Chapter 15- Uncertainty

I watch from a distance while Raph lets himself be carried away in the garbage truck. He's in one piece. I follow the truck as far as the dump site. I know where he is, and where Mikey and Donnie are. That counts for something, right? I have enough clarity back to know that much.

'Sensei, I'm not sure what I should do about things now.'

But of course, he can't answer. I don't go to Raph, I don't move toward anything, only keep moving. Because I stay alert that way and it makes the clarity easier to retain.

'I have to do something. Something more than this, so I can help them. If I could just remember what I have done the past few days. What was I thinking about?'

The clarity I have back isn't strong enough to tell me. I blink for a split second too long in midair and misjudge one of the gaps. I barely catch myself on an old fire escape from cracking my shell against the ground. I steady my breathing and swing back over the railing onto my feet. Something about the building drew my attention. The windows are boarded up. It was an apartment, or perhaps a studio. It's set for demolition. I've never seen it before, but something feels familiar.

'Meditate. I need to focus and pull the clarity back.'

I slip inside quietly. The furniture in the room is sparse. Most of what is here is broken. I can't think about that now. I sit in the darkness. I don't dare close my eyes, but I allow my gaze to pass through my physical surroundings. I whisper aloud to keep myself from distraction and as close to the clarity as possible.

"Donatello has distanced himself from home. Michelangelo seems to have fallen into a depression that he believes he can't handle on his own. Raphael has close himself off from the others as much as he can."

I let my words distill in the air. I know I also haven't taken the best approach to our shared source of distress, but I can't bring back more than a blur.

"The struggle is easy to identify, but we've only ever heard stories of loss like this being endured by others."

A draft blows in through an open doorway. Metal rattles against metal on the floor in a corner of the room. I see through the darkness. The remnants of a cage, meant for a pet. It calls to my mind the story of our father's Sensei. I draw out one of my katana and hold it in front of my face. My mask stares back at me.

"We need to be at our strongest for this. When are we at our best?"

My question is met by the squeal of a rat nearby. I get more from it than just an utterance. I sheath my blade.

'Yes, Sensei. Only together do we overcome.'

I blend my body into the shadows once again, becoming one with them. Outside, the sun has begun its descent. I'm thankful for the season's shorter days, the greater abundance of darkness makes my task easier. I can move more freely without risk of being noticed.

'Mikey will be easiest to talk to, and probably the most willing to get the four of us back to the lair. I can probably talk to Don from April's place. I'll have to figure out how to convince Raph.'

My eyes ache with dryness. I blink a few times and nearly pass by April's shop. I check the streets for passersby or customers. I lower myself down and climb in through the window. I see Mikey asleep on April's couch. I approach quietly. April is sitting on the floor next to him. I add more weight to my footsteps. She hears me.

"Hey April."