A/N: Only 3 more weeks left in the hiatus. I'm so excited, I decided to post an update ahead of the weekend. Enjoy! (9/10/15)
Disclaimer: I own nothing Bones related except my imagination.
As Booth parked his SUV, his eyes were automatically drawn towards his apartment where he could see the light shining in the window. Guilt washed over him. He was being a coward and he wasn't proud of that fact. Booth hadn't slept well all week and he was tired, exhausted really. He wasn't ready for a big, messy confrontation with Hannah, so he'd stayed at work late in the hope that he could just come home, go to bed, and put off the discussion he knew they needed to have for one more day. Tomorrow was Friday and if he could push off 'the talk' until then, they'd both have the weekend to deal with the fallout, whatever that ended up being.
He glanced at his watch as he reluctantly ascended the stairs leading to his front door. Almost 9:30. God, he was an ass, playing games with Hannah like this.
It wasn't his intention to sneak into the apartment, so he didn't make any special effort to be quieter than usual as he entered the front door. As was the norm, he paused in the foyer to store his gun and badge in his hidden safe, noticing as he did so that one of Hannah's suitcases was sitting on the floor at the end of the entry hall.
Speaking of the devil . . .
"Seeley?" he heard her call his name from the living room.
"Yeah Babe," he answered as he headed her direction. "Sorry I'm home so late. I just got caught up in some long overdue paperwork at the office. It's been a long week and I'm bushed. I think I'll just call it a night and turn in early."
Hannah, who'd been sitting on the couch working on her laptop when he entered, immediately set her computer to the side, unfurled her legs from beneath her, and rose to greet him. Without hesitation, she slipped her arms around his waist and pulled him close for a hug, tucking her head beneath his chin and resting it against his shoulder. "Welcome home, soldier."
Almost reflexively, Booth's arms came up and wrapped around her, pulling her close and returning her embrace. "Thanks Babe."
They stood that way for several minutes, both enjoying the comfort of the other while in their minds they each thought about what comes next.
Hannah was the first to pull away, but she didn't completely release him. Instead, as her hands slid down his arms, she entwined her fingers with his and walking backwards, she tugged his fingers, pulling him towards the couch she'd just vacated. "Come. Sit with me."
"Hannah, not tonight . . ." Booth started to protest, but she wouldn't let him go.
"Come. Relax. I'll grab you a beer."
Booth plopped down on the couch with a groan of fatigue, resigned that he wasn't going to be able to just slip away to bed as he'd hoped. He knew it had been a long shot anyway. As he sat there waiting for Hannah to return with a beer, his eyes once more fell on her suitcase at the edge of the foyer.
Hannah returned with two beers and handed one to him, which he accepted gratefully and raised to his lips immediately for a drink. "Haven't unpacked yet?" he asked, nodding his head towards the suitcase as she sat beside him on the couch, one leg tucked underneath her and her body turned sideways so she was facing him.
Hannah looked over to where he indicated, then back. She shrugged her shoulders. "Unpacked and re-packed would be a more accurate statement."
"Another trip already?"
"Yes. No." Hannah sighed loudly and reached out to grab onto Booth's hand that was closest to her, craving some physical contact with him. "This isn't how I expected this conversation to start."
Booth's senses were immediately on alert. "What conversation is that?"
Hannah turned Booths hand over in hers, palm up, and started to trace random patterns in the palm of his hand with both the tip of her finger, and her eyes. "The conversation about us and what our future holds, Seeley." She paused. He didn't respond. He just sat there silently waiting for her to continue while watching her with a guarded expression, but she felt the tension in his hand that followed her words.
So she continued. "I love you Seeley Joseph Booth. I think you are one of the best men I've ever met. You're warm and loving, strong and fierce, courageous, and about as honorable as they come." She glanced up at his face and saw that he was studying her intently, his gaze shuttered and unreadable. She looked back down at their hands. "When we first met in Afghanistan, I was captivated by you immediately. You just exuded this aura of power and confidence and . . . and goodness that I found irresistible. It didn't hurt that you have a gorgeous body either." She stated the last with a smile and a little chuckle in an attempt to lighten what had quickly become a very serious mood.
"What are you getting at Hannah?" Booth asked softly, his tone more curious than anything else, for which Hannah was grateful. She'd been prepared for immediate anger and defensiveness.
"When I followed you here from Afghanistan, I didn't know exactly what to expect would happen with us. I knew I loved you. I knew I missed you like crazy. And, I knew I'd always regret it if I didn't come here and give us a chance to see what kind of life we could have together. The last few months have been incredible, some of the best of my life and I love you even more now than I did a few months ago."
She stopped there not sure how to say what came next. After a full minute of silence went by, Booth reached out and with a bent finger under her chin, lifted her face to his. "But? I hear a but in what you're saying."
Hannah read the encouragement in his eyes for her to continue. "But . . . But, it's not enough. Or maybe it's just not what I need in my life right now. I'm not sure. I've done some hard thinking lately and I've realized I'm not ready to settle down into a lifestyle that includes a 9-5 job and daily routines and kids. I still want to travel, see the world, and take risks without worrying about someone I've left behind. I still want to be in the thick of the action, not only reporting from the sidelines. I don't care that some politician made some vague comment that if you take it out of context you can twist it to make him sound sexist. I care about the men and women that are out there defending our country and our right to freedom by putting their lives on the line every day. Their stories are the ones I want to be telling . . . the ones I think deserve to be heard. Besides, Seeley . . . you're in love with another woman."
"Hannah – Bones and I, we've never . . ."
"I know and I believe you. But that doesn't mean I'm wrong, does it?"
Booth studied her face. There was sadness there, but also acceptance, not anger. Hannah was being honest with him. He owed it to her to be just as honest in return. "No. You're not wrong. I love you Hannah, but I love Bones too . . . and I love Bones more. When I was in Afghanistan, I thought I had exorcised those feelings for her. I honestly believed I was free of the hold she had on me and that I could offer myself to you fully. But ever since she told me she regretted not giving me a chance, I've been discovering that those feelings weren't gone, they were just buried very deeply under some fear and hurt and anger. Over the last few weeks, they've resurfaced and now they're back in a way that's almost overwhelming. It was never my intent to hurt or mislead you though, Hannah."
Hannah squeezed the hand she clasped between hers. "I know that Seeley and I don't regret the time we've spent together. I went to see her tonight."
"Bones? You went to see Bones?" Booth questioned with surprise.
"Yes."
"Why?" Booth was always a little uncomfortable at the thought of Bones and Hannah alone together. It was similar to when she dated Andrew Hacker. Booth knew he was what the two ladies had in common, so it was natural that they would end up discussing him and the thought of what Bones might reveal to Hannah or Hannah might say to Bones terrified him.
Seeing the slight panic in his expression, Hannah smiled softly to reassure him. "I like Temperance, Seeley. She's very much like you in many ways – your core values are very similar. Anyway, I'd been thinking about us and our future a good bit while I was away on this last trip and I was feeling confused about some things. I needed a friend to talk things out with, so I dropped in on Temperance."
"Oh, God, Hannah. Bones isn't like other women. You didn't hurt her, did you?"
Hannah thought back over her conversation with Temperance and tried to think about how her friend might have been feeling during their chat. "Possibly, but it wasn't intentional and I'm sure she'll be fine in the long run. She was very helpful to me."
"What, ah . . . what did you discuss?" Booth wasn't sure whether or not he really wanted to know the answer, but asked the question anyway.
"You and me, of course." Hannah took a deep breath. "Booth, I've been notified about a job opportunity that sounds perfect for me, but it's in Munich, Germany. That's the main reason I went to see Temperance. I wanted her opinion on whether to stay or to go."
"She told you to go, didn't she?"
"No, Booth. She advised me to stay."
"Really?"
"Yes. But Booth, here's what I want you to understand. When I went over there, to see her, I really was on the fence about what to do. I knew you were struggling with your feelings for her and I've been trying to figure out how best to fight her for you. Like you, on some level I expected her to tell me to go, to take the job. But she didn't. She told me to stay and I realized as I sat there listening to her extol your virtues that even though I love you, my feelings are just a shadow of how strongly she feels about you. I could hear it in the admiration and respect she showed you as she explained to me how wonderful you are and what a fool I'd be to walk away. I could read it in her body language. But even more compelling, there was no hesitation, just absolute certainty from her that your happiness was paramount. I'm sure she realized that encouraging me to leave would make you more available to her, but she didn't bat an eye at sacrificing her desires for yours. Seeley, that woman loves you with a purity of heart and intensity that I'll never feel. Not for you. It was humbling to see that kind of devotion to another person and I want to find that for myself someday. But if I stay here, all three of us will be cheated out of what could possibly be the most wonderful thing we could experience."
Booth swallowed the lump in his throat that had formed at Hannah's words. "So, I guess that's it then and there's really nothing more to say. We're done. You're going to take the job and move to Germany."
"Yes. I think it's best all around. Don't you?"
Booth blew out his breath. "Well, yeah. I suppose I do. I've spent the last week thinking a lot about us too, Hannah. I wasn't quite resigned to calling it quits yet, but I was planning to bring up the subject of us this weekend. I wanted to have a real discussion about what we both saw as long term possibilities to see whether staying together was a worthwhile thing. Despite my feelings for Bones, I care about you too and was willing to explore our potential together a little more, but only if you were fully on board."
"Were you going to tell me about your feelings for Temperance?"
"Honestly? I don't know. I hadn't fully decided that yet. So, what are your plans now? When are you leaving?"
"I'm already finished packing. I just need to bring out my other bags from the bedroom." Hannah looked down at her watch as she stood up from the couch. "It's really late and I need to find a hotel room for tonight. I'm planning to make all the arrangements for my transfer tomorrow, but it will undoubtedly be a few days still before I leave town."
Booth stood too. "Stay here. Tonight, at least. It's too late to mess with a hotel tonight, so stay, please. I'll sleep in Parker's room."
Once more, Hannah stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist and he enclosed her in his embrace. "Okay," she expressed into his chest.
Booth pulled back. "Give me five minutes to get what I need for the night out of the bedroom and it's all yours."
"Thank you. And Seeley, you better be good to her. Temperance deserves your best."
Booth nodded then smiled. "I'll try. I just hope she's ready for it."
A/N: Well, I don't expect anyone to be too shocked by this chapter as I think you all knew it was coming, but how did you like the way it played out? As always, comments are welcome.