I settled my back against the tree and stared up at the stars through the leaves. The moon was gone from the sky, leaving the night dim and chilly. I called my fire a little closer to the surface, letting it warm me. I'd start a fire soon so I wouldn't have to stay awake to concentrate the whole night… or maybe I wouldn't. I didn't like to sleep anymore, my nights were full of dreams. And I knew, after today's encounter in the tea shop, I would dream about gold eyes and fear. I hated fear. Wouldn't I ever escape him? I was getting so close, I hardly felt anything anymore. He wouldn't let me have even that? I could feel my hands shaking and I brought them up in front of my face while my lungs filled with cold air and released steam. The fire roamed to my hands and they ignited. I focused on making the fire burn hotter, then diminish, over and over again. Light, dark, light, dark. After a few minutes, they were steady and the fear was almost gone.

I stared at the pile of wood at my feet and sighed. I'd be useless for the journey tomorrow if I didn't get some sleep, dreams or no. I'd pushed the fear and everything back, so now was as good a time as any. I didn't even feel any guilt for lying to Iroh about seeing him again. It was too risky now. He was smart enough, he probably knew I'd be gone by sunrise. Even if he didn't, it was a good thing, a good lesson for him. It wasn't fair to allow him to rely on someone like me. I pulled my sack to me and shoved it under the small of my back, getting some satisfaction from the sound of the coins jingling inside.

I'd just reached my hand toward the pile of logs when a rustling noise forced my arm to change direction. I shot to my feet and slid into a defensive stance, eyes searching the darkness. My breathing slowed as I tried to track the intruder's movements by sound. Every now and then I would hear a swish of a branch or a footfall, too heavy to be an animal. I stepped just as quietly back into the line of trees, keeping an eye on my rucksack, using it as bait. I hadn't expected thieves around Ba Sing Se, but I probably should have. They chose the wrong target tonight, though. I almost welcomed the fight and a smirk lifted the corners of my mouth.

Finally, I could make out a shadow just inside the trees. The moonlight was dim, but whoever it was was wearing the light green of the Earth Kingdom like an idiot. I circled around the small clearing, my practiced steps silent, until I was behind the intruder, who was bending down to pick up my bag. I waited until he'd risen and his hands were full before I sprang forward, catching his long hair in one hand and jerking him back to place my fiery other hand at his neck. My bag fell and burst open on the ground, spilling coins, cups, food, and clothes.

He yelled, "Stop!" and his voice shot ice through me. I released my hold on his hair and let him stumble forward.

"Zuko?" I breathed.

"Rei? I wasn't sure…" his voice trailed off and I had to shut my eyes against the sudden light as the logs at our feet burst into flame. He lowered his hand and blinked at me.

"How did you find me?"

"I sent men to the inns, no one had seen you. My uncle suggested I try the forest." I wondered when I would stop underestimating that old man; Iroh always saw more than I thought he would. To buy some time before I had to respond, I bent to pick up the contents of my bag. A pair of pale hands joined mine and I tightened my jaw against a flood of memories of those hands on my darker skin. Before I knew what I was doing, my eyes had flicked up and once again, I was caught in that golden gaze. His face was inches away and I clenched my teeth together, fighting to stay motionless. I was almost undone when his eyes moved to my lips, but then he cleared his voice, finished shoving the coins in my bag, and stood. My back straightened and the moment was over. I scolded myself for being stupid and weak. I threw my emotions into the pit I'd constructed months ago.

"Water tribe coins?" His face was stern, his voice hard. "You know it's illegal to have that much of another nation's money without exchanging it?"

I smirked up at him, my mask in place. "Kind of illegal for me to have it in the first place." I could see his jaw clenching and he shook his head. "You gonna arrest me, my lord?"

"Maybe I should," he said seriously.

I chuckled. "You won't. Come on, I gotta steal a living somehow."

His eyes slid to the fire and he shook his head. "What about healing?"

I grimaced before I could stop myself, but he wasn't looking at me anyway. "Kind of lost my touch for it." I tried to lighten my voice, "Besides, I've grown used to a certain level of comfort." I lifted my arms to gesture at my pathetic little campsite.

"So… what? You just don't care? You steal from people and you don't care?"

"Oh come on. What do you call taxes?" I laughed, but stopped quickly at the look in his eyes. It wasn't just disappointment it was… disgust. He was disgusted with me. After everything he'd done? "You have something you want to say?" I challenged.

He looked down for a few seconds before raising cold eyes to mine. "I know what you've been through, but I also know that you've had every opportunity to change it. I wanted to help you, Uncle wants to help you- that's why I'm here tonight and you don't care. I feel sorry for you, Rei."

I didn't feel much these days, but rage was always in my back pocket. I put up a hand to stop him. "Shut up! How dare you say that to me. You think that anything you do can possibly take back everything that you've done? So in the final hour you decided to turn your back on your family and join the good guys and that makes it okay that you spent your whole life before then killing and robbing and signing orders to kill and rob?"

"That makes no sense!" he shouted, then snapped his jaw shut and took a deep breath through his nose. When he spoke again, his anger was under the surface. "You've always accused me of so many things and I used to think I deserved it, but I don't, not anymore. So don't you talk to me about loyalty. What, you'd respect me more if I had stayed loyal to my insane father? You're always searching for ways to hate me only now I can see how far you have to reach!"

I'd taken a few steps closer, straining to pour my anger into him. "I don't have to be loyal to recognize it, or the lack of it, in others." I could see him breathing hard, restraining himself. He was angry, too, but I noticed something else in his eyes. The thought calmed me, and I felt like I could see him. I could see right through him, through all his desire to be a great leader and a great man and see that he was still just a prince. Still Fire Nation. My voice was quieter as I said, "You want me now, I can see it. You think you're so damn noble. Maybe you are, I don't know, I'm not a good judge. Maybe you are better than me, but that doesn't stop you from wanting me right now. What would the world think if they knew that the savior of everything good in the Fire Nation was ready to betray his wife -excuse me- fiancée? The future Fire Lady. Did you ever tell her about me?"

Zuko's eyes were frozen on mine as he winced at my words. I didn't know what I was saying anymore, I just knew that in the past year, I'd learned to rely on my instincts. So I let them have the stage for a while. "…Maybe you do have the right to judge me, though. Maybe some sins are greater than others, I don't know. Just seems hypocritical. Should we see, Zuko? Should we see how noble, how loyal you are?"

I grabbed either side of his face while he was still shocked by my words. He was unresisting as I pulled his face to mine, pressing my lips to him with all the passion I could muster. I'd show him how much integrity he had, how far his values would take him. He made a surprised noise like a grunt and stood still against me for a heartbeat. Then, his hands were at my waist and sliding up my back to press my body even tighter into his. His mouth opened to let me in and it was like I'd never left. We were back in the mountains, the smell of smoke and sea swirling around us. We were back before I'd killed Kenshin, before Zuko discovered how rotted I was, before I lost the healer. I could almost hear the waves, feel the moon on my skin, so bright in the open summer sky. Zuko was everything- the moon, the sea, the mountains, the fire. I wanted so badly to let him in like I used to, let him make me forget again. I tried to open that part of me. He still wanted me, that could be enough. Maybe he even loved me, though I doubted it. I don't care what I said, I couldn't let go of that again. He moaned into my mouth and I slid my arms around his neck, holding him to me. Don't let go, don't let go. I'd follow him. I'd been wandering for so long, I could wander with him. Through Ba Sing Se, through the Earth Kingdom, to the Fire Nation.

His hand snuck under my shirt to clutch at my bare waist, the touch sending shivers through me. This was no longer a battle of wills, it never was. I'd made this mistake before and I was stupid to think it could ever be different. He surrendered to me so completely that it broke me somewhere that I thought was long buried. Still, a part of me had hoped he wouldn't give in. That he would prove me wrong. I tried not to care, I really tried. I willed myself to just shut that part of me up that was screaming that he'd hurt me. Maybe he loved me, but it wasn't enough. I knew it, I always did, and I couldn't forget. I couldn't trust him to keep me safe, but what was worse… I knew that I would hurt him, too. Something in me was broken and it happened so gradually that I couldn't even see it happening. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve anyone.

I tore my mouth from his at the realization. He let me go, but his mouth tried to follow mine for a second, as if pulled by a magnet, before he caught himself. I turned my back so that he wouldn't see my face crumple. I didn't cry, hadn't in months, but I could feel something like sobs trying to rake themselves out of my chest. I stomped them down as I tried to come to terms with myself. I was poison to him. Spirits, I was poison to everything.

"How do you manage to make me into someone I don't want to be," came his quiet voice from behind me.

I squeezed my eyes shut and hung my head. "I don't make you into anyone. All I do is make you honest." It wasn't love between us. Love can't be this destructive. I heard rustling behind me and as soon as I'd gotten my face under control, I turned to find him on his back next to the fire, his hands clutched in his hair. I felt more drained than I had in my life, and my arms seemed to weight a hundred pounds, dragging my shoulders down with shame. My mind was moving slow, just drifting between guilt and numbness, so I didn't know my feet were moving until I was on my back next to him. We both stared up at the stars.

"Did you ever even love me?" His voice sounded so loud, though he'd barely whispered it.

"How could it possibly matter?"

"I need to know… that it wasn't for nothing."

"I loved you," I said to the sky.

"Me too."

We laid there for a long time, just staring up. At one point, his fingers snuck around mine, and I squeezed back. My eyes closed and I told myself to remember this. Don't ever forget the moment you decided to come back to life. When the first streaks of sunlight drifted over the trees, he let go of my hand and stood, brushing off his Earth Kingdom clothes. I watched him for a moment before rising, too.

He took a deep breath and met my eyes, which I could feel were still dull, groggy with everything I'd gone through. He winced a bit as he looked at me in the morning light. "You don't owe me anything, Rei, but I'm still going to ask you for something. You have to promise me that you'll try more. Please, let someone help you. Uncle and I…"

"I have some friends in the Fire Nation," I interrupted. "But you have to promise me something, too. Promise me I'll never see you again."

His eyes widened before his head dropped forward. When he raised it again, his eyes were clear and full of understanding. His hand came up to cup my cheek and I felt his thumb run along my skin. He leaned down and my eyes closed as his lips pressed lightly to my forehead. His hand left my cheek and I felt the air turn cold. When I opened my eyes, he was gone.

So I let him go. It killed me, but what I didn't realize at the time was what an important step it was. I couldn't remember the last time I'd put someone else before myself. He was making himself a better man, and I knew he'd be a great leader. A great husband, just not to me. I didn't regret learning from him, I didn't even regret what happened with Kenshin. I saw myself as a fair sacrifice for ridding the world of him. My only regret was making Zuko believe he was anything but good. I was his infection and you have to cut out infections. I could do that for him.

I wasn't sure how far I would take my promise. My word didn't mean much these days, but I remembered what I told myself that night. I'd decided to live again, though I couldn't say how long it would take to remember how. But I didn't have to do it alone. I remembered Tomi's warm smile and sighed. Who knew that my journey home would take me west, take me to the Fire Nation.

THE END

You guys, you have no idea what it means to me that you've enjoyed reading this story. Rei is the first OC I've written a story centered around and it's incredible that so many of you liked her. So let me just say to all of you: THANK YOU! And a special thanks to Raidersfan777 who was there since the very first chapter when this story was just a little baby oneshot, and has reviewed every chapter since. You're awesome… sorry about the Maiko ending, haha.

A lot of you were probably expecting Rei and Zuko to end up together, but that's never the way I saw this story ending. Rei is honestly way too messed up to begin to work out what her feelings are, and I just don't think Zuko is the right person to help her through it. He's already given her all the help he could.

I'm sorry I gave you such an angsty and sad story, I really should have warned you, but I hate to spoil. I really wanted to portray how traumatic experiences like the ones Rei went through with the deaths of her parents, occupation by the Fire Nation, and the assault by Kenshin can damage a person's ability to think and love. This incredible television series opened the door for so many conversations, so I thought I'd open one up with this story.

I tried to end it on a hopeful note for both Rei and Zuko. I read all your reviews and I know that a lot of you were worried about a Maiko ending, but let me explain why I chose to do exactly that. Mai's a good person, guys! Remember when she chose Zuko over Azula and threw her knives at her and got arrested? Yeah, she's pretty badass and I love her character. Zuko's pretty messed up himself, and I think Mai is the best person to help him. Yeah, I ship it. I think at the root of things, Zuko and Rei never really understood each other, but Mai and Zuko do.

Sorry for the long author's note, but I feel like I had some explaining to do, ha. On the same note, I will also be including a BONUS chapter! It's from Zuko's point of view basically explaining his side of the story. I wrote it when I first started the story and referred back to it whenever I got stuck. It holds a special place in my heart, so I hope you enjoy it.