Indifferent to what had just happened, President Blair frowned angrily. "I'm afraid whatever you're doing, it has to stop."
Suddenly getting a brainwave, Kyle cut in, "But, Mr President, we were just gonna do a re-enactment of your campaign song in here!"
Stan looked confusedly at him. "Dude, the President doesn't-"
"SHUT UP!" Kyle hissed at him. "Mephesto, can you turn on the music in that room over there?"
On cue, Mephesto did just that, and the entire hillside was bathed in painfully loud bursts of a lame D:ream song from six years ago. "TEACH ME NOW THAT FI-I-I-INGZ... KIN ONLY GET BETTA... THEY KIN ONLY GET..."
Like something out of a Michael Jackson music video, the President sauntered into the empty room full of his election posters crooning, "THEY KIN ONLY GET... THEY GET OFF WITH ME, YA KNOW, AH KNOW, THAT FIIINGZ KIN ONLY GET BETTA!"
Seizing the opportunity, Mephesto locked him in the airtight room, muffling the noise. "OK, can someone explain to me what the hell is going on?" Stan finally asked.
Mephesto looked at the floor ashamedly. "I'm afraid this is all my fault," he explained. "You see, I've always stayed here partly as a way of harnessing the stupidity and ignorance of this redneck mountain town. I wanted to use this laboratory as a way of feeding off of it- extracting the genetic energy of people's cells to power it.
"I thought the time was right to utilise it, which would allow me to mix it with radioactive material to create cold fusion. It would power this town for centuries to come- or so I thought. Instead, it seems it just mutated everyone and mixed up their genetics.
"Everyone, it seems, except you, Stanley, since your clone and you shared DNA and I used the clone's," he finished, pointing to the mutation from Stan's DNA sitting in one corner of the room.
Stan nodded. "Yeah, great, man, but that's not what I was asking about. What I wanted to know is WHY THE FUCK DOES THE PRESIDENT HAVE A THEME SONG?!"
"You never knew? It was on TV all the time a couple of years ago!" Kyle replied.
Looking over at the terrifying D:ream tribute in the corner of the room, Stan asked, "Come to think of it, why IS the President this guy?"
"He's an overspill," Mephesto said. "When the effects reached Jesus's house, it seems it affected the entire world. But fortunately, I think I have an idea how we can set everything right."
Stan gulped. "You don't mean-"
"I'm afraid so. You'll have to shit into the eye of the storm."
There was a brief pause, during which time everyone else's eyes widened. "Wait, WHAT?" Stan looked puzzled.
"I'm serious," Mephesto frowned. "If we can extract the remnants of DNA from a turd you send into the core of this building, it will mean there are two sets of your genetic material in there. The data will overwrite the current set of information, and modify the world accordingly."
"You're sure about this, dude?" Kyle asked, looking concernedly at him.
He shrugged the boy's concerns off. "I'll do it," he said, walking towards a pipe Mephesto had unplugged from the wall. Quickly, he dropped his pants, sat on the pipe as the others crowded round to hold it steady, and tried as hard as he could to drop one off.
"Come on! You can do this, Stan!" Bebe chirped encouragingly.
"Yeah, dude, crap for the world! If the President in a box over there can do it, you can!" Kyle teased.
That was enough to get him to finish. With a hideous rumbling, his turd dropped down the tube, and a series of grinding noises rocked the building. Finally, there was an explosion of whiteness, and he passed out.
When he awoke, he found himself in bed. For a minute, he didn't want to get up. Then he noticed the Terrance and Phillip alarm clock next to him. The dusty Chinpokomon leering at him from the door of his closet. The snow on the ground outside. Could it be...?
"WOOOHOOO!" he yelled, getting up, pulling on his familiar brown jacket, blue jeans and blue bobble hat, and racing out the door off to the bus stop.
Waiting there were three figures he'd never been happier to see. One of them was a huge, rather ugly boy in a red coat not unlike a tent; next to him, a boy wearing a green woolly hat with ear flaps and an orange coat; the third, a boy almost engulfed by his orange parka.
This was his world, as it should be. "Hey, guys!" he grinned.
"You're pretty happy this morning, dude," Kyle smiled incredulously.
"What's so great, you wet the bed thinking about your guuurl-friend?" Cartman taunted.
"Nah, I've just kinda got a feeling it's gonna be a good day," Stan replied, indifferent to the insult. At least he could be pretty sure Wendy wasn't going to try staring awkwardly at his ass. Turning to Kenny, he said quietly, "You won't BELIEVE what I did last night, man."
"Mm mmm mr mm mmrmmr?" Kenny mumbled back curiously.
Stan couldn't hold back a little laughter as he began to explain, "Well, it was pretty much some fucked-up shit."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks for reading and sticking with this story, guys! Hopefully you liked it- I know I'm not a patch on the writing of the real show, but if you have any constructive criticism, feedback or just a little message, I'd really appreciate it! ^_^