A/N: This chapter is one that I've been thinking about and wanting to write for a while now, just needed the right story to put it in. Typically, I find that I have a hard time living up to my own expectations in these cases, but I'm too impatient to keep fine tuning. Hope you enjoy! (9/17/15)
Disclaimer: I own nothing Bones related except my imagination.
"Later, Bones."
That's what Booth told her. After metaphorically knocking her on her ass with a short speech about the things he'd sacrifice for her, implying (yet not explicitly stating) that he not only still loved her, but that she is the one he loves the most too, he ended their discussion with two little measly words. "Later, Bones."
On the same day Hannah left.
Which was over four weeks ago.
Dr. Temperance Brennan sat at her desk in her office, staring absentmindedly at the journal article she was supposed to be peer reviewing, and wondered just when in hell "later" was going to get here. How could he say the things he said to her about his feelings, and then just revert back to business-as-usual between them?
Oh, it would be disingenuous of her not to acknowledge that they had had one more brief conversation about them a couple days after his bombshell (she thinks it was about them anyway), but that had hardly been any more edifying.
Between one thing and another with the case they'd been working at the time, it seemed someone else had always been around for the first couple days immediately following their discussion on love and it wasn't until one morning two days later that they'd found a few minutes alone together over breakfast at the diner in which she had the opportunity broach the topic with him again.
Brennan's mind had been a whirlwind of unanswered questions since his speech. Did he really mean what she thought he meant with what he said? Did she still have a chance? What did Booth want? Could they make the two of them work, romantically? If so, how? When? Where?
Of course, Booth knew exactly what kind of turmoil her mind had been in. He knew her. Plus, he could read her body language as soon as she sat down at their table in the diner and started to speak.
"Booth . . ."
"Marks, Bones." His voice had been gentle as he interrupted her almost immediately, having anticipated the questions she was likely to ask.
"What?"
"We discussed this once, a while ago, when that super smart look-to-the-future scientist guy from the everyone-has-sex-with-everyone-else institute tried to hit on you after his fiancé's death."
"That's not what it's called."
"Doesn't matter, Bones. The point is that when two people are in a relationship, they leave marks on each other. When that relationship ends, for whatever reason . . . good or bad . . . it's best to take a little time to let the marks fade away naturally before jumping in to something new."
"So . . . you're saying you have marks."
"Some mild bruising, metaphorically. Yes."
"From Hannah."
"Yes."
"And so you're telling me you need some time before you can consider engaging in a romantic dyad with someone else."
"That's right Bones. Not a lot of time, but some."
Then he'd done that thing where he leaned in towards her and looked deeply into her eyes, captivating her whole attention and causing every thought except the ones of him to flee her mind. She both loved and hated it when he did that. Loved it, because she felt so connected to him in those moments, as though there was an invisible bond that linked them together in an extremely intimate and personal way. Hated it, because she always felt a keen sense of loss and loneliness when the moment inevitably passed and the connection was broken.
"I expect the next relationship I'm in to last, hopefully indefinitely, and I don't want to enter into it still bearing the marks from my last one. I promise, we'll discuss this again more, later" he told her.
"Later" she acquiesced, recognizing she needed to have a little patience and, once again, follow his lead.
Later-schmater. God how she hated such ambiguous, unspecific quantifiers.
She wanted more. She was ready for more and she needed something from Booth – some sign, or clue, or indication – anything to help her understand where they were headed and what to expect along the way.
Just then, Dr. Jack Hodgins poked his head in her office.
"Hey, Dr. B, that's quite a scowl on your face. Whatever those papers did to you, I'm sure it wasn't intentional."
She blinked at him and frowned. "These papers haven't done anything to me Dr. Hodgins."
Jack just smiled, knowingly. "Sure. Good to know. Hey, I've got that experiment that we talked about doing set up in my lab. Now that most everyone else has left for the day, you know, like Cam, I thought it might be a good time for us to do our first set of trial runs. What do you say? You ready?"
Brennan nodded her head. "Yes. That's sounds good. Give me about fifteen minutes and I'll meet you in your lab."
It was almost fifteen minutes later (to the second) that Brennan walked briskly through the door into Dr. Jack Hodgins' personal lab room, carrying a box of bone shards, and halted abruptly at the sight that greeted her.
Jack and Angela were kissing, which wasn't anything especially new nor anything Brennan hadn't seen many times before. But, for reasons she couldn't quite explain, this kiss seemed less passionate and yet more intimate at the same time. There was no tongue. Rather, their lips were gently caressing . . . brushing together softly in a gesture that seemed to speak more of love and affection than sexual frenzy. Both of Angela's arms were draped loosely over Jack's shoulders while Jack had one arm wrapped around her back and the other was positioned so that his hand rested devotedly on the swell of her abdomen as he tenderly stroked her extended belly through her clothing.
It was a poignant moment between Jack, Angela, and their future progeny.
Brennan was certain she'd have felt less like a voyeur if she'd walked in on them completely naked and in the throes of orgasmic delight.
Angela spotted her before she could sneak back out and simply pulled back from the kiss, bestowing Brennan with a warm and happy smile, unconcerned with Brennan's intrusion. "Hey Sweetie."
"Hello Ange. If you'd like, I can come back in a little while. Or, we can reschedule this for another time," she offered, feeling guilty for disrupting such a tender and loving moment between the couple.
Angela just rolled her eyes as she pulled out of Jack's embrace and gathered up her purse. "No way. Hodgins has been as excited as a five-year old on Christmas morning ever since you asked him to help you with this little research experiment you two have cooked up. He's positively giddy. If you cancelled now because of me, he'd just mope around the house pouting all night."
Jack smiled at his wife and nodded his head. "It's true, Dr. B," he admitted cheerfully, without shame.
Angela looked at her best friend, then back to her husband. "There will be NO explosions, right?"
"No Ange," assured Jack.
"It's not that kind of experiment," Brennan chimed in.
"Alright. I trust Brennan's word and so I . . ." she leaned into Jack again and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. ". . . am going to go home, put my swollen feet up, and eat an entire gallon of ice cream slathered in chocolate syrup while you two play Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Nighty, night kiddos."
As Angela left the building, Brennan set down her box of bone pieces and she and Hodgins spent the next twenty minutes or so reviewing the purpose and procedure of the experiments they were about to perform.
It had been her idea originally. They'd had a case recently which revealed some unique physical anomalies with the bones that were not the result of any natural causes. Brennan had approached Hodgins with some theories about why she thought they'd seen the behavior they'd seen and together, the two scientists had developed a plan to run some experiments and test their theories. If correct, they expected they could eventually formalize their results and publish them in one of the forensic journals. But first, they needed to experiment.
Doctors Brennan and Hodgins worked well together as a team. They were both competent and efficient with a mutual trust and respect for the other's capabilities which enabled them to quickly fall into a comfortable rhythm with their work. It wasn't long until the experiment no longer commanded 100% of their attention and Brennan's mind began to wander in the direction it typically wandered these days – to thoughts of relationships, and love, and Booth.
"Can you hand me that sterilized beaker?" Jack asked.
"Yes. Here you go." Brennan set the requested item in front of him while thinking of the intimate scene she'd walked in on earlier. "You're in love with Angela."
Jack glanced at her briefly out of the corner of his eyes, figuring that wasn't exactly a news flash. "Uh-huh."
They continued working for several minutes.
"You never stopped, did you?"
"Stopped what?"
"Loving Angela," she answered emphatically. "After she divorced her husband, broke up with you, then went through a lesbian phase, a celibacy phase, and a Wendall phase, I mean. You were still in love with her the whole time."
The last was stated as more of an observation than a question, but Jack still felt compelled to respond. "No, Dr. B. I never stopped loving her, even through her many phases."
Brennan went back to prepping one of her bone samples and Jack realized she was done speaking for now. But, after so many years and a few pretty intense experiences together, Jack knew her well enough to recognize that something was on her mind that she wanted his help to work through, so he fully expected she'd speak again, when she was ready. That's fine. He was a patient man and he'd happily follow her lead. Hell, he'd follow this woman just about anywhere, such was his regard and admiration for her. If she asked for his help with something, whether it was an experiment like the one they were currently working on or something more personal she needed to work through, he'd do whatever he could to assist her and simply feel honored that she considered him worthy enough to approach for aid.
Sure enough, after a few more minutes passed, she spoke again.
"You're a scientist with multiple doctorates. Like me," Brennan observed.
"That's true."
"You believe in facts and evidence and tangible results. Your rational, and logical, and not given to flights of whimsy."
"Well, I like to think I can be a little whimsical on the rare occasion," Jack refuted with a grin.
"But not like Angela. Angela is impulsive and driven by her emotions. She makes decisions based on her intuition and what feels right, regardless of logic."
Jack thought he finally understood where this conversation was going, and took a leap. "You mean like Booth."
"Yes, exactly," she agreed. Then she frowned and bit her lip. "Booth's a heart person, like Angela and you're a head person, a scientist, like me."
Jack could see the concentration on her face and decided he didn't need to respond. He'd just wait her out.
"Did you ever show Angela the message you wrote her?" she questioned after another few minutes passed.
"Which message?"
"From the time we were buried alive together in my car. By the Gravedigger. It was before you two became a couple, but you told me then you were already in love with her and you wrote to her. Just in case. Did you ever share with her what you wrote?"
Jack hated thinking, talking, or remembering about that experience and usually did everything he could to avoid it and change the topic. But Brennan had been there too and he knew he wouldn't have survived it without her. She never referred to that experience either and so Jack tried to squelch his immediate inclination to shut down and instead, answer her question, hoping it wouldn't lead to further reminiscing over the horrid adventure. "Yeah actually. She stayed with me that first night after we were rescued, once I was released from the hospital, and I showed it to her then."
"I'm in love with Booth," Brennan confessed, looking directly into Jack's face.
Jack was glad he wasn't drinking anything right then or he'd undoubtedly have spit it everywhere. Dude, everyone knew she was in love with Booth, but hearing her admit it was something else. Jack coughed into his fist to cover his surprise and hide his grin. "Yeah, I know."
"I wrote a message to Booth that day. While we were buried alive I mean. I believe I was in love with him even back then, although I didn't understand what I was feeling at the time. I still have it – the letter - but I've never shared it with him . . . I'd like to, preferably while I'm still alive. Someday, if the time is right."
"I think Booth would like that, Dr. B."
Brennan looked down at her bone samples and gently ran the tip of her finger back and forth across one of them. "I think . . . maybe . . . Booth might have some feelings for me too . . . non-platonic ones, I mean."
Well, duh! Jack thought. "But . . . you're not sure if you want to pursue it? You're afraid of what might happen? Is that it?" he asked.
"Yes and no. I definitely want to pursue it. I can barely keep my hands off him these days and if he ever finally indicates he's amenable to a more intimate union, I plan to fully exploit my vast knowledge of human anatomy and utilize every sexual maneuver I've ever learned to our mutual satisfaction. I'm quite certain that Booth and I would be extremely compatible sexually so I'm not concerned about the physical intimacy."
"O-kay. So, it must be the emotional intimacy that you're worried about then, isn't it?"
"Yes. I'm confident in my feelings for Booth. Like your feelings for Angela, mine for Booth have held steadfast for years, despite the less than ideal circumstances. But Booth seems to fall in and out of love quite easily, like Angela. How do you know you can trust them? How do you open up your heart and let them in, giving them control, at least in part, over your happiness when their track record shows their love to be so fickle?"
Jack sat down on his lab stool, hands in his lap with his fingers entwined. "You gotta have faith, Baby."
"But I don't believe in faith."
Jack looked at her warmly. "You may not believe in it, but you practice it daily. You know, a lot of what I know about faith and love, I learned from you Dr. Brennan."
"What? No. That makes no sense. I'm no good at either of those things."
Jack smiled calmly and shrugged his shoulders. "So you say. When I first started working at the Jeffersonian, I was hostile and angry. I grew up around wealth and saw too much how money and power led to corruption and deception. It's why I was such a conspiracy nut. All I wanted was to practice my science but the people I grew up with didn't understand that and I felt ostracized. Then, I was sure the folks here would treat me different if they knew about my money, so I didn't feel like I fit in here either. Not until you came along. Before you showed up, I sat in a corner cataloging ancient spores applying known scientific principles. But then you came along and accepted me for who I was while challenging me to be more. You were breaking new ground in forensic anthropology and inspired me to do the same in entomology. Because of your faith in me, I was given the opportunity to apply my science in new ways that really made a difference."
"But that wasn't love or faith. You are extremely intelligent and very good at what you do Dr. Hodgins. All I did was recognize your inherent skill and channel it for my purposes," she protested.
"Maybe. Maybe not. From my perspective, you had faith in my abilities and so I worked hard to meet your expectations. I believe I'm a better scientist because of you. But it's not just me."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, take Angela for example. She was a street side artist drawing caricatures for money, barely scraping by. She had no career options and no resume to speak of, just a dream to see Paris someday. You scooped her up and adopted her, giving her a home and a purpose here. Now she has patents and a professional reputation which could lead to any number of opportunities she wouldn't have had without your love and faith in her. Then there's Zach. You can't deny you gave him more love and showed more faith in him than anyone else ever had. He flourished under you, you know, as long as you ignore that he turned into a cannibalistic serial killer."
Brennan rolled her eyes. "But Angela and Zach were different. I'm not like that with anyone else."
Jack ignored her. "Then there's Cam. She wouldn't have had the courage to adopt Michelle without your support. Or Wendell . . . I know you used your personal money on at least two occasions to make it possible for him to keep working here. Should I keep going Dr. B? You may not show your love in the same traditional manner as other folks, but that doesn't make it any less real. As far as I'm concerned, it's more powerful because it's understated. I know you love me, for example, and I take great pride it that."
"What? No. I said I love Booth, not you," she protested.
"I know. But you do. And I love you too. Not romantically, of course, but I am 100 percent confident that if I ever truly needed your help with anything, you'd move heaven and earth and do whatever you could to give me that help."
Brennan was uncomfortable with the direction the discussion had taken. "We seem to have gotten off point Dr. Hodgins. Perhaps we should just return our focus to our experiment."
Jack went along with her for a bit and returned his attention to their work. He knew she needed a little time to absorb what they'd discussed, but he didn't plan to retreat fully. She'd come to him first and if he could find the right words to say to free her enough to open herself to Booth, he would say them.
A while later, as they were wrapping up their experiments for the night, Brennan reached out and placed her hand on Jack's forearm. A simple touch. "Thank you Jack. For what you said. Earlier."
"Anytime Dr. B. You're right that there are no guarantees as to what the future holds for Angie and me or for you and Booth. But, I've spent time with her and I've spent time without her and regardless of how hard it was or may someday be to be without her, the moments we have together are worth it. You love Booth. Give him a chance. Trust him. Have faith in him. The only thing that is certain is that you'll regret it if you don't."
She squeezed his arm affectionately. "Yes. I think you're right."
Maybe it was time for her to stop thinking and analyzing so much and start doing something to move them forward. As far as she was concerned, it was "later" enough.
A/N: As I said at the start, I've wanted to write a scene where Brennan compares her and Booth to Hodgins and Angela and questions his faith in love for some time. Hope it didn't drone on too much. Comments?
