She stands at the bathroom counter, wrapped in one soft, fluffy bath sheet, and watches him in the mirror as he hand-dries her hair with another. A lot of her life over the past year has become surreal, but she thinks this might just hit the top of that list.
She feels all warm and soft, loose-limbed and pliable but still a little pumped up on endorphins; she is full of an affection for Red that is both familiar and newly warm at once. And yet… she still has so many questions. There is so much history and deceit lying between them that she wonders, even now, how close they can ever really become. No matter how intense it is, she thinks, a little dolefully, sex is one thing; intimacy something else.
He's rubbing gently at the ends across her shoulders now, and despite the disquiet of her thoughts, she thinks that if her body gets any more relaxed, she'll have to just curl up where she is and sleep on the bathroom tile. He smiles at her in the mirror, shaking out the towel and leaning over to hang it up. He puts his hands on her upper arms and bends in to kiss her neck.
"It's late, sweetheart," he murmurs into her skin. "Time for bed?"
"Oh, yes," she answers. She hesitates a moment, then asks, because she has to, "Will we… Are you… Do you…" She gives any kind of tact or subtlety up as a bad job and says baldly, "Your room or mine, then?"
"I don't mind which, although your sheets are cleaner," he says with a wry smile. "Just so you understand, Lizzie, I have no intention of letting you go off alone."
Part of the knot of worry inside her chest loosens at his confident reassurance; she doesn't know why she is always, still, surprised at how well he can read her.
"I'll just go and get my pajamas," he says, and kisses the top of her head.
"Okay," she replies, smiling now, too. "See you in a minute, then." Okay, she thinks, as he leaves the bathroom, we'll have a go at intimacy, then.
And the thought is surprisingly welcome.
He stands in front of his dresser in his cotton pajama pants, debating over wearing a t-shirt. He shrugs at himself in the mirror — the more he wears, the more uncomfortable he'll be, and she's already seen him naked, seen his back, knows the worst.
He slips back into the bathroom to complete his nighttime rituals; she's already finished up and gone, and he wonders if it's strange that it saddens him that he missed the opportunity to brush his teeth beside her at the sink. Because it's the little intimacies, he thinks, that really bring people closer together.
Teeth clean, bladder empty, dry and clean and with no more reason to delay, he flicks off the light and enters her room. She's left the bedside lamp glowing; she's curled on her side at the far edge of the bed, watching the door for him.
He approaches and climbs into the bed facing her, slow and careful.
"I'm sorry," she says, in a rush, voice a little tight. "I should have waited for you — I don't know which side you prefer, I…"
He interrupts her with a touch on the cheek, finds a smile for her; the contact serves to calm them both. "It's been a very long time since I shared a bed, even for a night, Lizzie. I really don't mind either way."
She flushes a little, and he wants to laugh but doesn't. "I think we're past the point of being embarrassed, don't you?"
She pulls her knees up a little further, frowning at him. "You tell me, Red," she says, suddenly intense. "I've seen you, all of you; I've touched every part of you, given and taken pleasure. But it's all superficial. You're still closed to me, where it counts. Still guarding your secrets and keeping yourself safe."
"Lizzie, I…" he trails off, thinking, then rolls onto his back to stare at the ceiling. "Will you do something for me, Lizzie — Elizabeth?"
She's a little startled by his use of her full name, by his tone; she starts to reach out to touch him, but reconsiders and tucks her hand back into the crook of her knee. "I promise to listen to you," she says quietly. "Really listen, this time."
He can't help the wry twist his mouth makes in response. "Correct me if I'm wrong, then, but you've only just begun to… look at me, yes? Just started to see me as an attractive man, to see me in a… sexual way over the last couple of days."
She flushes again, and the loveliness of her makes him ache. "I… I guess that's true, Red, at least… consciously."
He makes an interested inner note at her qualification as something to come back to later.
"What you I think you don't realize is that I have seen you… I have wanted you, Lizzie, since the day you first walked into the Post Office. You were so beautiful — nervous, maybe even frightened, but still strong and defiant. Working with you, knowing you, has only nurtured and intensified my… admiration. It was, I suppose, tolerable, in our previous relationship, working side by side, knowing I would never have the right to touch you."
He takes a deep breath and rubs at his face with his hand. "But now, now I have, and God, sweetheart, this… this connection, this inferno between us is so bright and lovely and vital, I could not have guessed… I can't…"
A long blink; an attempt to regain some control over his voice, his face, which he knows are giving him away. "Will you give me a little time? To just… be with you, be together? To just be Red and Lizzie, two people discovering one another, without thinking about all the history… the baggage?"
She stays quiet for a few moments, touched by his earnest simplicity, surprised by his confession. Most of all, she's saddened by the way he looks at her, as if he expects this openness, this honesty, to be punished, to break this… thing between them and end up alone again.
She does reach out, now, to lay her palm against his cheek, to once again let touch anchor them both.
"I need answers from you, Red," she says carefully. "It's not a whim or a job or anything but personal now. But," she continues, faster now as the green in his eyes starts to fade into grey. "I can wait. I've… never felt this… never experienced this kind of powerful connection. I… I guess I wouldn't mind some time, either, to see what's here, what's right for… Red and Lizzie."
And the smile that he gives her in return is so blindingly happy that she can only think how beautiful he is as she shifts to kiss him, to wrap her arms around him and give him a chance, for a change, to feel safe.