I couldn't believe I was back in the position, yet again. Every time I thought something would go right in my life, it just backfires in the worst possible way. Ever since I was a kid, it seemed like the universe was working against me. My parents die, and Callie and I are moved around from foster home to foster home, where we are beaten and unappreciated. So I just decided to not have hope, and to accept the bad things that happened to me. Meeting Connor though, I found hope. Hope that I could be normal and have a normal guy friend! But lo and behold, even that couldn't be normal. He too becomes distant, until he decides we can be friends again. And because of that unfortunate series of bad luck, I found myself, once again, in a position where Connor and I had strained our relationship.
(…)
I stormed out of the bathroom and made my way to my mom's office. Tears were beginning to stream down my face, and I knew that there was no way I would be able to go to my next class all in one piece. I didn't bother to humor Connor with my attention as I heard him calling after me. I doubt this would phase him. Approaching Lena's office, my shaking palm wrapped around the door handle and I made my way in. Once in, I used my back to close the door. I shut my eyes, tears pouring out, my breathing uneven, heaving for breath, and I slid down to the floor. Burying my head in my arms, I could hear the swift movement of Lena's feet moving over to me.
"Jude, honey, what's wrong?" her voice trying to sound calm, but I could hear the frantic undertone.
I couldn't find the words to say. The only noises I could continue to make were those of my gasping for air.
"Jude, please tell me what's the matter." She pleaded.
"I—don't—want—to—talk—about—it." I bawled.
My body shook as Lena wrapped her arms around me. I melted into her hold and began sobbing into her blouse. I was able to stop the weeping for a while to ask her,
"Do you think you could call the nurse? Give me an excuse to get out of class." I questioned.
"Of course, honey." she whispered.
I spent the next half hour sobbing into my clothes, and wiping my runny nose on the sleeve of my shirt, but eventually I was all cried out. There were no tears left inside my body, and so, I sat against the wall of my mom's office and stared blankly ahead of me. 7th period would be starting soon, and I knew I had to go to tennis. I gathered my emotions, and pushed myself off of the floor. Lena looked up from her desk.
"Are you feeling better, Jude?" she questioned.
"A little bit, but I have to go to tennis, being captain and all. Thank you for getting me out of class, I know it was a one time thing." I said as I embraced her for a hug.
"You're welcome, Honey. Just know, though, that if you want to talk about what happened today that upset you so much, your mom and I are always here to listen." she cooed, giving me a warm heart-felt smile.
"Thanks, and I know that." I returned with a smile, not an utterly convincing one, mind you.
I opened the door with the sound of the bell, and made my way into the hallway, where I mixed into the endless sea and abyss that was the Anchor Beach student body.
(…)
Tennis practice was coming to a close. Kids had finished their practice matches and were gathering around while Taylor and I discussed what needed to be said.
"Ok, great job today guys! Everyone is looking really good! Just a reminder that districts are coming up, so every match you guys play from this point forward is really important." Taylor shouted.
"Definitely!" I chimed in. "We are working with coach to come up with a competition bracket so that he can start to come up with who he wants to compete at districts! So be sure to take the upcoming matches seriously, as they can impact who will represent our team and this school." I warned.
"So, with that, practice is adjourned! Have a great day guys!"
I walked into the locker room and began to place my racquet bag inside when I noticed Connor and another guy on the team walk into the room towards their lockers. I couldn't stand to even be in the same room as him, so I took my backpack out of my locker and shut the door. When I walked past Connor I heard him say bye to our teammate. I began to quicken my pace when I heard Connor do the same from behind me. When I could feel him get closer I burst into a full sprint.
"Jude, please!" he cried. "Can't we just forget about this and be friends again!?" he pined.
I reached my car and hurriedly sped away.—The rest of the night I was met with texts from Connor, pleading me to speak with him. Most of them saying how he didn't want to lose his best friend and yada yada yada. Others, though, were things like "what are you even mad about" or "why can't you just forget about whatever pissed you off". Like excuse me. I wasn't having it anymore. I was not going to cave this time. I was done being treated like shit, so I did what any sane person would've done. I blocked his contact. Oops. Sorry not sorry.
(…)
Today is Friday October, 30. I haven't spoken to Connor in over a month. And it's been the worst month of my life, but obviously I can't let him know that. On the outside I've been presenting myself as fine. That's it, just fine. But on the inside, though, I've been no where close to fine. A piece of my soul cracked and crumbled every time I saw Connor with Daria. Every time he was…happy. How could he be happy? He laughed and kissed her. They cuddled and called each other pet names. Despite all of this, though, the day I didn't see him at all were the worst. At least when I saw him, there were definitely moments I could tell he wasn't as happy as he led on, and that made me happy. I know. That's pretty twisted, but I guess that's what jealousy does to the heart.
Now I don't want it to seem like Connor and I haven't been civil, but we just haven't been Jude and Connor like we used to be. I still sit with him and Taylor at lunch, but sometimes I can't handle him and Daria, so I eat with Lena. I started playing doubles with him, per coaches request, and we are actually really good together, but I won't let anyone else know I think so. We don't talk to each other unless it pertains to the match, but I still pine after him to myself. I still find myself getting lost in his hazel eyes from a far, and smelling his cologne when we're close enough together. We are hostile to each other occasionally, though. It's whatever though, I guess.
Tomorrow is Halloween, and Taylor is dead set on going to this huge party by this girl in our class. She's super rich because her dad owns a real estate empire that spans across the west coast, so she has these huge parties all the time. I wasn't planning on going, but Taylor is making me, I guess my plan of staying home and being pathetic wasn't gonna fly with her. I knew that Connor and Daria were going, so my plan was to cling to Taylor until she started to hang out with them, then I'd hit the booze.
(…)
We got to the party around 9, which is when it began to get to full swing. All of the lights were off, of course, minus some colorful strobe lights hanging around. Music was blaring and people were all over the house grinding on each other with solo cups in their hands. Taylor and I went to the kitchen and grabbed a drink. We danced a little then found some of our tennis friends to talk to. We'd been there about and 2 hours when Daria and Connor stumbled over to us. They were obviously a little buzzed. They had no sense of balance, and were making no sense when they were talking to us.
"Hey guyys. What's upp?" Daria slurred.
"Not much, just enjoying the party." I shouted above the music.
"You seem really boring, Juuuude. You need some ALCOHOL!" Connor shouted, spilling some of his drink on me.
"Seriously?" I screeched, looking down at the wet spot forming on my shirt. "Stop being such a douche, Connor!" I shrieked.
I stormed off into the kitchen. I leaned onto the edge of the counter and looked into the sink. I took a deep breathe a pushed off. I walked over to the booze and poured some vodka into my cup before taking a huge gulp.
"Whoa, slow down there buddy." a voice said from behind me.
"haha, it's just one of those days." I countered.
"So, uh, are you supposed to be dressed as an angel?" He questioned.
"Um, no haha. This isn't a costume party." I answered awkwardly, lowering my head and laughing towards the floor.
"Oh, well isn't that embarrassing for me?" he replied, making eye contact with me.
"I'm Josh, by the way." he smiled, extending his hand.
"I'm Jude." I took his hand and smiled.
I'd seen him around school before. He wasn't bad looking by any stretch of the imagination. He had brunette hair and the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. He was a few inches taller than me, and if it's possible for a voice to be like melted chocolate, his would be it. I'd never even admitted to myself I was gay, let alone anyone else, so the fact that he was hitting on me at this moment was really interesting. But of course, this moment wouldn't last forever as the one and only Connor Stevens barged in. Only now he was totally wasted, so that was just icing on the cake.
"What are yew doin hur ass face?" he spewed towards Josh.
"Back off Stevens, you're drunk." he argued.
"Joood, yur wayy too kewl fur this loser." he said, swaying a little bit as he did.
"That's it!" Josh shouted, and he began to walk over to Connor with a clinched fist.
I ran over between the two of them.
"Ok, this isn't gonna end in a fight. So I am going to take him home." I turned around and wrapped one of Connor's arms around my neck and led him through the crowded house.
We got to my car, and I sent Taylor a text letting her know what was going on. I was helping Connor get into my car when he doubled over and threw up on the road.
"So—sorrry." He slurred.
This was bad. Sure I'd been pissed at Connor for the better half of the last month, but he needed me right now. There was no way he was going to be fine if I left him alone. I drove back to my house, and helped Connor out of the car. We silently made our way into the backyard, where Connor knocked over s flower pot.
"Shhhhh!" I put a finger to my lips.
"hehehe right. Shhhhh." Connor responded.
I led him up to my room.
"Ok, go sit over on my bed and I'll get you some pajamas." He nodded and trudged over to the bed, plopping down on it.
I walked into my bathroom to get some clothes from the linen closet. I returned, only to find that Connor had passed out. I wasn't mad, and I couldn't help but smile. I titled my head to one side and I raised the corner of my mouth into a smile. Sure Connor had put me through hell, but right now, he looked so peaceful. I walked over to him, and took off his shoes, and got him under the covers. I looked down at him, and brought my hand to his head. I stroked his hair and leaned down to his level. I pressed my lips against his forehead.
"Goodnight, Con." I whispered.
I changed into some pajamas, and did my nightly routine before walking over to Jesus' old bed and getting comfortable. I looked at Connor once again before I turned the other side and went to sleep.
(…)
I woke up around 10 the next morning and saw that Connor was still sleeping. I went down stairs and brought him back a glass of water, and some pills that I knew would help his impending hangover. I leave my room to go take a shower, and when I come back, Connor is up. He's hunched over the bed clutching his head with both hands. I saw that he'd taken the pills. I came a little closer.
"Hey." I said plainly.
"Hey. Thanks for all the help. I don't remember everything from last night, but if you hadn't helped me I don't know what would've happened to me."
"You're welcome." I stood with my arms crossed.
There was a silence before Connor spoke. "Can we talk?" he said as he patted a spot on the bed next to him.
"Sure." I said as I walked over and sat next to him. I didn't know where this conversation would go, but hopefully it would end with me having my best friend back.