Chapter 19: Slurrin'

"Agh, crud."

My shoes slosh with rainwater walking into my apartment. I pull the door shut harder than I mean to and take the soaking soles off. I try balancing them to keep from spilling, but end up getting more rain in the room when I open a window to dump it out.

"Sonuva-"

The window comes down again, hard. I toss my shoes back at the door and pick up the six pack I've been working on. I crack open one of the last three.

"Ahh... crud."

A third of it's gone when I get to the one chair I got in front of the TV next to my phone, and halfway lighter by the time I start dialing April. It hangs from my other hand while it rings.

'Ain't wasted yet, know better'n ta swig wit' her listenin'

She picks up. The storm outside goes away when she talks.

"Yeah, 's me. Jus' wanted ta-"

April does an uncanny impression of Ma yelling at me about curfew. My head jerks back from the phone.

"Wha-? Whaddaya shoutin' for? I only bin out fer like an hour... Say what? Nah, it ain't-"

My whole head turns toward the wall and I see the clock for the first time.

"Huh. Hell, I din't even notice. Ss-h-orry."

April asks the unanswerable question.

'Shi-how'd she, 'm I slurrin'? Nah, keep it tagether'

"Wha-naw... no, I ain't-"

She turns into Ma again, calls me by all three of my names.

"A'kay, yeah, I mebbe had a few ta drink. Mebbe more'n 'at."

She goes quiet. I can see the face she's making from the huffy breathing on her end.

"April, c'mon. 'M sorry, a'right? I c'n do whateva ya need me ta do, jus' please don't gimme the silence. Talk ta me."

The half-empty bottle in my other hand hangs heavy.

"Say sumthin'. Any-"

She gets going by herself. Her voice sounds like a song in my head, the kinda music I never hear in my part of the city.

'All's depressin' taday, huh'

The song's sad, sorta confused and broken by a couple pauses. I try filling in the words April forgets.

"Yeah, I know. 'Ey, s'okay-"

She disagrees. My dumb mouth yells back at her.

"I KNOW IT AIN'T OKAY!"

Song's over. She goes quiet. The silence hurts worse than any rough words from her could.

"Look... I d-dunno what ta say 'bout it either. Alls I know 's it ticks me off bein' a bystander. Worst bit 'sfact 'at I know th' whole long-ass process involved, 'n 's gonna get worse 'fore it gets better, or even feels real."

My eyes feel dry, they close on their own. My jaw keeps pulling my mouth open.

"I know th' whole bit, but alls I c'n do's jus' sit 'n wait 'n watch my bros deal wit' all 'at an' I'm hopeless ta do anythin' 'bout it!"

April whispers something. The storm's set on surround sound and my head's too airy to hear it. I fold forward till I got one elbow on one knee holding me up.

"April, th' waitin's more'n I c'n handle. Can I come over?"

She makes a quick, clear answer to that one.

'Sure she ain't Ma?'

"I tol' ya 'm fine. Ain't gonna start any fights, jus' gonna bike over, fer-"

April's voice hits a strong, sharp note. I drop the bottle and grab the phone with both hands.

"Wait! April!"

I get more silence from her end. I take a minute to breathe.

"A'right. Okay. I'll hang here fer a bit till th' storm clears a little. 'Kay?"

She whispers again, except I hear her now.

"Yeah. I'll be careful."

She hangs up. I take a while getting the phone back on the receiver. The rain pours hard outside. The half-empty beer's still on the floor by the chair. I pick it up by the neck and tilt it up for a swig.

'Hell's 'at smell?'

"Izzit trash day?"

The bottle hand falls back down to one side. My head rolls toward the fridge. The door's hanging open a little.

"Agh, dammit."

'I wuz gonna eat some o' 'at pizza'

The bottle goes back into the case and the case goes into the trash can first. A bunch of rotten, week old crud piles up over it till the can's overflowing.

"Yeah. 'S trash day."

I hoist up the big heap of garbage and balance the bin on my knee till I get into the hall. I hear the rain pouring down harder, thumping like footsteps coming down the stairs behind me.