Present Day

The twenty minute ride back to the wedding hall was mostly quiet, as Diggle concentrated on navigating traffic, while Oliver brooded, biting on the pad of his thumb.

"I've hurt her, Dig," he confessed, breaking the silence. "In the process of trying to protect her, I broke her heart. She's never going to hear me out."

Diggle sighed, leaning against the headrest as he waited at a red light. "I think you'd be surprised. That girl loves you, beyond reason. Just be honest with her. She'll hear you out."

"Last time we talked about...us...she walked out in tears. She said she was done waiting for me, and I told her that was a good idea. She's gonna kick me out as soon as I start talking."

"Well," Diggle said, rubbing his head, "make sure you say everything before she shuts that door."

Oliver turned his head and gaped. "That's your advice?"

Diggle shrugged.

"God," Oliver groaned, rubbing his forehead. "I'm going to lose her, Dig."

"You're not gonna lose her, man," Diggle reassured. "I have faith in you."

Oliver sighed in resignation, as he usually did when someone built him up. He had trouble receiving compliments. "Thanks, Dig."

"Anytime."

They finally reached the facilities, and Diggle pulled up to the valet.

"You ready?" Diggle asked, glancing at his friend.

"No," Oliver replied, and got out of the car.

Eighteen months ago

Oliver heard Felicity's rapid footsteps before she rushed into his room, looking pale and rumpled. She dropped into the chair beside his bed. Now that she was close to him, he noticed the tear streaks on her face. He raised a hand to her cheek to wipe her tears away.

"You scared the shit out of me," she whispered, holding back more tears.

"I'm so sorry," he replied, and he was. He had already gotten an earful from his parents and his sister, which had been difficult to bear. To see Felicity broken by his near death experience was the final straw.

"I'm going to dry out in a clinic Dig found for me," he continued. "This will never happen again."

"Good." Felicity swiped a finger under her eye. "I'll drain your trust fund into a charity for endangered pygmy sloths if you die on me again."

"Hey." He pulled her hand to his cheek. "I'm okay. I'm not dead."

"John said he couldn't feel a pulse when he found you. He had to start chest compressions." She sniffled. "You were dead."

He closed his eyes against the pain in her voice. He moved her hand down to his chest. "It's beating again. I'm here."

Felicity concentrated on the rhythm beneath her hand. The expression on her face grew steadily calmer as she matched her breathing to his. Then she lowered her head to his chest, placing her ear above his heart. "I love you," she whispered with her eyes closed.

Those words made Oliver's heart soar as much as it broke. He wanted so badly to say it back to her, to take her love for himself and give it back. But he was even less worthy now, less ready to be the man she deserved. Especially when he almost drank himself to death.

"You shouldn't," he said, caressing her head.

His words impacted her slowly. For a moment, she didn't move. The only sign that she heard was the stilling of her breath.

She opened her eyes and stared at his chin, before raising them to look into his eyes. The utter pain and fury he saw there pierced through to his soul, and he feared the coming confrontation.

Felicity gradually raised her head, her eyes fixed on his. Her nostrils flared, and she opened her mouth a couple of times before she spoke. "Nothing's changed?"

Oliver lowered his eyes.

"You died, and nothing has changed?"

He licked his lips. "Felicity-"

"I would have thought dying would give you a different perspective on life. On us."

He shook his head. "If anything, it only proves my point. You're too young to be a widow."

Felicity shot to her feet. "Stop being such a martyr! I love you, and I know you love me. Don't even deny it!"

"I'm not denying it," he challenged. "But you're much better off with someone else, someone who won't attack you if you interrupt their nightmare or have irrational bouts of rage! I would never wish someone like me on my sister, why would I want that for you? It's because I love you that I want better for you!"

Felicity's face crumpled as tears fell in earnest. "But you're getting help now. There's hope for you-"

"Felicity," he said, cutting her off, "I will always be a monster. And I will always be an alcoholic, even if I'm sober for fifty years. You need to walk away from me and follow your head on this, not your heart."

She let out a sob, and fled toward the door. She stopped to speak one more time. "Things with Ray are getting pretty serious. He might pop the question."

Oliver's heart broke, but he nodded in understanding. "I hope he does."

Felicity lowered her head as sobs wracked her chest. She raised her head once more and said, "I'm done waiting for you, Oliver Queen."

He swallowed. "That's probably a good idea."

When she finally left, Oliver turned on his side to grieve for himself.

Present Day

If he changed his mind, would you?

Felicity stared out the window, with Thea's question planting seeds of doubt in her mind. Although, if she was going to be honest with herself, there had been doubt in her heart long before today. She had silenced those doubts up until now, by convincing herself it was no use daydreaming, because Oliver's decision was clear.

But what if he changed his mind?

What use was it to answer what-ifs? Oliver was more stubborn than anyone she'd ever known, so it would never happen. Dreaming about a future that would never come would only break her already scarred heart, and would bring hurtful baggage into her marriage.

But what if…

What if he changed his mind, five, ten, fifteen years into the future? What if she had two or three children with Ray at that point? What if she had an entire life with Ray, the house, the kids, the fancy white yacht, only to discover that she wasn't really happy? Because he wasn't Oliver?

The door opened with two knocks, and Felicity whirled with her heart in her throat. It was her mother.

"Oh, hi."

"What's this 'oh, hi' business?" She made a beeline for Felicity with open arms. "Look at you! You're so beautiful!"

Felicity accepted her mother's hug, feeling comforted even as instinctual embarrassment kicked in. "Thanks, mom."

Donna pulled back from the hug and studied Felicity's expression. "What's with the sad eyes? It's your wedding day, you should be happy!"

Felicity pulled away and went back to the window, watching as the guests filed in. "I should be," she agreed.

"What's wrong, baby? Are you getting cold feet?"

She sighed. "Is that what this is? Cold feet?"

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me what's on your mind?"

Felicity turned to her mother, dreading the conversation. Her mom had been so excited for the wedding, and Felicity didn't want to disappoint her. "Would you be mad if I told you I wasn't sure about this?"

Donna reached for Felicity's hand, and looked at her daughter with concern. "Honey, of course I wouldn't. The only thing I care about is your happiness."

Felicity lowered her head, relief and affection filling her heart. "I know that, mom."

"Is it Ray? Is it marriage in general?" She caressed Felicity's cheek. "I know I haven't given you a very good example of wedded bliss-"

"No, mom," she interrupted. "You're fine. I'm not feeling weird about marriage in general."

"So, it's Ray?"

Felicity sighed heavily, and stared out at her groom. "He's practically perfect. He's intelligent, and good looking, like Disney prince good looking. And he's more of a sci-fi geek than I am, which is saying a lot."

Donna frowned, studying Felicity's face. "Do you love him?"

"Of course I do, I wouldn't be marrying him if I didn't."

"Then what's the problem?"

Felicity shut her eyes and pressed her forehead against the glass. The first person that came to mind was not her husband-to-be, but rather, another man who had captured her heart three years ago, and had never given it back.

"I'm in love with someone else," she whispered.

"Oh, baby," Donna murmured, pulling Felicity into a hug. "You're in love with Oliver."

Felicity laughed, even as tears welled in her eyes. "Am I that transparent?"

Donna rubbed her back in soothing motions and rocked her gently. "Baby, I watched the two of you for years, at dinners and family get togethers. I saw the way you lit up anytime you talked about him or talked to him. And I was there for you every time that boy made you cry, every time he broke your heart and made you feel like the world was ending. You don't cry like that for a man you're just friends with."

The comfort her mother shared sunk deep into her soul, and Felicity let herself be rocked in silent appreciation. "He doesn't want to be with me," she mourned.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart."

Felicity pulled back and took a deep breath. She carefully dried her eyes and looked out the window again. "That's why I have to marry Ray. Because he's good to me, and I do care about him. I have to move on, because I can't have who I really want."

Donna stroked her cheek as a frown formed on her face. "Oh, honey."

There was a knock on the door.

Donna stood up to answer it. "Oh!" she gasped, and then opened the door wider. Felicity's heart stopped when she saw who it was.

It was Oliver.