressed sweet kisses to my mouth, my temples, my closed eyelids. I could feel myself unraveling in his arms with every thrust and all I could do was dig my nails deeper and wonder how in the hell the prince of the Fire Nation had managed to worm his way under my defenses.

Lemony. Did you guys like it?