A/N: A rather long chapter full of information, which is beginning to become a habit for me, isn't it? :) By my estimate I've left two remaining questions for you, which will be answered in the last two chapters. At least that's the plan. We'll see if the bunnies cooperate. Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoy.
Christmas Day
As he waited on the spiral staircase leading to the headmistress's office, Severus kept his eyes downcast, a look of sadness crossing his face. He knew McGonagall wouldn't have requested his presence this morning if it wasn't important, especially not when it was Christmas morning of all days. She knew how much he was looking forward to his first Christmas with Harrison and Tobias.
Sighing, Severus ran a hand down the length of his face, allowing his earlier disappointment to vanish. Feeling sorry for himself wouldn't change anything. When the staircase stopped moving finally and he found himself in front of the cracked open polished oak door, he raised his hand up to knock on it. However, right after making a fist, he heard someone inside speaking.
"Don't misunderstand me, please," a male voice pleaded from inside the office. "I respect you greatly. But, Headmistress, we cannot ignore the truth either. He was a Death Eater. Probably still is."
The young man instantly tensed behind the door. There was no doubt in Severus's mind that his fellow male coworker was speaking about him. Severus's hand fell silently to his side.
"Yes, 'was' being the keyword there, Professor Bainbridge," McGonagall replied with a bit of an edge to her voice to the man currently in her office. "He no longer shares those views, however."
"So he says," Bainbridge drawled. "But let us not forget that he's a Slytherin, eh?"
The legs of a chair inside the room instantly scrapped harshly against the stone floor as McGonagall likely flew to her feet.
"Now, don't go flying mad there, Min," Bainbridge said calmly with a clear smile heard in his voice. "You know I'm right. He's a Slytherin, and you know what they're like."
A loud thump then filtered through the oak door.
"No, I don't know you're right," McGonagall snapped. "Furthermore, I would appreciate it if you showed me the proper respect I am giving you, Professor."
"Oh, come now. You know I respect you." Bainbridge's laughs were muffled. "I'm merely offering you advice. That's all. After all, you've just recently become headmistress. You can't know it all quite yet, so . . ."
"Well, kindly take your advice and get out before I throw you out the nearest window!" McGonagall yelled, sounding angrier than Severus had ever heard her be before.
"You'd throw me out," Bainbridge squawked, clearly outraged, "me the Astronomy professor here for thirty-plus years, a fellow Gryffindor in fact, but not the known Death Eater who has likely been brainwashing our poor students' minds all year like the nasty Slytherin he is? Min, come now. Let's be reasonable, shall we?"
"Leave. Now."
It then went deathly quiet inside the office. Severus looked towards the oak door and frowned. He leaned his ear further towards the door to hear better, but only heard more silence. Had Bainbridge Flooed back to his office and he had missed it? He didn't think so. So, then had McGonagall made good on her earlier warning and had Bainbridge removed from her office?
Several minutes had passed before Bainbridge responded. "I cannot believe it's come to this, but . . ." his voice faltered slightly, "but I'm afraid, Headmistress, that either he leaves or I do."
"You can't be serious," McGonagall replied a moment later, a huff filtering through the door.
Severus's head hung instantly. She'd choose Bainbridge to stay. It was the logical choice. Over the past thirty-some years, the veteran professor had become a pillar of Hogwarts and a positive influence. Severus on the other hand was new and known to have affiliated with dark elements. And like Bainbridge stated, Severus was a Slytherin. So, why on earth would she choose a Slytherin over someone from her own house? It wouldn't make a bit of sense if she did.
"I am. Either he leaves Hogwarts, which we both know would be the right thing and for the good of our students, or I do." His voice lowered. "I don't have to tell you what would happen if I left, do I?"
Closing his eyes, Severus turned away from the door. He couldn't remain there any longer. He had been so certain that things had changed for the better for him finally. He knew the mistakes of his past would always follow him. He wasn't that deluded to think otherwise, but this was different. He had spent so many hours working beside McGonagall on their house unity plan. He had thought the time together had shown her that he truly did want to be a better man, to make up for his mistakes. He should've known better.
"Then, I guess I'll be looking for a new Astronomy professor," McGonagall called out suddenly, causing Severus to stop in mid-step. "Preferably one who doesn't resort to threats and accusations."
"You're choosing him?" Bainbridge squawked. "The Death Eater?!"
"No. I'm choosing the young man who made a mistake in his youth and is trying desperately to atone for it now. So, yet again, you're wrong. Now, kindly get the hell out of my castle before I hex you out that window, Bainbridge!"
Severus stared at the door with his mouth slightly open. She had chosen him? No one chose him.
Silence followed before Bainbridge replied quietly, "I see. Well, in that case, you'll have my resignation within the hour."
"Wonderful. There's the Floo. Now, get out!"
The resulting whoosh of the flames from the Floo a few moments later let Severus know precisely when Bainbridge had left. He waited outside of the door for a couple more moments, forcing himself to regain control of his emotions, before he knocked gently against the door.
"Enter!" McGonagall called out, her voice betraying nothing of her previous argument.
Slowly opening the door further, Severus entered soon after, striding silently across the room towards her desk where she stood. She gave him a faint smile as he approached.
"I see you received my message all right then."
Severus nodded quietly, clasping his hands loosely behind his back as soon as he reached her. He felt uncomfortable under her watchful gaze, but did his best not to show this.
"I did, Headmistress," he said a moment later, realizing that he needed to show her the proper respect. "I apologize for my delay, however." He paused when she quickly held a hand up.
"No apologies are necessary." She then shook her head, sighing softly. "I take it you heard all that, though?" She didn't wait for his reply. "What am I saying? Of course you did. You've not been late to a meeting yet." She then sighed again. "I'm sorry you had to hear all that."
He considered replying to her, telling her that he hadn't heard a thing, but decided against it soon after. Some things were better left unsaid. "Have you looked over my suggestions, then, about the Heads of Houses leading an assembly? Is that why I'm here, Headmistress?"
She stared at him for a moment before she shook her head. "No. I asked you here because I spoke with a contact of mine at the Ministry."
Severus's eyes narrowed briefly. "I see."
"He's on his way here now to confirm it officially to you, but they found something in a raid the other day that concerned your mother's current whereabouts."
Severus's heart skipped a beat. "They found her?" His hands fell to his sides as he took a step closer toward her. "Your contact is certain of this?" If they found his mother, then . . .
She gave him a sympathetic smile. "He wouldn't confirm it to me, but just that he had news for you and that I should bring you here."
After the mental cold shower snapped him out of it, Severus gave a quick nod of understanding before he glanced at the Floo. He couldn't stop himself from asking, "Should I bring my father up here as well?" He knew Tobias was just as desperate as he was for any information on Eileen.
"Just you for now, Severus. There's no need to bring your father into it quite yet, I believe. After all, if it's only a note, well, it might lead to false hope. And I would imagine after learning everything that he has lately, the false hope would be detrimental at this point."
He nodded. She was probably right. Just because this person found something, it didn't mean they had found Eileen necessarily. He would relay whatever this information was to his father later on.
At the sound of a knock at her door a few moments later, Severus whirled around. His heart returned to its bouncing about the room like a bouncy ball instantly. He noticed McGonagall move to stand beside him soon after calling out for the person to enter. He watched as two men entered the room quietly not long after. The first man was quite older than the second, Severus noticed, and seemed to have known McGonagall quite well.
"Good morning," the older man stated politely. He then held his hand out to Severus. "I'm Elphinstone Urquart, a senior official for the Magical Law Enforcement." He motioned to his companion. "And this is Auror Collins."
Severus shook his hand and then Collins's. "Pleased to meet you." He then noticed McGonagall quietly excuse herself from the room. A part of him considered calling her back since it was her office they were using, but he said nothing.
"I'm not sure how much she told you, but let me start from the beginning so we're all on the same page." Urquart then cleared his throat. "While we were interrogating one of You-Know-Who's followers, the prisoner let slip that there was a safe house You-Know-Who would sometimes use to hold certain high-valued targets in order to gain intel from them as they were being tortured. The prisoner gave us the safe house's location, and we raided it early yesterday afternoon. Collins here and others made a sweep through the building."
Severus glanced at the Auror and nodded slowly as he continued to follow along. He hoped the old man got to the point soon.
"In addition to capturing Rodolphus Lestrange, we rescued several imprisoned Muggles and Muggleborns that were locked up in the basement. Now, I realize none of that interests you, but this should. One of the Muggles we rescued was a man named Roger Stephenson."
Everything suddenly made absolute sense to him, then.
"You found him?" Severus croaked, as his voice broke.
"We did, son." Urquart gave him slight nod. "Now, your mum wasn't there with him, though. But let me assure you that we've since gained a great many leads from him." He then chuckled nervously. "In fact, I'll be the first to admit that we at the Ministry screwed up royally when it came to your father's case." Severus's eyes narrowed. "Stephenson confessed to setting your father up within the first two minutes of interrogation," Urquart explained.
Roger confessed? Severus stared at the other man, unable to speak entirely now. Roger had confessed? Did that mean . . .?
"We're on the right track now, and I've got some of my best men out there currently searching various locations that Mister Stephenson has stated he had her at. We're going to find her, Severus."
"My father—"
"Is a free man," Urquart answered. "We've expunged his record with the Ministry, along with providing him financial compensation for our gross mistake." He then motioned towards Collins, who stepped forward a moment later and offered a folder. "Inside you'll find the account number we've set up for him at Gringotts and the official letter that details his record being expunged."
Severus's eyes fell onto the folder he was holding. He stared at it for a few moments before he glanced back at Urquart. This didn't seem real. Was he still asleep?
"Did he say how he did it? Or why?"
The other man nodded slowly. "It's all detailed in the letter, but yes he did. I'll let Collins fill you in on that."
The Auror stood up taller instantly, pure business-like now. "The subject stated one day he was approached by a dark-haired man claiming to be an associate of your maternal grandparents. This man informed the subject he would be compensated quite nicely if he caused your parents' marriage to fail. Together, the associate and subject schemed and plotted out how they would frame your father for murder. The associate handed the subject a very lethal potion and gave the subject instructions on when to throw the potion and set off the cataclysmic explosion that occurred at the pub in Cokeworth."
"Wait . . . are you saying this associate knew my father was a wizard?"
"No." Collins shook his head. "The plan had been to involve only the Muggle authorities, who were to think it was a regular bombing. However, the moment of the explosion, the Ministry received an alert of a quite phenomenal case of accidental magic in the pub and was sent to investigate it immediately as per Ministry protocols."
"Which is when you drew your wands on my father . . ." Severus did his best to keep his voice from sounding accusatory, but some of it still slipped in.
"Yes. However, it is clear now that we misinterpreted our initial findings. Aurors Shacklebolt and Rigotti have since discovered the accidental magic that set off the initial alert wasn't the bombing itself. It was your father instinctively protecting himself from it. It happens from time to time with untrained wizards, usually younger ones of course as we typically intervene before the age of seventeen, but your paternal grandfather refused our services numerous times."
"How did you learn this?" It couldn't have all been from Roger. There had to be more.
"After you brought your father here to Hogwarts, he had a complete work-up done as you remember in order to comply with Ministry regulations. His bloodwork was examined quite closely at Hogwarts and at St. Mungo's. Madam Pomfrey and the healer at St. Mungo's concurred that your father should have received massive injuries after such a violent blast, and as such should have had evidence of these injuries still on his body in the form of scars. Yet only a scar, an inch across, was found on his chest that matched up to occurring around the time of the pub bombing." Collins drew in a breath. "Experience has taught us that when such discoveries are made, it is usually a result of protective magic, which is much stronger and much harder to detect sometimes."
Severus nodded slowly. "Did you learn what happened afterwards?" He knew from his brief conversations with his mother over the years that his maternal grandparents hated Muggles with a passion, finding them to be inferior and almost pest-like.
"We have through other interrogations and various searches of your grandparents' manor." Collins glanced at Urquart, who dipped his head and urged him to continue. "We found various writings by your grandparents that claimed a descendent of Gaunt had approached them shortly after your mother had given birth to you. This man had promised to return the glory once again to the Prince name by marrying your mother. Your maternal grandparents agreed and had sent an associate to deal with your father, which is where the subject entered the picture."
A descendant of Gaunt? Severus frowned. The name seemed oddly familiar to him.
"Once the Ministry had arrested your father, your grandparents used their last connections they had at the Ministry to ensure that your father would not be deemed innocent. According to those who were privy to the details, your grandmother forged your mother's signature on the divorce papers and was also the one who came up with the conditions your father agreed to ultimately. However, your mother did not react as your grandparents assumed she would. She remained in Cokeworth and raised you alone, ignoring every single letter your grandparents sent. When it became clear she wasn't going to return, the descendant of Gaunt rescinded his earlier offer and never returned. Your grandparents in turn cut all ties with her again, assuming your mother would die miserably."
"So, they gave up, but Roger didn't. He instead made sure to use my father's disappearance to get closer to her."
"Yes. According to the subject, he had fallen in love with her. Whether that was a delusion, though, we do not know."
"After I left home, did he give you . . . did he say what happened then?"
"Your mother was distraught naturally." Collins then pinched his mouth shut tightly, his eyes darting to Urquart. He then continued a moment later. "It became harder to control your mother. So he used other means to keep her his, I'm afraid. Until the Death Eaters came one day and grabbed them. They were later separated, likely because she's a witch and he's a Muggle, and he's not seen her since."
"Death Eaters?" Severus glanced between the two, his eyes narrowing in confusion. Why on earth would Death Eaters want his mother? She hadn't been stupid and voiced her opinions on Muggles to the world at large like some others did. She kept a low profile, shedding her Prince name entirely.
"According to a subject we've recently interviewed, she was grabbed to maintain your hatred of Muggles," Urquart answered quietly. "With your knowledge that she was last seen with Roger, it was hoped that you would believe he had kidnapped her for malevolent purposes and kill Muggles easier."
"But I never killed . . ." He then inhaled sharply, his eyes hardening as his stomach lurched at his horrifying realization. "Who gave the order?" He waited for one of them to answer, but neither did right away. "Who gave the order?" he repeated quietly.
"You-Know-Who," Urquart answered a moment later.
The Dark Lord? Severus then felt the corner of McGonagall's desk dig into his leg as he stepped back in horror. The Dark Lord had orchestrated his mother's . . . He closed his eyes, exhaling and emptying his mind completely. He needed to purge his turbulent emotions from himself in order to think objectively. It took a few moments before he felt his breaths come easier.
The Dark Lord. Yes, it made sense in a twisted way, he supposed. The Dark Lord required the utmost loyalty from his followers. If he ordered a follower to kill, the follower killed. Yet Severus could not do this. He could maim and torture certainly, but he couldn't kill his victim.
In fact, the Dark Lord was the only one who knew the truth about the young witch whom he had received after joining the Death Eaters as a gift from the Dark Lord. He had been expected to kill her before he returned to Hogwarts, but he couldn't do it. So, instead, he let her escape and returned to the Dark Lord with lies of his 'kill.' The Dark Lord, though, knew the truth and had punished him for the disobedience. That was until Severus had revealed under extreme duress and pain that he desperately wished would end that he had believed death would have been too kind for her, causing the Dark Lord to think for a moment before agreeing with him.
Like his old Potions Master Slughorn and Dumbledore, the Dark Lord, too, collected people. The moment Severus had shared his hatred of Muggles with the Dark Lord was when he found himself being taken under the dark wizard's wing, much to the dismay of the others. In fact, he seemed to recall the Dark Lord admitting once in private that he and Severus were quite a bit alike. So, the Dark Lord had likely thought that by taking Eileen, Severus would be able to kill easier. He was helping. Severus's stomach rolled once more at that particular thought.
"We're currently interrogating Rodolphus again," Urquart stated suddenly, regaining Severus's attention, "hoping it will give us another lead. With luck, we should have more news for you soon. However, we felt it was necessary to update you where we currently stand and, well, give you that, son."
"Thank you," Severus replied, his throat dry.
"Don't mention it." Urquart then glanced towards Collins. "We should head back." Collins nodded in return before he turned back to Severus. "If we learn anything more, we'll let you know." He then turned and headed for the door, leaving with Collins.
Severus stared numbly at the door after they had both left. It seemed so dreamlike. Was this real? Had they really come to tell him that Roger had confessed to framing Tobias all those years ago, that Tobias was a free man now?
"Are you all right, Severus?" McGonagall asked quietly, appearing at the top of the stairs leading down into her office.
He glanced up at her. "I-I don't know."
She gave him a pleasant smile. "Well, in that case, might I recommend you return to your rooms and enjoy the day with your father and son?" She glanced up at a clock in the room. "I'd wager little Harrison is awake now and waiting impatiently for his father to return."
"Possibly," Severus replied dazedly.
"Then, go. Be with your family, Severus." She laughed softly when he continued to stare up at her. "Preferably before your father decides to show off his new magical skills to his grandson and sets the drapes on fire again."
The almost twenty-two-year-old's mouth curled upwards ever so slightly before he inclined his head respectfully. "Of course, Headmistress. Happy Christmas."
"Happy Christmas to you as well. Now, go."
With the folder still in hand, Severus walked over to her fireplace and Flooed back to his rooms. As he walked out of the flames into his quarters a moment later, he caught his father with a wand in hand and little Harrison sitting up on the sofa watching as he held his breath.
"An, An," cried the little boy, his hands clapping wildly.
Realizing that neither Harrison nor Tobias had seen him enter, Severus crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall, looking on in mild interest. The Lumos charm had lost its interest for the little boy a few days earlier, so Tobias clearly had moved onto another spell, it seemed. Though, it wasn't as if Tobias knew that many spells yet. He had only learned so far Lumos, Nox, and Wingardium Leviosa. And the progress Severus had seen so far with those spells from his father barely reached Dreadful-level castings. Quite frankly, it was obvious to anyone who was observing that Tobias held his magic back during their lessons, fear of hurting Severus still prevalent inside him.
"Wingardium Leviosa," Tobias said with his practice wand pointed at a bookcase far from Harrison. There was a slight shake before several of the books fell off their shelves onto the floor. "Well, shit, that didn't work," the older man muttered.
"On the contrary," Severus announced, catching his father's surprised look as the man whirled around to look at him, "you managed to get at least a few shakes from some of the shelves."
"Yeah, but I still didn't lift it up, though."
"To which I'm eternally grateful for, actually, Dad," Severus replied dryly, handing off the folder to his father.
His father frowned before he rolled his eyes. "Ya know, if ya weren't so anal like yer mum . . "
"It's not—never mind." He was going to lose that argument somehow. He just knew it. His father would somehow turn that conversation, and he wouldn't be able to recover from it. Striding across the room silently towards Harrison, he picked the little boy up a moment later, chuckling when he felt Harrison's arms wrap around him to hug him warmly. So much love was in this little boy. How could anyone not love him? "Happy Christmas, brat."
Harrison giggled instantly, burying his face into Severus's neck.
"Well, I see someone was a good boy." Severus then glanced from the obnoxiously large piles of presents under the Christmas tree. "Hopefully, it didn't leave Father Christmas broke," he said pointedly looking at his father.
Tobias, however, held up his hands. "Hey, that ain't all from me. Promise."
Severus snorted, though. Sure they weren't. He slowly lowered Harrison down onto the floor in front of the twinkling tree a few moments later.
"Go on. Have at it," he said with a motion towards the gifts. Harrison only stared up at him, though, before he sat down on one of the larger gifts. Severus raised a brow at him before snorting. Hadn't James and Lily celebrated Christmas with the boy before? Granted, Harrison would have been five months old at the time, but still. "All right, brat. Have it your way." Severus carefully lowered himself down onto the cool floor beside Harrison and plucked a small present from one of the piles. He glanced at the attached name tag, discovering it was for himself from his father. He held it out slightly so Harrison could see before he tore the wrapping paper off. The moment he saw the small wooden owl figurine, he glanced towards his father.
"Few years late, but . . ." Tobias shrugged, finally looking towards the folder in his hands and opening it. "What's this?"
"A gift from the Ministry," Severus replied, grabbing another gift (this time one that had Harrison's name on it). He handed it to the young boy, who hesitated for a brief moment before he gingerly opened his present.
Seeing Harrison's face scrunched up in obvious confusion once he had unwrapped the present, Severus leaned forward towards him. "Now you can swish like me." Gently, Severus undid the clasp at the very top and draped the black cloak around the seventeen-month-old's shoulders.
"Uh, son?" Tobias hesitated.
Without turning around to look at his father, Severus smiled faintly, assuming his father had read the contents of the folder. "It's all true, Dad. Roger admitted to framing you. You're a free man."
"No. It ain't that. It's the cloak. That ain't the smartest thing to give a kid his age."
Frowning now, Severus turned around. "Why not?"
Tobias then jerked his head at Harrison, who had stood up and was trying out his new cloak. The moment the little boy tripped on the back of it and tumbled forward, Severus understood. He groaned inwardly at his stupidity and reached for the sniffling little boy who was holding a hand over his knee.
"Come here, brat. Let me see it." He gave Harrison a sympathetic smile and waited for the little boy to roll up his pant leg. When Harrison finally complied, Severus winced slightly before he drew his wand. He murmured a soft healing spell as he waved his wand over Harrison's skinned knee. "There you go. All better."
Harrison glanced suspiciously down at his now healed knee before he looked back at Severus and shook his head, his bottom lip sticking out.
Severus's frown deepened. Harrison shouldn't have been in any pain anymore. "It still hurts?" Harrison nodded slightly, his eyes lowering.
"Iss, Dada."
"Iss?" Severus repeated, glancing at his father when he heard the man chuckle.
"Kiss it," Tobias translated a moment later. "It is after all the best way to heal these sorts of things. Trust me."
Raising an eyebrow, Severus looked back at Harrison. He then sighed in defeat before he kissed his fingers and pressed it against Harrison's hurt knee. The young boy's eyes instantly bugged out, and his mouth dropped.
"No! No! No!" Harrison screamed, banging his little fists against the floor. He then lifted his leg up and kissed his own knee before he looked pointedly at Severus.
"How was I supposed to know that's how you do that?"
"Hey, I used to do it for ya, son," Tobias argued.
"Yes, when I was one."
"Still did it," his dad replied, plucking another present from the pile and handing it to Harrison. "Here ya go, lad. This one's from yer Daddy's boss lady."
McGonagall had sent Harrison something? He waited patiently as Harrison opened it, quicker this time than last. He rolled his eyes. Of course she'd sent the little boy a stuffed panther. When Harrison pressed a kiss against its forehead, it instantly came alive, stretching out before making a quiet purr. The little boy squealed in surprise and then clapped his hands together excitedly.
"Huh. And here ya were more interested in the box when ya were little, son," Tobias mumbled, scratching his head.
"All children are different." Or so he was told. He then caught Harrison rolling around on the wrapping paper giggling loudly to himself. "Or not." Clearly the wrapping paper had finally won in the battle for the little boy's attention.
"Well, while he's busy with that," Tobias said with a chuckle, "these came for ya." He held out two envelopes.
Frowning slightly, Severus looked down at the seemingly insignificant envelopes. Who would be sending him anything? He inspected each one, focusing entirely on the handwriting. Both were addressed to him, obviously, but had nothing else on them. And the seals on the backs of the envelopes didn't give any clues either.
After a moment, he slid his finger into the small space under the flap and broke the seal on the first envelope, pulling out the standard Christmas card of a reindeer on its front. He opened it soon after, wanting to solve the mystery of who had sent it. He sighed inwardly when he caught the signature at the bottom. He should've known it'd be her.
"Well, come on. Who's it from then?" Tobias asked with a wide grin.
Setting the card aside, Severus replied flatly, "A former classmate of mine. The usual customary Christmas card I get every year." He then moved to open the second envelope.
"Of the female kind?" his father wheedled.
"Yes, but it's not like that. At all." Severus then glanced at his father, noticing the look of excitement on Tobias's face. "Don't even try it, old man," he warned. "I'm quite happy with my life right now. I don't need a woman."
"She sent you a card, though. Like she's done every year for you."
"Yes, a Christmas card. That hardly warrants you envisioning my marrying her, though."
"She still takes the time to send them, Severus."
Sighing loudly, the young man glanced up at the ceiling. His father didn't understand. "Dad, really, I don't need nor want to engage in a relationship with her, or any woman, currently. I'm fine. Truly."
"But what if she's the one?"
Severus felt an instant punch to his stomach in response to his father's question. The one? For so long he had been absolutely convinced Lily had been his soulmate, the one. Yet he knew now that wasn't true. Yes, he loved Lily still, but not the way he had previously and definitely not as deeply as before. She had lost her power over him after he had read her angry letter. He couldn't deny that knowing what he knew now, that there was another, was still unsettling to hear. He didn't want that part of his life to begin. To put his heart out there for another woman and risk feeling the terrible hurt of rejection again. It may have worked for his future self, but… too many things had changed now. So, that too could have changed. This perfect wife his future self had married may have been killed now, or worse, had decided he (the almost twenty-two-year-old Severus) was too much work now that he had a young child to care for as well. No, no it was better this way. It had to be.
"I get it, son. I do," Tobias said quietly. "Ya've had so many things thrown at ya lately that yer head has to be spinnin'. All I'm saying here, though, is don't let yer life pass ya by. Let people like this lass, who takes the time to send ya a card every year, slip away. That's all."
"What does it matter, though? It's just a stupid card."
His father snorted, crossing his arms. "What does it matter?" Tobias repeated. "It matters, son, 'cause I used to leave yer mum a folded up swan every time she was working at the diner, and trust me I wasn't even on her radar yet. But I still left it. Just so she'd notice me. I mean, hell, once I learned when her birthday was, I left her two swans with a little note that wished her a good birthday."
"Sometimes, Dad, a card is just a card."
"And sometimes it ain't, son."
"I don't want—never mind."
"No. What were ya gonna say?"
"It'll happen when it's time, okay. That's what I believe." Or rather that was what his future self had told him, but he wasn't about to tell his father that. "So, please, let's stop rushing it." He then looked over the second letter, recognizing his own handwriting right away.
Since it will no longer matter soon after I succeed, let me tell you my story, Severus.
The young man blinked instantly. Tell him his story? Why? And why wouldn't it matter?
"Everythin' all right there?"
He could hear the worry in his father's voice. "Yes. Everything's fine, Dad." Or rather as fine as it could be after one received a letter from his future self.
"Ya know I mean well, don't you?"
"I know you do," Severus replied half-listening to his father. Why on earth had his future self sent this? Was something big about to happen? He supposed the only way to know for certain was to read on and finish the letter.
Since it will no longer matter soon after I succeed, let me tell you my story, Severus. We share the same childhood experiences. Marauders. Roger. Death Eaters. To name a few. Our paths divert now, however, from Lily's death, thanks to me.
For me, I never truly moved on from losing her until I was thirty-eight. That coward murdered them with their only son surviving and forced to live with his maternal aunt in a household where he would be treated worse than a house elf. I swore to Dumbledore I would protect the brat, watch over him in secret. And I did that. For seven long years. The moment I saw those eyes and that face, though, anger and bitterness took over inside me. I hated him for surviving when Lily did not. I loathed that she had given her life for him and not chosen me. And as such, I treated the boy unfairly.
I told myself I had to, though, in order to protect him properly. But it was a lie. I did it because I could. Because I wanted him to feel the pain I felt whenever I looked at him. So, he suffered my unjust treatment of him for seven years, always believing I was trying to kill him instead of knowing the truth.
It wasn't until he looked down on me with kindness as I lay dying in the Shrieking Shack that I saw him for the first time. He wasn't James, bent on making my life hell. Nor was he Lily. I had made his life hell, yet he still offered me kindness. He needed to know the truth, so I gave it to him freely. I showed him how Dumbledore had allowed him to live until it was time the boy would have to sacrifice himself for the rest of us. I showed him the missing pieces of his parents' story, and then nothing as the darkness took over. I thought I had failed in protecting him. But I hadn't. He succeeded ultimately, at great cost to himself unfortunately.
The fates sent me back after his success. My story wasn't over, it had said. And it was right. The boy helped me move on, to see that I was worth something. He even, without him knowing it, helped me see my wife actually as something more than a mere coworker.
Now, I know you are likely still wondering who she is. Driven mad perhaps even by my not revealing it yet. There is a reason, however, I have not done so. And that reason simply is that I wish you to fall in love with her as I have. Not love her because I loved her. As quite frankly, that would take the fun and surprise out of everything actually.
But, as you well know, I am not always one to leave things to chance either, especially not with our luck. So, let me tell you a bit about my wife before the end arrives and I am gone from this world.
She has always stood by my side, even when I did not know it. She has defended me fiercely over the years, choosing me over her family at times in fact. And she loves me with all her heart, which I assure you is quite extensive. She is not above letting me have it, though, when I am being a prat. However, she forgives me eventually, as she is a keen believer in redemption and second chances. But above all else, she accepts all of me, the good and the bad. She has never tried to change me, as she claims it would be a futile attempt since I am as stubborn as a jackass. She was the only one to congratulate me when I received the Defense against the Dark Arts position, informing the others that they were idiots for assuming I would then attempt to kill them all. She was the one who later found my father and brought him to my hospital bed, so that I would have the chance to speak with him and not regret it all my life. She also was the one who helped him receive a pardon from the Minister of Magic, as she has a history with the Minister.
She is the light to our darkness. And she has always been with us. If you do not believe me, then consider the card she sent you this Christmas. The only one we both know you've received. Or the birthday well wishes we've always passed off as coming from some deluded young witch who had to have felt sorry for us or at the very least obligated to use us as her one good deed a day.
I don't tell you this so you'll marry her tomorrow. Not at all. I want you to fall in love with her as I did. To experience the awkwardness of a first date. The sweetness of a kiss. The butterflies deep within the stomach. Everything we did not get with our first love. The wait I promise is worth it.
But as I sit here now waiting for the end, self doubt is taking over. I've changed a great deal of things. You, your son, Tobias, Dumbledore, Minerva, our hated enemy Black, and the list goes on. I worry now that perhaps I've changed something that will take her away from you. That she will not return. So, that is why I've told you what I have. To, as the Muggles put it, place the ball in your court, so to speak. When you are ready, Severus.
The young man stared numbly at the letter after he had finished it. He had married her? His eyes darted to the abandoned Christmas card beside him. A part of him wanted to tell his father that he was right in order to delay the inevitable 'I told you so' from the old man. Only his future self was right. Things were changed dramatically now from what they had been in his future self's timeline. Perhaps she wouldn't return to England once she finished with university. His eyes narrowed when he felt a slight ache in his chest at that thought.
It wasn't as if he wanted to start a relationship with her right then. That wasn't why he felt that ache. It couldn't be. He had enough on his plate, as he had kindly informed his father earlier. But the knowledge someone was out there for him, who accepted all of him fully—it was positively startling.
"Dad?" Severus murmured a few moments later.
"Yeah?" Tobias grunted softly.
"Do you believe things are set in stone?" The question left his mouth before he had a chance to stop it. He caught his father's eyes narrow instantly and glanced away guiltily.
"Like fate and stuff?" Tobias gave a little puff of air when Severus shrugged. "Yeah, I do. At least certain things, like who you're supposed to be with. Course, yer mum said I was a hopeless romantic who bordered on madness. Though, she married me so… what's that say about her, huh?"
Severus smiled briefly. Yeah, he could see his mother saying that. She was one for being an eternal realist. His eyes fell back to the letter.
The wait would be worth it. Well, he would certainly have to see about that then.
Turning back to glance at Harrison and finding that the boy had managed to crawl inside one of the boxes, the almost twenty-two-year-old burst out laughing and covered his face. What in the hell was it about stupid boxes that made kids go wild?
"Oh, come here, brat." He gently picked Harrison up, setting the little boy on his lap. "If you like boxes, then you'll love forts." He ruffled Harrison's hair affectionately before he stood up with Harrison. As he passed the fireplace, he tossed the letter into the fire. "So let's go make one, shall we?"