It seemed that the man, who Valkyrie had started calling Farmer Joe, had received instructions from the police to stay put, just in case the two intruders were armed and dangerous. Valkyrie was okay with that, really. She didn't want to go down the hill to Farmer Joe's house, just in case he had a wife named Margaret. That would have been too much for one day.

The police didn't take long to arrive. Valkyrie was disappointed that there were no sirens or flashing lights, just a couple of cars and three bored-looking officers. They parked down the bottom of the hill and took their sweet time coming up, which Farmer Joe didn't look too pleased about. When they did arrive, though, Valkyrie was glad to be able to at least see what they looked like.

One of the men had a shaved head and a crooked nose. His uniform was neat and stiflingly pristine, and his bushy eyebrows drew flat lines across his forehead. The second man had crooked glasses and wore a hat, and was quite small. The third was a middle-aged woman with short blond hair and a square jaw. Valkyrie glanced to Skulduggery. His façade was up and he remained impassive. She did her best to adopt the expression. A few mortal police officers? No problem. They had faced infinitely worse.

"What's going on here?" asked the officer with the pristine uniform. "Who are you people? Explain yourselves, please."

"These lunatics have been trespassing, Officer," said Farmer Joe, bristling. "They think I'm stupid. Said they were 'lost'."

"We are lost," Skulduggery protested. "We're not even sure which province we're in."

Valkyrie glared at him. "I didn't know we were that lost."

"Lies!" shouted Farmer Joe. "This is private property!"

The woman held up a hand. "Enough," she said calmly. "My name is Officer Harvey. We're not here to listen to petty arguments, we're here to sort this out. Please give me your names."

Skulduggery sighed. "Alright. But before I say anything, I want you all to know that you're putting yourselves at risk by asking us to divulge that information."

Farmer Joe blinked. "She asked what your name was."

Officer Harvey watched them calmly. "Name, please, sir."

Skulduggery glanced at Valkyrie, who nodded. He spoke. "I am Detective Inspector Me."

"And your partner, Mr Me?"

"That is Detective Her."

"Okay, enough funny business," said the officer with the glasses. "Your real names, please."

"They are our real names," Valkyrie told him. She pointed to first Skulduggery, then herself. "Me. Her. Understand?"

Glasses shook his head. "No."

Farmer Joe glared at them. "Rubbish."

"Where? Officers, arrest this man for littering!" Skulduggery cried.

Valkyrie sighed. "I am Her. He is Me. It's very basic stuff."

"You say you're detectives," Officer Harvey interrupted smoothly. "Who do you work for? You aren't in uniform."

"We're private," Skulduggery told her. "Private, and undercover."

"Just pretend we're average citizens, though," Valkyrie continued. "We're not sure who sent the death threats to Madame Neveah, but they could be dangerous. Just by talking to us, you could be putting yourselves at risk."

"Who's Madame Neveah?"

"Never mind. I may have already said too much."

"Customer privacy," Skulduggery snapped at her. He turned to the policeman with the glasses. "Are we done here, Officer?"

"Officer Midwood," Glasses supplied. "And no, we are not. If we can't get this sorted out, Mr Me, we may have to take you in to the station."

"Detective, if you wouldn't mind, Officer," Skulduggery flashed a smile. "What's left to sort out?"

"I think you might be lying, sir," said the third officer, the one with the impeccable uniform. "I personally don't think your names are Her and Me."

"We could lie, if you want, and say our names are Frank and Bertha, but I thought the truth was a far more appropriate approach to such a matter."

"Tell it then!" shouted Farmer Joe. "None of this ridiculousness about Her and Me and Frank and Bertha."

"Sir, miss," began Officer Harvey, "So far you have lead us to believe that your names are Frank Me and Bertha Her. I find these names somewhat unlikely. If you could provide some identification, please?"

"Ah," said Skulduggery.

"Oh," said Valkyrie. She dug in her pockets, but of course she was wearing her lilac pyjamas, so she didn't have anything with her, not even a student card. "I have nothing on me at the moment. Detective Inspector Me?"

"I only had the cookies."

Farmer Joe made a big show of rolling his eyes and scoffing. "Officers, can't you detain these criminals? What part is unclear about this? They are trespassing!"

"We are detectives, and we're undercover, and we're on a case!" Valkyrie insisted. "We're very sorry we got lost in your field. See, we were in a car chase, except we didn't have a car, so we went off-road, but the meadows were quite flat, and the car was following us, until it suddenly wasn't. And it was very dark. And we aren't local. We traced a phone call to somewhere in this area, but we were side-tracked. In fact, our customer may be in mortal peril this very second."

"You're very young to be a detective, Ms Her," Officer Harvey observed. "How old are you, fifteen?"

"Got it in one, Officer."

"She's my niece," cut in Skulduggery. "My name is Gordon Me, and this is Stephanie Her. My sister's daughter. I'm her guardian."

Officer Midwood puffed his cheeks. "Finally, we're getting somewhere."

"And you see it fit to include your charge in what is clearly a dangerous business?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Skulduggery confirmed. "Stephanie is invaluable."

"I see," Officer Harvey said. She stepped back and put her hands on her hips. "Sir, you're going to have to come with us."

"Of course," Skulduggery smiled. "Lead on, Officers."

Valkyrie waved cheerily at Farmer Joe, and followed Skulduggery down the hill.