So, I actually really like this chapter, so please tell me if you like it, or if you would've changed something or etc. Let me know your feedback. This chapter also has some darker themes in it. Let me know what ya'll think! Thanks for reading!
Waking up the next morning, I felt of sense of calmness and ease. Connor and I had made up last night, and he was gonna come over today. His plans, though, were still a mystery to me, but I was intrigued by his covertness. I tossed aside my comforter, and planted my feet on the shag carpet. My toes brushed through the individual fibers, a calm breath entered and left my lungs, and a soft smile inched onto my face. Glancing at my clock, I saw that Connor would be over in a little over an hour. Ok, 11:45, I have a bit over an hour. Wow. 11:45? I slept in really late today! I had slept like a baby last night. I decided that it was not because of Connor and I making up or because we had plans for today. I actually really didn't decide on a reason, I just chose to not have a reason, because…well… the only reason I could conclude was the reason, was in fact because of Connor. If that even makes any sense at all… Well it did to me, so whatever. But, me being me, I just ignored that.
I pranced into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Yes. I did indeed prance, all the while smiling like a complete buffoon. I got in the shower and let the pellets of warm water clash with my skin. After cleaning and washing my hair, I got out of the shower. Humming, I opened the drawers of my dresser to select what I was going to wear. I settled with a checkered button front shirt, and khaki shorts. I wasn't sure just how primped I wanted to be, because I didn't want to send a signal that would be awkward. I decided to spray on a little bit of cologne and style my hair with gel. Emerging in my room, my eyes flickered over to the clock. Only 15 more minutes. I sat at my desk to work on my remaining homework, to pass the time until Connor showed up.
I looked up at the clock once more, only to find out that it was 10 past one. Connor isn't usually late. Where is he? He hasn't texted me. I picked up my phone and shot him a text.
Hey, where are you? Hope you didn't forget. I'll kick ur ass :P
I waited for a couple of . This wasn't like him. At least when he blew me off for Daria I was given a heads up, but this: this was pissing me off. I tossed my phone to my bed and crossed my arms, a scowl lurking on my face. I waited about another 20 minutes when I heard my phone ding. I trudged over and read the message.
I am so sorry I am not there. Something came up, and I couldn't get there at 1. I am coming over now, and I'm not taking no for an answer :)
I couldn't help but smile at this. I had every reason to be mad at him, but it was impossible. I couldn't bring myself to hate him. So, I prepared for Connor's arrival. About 5 minutes later I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door to see Connor holding a backpack and also a face of delight headlined with a cheek-to-cheek smile.
"So, before you say anything. This backpack contains your favorite candy, movies, and board games. I was such a jerk for ditching you, but also for being late today! You're my best friend and I am going to make up for my terrible lapse in judgement this past week" he declared, and all in one breath.
I didn't say a word. Instead of responding to him, I leapt forward and hugged him, greeted by one of Connor's toothy chuckles.
"I take that as an 'I am forgiven'." He said.
"You would be absolutely correct!" I uttered.
(…)
Leaning up against the couch, Connor and I had just finished watching The Parent Trap. We had spent the last 4 hours having the best time. We played video games, board games, watched our favorite movies. It was one of the best times I could remember having with Connor. Breaking the silence we had been in, I leaned over and said:
"Hey, I bet I can beat you in ping pong."
As if to challenge me by his facial expression, Connor raised an eyebrow and retorted,
"Oh, ok Jude. Tennis may be one story but, Ping Pong is another."
"So I'm supposed to believe you're heaps better at ping pong?" I questioned.
"Do not underestimate me, Jude. In a past life, I actually won the Olympic Gold in Ping Pong. Just saying, I am the master." he quipped with a goofy smirk on his face.
"Oh, I am scared now!" I answered sarcastically, raising my arms in the air as if to surrender.
We walked to the backyard patio where the table was and picked up the paddles. After a couple minutes of just hitting the ball around, we decided to play a game. While I wasn't keeping score, I knew that Connor was. He served the ball and we a got a groove going. I would hit the ball to a corner and it would barely touch the table, but of course, Connor would get it back and hit a shot that was just as good, if not better. The ball came back to me and I swatted the paddle at it, but rather than hit the table, it went shooting back at Connor, and hit him in the face. Closing his eyes and flinching as the ball made a popping sound on contact, Connor dropped the paddle. As I was doubled over laughing, Connor spoke.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was your goal in life to injure me!" He shouted.
"Only problem is," he started, "now you're gonna have to pay!"
"hahah, oh no." I backed up from the table as Connor started to inch towards me. "No. No no no no. Connor stop!" I screeched as I ran out into the open of the yard with Connor chasing me. I tried to dodge him by running around a tree, but he had me. I bolted from one side only to have Connor tackle me to the ground.
Laughing, I glanced up at the boy who was on top of me. Those hazel eyes. The same eyes that had us collide in the hallway his first day. The same eyes where my glance lingered every so often, and the same eyes that I caught looking at me when Connor thinks I'm not looking. Looking away, I raised my arm so I could try and shove Connor off of me. When my hand touched his chest, he flinched and crawled off me.
"Oh my god Connor! I'm so sorry I didn't mean to hurt you!" I plead.
A look of agony on his face as he said, "No, I know Jude. You didn't do anything. I was just already hurting" he admitted.
"What happened?" I questioned.
"Nothing." Liar.
"Connor." I said firmly. "What happened?" I demanded.
Breathing deeply, Connor lifted up his shirt from the bottom, to reveal multiple bruises on his chest. My hands found my lips, and I covered them. I leaned in closer towards Connor. Tears starting to form in my eyes.
"This is why you were late." I concluded. I could see Connor nod. I took a hand off my face and gingerly began to reach for the bruise. My hand made contact with the blue blotch and Connor cringed. I immediately retracted my hand, spewing out "I'm Sorry"'s.
"Did your dad do this?" I prodded. No answer.
"Connor, I know you don't like to talk about him, but if he did this you need to tell me." I urged.
"I know what it's like to be hit and not be able to tell anyone about it. I care about you, Con. So please. I'm begging you." I empathized.
Connor drew in a breath and began.
"My dad is a drinker. His job his been pretty stressful lately. His boss has been giving him nonstop building plans to draw up, so he's been irritable from lack of sleep. I told him last night that I was coming over here today, and he was ok with it," Connor paused to take another breath, "but this morning I could smell the alcohol. I was leaving and he told me that my 'lazy no-good ass hadn't any business going to see anyone'. I made the mistake of telling him that he told me it was ok, because I mean of course he didn't remember that." Connor had started crying by now, and had rested his head on my shoulder.
"I told him I didn't care and that I was going to go, but he came over to me and grabbed my shirt. He started—he started to punch me in the stomach call me a little shit for disobeying him and being a disappointment as a son." he sobbed.I had started crying by now, too. I was cradling Connor as he continued. "And—and—then, he pushed me into the stairs and I fell." I took Connor's head and put it under my chin as he continued. "I should've known better. It was all my fault. I knew he was tired and stressed. I should have listened to him. I should have known better than to detest him and disturb him." Hearing those words made me fume.
I shifted myself in front of Connor, and lifted his chin so we were making eye contact.
"Connor, listen to me. It took me a long time to figure out, but you can't blame yourself. It is not your fault that your dad hit you. This may be the first time I'm hearing about it, but I can bet it has happened before. Am I right?" Connor nodded. I cupped both of my hands on his cheeks. "Connor you do not deserve to be abused. You're too amazing." I sob, both of us crying streams of tears at this point. "You do not deserve this!" I repeated with emphasis, and Connor pressed his left cheek further into my right hand. I felt his warm tears seep into the crevices of my skin.
"You are such an amazing guy. You're smart. You're talented. You're funny. You're kind—" I kissed a tear on his cheek, "You're generous—" I kissed a tear on his other cheek and looked him in the eyes. "—and you have a large loving heart." then I kissed his forehead. I looked back into Connor's eyes and he was staring back at me, his lips parted and breathing quickly, tears still falling. Realizing all I had just done, I removed my hands from his face and wiped them on my shorts. I diverted my eyes from his gaze and looked rapidly around the yard.
"I—I umm.. I'm sorry for what just happened." I stuttered as a began to get up. As I was about to push off the ground, I felt Connor grab my hands.
"No," he cooed, "don't be." He pulled me back down to his level and held my hands in his. We stared at each other for a moment before my breathing got heavy. He leaned in closer to me, and I responded by closing the gap a bit more. It was Connor, though, who made the remaining space between us disappear. His lips found their way to mine. I could taste his salty tears, but I didn't care. I was kissing Connor, and he was kissing me. Our lips parted, and our tongues intruded each others mouths. Our tongues waltzing, tangoing, doing whatever we willed them to. I felt Connor's hand on my neck, and I placed mine on his waist. We stayed kissing like this for what seemed like hours, until I broke it. I smiled at him and leaned my forehead against his. He moved my face to be even with his and mouthed 'Thank You'. I said you are welcome, and he kissed me again.
We got up and I led him to the door. I embraced him for quite a while until he said he really had to go. I told him to call me in case anything happened or he just wanted to talk, and he said he would. And with that, Connor was gone, and I sank to the floor as the door shut. What just happened. I thought to myself. I walked up the steps to my room in a complete daze. I opened the bathroom door and walked to the mirror. I touched my lips, and then the red stains on my cheeks where I had cried. I turned around and leaned backwards onto the sink.
"What does this mean? Hah. Who am I kidding. I know exactly what this means."
I turned toward my mirror, and tried to get myself to say what I knew was true.
"I like Connor—as a friend." *NO*
"I like Connor—as a brother." Wrong again.
Drooping my shoulders, and hanging my head, I stared into the porcelain sink. I knew very well what I was feeling deep down inside me, but I just didn't want to admit it to myself. Why couldn't I just be myself without having to be seen the way I knew people would see me if they knew. I've convinced myself that what I felt doesn't mean anything, but I mean obviously it does. So, I raised my head and looked intensely at my reflection.
"I'm Jude, and I like Connor. I like Connor as more than a friend, and it's more than a crush." Letting out a heavy breath, I began to chuckle. I had finally said it out loud. I like Connor. But not only that. I like Connor, and I think he likes me.