People often have a habit of underestimating me; from the way that the teenagers stare, their predatory eyes alight as their eyes meet mine, I assume they see another person, me, that they can take their teenage frustration out on. Am I any different? I don't tear others down, instead I use myself as a canvas for destruction. It's okay, until something like Jefferson happens to you. The canvas is destroyed and the painting ruined, it can't be fixed. Victoria, cashmere queen, leans against the locker, her arms folded over her chest until she releases a hand and guards her whisper to Courtney.
The corner of her lips turn up in a cruel smile, her teeth sharp like razors and her words no different, before they both laugh and I'm forced to look down, or away. Then, I see something much worse. Stella, against the lockers, stares at Warren through underneath her eyelashes, his hand is spread across the lockers as he leans with one arm, laughing with her. At first, I try to assure myself that it's nothing. They were friends before I ever came along; I knew that and I should be comfortable with that. However, even so, I feel disappointed in him. Their positions look intimate, she knows more about him than I know.
From everything she does, I can tell. They have probably had countless conversations about their favorite movie, color, music and everything; they are comfortable around each other, they know their routine. Doesn't the girl always get the guy she wants in the end? I've seen the films and the best friend always wins. Max, Warren isn't something to be won! He either likes you or he doesn't, and now, I'm not sure. I shouldn't have stared at them this long but I can't help it, my mouth falls and becomes parted as I watch the scene in disbelief.
He laughs, his hair creeping down his face momentarily, before he shakes his head and catches my eye; he smiles but it slowly falls when he sees my expression, then distancing the space between him and Stella. I don't say anything but I swallow, nod and head into the classroom to see the man who I'm going to destroy. This should brighten my spirits, Max plan commenced.
Jefferson's hands cradle a wad of paper and he looks over them, I wonder if he's got Nathan's photographs. "Max," he says, a grin spreading on his dry lips. "Take a seat. What can I help my student with today?"
Although it's destructive to my recovery, I have to do this for Clementine, Rachel, Chloe, Warren and Victoria. There are so many others and although they've had the chance to redo their lives, I still remember what happened. This, all of this, is really for me; I should forget about him but I can't, I want to destroy him like he destroyed me. "Mark," the new name, which I have never said before, tears me into two. Can I do this? "It's kind of stupid but I was hoping, seeing as the position suddenly opened up, I could be your new assistant."
"That's great, Max. I would really appreciate the help, if you could, come today and meet me here after your lessons have finished," he nods, eyes alight with an emotion so heavy I can't decipher it.
After the lesson has ended and I, looking forward to escaping Blackwell for a while, exit the classroom with speed, I'm caught by Warren, the teenage boy who knows no end other than the one where everything turns out okay. I don't know where this comes from, I do know, however, that I am bitter now. Somethings changed in me, I'm not quite sure what. "Do you want something, Warren?" I avoid looking at him; I'm furious right now.
"I just wanted to say that, uh, Stella and I aren't together, we're not an item," he answers quickly, waiting for me to cut him off at any moment possible.
At first, I can't deny the relief that floods through me; I take a deep breath, relax my posture and stare at him with glassy eyes. I didn't want my chances with him to be over, I love him. On the other hand, I'm angry. He doesn't know the pain I've been through and nobody does, I can't tell any of them. He only knows what he wants and I am jealous, I want to be taken care of. I want him but he is not the person I fell in love with, that Warren is somewhere else. I'm given a Warren I use to know, someone I never loved.
But, as confusing as it is, he talks the same way as my Warren talks, he has the same opinions, the same voice and the same eyes that I use to stare into and wonder what kind of life I could have with him. There are a million things I want to tell him and I want to do but the most prominent one is just fall in love again; I love Warren. Out of the millions of people I will meet and the millions of people I won't, it's always going to be him. I can't shake him. "Warren," my lips slowly curve into a smile and I throw my arms around him. "You won't understand but I love you, you've been so kind to me when I had nobody else."
"Max?"
"So I will find a way to repay you, I promise," I take in the scent of him, the aura of Warren, before I do the most selfless thing I have ever done in my entire life. "I don't want pity or charity, I just want clarification. I've been through something that's broke me down in more ways than one. It's made me bitter, angry and most days I can't get out of bed without crying.
"And I'm telling you that I'm never going to be the same," I smile sadly. "I'm always going to think about how some shithead hurt me and how my life is ruined; I can never truly move on, not until I get revenge, which means I have to do things. It might make me a worse person, I don't know. I'm just tired of playing good when all that wins is bad, there's no good guys left."
"Max, what are you talking about?"
"I'm going to have to tell you everything and I don't want you to think of me less."
A/N: Sorry for the short length, I'm super ill. I've been back and forth from the hospital and haven't had time so I apologize, please enjoy the latest installment. XOXOMAXOXO because why the hell not.